Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is emotionally draining, so when one breaks up with you, it can feel like a godsend.
You’re finally free of the controlling behaviors, insulting comments, and constant gaslighting.
Unfortunately for you, narcissists don’t like being alone; they’re always searching for a source of supply, someone that can make them feel better about themselves.
Sometimes they’ll find a new source, but often they’ll come back to you.
Do Narcissists come back after dumping you? Yes! They most often come back after ending the relationship if there is still enough supply for them.
Why Do Narcissists Come Back After Dumping You?
As with all questions related to a narcissistic ex, the answer is an unsatisfying “it depends”.
The circumstances of the breakup, your ex’s mental health and self-esteem, and your willingness to communicate with the narcissist post-relationship all come into play.
Why Do Narcissists Come Back?
While narcissists have an inflated sense of pride, they have no qualms about returning to a relationship if they think it will benefit them.
This is especially true if they can make it look like they’re taking you back, doing you a favor.
They’re always searching for a source of supply and if they can get it while making you feel like they’re the more emotionally mature and forgiving person in the relationship, all the better.
However, many narcissists take the approach of acting like nothing ever happened.
They’ll re-enter your life as if no breakup occurred. This not only gives them an enormous sense of power, but it also weakens you mentally and emotionally.
Their actions don’t make any sense, making it hard for you to understand what’s real.
Are you misremembering that fight? Are you sure he dumped you (or that you dumped him)? Narcissists thrive on your confusion because it gives them control over what’s true.
How Long Does It Take for a Narcissist to Come Back?
There’s no concrete answer to this; it could be a week, it could be a month, it might even be several years.
Narcissists don’t have a timetable, they only have alternate sources of supply. When those run out, they come looking for more.
It’s safe to say that the longer you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the longer you’ll have to wonder “will the narcissist come back after dumping you?”
The longer you’re together, the more time the narcissist has to learn your idiosyncrasies and how to control you.
They’re comfortable in your toxic relationship, so it’s always easier to come back rather than find someone new.
Why Do Narcissists Come Back When You’re Strong Again?
Narcissists love you at your best. In the initial stage of the relationship,
they idealize you, love bombing you with praise, telling you how wonderful you are and how great you make them feel. It’s the latter part of that statement that really matters to the narcissist though;
the feeling diminishes the longer you’re in a relationship with them.
Over time they start to devalue you and in doing so, eliminate your ability to make them feel better about themselves.
Once they’ve devalued you enough, they have no further use for you and finally discard you.
A breakup resets the whole cycle though, especially if you have the time and strength to get your mental health back to what it was before the narcissistic relationship.
You’re once again the shiny source of narcissistic supply, ready to be idealized, devalued, and discarded all over again.
What Makes a Narcissist Tick After a Breakup?
As always, this depends on a number of factors. The first and most important is who initiated the breakup?
If it was the narcissist, the breakup could just be a show of power or a final discard.
A show of power is designed to force you into a position of subservience – you will ask for forgiveness, heap praise upon them, and provide a source of supply.
Reading Suggestion: How To Make a Narcissist Miss You?
In a way, this kind of breakup is a narcissist’s cry for help that they’re not getting what they want out of the relationship (admiration, sex, control).
If you don’t give the narcissist what they want after the breakup (i.e. groveling) they’ll change tactics and might even ask you to forgive them.
If the narcissist was making a final discard though, they could go no contact on you for months. They’ve moved on to their next target and have no further use for you.
They might contact you several months down the road when they have a need for supply that’s going unfulfilled in their current relationship, but it doesn’t take long for their attention to turn elsewhere.
What To Expect After a Breakup with a Narcissist?
There’s not really a playbook for how things go after a breakup with a narcissist.
How it proceeds is based on the narcissist’s needs and how willing you are to fulfill those needs.
In all cases though, the narcissist needs supply and they need to repair their ego (even if it’s at your expense).
How Does a Narcissist React When You Dump Him?
If you were the one that initiated the breakup, your narcissistic partner is probably brimming with rage.
You’ve ripped open a hole in their ego and destroyed their self-esteem – the only way to remedy this is to destroy you.
Narcissists have a host of nasty tricks that they’ll use to bring you down including smear campaigns that involve mutual friends, stalking, and baiting you back into the relationship just to break up with you.
Reading Suggestion: 11 Typical Examples of Narcissist text Messages
Whatever the situation, the narcissist’s primary motivation after a breakup is finding a new source of supply or regaining their old one by pulling you back in.
The solution? Go no contact, cutting off all lines of communication.
The narcissist needs supply and if they can’t reach you, there’s no opportunity to receive it.
Do Narcissists Come Back After No Contact?
Whether the narcissist will return after you institute no contact is the most pressing concern, at least initially.
Your tactic has almost certainly put them in a rageful state and they’ll do anything to be back in control of the relationship.
That’s not to say no contact is a bad idea though; if communication continued after you broke up with them, they would almost certainly lure you back in.
Whether this is done with love bombing, insults, or pleas for a second chance.
There’s a high chance of getting back together with a narcissist.
Severing the lines of communication leaves the narcissist with fewer options for controlling you.
If you won’t talk to them, the narcissist will try to recruit your family, friends, or even coworkers to bring you back.
Often the narcissist will act hurt, as if they don’t understand why the breakup occurred in the first place.
In doing so, they also might slander you, bringing up all the things you did wrong in the relationship (true or not).
Narcissists want you to feel like there’s no escape and the only way to fix things is to get back together with them.
However, should you return to the relationship, don’t expect flowers and chocolates. They will make you pay for the pain they’ve felt and the effort it took to get you back.
If your no contact does succeed, you’re not quite out of the woods.
Just because the narcissist leaves you alone for some time doesn’t mean they won’t return.
As mentioned earlier, narcissists come after you when you’re at your best. You’re most valuable to them after you’ve put your life back together.
This is when they’ll pursue you, saying that “you were good together” and they “don’t even know why you two broke up in the first place”.
Time heals all wounds and helps you to forget the pain the narcissist caused. Don’t let them sneak back in after no contact has succeeded.
Do Narcissists Come Back After Silent Treatment?
Usually, the silent treatment is a tactic employed by the narcissist.
While a fight can eventually lead to a resolution, nothing is ever solved by the silent treatment.
The narcissist can go for weeks without speaking to you, with the implication being that you need them more than they need you. You will be the one to beg for forgiveness and acquiesce to their demands.
Sometimes the silent treatment never ends. They walk away and never speak to you again.
While you won’t get any closure, consider yourself lucky if it happens. More often, the narcissist will go silent for some period of time, and then return as if nothing happened.
They may have found a new source of supply but had a falling out with them and now they need something from you.
Your best bet is to ignore them the way they ignored you earlier. Going silent with them lets them know you’re not a viable source of supply.
How Long Does It Take for a Narcissist to Come Back?
It’s a given that narcissists like to come back to their old relationships, so you want to know how long you need to wait to feel in the clear.
Unfortunately, there’s no good answer to that question. Narcissists can hover for months or years.
Often they’re just testing your resolve, popping into your life to see if you’ve forgotten how toxic your relationship was and whether you’re in a vulnerable enough state to take them back.
There is no specific time frame for this behavior; your best option is to close the door on them and never look back.
Do Narcissists Always Come Back?
Narcissists have a tendency to revisit their old relationships, but it’s not a given.
It is possible for them to completely cut you out of their life. At the time, it can feel incredibly painful, but they’re actually doing you a huge favor (even if they’re just doing it for themselves).
They’re less likely to return to you if they find a consistent source of supply.
In a way, their loss (being with the narcissist) is your gain. Narcissists usually don’t have lasting relationships though, so there’s a good chance you’ll be seeing them again when the next one fails.
Does a Narcissist Regret Losing You?
Your narcissistic ex isn’t capable of caring about you, only about how you make them feel.
They regret losing a partner in the way you might regret losing a car – it was something that was useful to you and you’ll need to find another one to get by.
A narcissist will certainly say they regret losing you. They’ll say whatever is necessary to get you back in a relationship with them.
It’s all a form of control though, and the narcissist will quickly lose the facade of appreciation and revert to their old ways.
How to Best Break Up with a Narcissist and Stay Broken Up?
- Recognize that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.
- Know that as a narcissist, they are very unlikely to change (they don’t want to).
- Break up with the narcissist, but be prepared for consequences in the short term.
- If the narcissist is nearing a final discard phase with you, let it happen.
- No matter who initiated the breakup, go no contact afterward. Maintain this even if the narcissist tries to reconnect with you months or years later.
- Start the healing process. A relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. Seeking out a professional to guide you through the process is always a good idea.
Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy. There is a high likelihood that they will come back to you at some point,
and while they might say they have changed this is only a ploy to get you back under their thumb. Once you’re out of the relationship, stay out and don’t look back.
Thank you, deeply.
Thank you for your write-up it is an excellent article.
That was a great post. I was with one for 4 years married to him for 2 years. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. He was trying to mirror me by pretending to be someone he is not. He made me feel I was the only woman on the planet. As soon as I was hooked and was on his way regarding pornography, prostitution, online dating and his womanizing ways he was verbally and physically abusive. He was a brilliant liar and great actor. The last time he hit me was 12/12. I am unemployed, living with a friend and he depleted my account. He did try and tell me he misses me but due to my love for him he sucked me in with his web of lies. With my current situation I decided going back last month. He said too late he found someone else. Wife number 3 who like exactly like his daughter. He met his match. I filed for divorce on 3/13. The best thing I did was no contact it has been close to 2 months. If I stayed I will be so affected mentally and emotionally.
I realised over a year ago that the person I was with has N behaviour. Anyway I took him back after he promised to change etc. What intrigued me or got my attention about your post is the fact that you mentioned Pornography! This was the one thing I discovered about him earlier this year. He has an obsession with porn but lies when confronted. I saw it on his pc. His phone. Even saw text msgs to women whose details he got from one of the sites. I thought it was nothing at first but the more I came across these I knew that it is an addiction. I feel sick by all of these things I have discovered about him. We aren’t together anymore and I’ve been trying to stick to the NC. Its working thus far and yes it isn’t long but everyday I pray for courage not to be sucked in to his web. Its quite sick reading all these things that so well describes him.
Wow, seems to fit me to a tee. I lived the exact same situation in a boomerang for 5-years. The porn, the lies, text messages from women he met on these sites with nude pictures attached. The straw that broke the camel’s back was that I created a fake profile on a dating website with all of my demographics, but withy fake pictures attached. He emailed me requesting to date me..I then confronted him and he became very hostile…the last exchanges we had were him attacking my character and my family…I have since blocked him on all social network sites and email…it’s not worth your self-respect
Oh what a surprise!! my narcissitic ex also it is addicted to porn and on line dating sites, he lied to me also about it and he can’t not accepted, but I know his addiction to porn, also he had been trying to always find his “perfetct” match but never find it, I had been hurt so many times, and he promissed me to change and all that, same thing… we got engaged and after 3 weeks living together he started locking himself on the computer room and getting so mad and defensive when I questioned what he was doing there… I turned back to my hometown and I hope to never hear from him again.
Regarding the P*********y – With all the abuse and trauma we’ve been through with these horrible relationships – is there a reason no one will spell out the word pornography? Or does that abbreviation stand for something else?
We’ve lived or are living through a lot people, let’s not blank out a legitimate English word. I think we need to verbalized in order to heal. The word “Pornography” is not a curse word last I checked.
I have a question, I am currently dealing with the break up of my psychopathic/narcissistic baby’s father. I met him almost 2 years ago. Initially he wasn’t my type, however he was quite persistent. One night, while I was on Vacation from school, my roommates and I were all drinking and smoking lots of ganja, he called me claiming he was in the neighborhood. I had been dating (not sleeping with) several guys, just playing the field. I was cute, carefree, and single so why not? Anyway, so that night, we were hanging out, I remember most things quite clearly, but we went into my bedroom, and were kissing. I recall reaching my arms around him, and after that I completely blacked out, I woke up the next morning completely nude and wrapped in my comforter. I called him and asked did we have sex last night and his reply was, “Did we have sex? Oh you don’t remember? Well teach you to fall asleep.” This was still in the honeymoon/dating phase. Well a few weeks went by, I found out I was pregnant. I am very catholic, however I noticed many things about him that were alarming. So I told him not to worry, I will schedule an abortion. He asked me why I would want to do such a thing. I explained that I have to finish school, that I really cannot afford a child, that I was SLEEPING when he impregnated me. We were not in love, we barely knew each other as of approx. 4 months. He instantly becamse enraged. He yelled at me, called me selfish, a baby killer and many horrific names, because he was “prolife”. So finally given my religious views, (yes I know sex before marriage is a HUGE sin) I decided that I would keep the baby and not terminate. This was after he told me he was taking me to terminate, and he instead took me to a prolife clinic in which showed me slide shows and pictures and terrible images of aborted fetus’. I caved. I chose to keep my baby. As time went on, he went through the entire pregnancy with me, rubbed my feet, took me to appointments, brought me what I craved, and did everything a babys father was supposed to do. I mean almost overboard. Before I was pregnant, he once rang my doorbell at 11pm, my bestie/roomy (a guy) and I were watching tv and wondering who the hell is ringing the doorbell this late. It was him! We both thought it was a little creepy. My roommate was like dude he needs to call before he shows up. Anyway, so at my 8th month of pregnancy, he left me in another state, with no money, and no where to go. I was so distraught. He managed to make his family hate me, particularly his co dependent mother. She would say terrible things to me like, “We said not to abort the baby, we didn’t say keep it” When we found out my baby was a boy he made me feel defective in some way. When the ob announced that my baby was a boy my baby’s dad said, “A boy! I already have one of those!” And he became very angry. The dr looked at him like he was a freak and asked, “Why does it matter? A baby is a baby,” I personally had no clue what was transpiring yet. So I laughed it off as though he really wanted a girl. He was creepy, before we found out what the baby was he would say things like, “I really want a girl. She’s going to be so hot! She’s going to have a nice ass and lips.” This was quite disturbing to me and I confronted him. Why would you say this disgusting thing about your daughter?? YUCK!! Anyway, so he devalued and discarded me at 8 months pregnant. His mom is his biggest fan. She told my best friend that I might as well stay gone because no one is going to help me when the baby comes. Well I birthed my son alone, I didn’t know I was in labor and ended up having an emergency csection. His mother called a week later claiming he was going to add the baby to his insurance at work. I could have died birthing my son due to my condition. We talked once before I had the baby, I was in the hospital, he said, “Ya my moms in the hospital too.” I thought is so strange that a 40 year old man would be more concerned with his mom being in the hospital than his baby’s mom. I felt rejected, hurt, humiliated, used, and destroyed all at once. I felt violated. Anything I said in my defense he would turn around, so now his mother hates me and the baby. Well he never saw our son until he was 8 months old. I read about reproductive coercion. Where someone deliberately impregnantes you to have utter and complete control over your life. The minute I let him back into my life, he started the same bs but amplified. I hadn’t (still haven’t) fully recovered from the distress he caused me while I was pregnant, and the isolation during the first 8 months of my sons life. Well after I attempted to expose him, he became quite abusive verbally. I did not know you should never try to expose them, this makes you an enemy to them. Anyway, so I tried to talk to his mother, she was NOT hearing anything. She has resolved that this entire situation is single handedly my fault. When I explained that my 3.4 gpa plummeted to a 2.0 due to the pregnancy, (high risk) she chastised me saying, “Well there has to be consequences right?” Anyway so we currently reside in the same city, I have resolved to return home with my son. His mother called my grandmother stating that if my son stays with them, they will find a family and give him to adoption. Feeling desperate, depressed, overwhelmed, emotionally drained, exhausted, I decided to let him keep my son for a bit. Well that gave him even more power supply. He constantly tells me he has all this dirt on me to take my son from me, but his mother says my son couldn’t stay there, and to be honest in a sick twisted way I think she is my saving grace because she doesn’t want anything to do with me or my son. There are several other details, but I don’t want to write a novel. My question is did you and your ex have children? And if so has he ever tried to use them to gain access back into your life once you left for good? My plan now is to leave and cut all communication. I am a beautiful person inside and out, and I do not deserve the way in which I have been treated. Just recently he told me he left my son in the care of some lady he never met, didn’t know her last name or address, and I found that it was one of his girlfriends. They both lied to me. He’s trying to make me look irrational and insane in front of everyone. When I reacted to him playing this terrible mind game, he was eerily calm. He patted my sons head and said, “Don’t worry, we will find a good home for you.” Like wow! I’m so hurt and frustrated. He currently has my son and I’m afraid he will attempt to make me look unstable, so he can give him away, to further hurt me. Please help I hope you read this, I am desperate. When I told him I was getting my baby and never looking back, he said, “you have to let me see him. Especially if I have to pay child support.” Basically I feel like he will always have a foothold in my life, because of my son, I feel he planned this entire situation strategically, and I feel so lost, alone, and empty that I’m deeply afraid that he will use my son to destroy me forever. This situation has left me thinking perhaps I should place him for adoption and sever ties with his father. But I love my baby so much. If only I could get away from his dad. I told him I will not accept child support. If he wants to sign his rights away completely I would be willing to do so. But he says no. I feel there is absolutely NO reasoning with him. Please help with any advice you can offer. thank you. And I’m sorry about your experience. I can feel the strength through what you’ve written. And I’m hoping to grasp some sort of understanding, and advice
Hi
Take your son and keep strong.Do as much research on narcissistic personality disorder as you can.As you will be co parenting limit all contact with your son’s father.Please don’t let this narc destroy you.You will if you give your son up for adoption.May I suggest you google Melanie tonia evans? She has helped alot of narcissitic abuse victims.
Good luck..be strong..i know its hard but you can do it.Dont be too hard on yourself n take each day as it comes.He is the one with issues not you,Don’t suffer because of him
Remember always your a good person ((Hugs)) X
WOW what a nightmare story that is.Stay strong.You can and will prevail and don’t let that little boy down by letting this POS take you down.I would be happy to be a support on line if you like.BIG HUG
Hi Shari,
It’s my first experience and he ended up telling me he wanted an open relationship and wants to eventually get married BUT here’s what I ended up finding out. His HS girl (mind you now married with 3 kids) he’s been seeing her every so often for 20+ yrs. Granted she can never do overnights, weekends so they either do “lunch “ into late afternoon for her to pick up kids from school or early eve, get hotel for a few hours. THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN BUSTED! This is my first rodeo and while I’m a giving, genuine lady looking for someone to settle down with hes going to continue to see her he says and if I can’t handle the relationship with that in play then we don’t need to be together. He’s emphasized many of times that I just don’t understand their relationship he deeply loves her and his past wives have been ok with this situation. I’m not and while I constantly bring it up he gets irate and says “you know what you just can’t handle this relationship”. We will go our separate ways. He froze up with me and made clear two days before Christmas that we were over he was done with me and even how hard it was on me I had to not reach out to him. He called me three days later to see if I was home from the holidays and since we started back up
Since then he claims how he’s tired of my BS and says me bringing his other supply up that is negativity to him and he can’t stand negativity
It just bothers me how he approaches with her.
Then gives me the boot because of my big heart and feelings that o bring her up or ask when he’s seeing her etc.
Thoughts? Any advice would be great. Will he come back or finally think it will never work. Mind you he’s so head over heels with me, outside of “her” we have fun together but he clearly shows her passion and love more than he does me and I recently asked when he seeing her next he blew up and said “you are not supposed to bring her up” then threatened me that if I do I’ve more time we are done. I did because I’m hurting and just wanted to know. (I don’t like sneaking around ) and he told me on phone we were done!!!!
Of course I went into major panic attack and sleepless I want to talk it out but again he threw in my face he’s been dealing with my BS for six months with this and we are done!!!!
He knows I’m very vulnerable and have always just taken him back – Will he think I will again at my weak level and come back?
Hi Michele,
What you’re going through must be tremendously hard. I will try to give you advice on a few fronts but you have to be in the mindset that only you can pull yourself out of this mess, okay?
First and foremost, since you’re a Catholic, gather up strength and start praying to god to see this through for both you and your son. Ask for forgiveness for anything you feel you’ve sinned on, ask for strength, give your pain over to Christ, and also praise him for giving you the love of your life, your son. No matter how, how he got here realize that your child is innocent and the only one deserving of your love and admiration at this time. Don’t give him up if you love him so much, he needs you. Also, realize if this man is truly as manipulative as you’ve mentioned that he WILL NOT be victorious when the deal goes down because that’s evil working through him. But for you, as a child of god you just need to rely on him to help you through.
With regards to your baby’s father, you need to realize that you are not crazy and their is NO reason why he should have power over you. With that said, cut all communication and only speak with him when its in regards to your son. Take it as far as limiting him only being able to speak with you via email. AND SAVE THEM. Especially, if he says nasty things about you or your situation, which him being a narcissist, he probably will. If you have to meet with him in person, take a family member or friend who you trust with you and even record conversations, if need be. These are all things that can help you build a case about his character if he goes as far as pushing for custody of the child. Your friends/family members testimony can help.
Seek legal consultation, or do research on this custody hearings, so you are prepared. If he refuses to ever give your child back that can be seen as kidnapping also.
You seem like a smart woman, and I know how hard it is to get away from someone like this. Its scary and they have basically, broken you down.
I know you are a student who is juggling a lot, but your spare time (maybe even once a week) to help you return to who you used to be, join new activities you would never think of joining like a sport or a cooking or legal class. Get involved with local charities, youth group, elderly home, or work on a a political campaign. Make yourself a better version. Look for single moms clubs or make one for yourself and build your friends group. Sometimes you may find advice from people in the strangest of places.
If anything, you will feel better about yourself and you can show how you are a viable person in your community and a good example for your son while let’s deem your baby’s father, HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED probably won’t.
Last of all learn to laugh again. Bring sunshine into your life and be hopeful everything will clear up. Your life has endless possibilities and I know you can find them! 🙂
See Sam Vaknin in youtube!!!
There you will get ALL information you need. The disorder, no contact, influence on children, your healing, court etc etc.
OMG Michele he is pure evil. I’m so sorry this happened to you…and I can’t imagine the angst you must feel. Surely, this has traumatized you and continues to do so – you may not be aware of this at this point but this will inevitably cause damage to you, change you.
Please see a therapist to help you deal with this person in a way that will lessen future damage . You are bright and very logical as well as caring .
I think the only way to avoid this guy for the next 18+ years would be for you to give up the baby. However, that alone would most likely destroy you so either way you’re stuck.
I wish you would’ve filed a police report when this guy raped you, that’s exactly what he did!
I suspect this guy is not just a Narcissist but a Sociopath. All sociopaths are Narcissists but not all Narcissists are Sociopaths, i believe he is a Sociopath & Possibly s Psychopath seeing he gas no problem displaying his evil self.
( there is a difference between these two disorders ). The best thing for your child would be to keep him away from that type of person, otherwise your child will be raised in a dysfunctional environment leaving great possibility your child will become damaged and possibly a narcissist himself POSSIBLY.
This is why I have a problem with pro-life, where are those people today? Are they there to help your child live a normal life? Of course not, they believe EVERYONE should bring a child into this world having the “throw it up against a wall, see if it will stick ” mentality. It causes great problems in our society today.
In any case, you need help to decide what to do. You’ve been through a very traumatizing experience and this will cause you future issues if not dealt with. I know this as I am now a useless. Jobless, drug addicted severely depressed, escort who has no desire to do ANYTHING nut stare st the wall for days. Im COMPLETELY RUINED snd cannot bring myself back. It crept up on me, i tried to not let it effevt me but it did. I don’t recognize this person I have become, I hate this person I’ve become, I want myself back desperately and cannot seem to get there. It’s been 5 years and I’m truly stuck.
This is caused from the damage done over a dozen years of emotional abuse from my ex.
I’m truly ruined and dead. I was once very strong and bright like you. Beautiful inside and out.
Do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your child from this sicko.
That’s my advice.
Cynthia,
What you said about yourself hit me like a sledge hammer. Its as though you took the words right out of my mouth. A few months ago I felt the same way. “I’m ruined, worthless, drug addicted, don’t want to do anything except stare at the wall all day, I hate who I’ve become…”
Stop! You know who you are! Reach deep, remember. You are still there, you are still smart, strong, capable. The things he said and did to you? We’re HIM, not you! What he said is insignificant (as you know, he is NOT a credible source to judge ANYONE, therefore his opinion does not matter). Furthermore, I’m quite sure he did not mean what he said, although convincing I’m sure, he was so jelous (for lack of a better word) of your abilities that he HAD to denegrate, devalue even destroy you to maintain his fictitious “image”of his own “perfection”.
It took me being hospitalized due to medical problems to keep me away from my N long enough to get clean, rest and realize, that I had to make a change. I forced myself to get up and go out into my world, reach out to the good people I used to have in my life, and find new good people. Ask for their help, get your feet under you, surround yourself with real friends, keep bringing good decent people into your life, change your thinking, force yourself… it will take some time, and you will be tired, you will cry uncontrollably at times, but be kind to yourself and keep forcing yourself forward…you will find You.
I promise you it is worth it. Don’t let him take who you are! You’re very intelligent, I can tell that. I think you already know all of this, you are just afraid and hurt. Put this in it’s place for now. Get up and make a change, right now, just do it and don’t stop trying. I know you can do it!
Hi there Michelle!
It’s been quite some time since you wrote your story on the board. I wanted to check in to see how you and your son are doing and how that situation turned out. I felt your pain as I too have been there so many times before. Please feel free to reach out.
hi I read your experience and I’m so sorry to hear this. narc are extremely low in everything.
I went through a situation this time last year where my ex narc seperated me and our child by using my reaction to his abuse. long story short he got me arrested then bail him his mum n sis. he prevent me from seeing my daughter 4 3 weeks she was 15 months at the time he then filed to courts 4 full custody. our daughter had SS involved while I was pregnant managed to get away but I feel authority failed us. anyway he used this situation to his advantage I haD many breakdown obviously not infront of him but found is painful being away from my child. they tried to bully me into a 5050.and I stood firm in saying. no despite this courts gave us a shared interim. my advice is get your head straight FOCUS on your child NOT HIM my ex did the same to me with head games stay smart work with local authorities if involved document your child’s behaviour any marks injury tiredness apprance when coming bk from dad. focus on you being a good stable parent if your in contact with him do the grey rock method as much as I hated playing him at his own game I had to for our. child’s sake. however I did it by never disclosing any of my position and being being happy assertive and holding my ground. trust me they eventually crack because they want control and best way he has is Ur child. time line everything. father behaviour towards you Infront of child if you feel unsafe evident this for u and your child it’s not easy and he will use every dirty trick Ur goal is to get HIS behaviour and why he shouldn’t care 4 child 4time or shared. leaving he child with unvetted adult no child should be introduced to a new relationship or multiple it’s unsettling for baby and I consistent care from dad as either parent needs to devote the full attention to child. do not under any circumstances attack his character. but if you see concern of his behaviour for your child or how it’s impacting the child communicate this to la and courts if your concern for child’s welfare police call out his arse. doesn’t matter of the child seems fine if your concern do it!
get yourself therapy join groups or talk about the abuse to trusted people or supports libe to let steam out. Ben consistent in EVERYTHING do not show your weakness to anyone they don’t like u doing better I promise and that’s your won gameplan just don’t get carried away this is for your son. he needs protecting .get a stable income or if on welfare provide evidence of your not struggling and budgeting for u and child. let your ex play whatever game he can don’t fall for the manipulation the love bombing co parent and if he refusing make sure you have it all on writing do not go back! Ben strong it’s lonely being single but use that time to research heal and love urself your son needs a health happy content mum. remember he will hurt Ur child but you got to do this smart remain calm on meeting let him try and do his condescending tactics do not accept anything you know isn’t true here’s another thing of he makes an accusation whether true or false and you know he has no evidence learn to say you know that’s not true reason I’m saying this is narcs are pros at using and twisting were all human mistakes happen but he won’t let it go down that route and lavare looking at what is in child best interest n they will take the child if they view u as unstable or unsafe behaviour. I know too well due to my reaction however I used tools to SHOW changes and accountability bcuz la had evidence but after that I was very careful around him but I recorded him used text based evidence by the time he figured it out it was too late I still felt bad but that’s bcuz we have empthay I’m slowly going to pull his contact away. so he can never say he never had a chance to be a dad. he really believe he get full custody after doing what he did to me.but I focused fully on our daughter.and myself and they comeback when you doing good. courts made it hard so I used the co parent tactic genuinely I wanted to co-parenting he wanted this family and relationship even though he discarded me and did all the above. la didn’t view what he was going as a big issue DV they felt both of us were as bad as eachother so my only tactic was the above and draw out the extent of his abuse they witnessed it first hand on court and now shocked I think the la regret giving him generous amount of contact with our child but that’s where I want him. because in getting back on control to protect my daughter in the long run. I was scared to cut his contact because of his accusations of me not wanting him to see her which is false despite everything I do wish he does step up for her however I’ll still run game in a way to protect what’s right. I’m now no contact and la want this. so do I. my daughter is so happy with me. she’s happy with dad too but we all know the risk now posed.
hope my story helps. just focus on now and present and if he tries to focus on the past you don’t live there la use the past cannot be unchanged it’s what you do going forward the changes also learn to be emotionally intelligent and when triggered learn to process respond not react work on this they hate that trust me but don’t get big headed focus on the plan and Ur child. good luckfrom what I read Ur an amazing mum get Ur son back xxx
Hi love. My situation was similar. I was not interested in him & he chased me in a stalker way. We had a planned baby & he changed up real quick. All of a sudden I wasn’t good enough for him to marry. He won’t take care of his own child or provide. His mama is also a pos. He kept telling me sign my rights away completely.. but he won’t care for his son. Finally I forced him on child support when he had a good FT job with a w2. He is full of false promises & laziness. There’s something really wrong with the abuser types but it’s because of their horrible mom & dad. My ex saw his thot mom w many men. He has 2 stepbrothers by diff people. He wasn’t raised in a normal fam. My fam wasn’t normal at all either but it was always just my mom n dad. My child is now almost 7 n it’s been horrific living alone in poverty. If I could go back & know what he was really planning I would have given the child for adoption. I love my child so much but I’m sad every day & cry. I’ve cried for like 2 yrs straight for part of each day. It’s very serious having kids. Idk what ended up happening with you..if you still have the baby or not. I really don’t know anyone that’s happy with kids. There’s lots of smiling professional pics online but it’s a lot more work than people realize
HI THERE I WAS PRECISELY THROUGH THE SAME BUT HE FOUND A 48YR OLD SHE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE ME ALONE SENDING ME MESSAGES ALL THE TIME THREATENING ME AND TELLING ME HOW BAD I AM SO BAD THAT I CANT TRUST PEOPLE DONT HAVE THE COURAGE FOR A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF HIS LIES AND DECEITFULL WAYS I AM TORN APART AND HOW DO ONE HEAL YOUR SOUL EVEN I FEEL GOD LEFT ME. I AM SO DESPRATE IN NEED OF HELP TO COME OVER ALL I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I CANT ANYMORE
Great post. I definitely click with the behavior patterns and scenarios described. I do however wish that the narcissist depicted was made gender neutral. Thanks again for the insight
I iam going threw the same thing right now we have been together for 3 and married for 1 and it has been the worst year of my life. I just want out, what should I do I have no job nust had a baby 03-13 a 5 and 9 I cant take it anymore.
Pretty,
I am now divorce for a yr now.. from a 14yr marriage. there were up and downs.. mostly it was hell. he manipulated my child against me while in his toddlers yrs up to the age 8, until my child was old enough to see that dad lies.. it killed him.. the trust he had built through the manipulation his dad did..was traumatizing.. my son wanted to kill himself. at the age 8 and still is a suicide risk, now at age 14. My husband was and still is destined to destroy my life.. I could never get a job, for each job I had he showed up to work and in one way or another got me fired.. or I had to quit.. I didn’t feel my son was safe alone with his father while I was at work at times.. because the break-down he had.. because he says he could trust me with coworkers. or enough out of the house for that matter. he didn’t trust me with family members of my own blood. trust me.. if you have doubts of this ever being a good or even normal marriage. get out.. while you can.. its a lot harder to do later on.. when you have years into your unemployment or lack there of. you will be ok. you can do this.. he fooled you and isn’t the man you thought he was. counseling will not work.. because he will make excuses but then he will find another way to con you and the people around you. even your own kids.. until someone gets seriously hurt whether its mental, emotional, or physical.
Hi Pretty, my story is, as everyone who has been with a N, exact and precisely the same. If in fact that you by chance see this, would you please let me know if you, and I pray that you have, left and started anew? I sure would love to know either way. How, if you have and where, and if not, what is going on with you and if you feel as I do. Please reply if you read this, I need a lot of support. It’s getting scary, and that is an understatement by far. With “REAL” sincerity, Your sister who knows your pain, Tina
Hi Tina
I was with a narcissist for over 5 years it was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I have been away from him for 8 months and going strong ! He just showed up at my job on Father’s Day drunk and crying saying he made a mistake that he loved me and needed me back that he would change blah blah blah! I threw him out! I blocked him 8 months ago on my phone and he still managed to leave me 40 voicemails! What u have to realize is that these people are no good and will never change and as hard as it is u have to go on with your life without them! I had no idea that I was with a narcissist until I left him! The isolation is awful and the pain hurts like no other! This man was a good liar and cheated on me the entire relationship when I found out for sure I left him and never looked back! Stay strong they r all the same all narcs have the same patterns they r pathetic! Start enjoying your life and doing things u enjoy even the smallest things I know what u are going through because I been there and are still going through it! All will be fine! Just stay away from the narc! Do t see him as tempting as it can be! Just remember all the lies and how he cheated on u! He’s no good ????
im finding all these posts so hard to read as currently going through similar in my 3 year relationship he has smashed up my car and house wanted a baby forced me to move into his house from my own when pregnant or would dump me. whilst there i was cook ncleaner and mother to his other two kids. he didnt bond with our baby and at 9 weeks post partum i left his homje with my baby black and blue for saying the wrong thing. i am told what to wear and not to wear i have not moved back in but he has me always running around and punishes me with silence if i say no to something. calls me crazy every day and im starting to feel like i am. he threatens to not take our son now 9 months at weekends for me to work. ive a chilminder other days even though hes not working. this past week im trying no contsct but the verbal abuse via text is getting me down this is why i always give into his needs as its easier.
Get out! They have no conscience. Walking corpses. They want a controlled slave, while they do whatever they want. Police reports, jail!!! Video him abusing you. Video him verbally assaulting you. You are a person w love. This person does not have a soul. They hate baby’s, children animals anything that takes away attention from them. He will hurt your baby to get back at you. Please do everything you can to go no contact. They are psychopaths. Mind is gone. The focus is their big ego! Their shame complex. They can’t take criticism or to be told no. They want you to pay for their early childhood trauma. Please get saved. These creatures are the Jezebel demon spirit. God will help you. He gets them away from me before they can physically abuse me. This is spiritual warfare. Them against good loving ppl.It has no conscience making it a psychopath.
Stay strong Tina! I am 38 days No contact. I myself am praying he is over me and feel sorry for his next supply but….I’m getting stronger everyday! I feel like I’m getting my old self back. I spend most my time working and reading reading reading! I mark on my calendar and high five a few co-workers every so often. I am so so proud of myself and know rhat I deserve a true happy love life one with respect. You can do this too! It’s so awesome to breathe again. Yes I get lonely but nothing will make me give in ever again! It took me many times to get here. The last time was 12 days and I fell yet again for his bullshit! Never again. Think back to all the signs you will see more now after research. I laugh and say damn he was so good and i got played. My heart is cold and misses him at times but knowing he never gave or will give 2 shits about my my good heart he played as putty makes me stronger and able to say F him! His loss, he doesn’t deserve me anymore! I value myself now. I pray to god and my mom to give me strength when i feel weak. But I will never reapond to him ever again! He lost a beautiful loving woman. Praying for you Tina! You can do this! Read read read makes us smarter and stronger. It’s not us! We were just tricked by Evil but GOD pulled me out. I asked for his help and cried many nights. You stay strong! You deserve respect and true love!!!
Cassie, omg. So true. I literally just yesterday left a 15 year narcist relationship. And it is hard, but so necessary as I saw him gettun g worse and worse. Disrespectful, continued living, other women all the time. Now I see these were his sources just as I was. He has a gambling addiction now I see the viability if all his sources. He has been engaged or at least said to be 2x while we were engaged. I read these post and have experienced everything posted. I am sad to know people do this and saddened to think I was his victim N it the one he claimed to love. But I see the love I need he’s isn’t capable of giving, although he did to get me in his stable. But since it’s been all about him. ALWAYS. about him.
Thanks for your post.
I am that woman you just described….mine has lost the best friend and love he could have possibly ever had in his life
I still miss him, think of him all day despite he’s giving me the silent treatment and I just don’t know why I am still thinking of him even though he’s been treating me like crap
Oh my!!! LisaKae, you are not alone. It’s so traumatizing and unbelievable. Like how could someone do someone who had great intentions so badly??? It’s like an earthly death that we are forced to mourn. My ex narc (45) left me for a (30) whom he claim were just friends. She was allegedly in a relationship, but they began taking trips, going places in public, switching cars. I couldn’t nor did I want to believe it. He has 2 sons, I have 2 daughters and we have all taken a major hit because of his selfish negligence. I have dealt with deaths easier than this mental/ emotional manslaughter. I truly and deeply resent and despise them both. While, I’m trying to forgive, I’m praying for Karma in a big way for them both!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and we had three children together. I ended the relationship by filing for divorce, but co-parenting and visitation prevent me from having NO CONTACT. He now uses our children as tools to abuse me. He continually crosses boundaries and violates court orders. We have been back to court several times. A few years ago the court reduced his visitation to only three times a year and allowed me to move across the country from him. He still flies to my state to exercise his visitation, so he can maintain contact with me. A psychological evaluation was conducted during our last custody case and he was found to have a Personality Disorder with narcissistic, paranoid, and anti-social traits. I had difficulty getting the courts to understand the behavior exhibited from these traits and how that behavior impacts my children. Emotional abuse, lies, manipulation, and favoritism, are prevalent during visitation. Since these don’t fit under the criterion of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect, child protection is unable to help me. All three children are in on-going counseling, but my ex claims the problems stem from me. He recently filed for full-custody again so we are in yet another court battle. I want nothing more than to stop the abuse and the continual court cases. I feel like I will never be able to escape my abuser or protect my children from the abuse they must endure because I left. Do you have any advice or tips on dealing with a narcissist when NO CONTACT isn’t an option?
I just came across this post and i felt i was rading about me. Echo, i know EXACTLY what you are going through. I was with my Narcissist for 12 LONG YEARS and when i decided to finally leave him (it took me years as had 2 young kids) he said he would make it a blood bath, which he did.
I went to court SEVERAL times, too many to count as soon as my child was 12, i did NOT have to deal with my ex. Contact was done through my son, as he could decide when he wanted to see me etc. Narcissists have a great way of manipulating and of course pitting your kids against you. they are very good liers, actors as you know.
I went to counciling for several years, and what i always remember is that the councilor said, when your children are older they will be able to decide and make their own decisions on who to believe. They of course, believed their dad as he was very convincing to them and of course as you know kids are impressionable.
I can tell you that now, one of my kids came around when she began an adult. ON HER OWN> I stayed away, ALTHOUGH it was hard. Now at 21yrs old we are close. She realized that it was her dad. She saw first hand of the different women going in and out of ther life, and none of his relationships lasting.
I am not in contact with my son, as he is still manipulating him, but i’m hoping that he will come around in his own time
I am NOT saying this is easy. I have cried ALOT of tears, never being able to understand how someone could be so cruel. He still tries to get back at me, indirectly. I had to get a restraining order. In spite of all this, i still dont regret leaving him and all the grief, to get away from him was the best thing i did for my sanity
Stay Strong, get counciling. its is a long and difficult path. You will see the light, it might be months, years, but know its a better life without this blood sucking guys!!
Karen ….every detail of your story is almost exactly like mine….25 long lonely hurtful and degrading years I was married to a man who showed no concern for my well being ….after he left me for the 3rd affair I chose not to take him back…..my god the night mare of divorce ….my eldest son was completely brainwashed as were friends and family….my eldest daughter and youngest son stayed by my side….the worst part of my story is after suffering such torment through those years you would think I would recognise the signs of an abusive man….I ended up jumping from the frying pan into the fire and had a 5 year on and off relationship with a man who in many ways was more emotional abusive than my ex husband….these type of men pray on woman freshly separated or divorced….I see now how vitally important it is to find the strength and take as much as is needed to receive professional help….so as to reflect and heal before contemplating any relationship ….my involvement with these 2 men almost killed me by my own hand….my self esteem …self worth…my identity were crushed… I was stumbling through life numbing the confusion and shame that was inflicted on me day in and day out by these men with drugs and alcohol….I am now well on the way to recovery….for the first time in over 30 years I can look myself in a mirror and say I am proud of me and this is my life to live …my son now speaks to me….it has been a long hard journey for not just me but my children as well…..I am proud to say they are all loving and well adjusted adults now….I may be 50 this year but this is the begining of my life 🙂
I was married 8 years then divorced. Had a on /off relationship with him for 16 more terrible years..we have two kids who now are adults. The reason I even stayed was because we had a child with severe autism and the fact I didnt want my kids to grow up without a dad like me..I made all the sacrifices to make that happen..he took no responsibility for his visitation refusing to do them and giving me the lamest excuses..no money always sick .blah , blah..yes he was cruel to the point he showed psychotic behavior along with being a narcissist . He got off on making me suffer..He never gave me any help or breaks and eventually with the stress of caretaking a adult for twenty years with autism I was depleted . I had enough . I was already getting help for codependency but the more I learn I realized what he was..a monster..he kept me isolated from the world and the autism didnt help it either. I was so alone and wanted to die..thankfully the lord showed me the answer . I know now that I have to love myself and deep down I didnt I let myself go in my appearance I didnt care about myself anymore..He is a good liar and actor..He really didnt care at all that I was having health problems with all the stress. He just worked me harder..I put into place the no contact then after feeling more healed I contacted him and placed boundries on parenting issues ..Havent heard anything back not surprised at all . Im so glad to have seen the light and get away but I feel so sad for my disabled son who loves his father very much it is breaking his heart and mine. I am trying to find myself again and going to therapy to mend my mind, body and soul. I never had a healthy relationship ever and I am 45years old..but its never to late to love yourself. U all are brave ladies and am praying for us all.
Hello. I was a part of a narcassists life for 28 years. I got married at 18 and dealt with his criminality infidelity and lies. By the grace of god I went to college for 12 years and have a great career .i let him back in our lives 6 years ago as he convinced me he had found god. After two affairs I finally had the courage to kick him out 7 weeks ago. I cried for the first weeks and have been angry for the last. He is sitting behind me now at my daughters recital and I want to turn around and hit him but what I know is he is clueless. I am 41 and I draw myself from christ. I did a tapping exercise a few days ago and I think it helped. I’m praying for u
Melanie
Your story is my life. I’ll be 49 and I’m finally at peace and I have my children’s love. They see him clearly now. I’ll admit some days the hurt rears its ugly head and my brain just wants to make sense of it all. But you can’t make sense out of crazy. God bless all of us, that we get strong and stay strong.
Its unbelievable the comparisons of these evil men. Mine also brainwashed the spirits of my sweet sweet children, and to see that happen hurts more than the destroying of my own soul and spirit. Ive been away from this man for 14 years and yet he still has a pull on me as long as my kids are under his hypnotic spells of brainwashing and charming. He has nearly destroyed every thread of respect they have for me or my family and they disregard even their favorite holiday with no gifts for me, not even on my bday or Mothers Day. Its not enough that he takes them on my Christmas time but that he eats up my very own days also??
One day i do believe God will be the answer.
Debbie,
That’s exactly almost where I’m at. He’s been getting away with his behavior for so long, but now my kids see it also and they are back in my life again and – for what it is worth; this is an experience. It’s all about evil versus good – they are evil , they want what you have and they can’t have it – they resent you for it and thankfully too stupid to realize that kids grow up and see things quite clearly. Good for you. God Bless all of us indeed!! I praise God for helping me get through all this pain and hardship and struggle, but we are following Him and He loves us so dearly for it, He won’t let us fall if we just keep going. The devil will trick us and trick us to get us to become little evil minions, but don’t do it. And try not to fear anything – I know that’s nearly impossible though.
Hi Karen, You have just described me. As in, right at this moment this is me and what I “AM” going through RIGHT NOW! Only add 1 more N to that list as far as dating one, and add another 1 for that would be my own mother, who has been the easiest for me to go NC with. A grand total of 4, 3 of which are male and are consistent, if that makes sense because nothing is consistent but the abuse. As of this moment, with tears flowing from, I don’t if its the fact that someone else may actually and honestly comprehend and understand the craziness endured in this Very Real Unreal Fantasyland Nightmare of being with someone who has fabricated an imaginary boyfriend/husband/?, for me to believe is real, and so sick that the N hates self that much to even feel a need to be doing such a thing, and whats worse, the made up person could never possibly exist because they have created something so unheard of and all the while, now this is the most confusing, if the N is wanting nothing but admiration and to be so loved and adored, while making up a fake boyfriend all for me, this monster, the one standing in front of me, IS a huge a-hole, that makes me ask him, “Why do you hate you so much, that you make up some entity that would never possibly exist, yet, if this is the person that you so obviously desire to be, whatever that is, then why is it that you are not being that way, because what you ARE, is exactly the opposite and if you go to the extreme of all this fairytale crap bs that anyone can see(after a few encounters), then why not put that energy into doing what it takes to be ALL THAT instead of something so horrible that nobody, not even you, want to know??” And then, out of the N’s mouth, “You never liked me!” No, I liked the fake pretend imaginary person you made up that was almost believable until…….and by the way, whoever you are, Mr. Hyde, you dont like you so how the hell do you see it possible for me too? And then, the hurt and tears start as I ask the N to please, if you know where(NAME of fairytale guy I met) is, please tell him that I miss him, and then I say, I’m sorry that this CREEP couldn’t stand YOU because I began loving YOU, and I know HE killed YOU and has been tormenting me with lies and trying to convince me that HE is YOU, NO! HE could never possibly be YOU though, because YOU were never real, and what is REAL that is so FAKE, is something I would not wish upon anyone. I have tried only a few times to describe the indescribable world by jumping from incident to incident with the stories half told due to another story that meshes with the first and sounding so crazy to someone and the anxiety one feels while trying to even put into words what nobody could fathom unless they have experienced such a hell. i will post this now, unfinished, because I don’t want it to delete. Maybe finish later, as for now am just reaching out. I wish it was only a dream. I wish I would wake up.
I get it
Wow….!!! That was an amazing descriptive /poetic /therapeutic venting of what I lived with my now ex-husband. We have a 15 year old daughter so like all the post I’ve read… the effects on my daughter as well as dealing with the impossible nightmare task of wishing I could call this coparenting…… It breaks my heart to think of how many people like us suffer from dealing with NPD. I am still dealing with it due to the inability of No Contact… I have learned so much over these years of how damaging the effects are… It hurts when the children are also victims.. I’ve been divorced for 9 years now… Praise the Lord. .. I say that now… he divorced me… I was his 3rd wife…I was suckered into the same trap as others in the reading. .. I desperately wanted my marriage to work and tried everything to make it work. … I just couldn’t understand why he was rejecting his wife that loved him with all her heart and soul… I was literally close to being in a straight jacket over this man…if it had not been for the Lord. … I know I would not be of a sound mind after all I went through and from time to time to a much lesser degree I still have to contend with because we are parents. … To this day.. he continues to try to control, manipulate, belittle, slander my name to our daughter, his family, my family and anyone who will listen. They are master minds at it to say the least. It has effected my relationship with my daughter. I have had to take her to counseling. Her self esteem is lacking and she has depression and has had suicidal ideations more than once.. He has filled her head with so much insanity to the point of complete confusion. She lives with me … Thank GOD. but,we have joint custody so he has visitation. She has been dealing with him filling her up with attempts to destroy me since she was young and able to comprehend. She use to tell me she,hated me and cry to live with him while at the same time he was threatening to take her away from me. Imagine having to fight for your child when he has convinced her that I’m the problem. It was like warring with no end. .. But God has been my strength and my guide as well as my sanity. Slowly but surely my daughter after all her life is beginning to see things,differently as she now is starting to understand the rejection when he will forfeit his visitation time with her at the drop of a dime to attend to his own selfish needs. She’s with him now on visitation for Christmas this,year. He like all the other NPD will stop at NOTHING to keep confusion going. I am SUPER STRONG NOW so he thrives on the negative contact. I keep our communication to 96 % text and I save all correspondences as he is every 3-6 months threatening to take me to court for one thing or another. He lies to her about me and lies to me about her with an attempt to turn her against me as he would love to see me ultimately destroyed. But that will NEVER HAPPEN. There aren’t enough demons in he’ll to take me back to that hole I literally had to be drug out of…. since my divorce I have not had a relationship with anyone as I realized I was severely damaged mentally ,physically and spiritually. … To be honest I had no energy as I was completely exhausted for years from this tormented nightmare I was in…. I also knew I needed to learn who I was. ..all over again. .. sounds crazy even now to have to say that.. but only those of you who have lived or currently living it would understand. For a lack of time and space here…. I can’t stress this enough… if you are currently in this hell hole.. I, beg you with all I have in me to “GET OUT” asap…. your life truly depends on it…and if you have children please please get out so they can have a chance at a functional life… you nor they may not see it now… but just like I never thought I would …”I Thank GOD” everytime I encounter that demonic emp…which is often. … I fell back into the same trap with all the charm that I thought was sincere after 5 years of separation. … only to relive the same nightmare 4 months after taking him back… I know it is not easy when you truly love the NCP… not to mention having their children. I wanted him and my marriage to work soooooo much… but with the help of GOD and after many years of heartfelt pain…. I realized that I deserved so much more and that my staying would eventually cost me my life. Today I am TRULY HAPPY. .. FULL OF JOY…REAL JOY… not this make believe nightmare on elm street living hell behind closed doors…. I don’t even date and I am COMPLETELY HAPPY and I truly have the Peace of God that ..no lie…. Truly surpasses even my own understanding… I hit ROCK BOTTOM from dealing with NPD husband… Once you have had all of yourself stomped on and pushed under the rug and left to die without even a sincere apology… YOU WILL,NEVER GIVE UP your Peace again. PEACE means EVERYTHING to me now and I ABSOLUTELY “WILL NOT EVER ALLOW ANYONE TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME AGAIN”…. As unfortunately I paid a hell of a price for it. .. It’s vital to take the time to COMPLETELY HEAL…. prior to relinquishing yourself to another after going through this… It’s comparable to being imprisoned for many years and then being set free…. Take the time to Know yourself, Value yourself, have CONFIDENCE in yourself. … Rebuild yourself. … KNOW YOUR WORTH. ..YOU are your GREATEST INVESTMENT….!!.. I pray for your strength. …to love yourself enough to stop comprimising your sanity…
I’m going through the same thing.. the only thing I have found is to be best.. is only text communication.. when its needed to communicate at all. do not talk over the phone and if he calls, do not answer it.. he can manipulate the courts saying you had a different convo then you really did. add the text only communication into the parenting agreement.
Oh my gosh!!! that was my abuser almost to a T.. and his mom was his biggest fan as well. in my time of recovery from my N, I have discovered that this behavior is sometimes handed down from the mother who may also have those same N behavior patterns. I have been trying to get a divorce for over a year now from my N and though there are many reasons why the process is taking so long, he has moved back in with his mother and has temporary custody of our daughter. He has already started his manipulative behavior patterns on her and has moved on to his next victim who is 25 and has no children. I presume to impregnate her and start another cycle. I deal with the boomerang cycle frequently, only because I do not have the option of no contact. There is a resource called the Grey Rock Method I believe on how to handle the N when there are children involved. I hope this helps. If you have not done so already, I recommend finding a support group to help you through this. There are several FB sites for survivors of N, and above all, educate yourself as much as possible on this behavior disorder, because that is what it is. I hope this helps. And know you are not alone!
Yes, his mother is a full-blown narcissist and even he said she was when I first started dating him….he was reading a book on narcissism and underling things that he saw in his mother. He did not even want me to meet his mother claiming that she is trouble etc. Well, she is trouble and manipulative etc BUT so is HE.
Narc parents are responsible for narc children. I’m dealing with the momma’s boy that wants to relive his momma trauma w women. Wants to be taken care of while he entertains at the bar. Thinks he’s a country superstar. Karaoke. He gets to do nothing but drink. Very dependent on others. Lazy. Wants to control me. I told him no thank you get lost. Shitshows at the bar, parking lots, in the car. Narc Rage for being told no.
Grey rock, showing them no emotion. These are emotionally unstable ppl. I would gather all of the info on narcissism, document his actions and get a lawyer to prove he is a danger. He is. They are psychopaths. Beings without a conscience.
I am so angry this man stole my youth. I am now 38 I met him when I was 26 he was 48 he used me I allowed this now I feel like running him over he is 60 a crack head and I was as well. I can’t believe I let him in so deep. I have a strong hate for him
I am so angry this man has put me in a terrible position I know he means me no well. I have nobody I can talk to this man has really hurt me I hate him and I wish him harm
Don’t be so sure he means well. There is bad out there real bad take it from one who knows.
I broke up with my ex narc in march after 16 years and 3 children. As soon as he left he has been spiteful and nasty to me and the kids. He’s totally ignored them and doesn’t ever phone or see them. He’s with someone else now and so in love. They are now moving away and 2 weeks ago they got married. … less than 6 months after he left. He did this without telling the kids and they have never met her. What are the chances of this relationship being real and lasting and what are the chances of him trying to come back? I don’t want him back but I’d like to be prepared just in case. Its just so hard to get my head around all if this. X
Zelfs een paar maanden doet zooooo vreselijk pijn je gelooft in een nieuw en goed leven je kan het niet geloven maar alle teksten kloppen hij in mijn geval dan houd alleen van zichzelf.Waarom heb ik dan nog verdriet?
I was with one of these horrible ppl for 2 years. Best way out after goin back to him 12 times was an avo after he hit me. Get an avo which involves no contact of any kind wat so ever! They can’t return!!! They can’t suck u back in! Iv been almost 4 months now an I still hav my bad days but it’s going away. He tries still to get at me threw other ways but there has been zero contact since the day he was arrested! It’s a hard thing to do but ur sanity is worth more an the avo makes him not contact u an if he does he goes to jail so either way u are rid of him.
Ive been in a relationship with a 36 year old N and Im 28. He makes me feel crazy! Im starting to become like him, which scares me. We are constantly off and on, I always go back. But this time Im gonna stay strong! FCK N People, soul suckers.
I was in a relationship with an N for 8 months. He was one of the strangest people I have ever known, but fortunately I found Sam Vaknin’s you tube videos. Thanks to the information I was able to research, I learned a huge amount of information on the subject. Fortunately I was able to use this information and apply it to my situation. You are right. They are emotional suckers and don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves. Unfortunately for him, I threw him out of my apartment, changed my phone number, and moved back to where I lived before I met him. I know one things for sure! I haven’t given him a second thought in more than 6 months, but I am sure he will think about me every day for the rest of his life. Awh, sweet justice.
Actually… he won’t. He will not think of you at all. At least not in an empathetic, normal, human type of way.
thinking about you would require some sort of emotional connection or human reaction … he’s not human. Narcissists are like aliens… parasitic aliens. They don’t think like you and I.
soooo…. if he does think of you, it will be in a very distorted, surreal, evil kind of way. A version of you that’s not at all close to who you really are.
Stay away. no contact.
You know you’re over REALLY OVER a narcissist when you stop trying to put yourself in HIS SHOES (human trait… he’s an alien), when you stop trying to guess what they’re thinking, why they do what they do, why they think they way they think, etc…
you will never understand because you are HUMAN. they aren’t. they denied themselves the ability to feel a long time ago. they voluntarily gave up their humanity. the reasons were probably valid at the time they dissociated. they are fossils now. zombies. monsters. aliens. you pick the best symbol. no ONE can heal them or save them.
That is so interesting. That a traumatic experience happened at one time to them and they dissociated themselves. They denied their self the ability to feel, so now they have no feelings in their relationships. Hurting people for attention and gratification.
precisely. that’s the trap. empathetic people will try to justify their way by looking at their past. truth is… they prob don’t even remember why or what led them to be who they are now… truly cruel people. again, best approach, NO CONTACT. that is the true way to dignity, healing, inner peace and ultimately genuine, long-lasting happiness. not an easy road, but it’s the only TRUE road. good luck to all.
They didn’t voluntarily give up their humanity, it was taken from them from people just like the monsters they became.
Interesting, my recent X Narcissist would often say ” I am not from this planet ” . I now believe this to be true . Only thing that makes me question who he is . He was not unfaithful, and I do believe it’s because he won’t be with just anyone. He is a bit put off by women. Speaks poorly of them . He owns a complex and seems his tenants who are always indebted to him as he supplies cash when needed , cashes their government checks for a fee etc .. keeps them hooked or stuck. He also supplies them with beer and open door policy so they all praise him .. they all fear him as well but by socializing with these people he seems to get enough supply . During a separation from me ( there has been many) he can have this type of supply for about a week, then becomes irrational, angers easily and seeks only me . The tenants will quietly say ” so glad you are back ” . They look exhausted. So maybe there is a planet that beemed these people to us to learn to go through life with a lot less
trust and appreciate a good man / woman when we finally do seek a non alien partner….
My apologies, wasn’t meaning to write a book. 🙂
Victoria.
oh and good job for dumping him and staying away! courageous indeed 🙂
Hi Shelley
Did your ex try to contact you after the break-up? All the articles I read say that we should expect contact, but I haven’t heard from my narcissistic ex since I ended the relationship three months ago.
I changed my number immediately. He may have tried to text or call. I’ll never know. I also stopped going to the support group we both attended (and where I met him – it’s his hunting ground.)
When we were together, I told him that I’d done NC with previous exes. He said I wouldn’t have to do that with him because he wouldn’t stick around where he’s not wanted.
I think he knows me well enough to know that I would only change my numbers when I’d reached the point of no return. Also I think that in his mind, not contacting me proves that he is better than my other exes, who had to be silenced.
But maybe I’m wrong, maybe he will contact me at some point. I’d like to hear if your ex contacted you. It sounds like you sent a very clear message. Is that what it takes? If so, then hopefully I will not hear from my ex again. I’ve stuck rigidly to NC.
Thanks in advance.
Fern.
He will contact you once he sees you have moved on. Do not give in he
will repeat the same old behavior just to finish what he started. Continue
to be strong and be happy!
It’s interesting that the comments of all these people dealing with narcissists are dealing with men older than them. I am 24 and have recently been a victim of a 36 year old narcissist. He already had a new victim lined up before I figured out and left. This is helpful, thank you. I have been responding to him, but I now understand why it’s only hurting me by giving in to his pathetic attempts of validation.
I think a lot of younger women get in relationships with older narcissistic men because many of them look younger than their age and many, my friend in particular lies about his age. Oh yeah, he lies about f****** everything! For those of you who keep falling back into their clutches, please keep reading on line. It took me a few months of reading articles and blogs to realize what a monster he is. I was a widow and he strolled into my life manipulating me for nearly a year. I bought things for him, spent all my time with him, and allowed my life to revolve around him. Just as he planned. He was engaged when we met & I had no idea. He keeps all of his associations separate, disappears with no explanation, and lies lies lies! I think he hates women and only has sex with women he sees as disposable whores because he cannot understand sex goes with love. It’s funny how everyone who meets him thinks he is gay. I think he is so obsessed with everyone being attracted to him he doesn’t care if nits a man or a woman!
Remember, everything I have read says don’t walk away from these people run like he’ll and don’t look back!
Renay! Yes, I have said gay, and all of the above as you have stated. POS is a friggin lying ass cheating jerk
I find it strange when a woman is hurt and dumped by a male partner the male is subject to being called a narcissist . So what this artical states and others if a man tries to fight to get his partner back he is a narcissist but if he tries to move on and show no hurt he is also a narcissist. It’s mostly females replying to all these types of articles so really it’s only males to have this behaviour patten ?! If you look at the thread it seems the females are angry ! I feel it’s misleading
I think you’re reading a bit too B&W into this. It’s not a matter of what but how and why. My ex-N wanted me to stay for reasons beyond my comprehension. If you truly wanted to fight for you relationship you do it and try your everything to save it, to fix it, to make the other feel good, you show you mean what you say and take responsibility too. Not to take hurting immediatly to new heights after you’ve given a chance and blame it onto the other.
What puzzles me in these articles/blogs though is that far too often the N example is a he. Do recognize N’s exist in both genders.
The pathology is more common in males,
Boy babies are more sensitive to the emotional input of caregivers, neglect or engulfing impacts the failure to thrive, the acquision of empathy.
If genetic factors are involved nothing helps.
They are all psychopaths, females are less likely to receive this diagnoses they are more likely labelled as borderlines.
All of them are horrible, strangely very predicable once you begin to read about predators they follow distinct patterns of repeating & escalating abuse.
Paul,
I can really see where the problem here lies. Men who are victims of Narcissistic Women usually find it embarrassing to comment or make mention of the abuse.
I was raised by a Malignant Narcissistic Mother who suffered every symptom on the list and more. I consider her a N Sociopath, and believe me when I say that from my own experience with Ns, My mother is the absolute worst and there is no N man that I know of who could compare to my mother’s viciousness and manipulations. I also have 2 sisters, a brother and a niece who are full blown Ns. They are all defective, but again I will point out that the women are far worst than my N brother.
My last boyfriend is a Narcissist Alcoholic and even though he hurt me, I find myself more angry at my mother’s abuse than my ex.
When I compare the 2, my mother wins in the most vile and evil person on earth!
I am also grateful for her sickness because it helped me to react accordingly with my ex N and was able to get out with my dignity, and teach him not to mess with me. I set my boundary and cut my losses early. I was able to see the signs clearly after a year of his abuse, “something” was so familiarly “wrong”…in the same way I felt with my sick MN Monster of a Mother.
I found my own power within and put a stop to the abuse by involving law enforcement, I had him thrown in jail and from there the judge established NO CONTACT which gave me the peace to rebuild my life without him.
8 months later I am living a much better, more peaceful life and he slyly has found a way to get in touch with me. We have 2 young children together, a 1 yr old and a 3 mo. old.
I will never use the “norm” to assess my situation with this freak of nature. I do not care that we have children in common, since he has a horrible disorder and abuses alcohol, and he also pleaded guilty to assaulting me while I was pregnant.
If my children never know their N Father, then more power to me in raising them. “Never let your guard down” and do not fall for their pretentious games…..I was emotionally tortured and physically abused by my N mother for over 30 yrs of my life, and believe me, NO CHILD should have to deal with an N parent EVER!
@ Paul, I wasn’t dumped, he wouldn’t have dared have left his woman who he totally controlled on every level.I was with him for 12 years, suffered extreme abuse..of all types from him, he wasn’t getting any better, only worse. He never would except any blame for anything, including cheating, beating me and raping me.He never fought to get me to come back because he wanted to make something good happen out of all the bs, NO..he wanted me to kiss his ass, do whatever he said..and not ever think he was wrong about anything.This is not normal behavior, it’s not a normal relationship..he’s not normal! Fighting for something you believe in, or love..that’s one thing, fighting for control…that’s another! He still hasn’t gotten over me leaving him, done some very low down rotten things to me..trying to get ppl to think of me as a nothing. That’s because he was in such fear of ppl finding out about him, his evil mind..and hands! he even tried to have me put in a mental hospital, by the judge! It was a horrible split-up.I ignored him, totally..but he wouldn’t stop..and still continues to this day.I should have known something was way wrong with him in the very beginning, he always spoke of how he was getting DSS to investigate some old GF..always hurting someone, because they had to levae his abusive ass! he certainly doesn’t take a break-up normal, no..it has to be something done about it..she has to pay for it! BTW, he demanded that i go back to him in a letter.Tried to tell me that it was all my fault, I was really messing up by leaving! Until you have dealt with someone with a NPD, you don’t know how these ppl do things..they are not normal! When you express to someone you are very unhappy, tired of the abuse..and no longer have any love for them…and want to split-up and all they can do is tell you “you are gonna do what I say, what i tell you to do, you aren’t going anywhere, because i said so!”After 12 years of pure hell with that man, no..I no longer loved him at all by the time I left him..I hated everything about him, I let him know this to! Why would he want to be with someone who hated him, hated the sight of him? Because he could still make me do his will, or most of it anyways. I know what it’s like to live with someone with NPD, it’s awful! Maybe the word is thrown around too much,not all break ups are because of narcissistic abuse, but too many are these days! When we can learn about certain types of behaviors, we can have a heads up and not get overly involved or too attached to them.I knew something was very wrong with him, but hadn’t heard of NPD..until 12 years after leaving him and divorcing his sorry ass! i hope now that i would see some of these traits earlier on in ppl, so I know how to handle myself around them.His violent rages, at home and at anywhere..were to just break me down, embarres me so I would feel even worse about myself and to give himself more authority over me.That is not love, that’s abuse…he wouldn’t leave the marriage..i had to.When he started trying to contact me, to demand my return…having a catholic priest call and tell me “my place was with my husband!”That was his way of getting pity from ppl, his wife had left him..poor thing..he’s such a good husband why would she do that? He told anyone who would listen, that i had left him because i was on drugs, had a boyfriend..or whatever sounded bad.That’s not a very good way of winning your love interest back is it? The way he conducted himself after i left him, well..it showed his mental problems clearly. I never even thought of going back to him, i was done ..had enough of him! i was his narcissistic supply..and he needed someone to tell him how wonderful he was, how great he was..it wasn’t going to be me!
There’s a BIG difference between a narcissistic ex and a regular ex…the difference starts at the very beginning of the relationship.. And trust me its like gastro, if you don’t know if you’ve had it, you haven’t.
I’ve been with both regular people and narcisisstic people and there’s no mistaking it. Ex husband…not a narcissist..ex boyfriend DEFINITELY a narcissist. So yes..anything they do either in the relationship or out of it is underpinned by their disorder.
(By the way I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I’m in treatment…so I’m not particularly healthynmyself..not judging. Just stating they are very real disorders..)
I can understand your feelings on this….I am guessing that for one sometimes men are ashamed that they would ‘allow’ an evil narcissistic woman to ‘abuse’ them….also I do know that there are many narcissistic and very cruel woman who treat really good men abusively ….
Yes thank you Paul! My brother was discarded in a terrible way by his gf. Hé gave up so much for her. He just wanted to know what happened and she just ignored him. He loved that girl so much, she theater him like shit. He went into a psychological treatment afterwards. Turned out his ex accused him of being a narcissist after reading all sorts of these articles and comments by frustrated women who even refuse to look at their own behavior and to take accountability. Just playing the victim, where I wonder who is the true personality disorder here. Btw any man should have equalizer rights over his own children. This all saddens me so much. These websites with very little scientifical background are dangerous and can ruin people’s lives. Only a psychologist can do a valid diagnoses. My brother was after months of treatment not diagnosed narcissist. He doubted his whole existense due to the accusations by his ex.
No they show signs of narcissism. We are not making this up. Stop minimizing what we have gone through. Narcissistic personality disorder to be correct. It’s not just being in love w himself. It’s a whole mind f@ck of reality. Personality traits are missing. Love empathy compassion, a conscience .making them retarded psychopaths who self destruct over their selfishness, self love, low self esteem. Caused by early childhood trauma.They want a controlled slave, to abuse, use, while they do whatever they want. It’s much worse than what I have said. They want to destroy others to feel good about themselves. Very evil.
Spot on. Every action could be labeled narcissistic. Every. Action. When you add that less than 1 in 100 people have an NPD then its clear this label is being used to manipulate people. Therapists making money by the bucket loads so others could take no responsibility in their relationships. Not one poster took any responsibility or claimed they did anything wrong. That is virtually impossible.
I’m starting to believe those that call others narcissists are actually the narcissist. It is unethical to do so and they seem to have no problem with it.
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I read a great article that taked about “no reaction” if no contact was not an option
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After 20 years of marriage to an N, I have been emotionally exhausted. Physical and emotionally abused, and I couldn’t leave because I lived on an isolated island and had no money. He controlled everything. By a stroke of luck, we ended up having to move to a city. I got a full time job. The abuse continued but I bought 2 doorknobs with key locks. One for my bedroom, one for my study. I live in those 2 rooms. If I divorce he will leave me with nothing just like he did his last wife (bankrupt). I have my own bank account, I have a JOINT mortgage-free home. When the time comes, I’ll leave him or I’ll wait till he dies (his father died about 8 years older than he currently is) and joint assets will be mine. I would have left early on if I could have, but now I’m just playing it smart, protecting myself, getting out of HIM all I can and having patience. I will win in the end.
Can totally relate to your reasoning. If you stay in a relationship with a N for whatever reason, patience is definitely required. Good on you for figuring out a strategy that works in the interim. All the best.
Do they ever break up with you but demand that you not tell anyone that you guys broke up? And they still waby you to live with them?
yup. mine broke up with me, but asked me to redesign her tramp stamp tattoo, and if she could still come by for sex since she “was so aggressive she didnt attract any males at the moment”. she also hid it from her parents (who actually initiated the breakup by banning me from her house) and from her friends. ow and of course she kept saying she loved me. she is a total liar and a fraud.
Things have been very rough for the last few months with me and my girlfriend. We have been dating for the last 4.5 years and we’ve had our share of issues. While I always thought it was a conflict of personalities, I have recently come to realise that I might have NPD which has been the trigger to all our issues. I feel devastated as I think she was a wonderful person and I messed things up so badly. Finding out that that I have NPD has been an eyeopener and I have been seeking professional help for it. My girlfriend says she has had enough and wants to leave me. I’m really upset as what we had was really special and it breaks my heart to know it will end. What I want to know is if anyone has any knowledge of NPDs who get to realisation and how that could possibly impact their behaviour and lives? I don’t think I’m a terrible person, I did not ask for a disorder that does not feel emotions. HELP!
I’ve been reading up on articles such as, making sense out of a very strange relationship. You might want to visit this site: http://truthlover5.com/home/jesss-transformation-from-narcissistic-sociopath/
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I never. Knew what a NPD was until just now. My current ex as of today just broke up with me. He’s always been the controlling type. It’s either. His way or nothing. And claimed that of he doesn’t get his way, its going to be big trouble. For 4 yrs I thought it was me. I’d hide the ongoing relationship and thought if I’d change I could make this work. I truly believed this was my knight in shining armor. After this God shot of scrolling through the internet, I now know what he is. Thank you Jesus. Now that I know what this is I will seek help as soon as possible.
Good luck to you.
to truly understand Narcs check out Sam VAknin on youtube. He’s a narcissist himself so he’s an expert, but limit your consumption of his stuff to the very basics. the last thing you want is to be listening to another Narc for a prolonged period of time. after you understand the basics, transition to Melanie Tonia Evans. Check out her Narc Abuse Recovery Program. this is not a SPAM post like the one below. she is truly an expert and healer when it comes to this stuff.
good luck to you. this is one of the worst experiences you’ll go through in life, but if you survive and overcome it, you will be amazed at how incredibly strong and wise you will become. it takes TIME… but it’s TOTALLY DOABLE. I’m living proof of it. good luck to all!
I was in a 2 year relationship with an amazing man. We were very much
in love and talked about the future often. As time went on, I started
to have many insecurities, fears and doubts about his love for me and
my attitude and moods began to change as a result. We started fighting
often and after six months of a rocky patch between us, he ended
things.I was completely devastated and heartbroken. I couldn’t function
or make sense of life or what had happened between us. After a month of
feeling like my world was over I started to look for hope anywhere I
could find it. I started searching the internet for stories that were
similar to my own and came across many sites referencing the Law of
Attraction. Having read The Secret in the past I immediately went to my
bookshelf and read it again, cover to cover. It was then I realized
that all my negative thinking had contributed to the demise of my
relationship but I had hope that it could be undone. The principles of
The Secret always resonated with me but I never truly applied it to my
life.I started keeping a journal and daily I would write things like
“I am so happy and grateful now that we are in love again”. I put
together a vision board with pictures of us when we were happy and also
cards and letters he had written. Before I went to bed every night I
would send him love, light, and all the warmth I could muster, although
sometimes it was very difficult. I knew in my heart that we were meant
to be together and focused on remaining happy and confident in my
convictions. I noticed that as time passed, I truly felt grateful and
positive every day. The sadness I once felt had turned into hope and it
was easy to manifest lots of the other things that I wanted in my
life.until i meet Dr Wicca online who gave me four days automaton that
my ex will come back, i never believed him on his spell.not when my ex
came back just after the days that Dr Wicca said.my ex came back
begging for forgiveness and now we in love as never before.met him on
his email:(traditionalspelltemple@hotmail.com) and enjoy your
relationship and marriage.
Wow!! This is so spot on! Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve read a lot on narcissism since I got involved with this man & I can say from personal experience, this seems to be exactly how they are. Sad but true. It’s so hard when you still care so deeply the person & have to keep reminding yourself of what he is capable of so you can keep up the no contact. Recognize the initial signs of a narc & steer clear!
Dear friends, I am from united states i had a problem with my husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, i was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me. until a friend of mine Walt Pen told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too. i emailed Prophet Clark the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. we have two kids together and we are happy. thanks to Prophet Clark for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work the great spell caster. email address him on :prophetclark@blumail.org
I am glad that I found this post..im in the middle of getting out of the relationship..all your comments somehow ease my pain …Thanks to the writer and everyone who made a comment..wish me luck guys!!!
It’s amazing to find posts like these. Especially when you’ve just recently left a Narcissistic partner. I know a lot of times that word is thrown around too much to describe men that really aren’t narcissistic. However I truly believe I was in a relationship with one for 6 years. The relationship consisted of me basically being his puppet. I had to do exactly what he requested. If I didn’t I was subjected to emotional abuse that eventually began to turn physical. He never complimented me, yet got upset when others did. Rarely said anything nice about me yet pointed out my flaws and constantly put me down and call me names everyday. When I would try to leave he would tell me I was a horrible mother. That my kids deserved better than me and he would do everything in his power to take them away from me. I believed. Eventually I would find out that he would contact prostitutes. When I would question him he would tell me that I was crazy and insane and that’s why no one would ever want me. He also constantly tried to meet new women. Then once the relationship was great he would leave me. While he was with them I would have peace. He would leave me alone. However one the relationships ended he would revert back to harassing me and doing anything to sabotage any new relationships. Leaving is hard but it can be done. If there are kids involved on communicate when absolutely needed. Keep the conversations strictly about the kids. The longer you stay away the easier it gets!
Very interesting reading each time I see a post. I only wish the “HE” could be changed to a “THEY”!
Keep the information flowing. It’s helping!
Thanks!
i agree but why does it say he ?, surely it should say they ? this isnt the only place on this subject that says he too. its annoying cz females are actually the ones more prone to playing head games, i believe men are more than often the victims !? but while woman stress thier ideas online or too friends men arnt so privvy too it.
lets get some equality on the situation 🙂
I just recently had a very intense 3 mth relationship with someone I truly believe had NPD. They came into my life when I was most vunerable & now Im left an emotional wreck.
The relationship started off amazing thought I was so lucky to have found this person. Then once we started to settle into comfortable it was like flicking a switch!! Only way to describe their behaviour is like Dr Jeckyl & Mr Hyde. Only had 3 arguments in the short 3mths but wow… huge!!! that was enough to see something was not quite right. This person would start the argument & then it was like game on! They would emotionally blackmail & manipulate things around to suit themselves so that I was always to blame & they came out smelling like roses. Because I am a strong willed person & when I didnt agree with them the argument would always esculate to where they would end the relationship. But the arguing would still continue & then it would be me to just back down… then they would come back… they had me always questioning myself… during the course of the arguments they would change there reasons as to why we were arguing half a dozen time… was far from consistant & I couldnt follow what was really going on… complete head game!!! after the last argument they ended the relationship yet again… broke my heart!!! But they werent satisfied with ending it & just walking away… they had to keep coming back to try to convince me that it was all my fault & that they were such a great person! Even when I was at my lowest they seem too get great pleasure out it. Even though they had ended the relationship they continued to ask for sex!!! & when I declined would make statements like “you cant fight me & you cant resist me” & when I did resist them they would get very nasty & even make threats!! Its been over a week since we broke up but this is only my second day without hearing from them. During the course of the relationship they were always looking for admiration, praise & complement… like all the time! Used to go on & on about how good looking they thought they were & more importantly how others thought they were so good looking. Was a perfectionist & obsessed with there body. Lacked understand & empathy towards others even in their own family. My needs came second to theirs & could be quite demand like a spoilt child. They always felt they were better or superior to everyone else…
I am feeling a little stronger as the days go by & can see them for what they really are… just so hard when you were in-love with them. Feel like I just stepped off a train wreck… Just hoping & praying that he keeps his distance…
Wow, I feel like I could have written this myself!!! You described how they are perfectly…or should I say how perfect they think they are. It is a train wreck, I know I feel awful for loving him, but it was hard not to when they’re in the initial stages. Thank you for your post!
I got married when I was 21, my wife and I have two sons, over the age of 21. Over the years I have always felt that I was living with a schizophrenic. I used to be a lively person but I feel that part of me was gradually vanishing. From time to time I feel depressed because of her comments and behaviour towards me and sometimes feel embarrassed the way she treated others. My boys do not show her a lot of respect due to the way she talks to them. I didn’t know whether she has a problem or whether I am really never good enough for her. Either way I do think there is something wrong in our relationship. There were times when I thought wouldn’t it be great if I were dead or if she were dead so that I do not need to cause her so much anguish or I don’t need to feel depressed any more.
A couple of years ago a friend of mine introduced me to different types of personality disorder which caused me to sorta wake up from the spell. My kids were by then 20. I thought it was time for me to start living again. So I told her I’m moving out after one of her big wobbly. Initially she seemed fine with the decision, we even signed a separation agreement. She got herself a boyfriend who rediscovered great sex with her. I found myself a nice girl as well. So I told her it’s time for us to consider preparing the divorce papers and that I’m seeing someone new. She suddenly became another person. Long story short, she tried everything to get me back, while saying that she’s not trying. Kept pressuring me to give ‘us’ another try despite knowing that I found someone who knows how to love me. And threatening me that my new girlfriend will eventually desert me from my sons… One of my son started having sympathy for her probably because he is left living with her. Her connection with that son has actually grown stronger as a result of our separation. And she knew she has tempers but she’s changed for the sake of keeping the family together. Most importantly since she has now left her boyfriend, I am the one who is ‘breaking up the family’. In a way I feel very guilty about not putting my heart into trying it out with her after so many years of marriage. Another part of me wants to give myself a chance to actually have a life.
Now I just feel broken in a way. I have no clue how to have no contact at all with my wife when we have kids and business together. She kept telling me that SHE is part of the family, i.e. the two sons and her are a package. Abandoning her means abandoning my sons as well which I know is not true. However the guilt somehow is eating me up. It is not making my current girlfriend happy as well. To get my wife off my back, I’ve agreed to give her over 75% of what we own together already! still she’s still asking for more. I know she is not the nicest person, but she’s making my departure more painful than having an amputation of a limb. Sometimes I even think that I probably should for the sake of keeping the family together go back to her. Strangely enough I still feel some love and fondness for her, despite her behaviour. After reading a lot of materials on NPDs I’m just afraid she will never change. I really don’t know what to do. A big part of me does not want to break up the family, while I have no confidence that we will work. I know getting a new girlfriend is probably complicating the matter but my situation is not making the new girlfriend happy either.
I just want to see if anyone here has similar experience and share your views on how to really have a clean break with a npd wife when you have kids and business together.
Hi, she only cares about herself and is manipulating you. She was able to leave u without any remorse and went on to live with her boyfriend, but the moment you wanted to have a life of your own, she’s trying to come back. Tell her that if she really loves you, she should let go. It’s all about control and she cares a damn about you however she will leave no stone unturned now to destroy you, slowly, but surely. Get the hell out.
I have a newborn baby girl with a married man who is narcissist. In the beginning he was happy about our pregnancy. Four months before she was born he dumped me without a reason. I live across the street from where he works and I see him from time to time but not intentionally. He never
speaks he just stares. I left a message stating that we needed to talk about our daughter and when she was born I informed him also because I need help and I applied for assistance. I have not heard from him. I’m a college student its very hard doing this all by myself I don’t have resources to pay for child care. Is there any advice please feel free to share. Newcomer
If nasty/vicious people are out of our life, maybe god thinks that you deserve better.
A Narcissist is jux lyk a pest,as to wether u tell them you are not hapy or not they jux don’t care all the need ix sum1 they can abuse emotionally,dz guy I am with I taught ix a lover or a friend I love him so much and don’t want to let go cos his the 1 for me ba he jux doesn’t care about how I feel he claims to change but still repeats same things like;even when am sick he doesn’t wait till am well before he starts to think of ways to get staffs like money from me to solve his own problems.the relationship is all about him and his problems always that’s all we talk about his problems I have no say when I do he gets angry and tell me that’s his lyftyle I have to leave with it @tyms he says” I will change”but never does I got fed up since on countless occations he promised he will change so we can be hapy so I broke up with him 2 days ago letting him knw dat if he is ready to change he can do dat 4 anoda hu he feels deserve dat.eversince dat dae he calls and disturbs me with messages which til nw I havnt answered any of e calls or message.at e beginning they r very nice and sweet ba lyk myn he started to show up signs as early as 2months after I accepted him he startsd accting unsatisfied wit anyfyn even till e past 2 daes we broke up and each tym u wana brk up wit dem dey try pullin u bk wit emotions n u feel descieved wen u realisd u r foold,he even poisoned himself and did so many stupid staffs as I promised to let go of him.although am nt hapy but I ope to get over him soon.
Thank you for this . I got involved with , what seemed like, ” Prince Charming.” He was supposed to come out to LA from NYC, for a short stay. He ended up, moving in… Only to leave me , every few days with some made up chaos. I could be sleeping on the couch with the dog – the dog was on the couch?! Somehow, he felt, “unsafe?” He would leave for days/ weeks. Only a few texts. If I called, he never answered. He claimed to be with his family. I discovered that he was on dating sites. All -my fault , of course. He has put me down so much, and destroyed my peace. My doctor wanted to send me to the hospital , because my blood pressure went up so high in 1.5 weeks. He asked- ” what did the doctor say?” As I began to tell him that she said that I needed to relax, he drove my car into the bumper of the car in front of us. He said : I need to eat! This isn’t my town ! We drove to a restaurant , and he parked me , in the Sun ,while he went in for food. We have said , goodbye, so many times. This last time, I was having a rough go of things but was silent. It was the anniversary of my mom’s passing. He was back in NY… With other women. He let me go, after just wanting me to move , there, the week/ day, before. He had me call up my landlord and give 30 days. I said : okay, be well. I understand. Meanwhile: Charlie Brown’s teacher , is all that I could hear. I knew that he had others, even dangerous liaisons . He confirmed the latter, while drunk on wine and ego go go stuff. I was already over it. The pattern of hot/ cold- love you/ you whore… Well, it gets old. Lol
I have blocked him from my phone/ social media. It is such a blessing to read your posts. It gave me , clarity. That’s my one way ticket out of the spin . Thank you. Brightest Blessings.
I’ve read this post a few times and haven’t left a comment until now. This was the final time I left the relationship (number 7). Hit Rock Bottom from leaving going back etc. Three months this time and not going back. Blocked alot of contact, but still got e-mails. He was in the hoovering stage again. This has gone on now for this period of time, in the mean time I worked very hard on focusing on my own life. So glad I did, things went quiet from him over the weekend. I knew I was probably in for an emotional hit. Well, received an e-mail telling me he now has a girlfriend. Translation: a woman he is prepared to tell me about. This followed with I wouldn’t have her in my life if you hadn’t left me but you always have the control. A couple of other e-mails followed with how much ‘better’ or ‘normal’ she is than I and how refreshing her company is. He has admitted to me he can’t live without love, he tells me that she really likes him (there is the adoration he is after, the reflection of granduer) I imagine she has supported his tragic tales of what he had to put up with from me. She has also lost her daughter and sister, what a terrible tragedy in life for her. She sounds like a compassionate woman with a bit of vulnerability. Bingo! New victim. So, he is still making manipulative advances to me, still on dating sites but now has a girlfriend. I couldn’t help but send him my last message. Basically, you haven’t changed, you are deceiving this woman right now. Do the right thing and look after her. Focus on her now, she is your girlfriend. Time to leave me alone. I must admit the bit about I was 95% responsible for the abuse hurt me, as did the she is normal comment, but this is just more of the same when he is in hating mode. Really, for anyone out there experiencing the same thing and finding it hard, think…if they are so happy in themselves and with their lives and the new fantastic girlfriend why are they still getting in touch with you. Anyway, I see it as my final hurt, cried for 5 minutes, having a day where I’m not fully focused, but that’s about it. In the past I would not have gotten out of bed for days. So ….I must have healed enough to handle this better. Yeah! He’s gone!
Hi, yes, why would someone who is happy with their new girlfriend try to call and be in contact, to show that oh they are so happy now and she is so better. If everything is so great why are they calling? Thanks for this realization.
I’ve been so hurt by what has happened to me. Long story short, this narcissistic woman is my first love. I lost my virginity to her when I was 16. She is the only person I ever loved, and ever had a ‘long-term’ relationship with. I’m in college now in a country town where everybody knows everybody. I don’t know anybody. I’m new, and alone. I only have one way of communicating with her, and that’s through email now. I used to write her every now and than, but now I really want to email her one last time since she is giving me the silent treatment. I want to tell her that she is a narcissist. Let her know that eventually she will get tired of living life the way she is living it. Enlighten her by telling her what I know about her, and tell her to enjoy her amusement while it lasts. I really want to tell her that this lifestyle that she is living is classified as a ‘disorder’, and is considered abnormal. I want to tell her that she will become exhausted from the cycle; maybe not now, but when she becomes an elder. Before she becomes an elder, fatigue will set in – along with depression, bitterness, unworthiness, and other negative traits that will support the fact that she may/will never be happy while in this cycle. She may never be happy period. The ample amount of boyfriends and sexual partners will become dissatisfying, luring her to involve herself in worrisome and even more gregarious activities that may lead to only God knows what. Maybe she will make a better effort to get better? Maybe she will strive for happiness, and leave her drug alone? The drug that she’s using is just as worse as alcohol, weed, cocaine, heroin, ext. It’s all in the same boat, because they all do the same things. Do you think that she will change once she knows who she is? If you think that she won’t change, do you feel as though I should become a narcissist? I have potential… I know you heard of this phrase, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”!
I could identify with some of things mentioned in this article, however I am not a victim. I was a volunteer, with no self esteem. After many countless days, weeks, and months of abuse I found the strength to stop answering his calls. I didn’t want to see the truth. I didn’t want to face what I had allowed. The behavior that was unexceptable showed up right away but I was so desperate to be love and we had alot in common so I tried to fix it and ended up very sick as a result of me not see the truth. I am 14 days out and I am praying that I don’t fall back into the delusion of what really was. I am not a victim
Great! Keep on with the NC strictly. It matters a lot!
After years I found out I was one of 20-50 girls that the N is spinning around. I found out that he had had a girlfriend all the time (different ones) and I found out that he had also started having a new girl friend. I found a list with the many girls names. I saw him text to different girls right after we had had sex (him unknowing), girls he knew, + his girlfriend + he went on a dating site and I believe he texted a man (!) and send his picture. I know it sounds silly but I was in love with him so I could not leave. I have tried it all; the discards, the triangulation, the gas lightning, the stalking, the projections, him getting almost violent.. He adores the teacher role and he adores all the attention from all the girls sms’ing him and pleading him to meet. To all of you women who have been the official girl friend/wife and who maybe discovers an affair or two: BEWARE! This is only the tip of the iceberg! They are serial cheaters (if somatic). Nobody will ever get him for real. Don’t take it out on the OW because risks are high that she is just one in a million and what do you know she may have been there years before you and he in turn never told the OW that he has a girlfriend or a wife. They are monsters. Mine is a good looking one and the sex is simply the best. I cannot leave. Yes I am in love with a monster. I don’t know what to do. It is terrible. My whole life has transformed to the negative because of him. I lost many friends. I lost my work. Maybe I will loose my life.
All that can be said if you mistake genuine intimacy for being part of a 30+ girl rotation, then you’re a fool. Quite possibly also a narcissist yourself, with little to no sense of
I know I am being very insensitive with my comments but what this woman needs is a wake up call. She clearly compromised her values to pursue a sexual relationship with someone purely based on there psychical appeal.
Long hanging fruit gets picked first, perhaps you need to raise your bar a little bit. If you are not mature enough to evaluate potential partners on more than 1 matrix, try again in a few years.
He has you thinking he,s the best. And he has shown you with utter disregard what he really thinks of you. Get a life!
I can’t help but see the comparisons to my wife jodi in alot of these testimonials,
She’s actually to the point of putting up Facebook post claiming I was the narcissist in the relationship, although I was the one trying to stay together, she always used every plea as a new reason for another attack on my character or me as a man, and I could never understand why as my wife she would always bring up past relationships she had been in, the mental torcher alone was physically debilitating….
She almost had me convinced it was me responsible…….
Jack C brings up 2 great points I noticed with my ex.
1.) I told her I thought she was a narcissist after all of the behavior and reading it up online and talking to friends that are psych majors. she then turned it around and started taking notes on me and trying to subtly accuse me of being a narc. I was shocked at this but have since read many counts of others going through the exact same thing. why do they do this?
2.) Mine ALWAYS talked about ex’s and compared me to them EVERY SINGLE DAY. why? why do they talk about ex’s so much and compare you to them? she use to always tell me I was better than them because I did this and that. It really irked me!
Any input to create more understanding would be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks!
It’s wonderful that you are getting thoughts from this article as well as from our discussion made at this
place.
I have just gotten out of a 3 1/2 year what I can’t decide was either a Narc or Psycho relationship; he dumped me. The basics: He is a trucker, I worked in a truck stop restaurant; he saw me, wanted to talk to me so he passed that on to my co-worker who used to date his brother. A few weeks later, we were dating. We spent a lot of time talking at first (maybe I did too much talking as my past was used against me during the end stage); he was still married after I don’t know how many years of separation during which time he strayed outside the marriage several times and had a child out of wedlock. Even so, he & wife reconciled and he continued to stray. Finally, on the last stray, the wife decided to date and one day, while going to the house, he found out she was seeing someone and that was it for him. He never went back (so he says; I guess he thought it was okay for him but not for the wife to cheat).
Anyway, he told me he wanted to get married again and do the right thing, get into the church (family is in the church) yada yada yada. I told him about my past: three kids, divorced twice, last hubby a lover of physical & emotional abuse which I later found out that he was a full fledged Narc. I went through 4 years here and was very badly scarred emotionally when I forced myself to get out so I stayed away from men for about 5 years after that. Then I met him: charming, funny, tall, dark and very handsome, self employed. We spent a lot of time sitting and talking at my house and when he left, spent the next several hours on the phone. He asked me if I was single; I said yes. I asked him if he was seeing anyone; he replied that he was but that he was about to end it. I didn’t ask why, but I didn’t think it had to do with the fact that he met me. I told him that I wasnt interested in falling in love, just wanted to date. When he left that night, he asked me if he could kiss me; I let him. He was sweet & gentle and I wanted to know more about this tall drink of water. A day or two after we met, he asked me about going to a vacation in the Caribbean. We discussed it for a few days then the idea just was never brought up again. How many red flags can you count in this paragraph?
We started seeing each other a couple days a week; one night he asked me to go with him on his rig a couple hours away. It gave us plenty more time to talk. We stopped to dinner on the way and later, I had the best sex I had ever experienced on that little bed in the back cab of the truck. The next day, on the way home and all day at work, it was all I could think of. A couple weeks later, the disappearing began and the arguments. I questioned him; he gave me a random excuse and I told him he has a chance to come clean if he was still seeing someone else, which he denied. One night, he was supposed to come to my house after I got off from work and he took so long, I texted him to cancel because I had plans for the next day. He immediately called me and tried to convince me he was coming, which he also said like an hour before, but I was pissed he was not respecting my time so I blew him off. Next morning, he was calling and he apologized but I should have seen that flag just waving at me. A few more weeks down the road, he was spending several nights a week with me until I told him I wanted a real date, you know – like outside the house in public.
So we started doing that; he would also stop by my house with little gifts of prepared food he knew I liked and would bring if I had a long day at work, chocolates, etc. He was very generous financially; I’d just started working at the truck stop the day before I met the ex and was just coming off unemployment benefits and really struggling. One day he was standing in my house when the power company was outside my house and turned off my lights. He just opened his wallet and handed me $500 to go pay my bill, no questions asked. I think I fell in love with him that day; I thought I found my knight. We had so much in common and pretty soon he had moved in and was paying my bills for the most part. I cooked (I’m a personal chef), kept his clothes clean and acted as his gofer in the course of his trucking business and he was very generous, never demanding I find full time employment. It didnt take long before he convinced me that he loved me and he was going to get his divorce and he asked me to marry him. I debated for a while but against my better judgement, I said I would when he was ready but that I wasn’t going to wait the 9 years like the woman he was cheating on his wife with. I told him that he should know within a year of living with someone weather she was wife material so I was expecting no more than a couple of years.
But we started having more disappearing acts; I would confront him and he would make up lies. Sometimes we would argue and his favorite thing to do in an arguement was to walk out; sometimes he would come back that day, sometimes he would stay out for a 2-3 days. When he came back I would be so hurt, I made him stay out for another day or three. He’d beg to come back but then tell me it was my fault he was gone all those days because I shouldn’t have put him out. Never did he say he was sorry or acknowledge that these arguments could be because he didn’t respect me, he would tell me that I’m upset for “no good reason”. I was worried because I saw things in him that I didn’t like: he worked alot due to the nature of his business and time was short, but even so, I was always on the back burner. Everyone else came first and if he worked for six days, he would spend the seventh day doing something for someone else. I spent alot of time alone, when he came home he would eat, shower and fall asleep then a few hours later he would be on the road again and again I would be alone. I became resentful and tried talking to him that the relationship is in trouble. He always blew me off as if the topic wasnt important. Finally, I told the ex that I didnt think he had any intention of taking our relationship to the marriage level so Last Thanksgiving I decided to visit my daughter in another state and told him I wasn’t coming back when I went. I talked to him about selling my belongings and it was the first time I saw crocodile tears. Two days later he bought me a wedding/engagement ring set.
It’s almost a year since I’ve had those rings and we have never discussed the wedding. All during the relationship, he has accused me of cheating and lying when I have done no such thing. He has only apologized one time for anything and everything else is my fault. A couple months ago, I started sleeping in the spare room when he decided to keep staying out and ignoring me with the silent treatment over the course of a couple weeks. The last night he stayed out, he was gone two days but not before accusing me of cheating because I wasn’t home when he came in after dark. I put him out. This time, he stayed gone a week; he came back to get clothes and left after writing checks for the bills. He didnt take everything and he left his vehicles. Another week passed; he came back and his girlfriend followed, knocked on my door and I proceeded to find out that he had been involved with this woman for 17 years and that he had been living with her since before I put him out. He’d been staying with her on those disappearing times and when he was supposedly traveling on his truck overnight. She told me alot about him and he’d told her alot about me which most I’m sure were lies. He had come home that night to get all of his stuff and leave permanently. He’ d already had it set up; I fell apart after I told her to get off my property. He was cold as ice to me; it was my fault, I put him out again. Not his that he has been ignoring me and throwing me breadcrumbs for years, that he had not intention of marrying me and that my beautiful engagement couldnt be worn in public because I would look like a fool doing so and he was still married. On top of all of it, I am without a job and my car does not work so for the past year, Ive been driving one of his cars. So, he left me devastated and without the ability to earn a living. He didn’t want to answer any of my questions while here and could not look me in my eyes. He told me that he didnt want me and he didnt like that I didnt give him attention and he was “used to having it all”. But as soon as he left, the text messages began then the phone calls that night. I spent all night crying with utter disbelief that someone I loved and thought loved me was leading a double life. A lot of the puzzle pieces came together for me that night. The next day, he shows up and starts cutting my grass…why? I didnt even go to the door but then 20 minutes later after he left, he calls to ask me if I needed anything from the store as if he’s just going to pick up something on the way home. Another 15 minutes later, he comes back. He brings me the key to the car that he took that I’d been driving, a check for this month’s rent and some cash. The car needed to be repaired which I knew so he told me he would be seeing me at the end of the week to take it to be fixed. Keep in mind that the entire time he has been gone before he came here to get everything, he never called; I didnt have any communicaton with him by phone or text.
So now, it’s been almost a week since he dumped me; the only things left here are a couple of riding mowers in the yard that need to be fixed, his fishing equipment, a grill and some other random items. Today, he called my daughter to tell her I sent a letter to all his friends, family and employers accusing him of infecting me with STD. I had not told my daughter that we broke up, she heard about if from my son who lives with her. My kids really liked my ex but my daughter had told me last year she didn’t think he was the one cause I was always unhappy. Anyway, she let him have it over the phone; at first, she was trying to talk civilly but he began with the accusations, that I’d been cheating on him, I put him out and everything was my fault including these letters. Daughter was livid! She told him he was a pathetic piece of Shit, that he was just calling her because he wanted me back & I was the best thing he ever had…yada yada yada. While she was cursing him out, he just listened…he didnt hang up like I would have done. He kept trying to explain himself. Then when she hung up on his ass, he texted her for 30 minutes still blaming me for lying in these letters about having a STD, which I do not but I did go and get tested this week when I found out he is not who I thought he was, however, it will take two weeks to get the results.
Interestingly, the ex never contacted me to ask me about the letters, he called my daughter who lives over a thousand miles away. So why wouldnt he consider it might be the girlfriend who has been chasing him for 17 years, who might want to make me look like doing it so that she can keep in in line and away from my house? Considering this woman told me she went on the internet to find out where I lived and she got my phone number from his telephone then tracked him to my house and had the gall to knock on my door? She has called & left messages on my phone a couple times since he’s been gone. Why? Could it be that she knows he is a lying cheating ass and she’s worried he might want to come back? Possibly. She was pretty pissed with him when I made it my business to show her my rings. She told me that the only thing she got from him was an abortion…whoa! TMI and he never told me about that or her. Here’s the kicker: why do men tend to move on to someone who you might consider beneath you? I’m kinda average size and weight, he’s about 6’5 and I come up to his shoulder, which we both said was perfect. Imagine my surprise when this fat, short woman shows up at my door! He always claimed he didnt like fat women.
So after my daughter told me that tonight, I texted him and told him to come get his car and the rest of his belongings out of my yard. I told him that I never ever wanted to see him or speak with him again. I told him not to call or text me. I left the car key in the car and I told him to leave my house key in a flower pot outside. I don’t care if I don’t have a car; he’d been holding the fact that I had no job or working car over my head this entire relationship. Now, he’ll have it back and he can leave me alone. I’ve never ever had to deal with this type of deception backstabbing drama in my life and since he dumped me, maybe he’ll back off now.
I was in my own private hell all week until today and after all of this, I’m going to be okay I think. I spent a lot of sleepless nights where I stayed up for days at a time, my hair is falling out, I’m on several medications because of my stress and all week I’ve been waking up with anxiety attacks but when my daughter told me that he is telling him family, who I really loved, especially his mother that I sent those letters and is attempting to make me look like I’m crazy and unglued, it snapped me back to my self and I’m not crying no more. Daughter says she don’t think its over but that was before I sent the text to come get his shit; he hasn’t responded but if he does, I’m ignoring him. Now, I’ve reversed the dumping!
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We dated about 4 months. I did everything for him whenever he needed help with something, I love him so much and cared about him a lot. I never asked anything from him. I have no kids and a good well paying job. Everything was so perfect and good between us. He told me he would take me ring shopping and we would settle down and have a baby together. Everything was great. We met each other families and everyone told us we were perfect for each other. Out of nowhere he surprisingly left me to be with another girl, so i met a friend who gave me this Tel +1 (971)-512-6745) of this spell caster Robinson, he stays in USA, so contacted him because i was so heartbroken and don’t know what to do with myself but after 3 days of contacting Mr Robinson , my lover came back to me
Funny you metioned he breaks up but you are not to tell anyone, I thought this only happened to me. I was so blinded by my narc. We were married 19 1/2 years. He worked as a fraud investigator and told me he had to go undercover with NICB and we had to get a divorce but it wasn’t real. We were divorced a year before I actually realized it was for REAL. I kept it from friends and family, he would come over and have dinner with me and the kids then leave to go to his “undercover” job. It has been now 5 years and I’m finally at the point were I will not talk to him. I didn’t realize every time I engaged with his narc games it was only fueling the fire. No contact has giving me my sanity back. Good luck for the woman he is living with now.
After someone breaks up with narcissist, the narcissist is in agony.
When a narcissist is in a relationship with someone they become part of the narcissist. It is terrifying to lose someone. Imagine losing all you memories, or you arm, or your family dying. The feelings you would have in those situations are akin to how a narcissist feels when he loses someone. Even if he is in the relationship for power or control, he still feels immense pain and sadness. The desperate attempts are him just trying to fill the void inside him again.
I don’t want to sound like a mean person, as I am sure you have reasons for posting this information. But most of us who have lived with a N for a long time, whether we are still engaged of recovered, don’t need to focus on how the N feels. We spent years and years brainwashed into believing it was all about them and our needs being neglected. This is just like a hook back into their evil so-called hearts…and I for one, am not biting.
I only discovered that my wife, the every woman i love with my life was cheating on me with her boss. This broke my heart in pieces. I knew form the very beginning that her boss was going to bring about the end of my happiness there was something about him that gives him an upper hand when i came to women. He always got what he wanted from any beauty that capture his eye. What wowed me was that my wife, fell for him and decided to put at stake everything we have fought and worked for all those 14 years. I trusted her though i can’t say that our sex life was epic but i can say we were doing alright. I discovered messages in her computer about 8 months ago. I was mad and at the same time sad but i was going to find out how true they where before i ask her or rather before i was going confront her about what i know about sexual relationship with her boss. Unfortunately i was so unlucky and could not dig up any dirt. The affair was perfectly carried out and by all means no trail was left to trace. I could not pay for a private investigator so i decided to confront her myself and ask her about the messages on her computer and like instantly she came out clean but i wished i never asked her because it was like she needed me to see those messages in the first place. My discovery about her affair was like her ticket or rather her way of telling me she no longer was in love with me after 14 years of marriage. She basically left me for her boss. I wished i knew where we went wrong and got bad. Am just gonna go straight to the point because i was not just going let her go like that. She was the first and only girl i had sex with i was not a popular guy in high school she was all i had and loved i was not even in my dreams, let her go without a fight in what ever form. I found a powerful elixir maker called Metodo Acamu Online during a 4 months period she was living with her boss. He is a real and legit and all his techniques actually works just the way they ought to work. If not for Metodo Acamu i would probably be a wasted human by now. He helped me with a make the woman i promised my life time to on the day of our wedding come back to me. It might seem selfish of me to some of you but others who understand what i was in, can tell that just letting her do would be foolish because never again will i find someone like her. All Metodo Acamu asked from me was just materials and nothing else and it was for not reason compulsory for me to give him the money for the materials because, i had options he gave me to get the process done. I could get the materials myself and mail it to him via ups or come down to his holy ground or send down the cost of the materials to him which is less expensive that all other options. And i did just that and it worked will for me. He helped me prepare power elixir and via ups he sent me a package containing harmless materials and instructions on how i was going make the elixir active. I did all he asked me to do in the instructions and everything happened just how i wanted. I got my wife to love just the way i wanted and i loved her just how she wanted. I can literally say my life is perfect because all i need in my life was my family and i had it back with a stronger love bond. Metodo Acamu can be reached with his email address { metodoacamufrotressx at yahoo dot com } note: when contacting him use this email in its right format where all words and character are packed together and at and dot is used in the normal email way
After I left him..more like “escaped” from him, he only showed extreme rage towards me. It was no Mr. Nice Guy, or ..even a small bit of fake love directed my way. He came with rage and the intent to put fear in me, like always before.Those days of showing any kind of kindness, had long been gone…long before I left. All he had in him for me was contempt and rage!! I don’t think he could even fake it with me, he would just get so mad…so quick, because I was confronting his behavior.That and rage and fear had been his number one go to,manipulation tool. Always ready to use, to try to keep me there and doing what he wanted. No, anything good in him, was for sure a lie, a fake.It would disappear soon after you spent a little time with him.It just made me think, how he must have been putting on a show, after I left him…running my name down. I even heard that he exploded, because someone said something to him, about how he had treated me terribly! He had planned on playing the victim role, as usual…but that didn’t work out for him that time. They got to see, the REAL deal…the person whom I had to deal with all those years. Not the one, he had hoped to make them think he was.
You just have to not allow them to come back into your life, because they will…if they get that chance. Some people have had to get retraining orders, to keep people away, do what you have to.They don’t always give up so easily, most don’t. Even if they have already obtained another source, they still want attention from you. That attention, can be bad or it can be good, don’t matter to them either way.
These people never get any better, just worse with age. The one I was married to, was still in a major rage, 14 years after I left him! I was still be blamed, imagine..how it was right after the split up! He had not dealt with our seperation and divorce, at all. He acted the same way, with the mother of his daughter…when I was married to him. It wasn’t a grudge..it was evil. To hold that much hate and rage inside for someone, for that number of years..still not taking any blame or having any remorse.I think, the worse they acted in relationship…the worse the break-up. With me, he was literally just as mad or worse, 14 yrs later, than he was the day I left him! You can only imagine what life was like with someone, with behavior like that! I bet many of you can and have!
They are dangerous to your soul. No matter who left who, be thankful you are alive. You just survived an encounter with a very deadly predator. Its ok your free now think yourself lucky it got bored with the thrill of killing you. Be empowered. If you got away and it chases you. Never look back, it will give up one Dayan’s leave you alone.
Yes, true. All of it. He refused to sign the divorce papers until the restraining order was lifted. Against my better judgement I had to rescind the order to get the divorce. He immediately emailed me asking if I was 100% sure it was over. He sent reams of poetry and promises, 35 fricken pages in PDF trying to lure me again. Meanwhile he has established a relationship with his new source of supply, bought himself a brand new Jaguar and was telling the most vicious lies about me. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to warn her. To prepare her somehow for the coming disaster, a ‘storm warning’, if you will. I couldn’t. I can’t. If I break the No Contact rule in any way shape or form it will feed his addiction, I will have become supply again. I cannot invite that kind of destructive crazy into my life. It’s been almost a year of no contact on my end, even though he sent repeated requests via my lawyer for reconciliation (all whilst he is in new relationship). I do not respond. I can’t let him get his hooks in me again. The recovery from this kind of abuse is too hard, too painful. So I maintain the No Contact rule and a “Not my circus, not my monkey” attitude. This has saved me loads of pain, and probably my life.
I’m trying to decide if this guy I was seeing is a narcissist or just very selfish? He had completely ignored my requests for a phone call right before a trip he went on. Then was angry at me for making assumptions things were going sour. Then he yelled at me when I called him after I had messaged him a bunch of times. I had no idea he was mad! I had also blown up at him in an angry way a couple times, which resulted in blocking me on FB. Of course it’s all my fault. I’m not proud of my outbursts, but it all could have been solved with a phone call! He of course would NOT talk to me about it. He didn’t bother to tell me the relationship was over but a while he was on his trip he told me he didn’t like me. I said my piece a few days ago, about how it takes two and why I was upset. HE CALLED ME. After all this time, after how I had practically begged him to call me. I was so angry. He had said in these texts that I was this crappy person and this crappy person…I sent a text that basically said he didn’t appreciate me and I put up with alls this and this…and I listed it…like gaslighting and passive aggressive behavior. I’m BLOCKED on his phone now! I am not proud of my outbursts, but why am I this horrible, terrible person, and he’s the victim! With normal people, if I ever said something it gets worked out. They typically say crappy things too and apologize for it. Narcissist or what? Why am I almost certain, that he will unblock me at some point and come back?
Oh yeah…I love this. Rather than tell me some texts were making him mad. He threatened a restraining order. I was drinking heavily…they were not threatening, just dumb. Anyway the next day I said: I’m deleting your information. And I did! Then I messaged him thru FB, saying hey I’m sorry for that. Don’t have your info, open to a friendship, but I need space! He promptly messages me on my phone: “I in no way want to open the door, you’re a crap a**, crappy, bad person…etc.” It’s like, why not just leave it alone! I am pretty sure when some girl dumps his selfish butt he’ll unblock everything and come back. They ALWAYS DO. I don’t know a selfish man I’ve dated that hasn’t! Some are harrassing, some just don’t comply with my requests to stay away, some email like years later…a matter of time.
ASLO…he had told me stories about his exes. One, he had a restraining order against. The other, had come over “tripping out.” I should have RAN. I fell into the “oh I’m a cool girl, I don’t care, whatever…” trap. No more guys like this. They have all been 40 too. My god.
LeaveANarc, yes I do understand, though my “discard” of him just happened. The rage, the pure evil and, yes, the vicious slander / character assassination to make him the victim and me the monster and to discredit me to prevent his exposure.
He’s even pulled my narc brother into his delusions for “affirmation”…a brother with whom I’ve never had a relationship and knows nothing about me except his narc delusions. Narcs supporting and colluding with narcs. You can’t make this shit up.
I don’t think my narc will even return either. I cut him to the core right through his false self and directly into his true self. His narc injury was far too great, and he knows I know exactly who he is.
His rage was undescribable. His retribution most likely be as well. His behavior being that of a compensatiry narc, he will always have this injury with him.
Thankfully I was strong; he already has one former girlfriend, who was not stable herself, in a grave from suicide. I fully understand now how she reached that point.
To anyone suffering this evil, leave and leave now. If you are not strong enough to endure evil retribution, leave quietly.
Always remember it is NOT your pathology; it’s their pathology, but they will try to make you crazy if you remain their supply.
May you each have strength and God’s guidance.
It was my NPD husband of 28 years who suddenly divorced me. I’m confused–what does it mean if he didn’t exhibit ANY of the behaviors offered in this article? He filed for divorce, he wouldn’t/didn’t move out of the house, he closed all accts and left me with no financial support, despite our having three children living in the home, etc. Does the narcissist sometimes ‘skip’ this particular phase?
This article confirms everything I believe. My only question is how do you go about getting them out if you live together? I have tried a few times to break up with him, the first time I called 911 because he held himself in front of the door and wouldn’t let me leave, he also took my phone. I was finally able to use every ounce of strength and get him away from the door so I could get out. After that he was relentless calling me and texting me constantly. I made it a few weeks but ended up taking him back, nothing changed. We’ve gone through this a few times and now that he lives here it makes it a million times harder to get him out.
You can;t get him out. You need to leave. They usually won’t budge.
I know is really hard to stay alone without your lover been around you, I was in the same situation for 6 months till I find a solution, we both fall in love with each other and we got married but after 1 year of our marriage everything was changing after he got a new job in a new city, we where still talking on phone when he move to where he now working after spending just 2 months there, everything changed he stop calling me and any time i call him a lady will pick his call i was wondering what is happening till he called me that he was getting a divorce i was surprise to hear that from him i thought it was a joke till it happened then I realize I can’t stay without him so i began to look for a solution then i came across Dr. EKPEN of EKPEN TEMPLE on the internet who helped me to bring my lover back. i will drop his email address in case you are passing through the same situation so you can contact him on (((((Ekpentemple at gmail. com))))))
You write about this from the point of view that it’s the man who is always the narc. That is not always the case. Half the time,it’s the women who are the narcs. I speak from experience.
My mother & older sister are narcs. They’ve made my life a nightmare down through the years.I’ve tried to move out on my own but they’ve thwarted my attempts. I’ve tried to tell my pastor about it,but he’s taking their side(my 1st pastor was always doing this but he’s my brother’s father-in-law so i’m not surprised).My mother has pretty much ruined my life. I don’t mean to whine,I’m just stating fact.
early in my relationship i got a text around 3 am from now ex narc saying hi can you call or text me. of course i was sleeping and texted her the next day after i got home from the gym..that was the first blow up i seen from her (should of been the last) she was screaming at me when i called her saying things like why didnt you text me back i was out with my friends and i told them i met someone “special” and that you were different than the rest and i embarrassed her by not texting her,,,after our fight she had me apologizing for not waking up and texting her at 3am i should of saw the red flag at the time but i didnt know anything..was she tring to show her authority over me to her friends with his stunt??
Having read this makes much sense and I can honestly say that I realize I am this way but yet so is he. I can admit it although he would not. In both being this way any words of advice on how to move in in a positive manner and try to continue to have our lives together. I see the criticism but not any words as to correction.
Such a great post – everything you said, just happened and by me googling my question and your website coming up with this article…. I was able to “not respond” to my ex because of what you said – otherwise, I might have fallen into his “supply trap” – so thank you!!!
At this point there is nothing left. 32 years of hell. No Contact now for a month. Separated, living in different residences for over 3 years. Just got word that he wants to come back, and move back in like nothing has happened. I am considering a restraining order and filing for divorce. The youngest child is now 18. I know he can be violent. Don’t need this crap but looks like I’ll have to deal with it anyway. Any advice or suggestions? I have no feelings left. I know what I am reading here is true, and I need a game plan.
My N were together 8 years. We had an argument. We have had much worse. He went silent immediately. Would’t answer texts. So I did no contact for 30 days….nothing. Then 60 days…nothing. I wrote letters, cards. Nothing. All I wanted was face to face closure. HA!. After 9 month of nocontact I sent him an email reqesting to talk. He replied that I needed to move on, as he has and that talking wouldn’t do either of us any good. So after 11 months, I am proof that the N’s don’t always come back. It would require EFFORT on his part. He would never write or leave a note on my car or front door. I have him blocked from texting and calling. He blocked ME months ago and I never blew up his phone. Most hateful, mean person I ever met.
I had a similar experience. I read all over about N’s coming back. Nope. Mine absolutely couldn’t have cared less. He left one confused email. Sent one photo of himself crying. Said he would only meet in person. I refused. Said I would only meet him once he managed to use normal communication. He never did. I would get so upset that he didn’t even need to contact me.. he completely threw himself into work. Didn’t try to even get me back. Just accepted it. Didn’t keep in contact. When I would get so upset about how he didn’t even NEED to know how I was, he would say he was busy and would get back to me. He never did. I blocked him because it was driving me crazy.
I worry about the amour of information online about narcissism. On one hand, it is informing others about a potential threat, on the other, it is educating narcissists about how they appear to others, increasing their ability to camouflage narcissistic traits. Cerebral narcissists are going to become so good at manipulating others. I’m terrified.
Mine has a New Supply, he started cheating with her just before we broke up. I found out the day after the breakup and went totally No Contact. I’m assuming they’re still together, does this mean he’ll leave me along? I hope?
Was treated like something nasty he’d stood on. Didn’t realize how depressed and low I’d become. After 36 years I finally broke free. My health suffered (heart attack) Had no contact for 10 years but now our eldest son has stage 4 cancer so speaking again . See glimpses of the man I once loved but I have found me again and despite loneliness will never go back.
Just got off a break with a person who perfectly fits this description. Even tho i’m just 18 he has emotionally drained me. I got so tired of his dramas that i ended up leaving him. He did’nt even show any care when i told him the facts and that why i’m breaking up. He kept on putting the blame on me. He had been playing this game of hide and seek for months and he did’nt even seem to care how much it hurt me. It was almost like he was enjoying it. My heart breaks when i think of all the effort i put into loving a vain guy who’d do no effort to keep me. God keep us from such people is all i can say. What makes narcissists is my question. How do people become such monsters in the first place ..
Also my guy only wanted physical intimacy and avoided emotional intimacy like a plague. He was eloquent and knew all the ways to keep me interested. It was almost like he knew how my head operated. Also, his words would seem sooo honest yet his actions always went against them. I know i’m to be blamed to keep him after all i knew but he actually manipulated me. The wound is too deep but whatever the case. I loved that guy and i wish he’d just realize what he’s done and bcm a better person for himself.
After thinking I had found the love of my life then being discarded abruptly 7 mo. into the relationship, I realized he was with a married woman all along and 4 years prior to meeting me. I cut him off for a couple of months but then got weak when he sent me a pic of a key chain I had bought him. He texted me he had a meltdown of his mind of me, I was his goddess and he was stupid, he was loved and happy with me, we were amazing together and we look so great together. He wanted to talk, clear things up, be honest and tell me the truth so we could move forward. He wants to buy a house and have a life with me. We’ll I should have known better. I agreed to see him Valentine’s weekend. It was wonderful for a couple of hours, then all the same suspicions came back going to the bathroom for an extended period of time with the phone, while I watched men go in and out. I let it go. Then following day he tells me at breakfast that he still sees the woman, he is planning to break up off all contact, they are just friends, but knows he must do it in order to have a life with me. He must do it his way and as soon as he moves to a house, he is not telling her where he lives. Only I will have a key and once we are together he doesn’t need anyone but me. Well I sat there in disbelief?! How did he think I was going to react to this? Then he had the nerve to excuse himself to make a phone call, comes back 15 minutes later and when I asked if it were her he called he said yes, she had called him and he was returning the call on Valentine’s Day! If I weren’t miles and miles from home I would have walked away from him that instant. I said don’t you see how totally disrespectful that is, how could you? He apologized seeing how upset I was but I feel it was only because he was told. Seeing me upset his reaction was I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t! I thought to myself can someone be this outright disordered in his thinking or was it done deliberately as punishment since I cut him off for 7 months? You can spend a lifetime trying to decipher their actions. I didn’t know and finally didn’t care. I just knew that was it and didn’t want anything more to do with him. The only good that came out of my going back was that I needed to find myself that low that I could pull myself up and cut him off for good with no remorse.
I have been in a same gender relationship with my partner displaying symptoms of NPD. I was married with a husband and child however, after 8 years of relationship, my husband became abusive. It hurt me and I found comfort in one of my best friend. She knew everything about me and at first, literally flowered me.. made me feel so special and wanted. I never felt anything like that before. At that time, she (lets call her Ju) was living with her current partner and I didn’t think Ju was going to end her relationship. But in the meantime, I told my husband that I have fallen in love and that I am moving on.
A few months later, Ju told me that her relationship with her partner is over and she will be loyal to me – I felt somewhere that it was my fault and was abit sad. My relationship with Ju developed from there. We were together for holidays, on the phone and always chatting and talking. We were in a long distance relationship and I started to prepare myself to move to her. After two years, Ju was still living with her ex and while I made arrangements to move to her, she bought a house with her ex. I lived in a place where I didn’t know anyone and was all alone.
At this stage, this is where the issues started to come up. She would fight with me and not talk to me for days. I desperately clung to her and her words. She would turn back like nothing happened. after two days, I was left alone crying and begging. I have forgotten how many times she left me and the pattern was becoming familiar. My heart would sink if I laughed too much because somewhere I knew that I will end up crying. Three years into my relationship, I asked her to leave her ex, move out and lets start fresh. She told me that she will never leave her and I can basically get lost. I was so hurt. I was a mess. Lots of things happened and we took a trip together with girls including her ex. Just before the trip ended, she abused me and became aggressive when I mentioned to her about her ex. I cried and cried and she just got move violent.
When we returned from the trip – I started to maintain my distance and met a psychologist who explained to me that I was with a person with classic symptoms of NPD. I took it very lightly. I thought to share with her so we can work on it together. In the next 5 months, I was barely with her… she dumped me every second day and went missing for days and weeks and rock back in my life like nothing happened. During this period, I didn’t know what she did but till to date, she lives with her ex.
Some months from today, when I was in one of those phases of breakup, my dad paid for my fare to visit him and my ex was there as well. I laughed and we took some pics and one of my sister’s posted that. I returned home but didn’t tell her that I went away. She was normal for some days and then broke up again. After a few days, she contacts me and pretends everything is normal. After easter, my son hurts himself and I rushed him to hospital. Ju gets very upset with me when I bring my ex in the pic and that day, I called him to visit my son at the hospital. For the past two years, I moved to a new place and lived on my own with my son.
My ex husband comes to the airport and doesn’t take his eyes of my son. I felt so bad for creating so much distance between them. Ju gets very upset with me for inviting my ex husband. I bring my son home and m so tired that I just knocked out. Ju texted me till 3 in the morning and as soon as I saw her message, I apologized and went to bed. She told me that I was sleeping with ex husband that’s why I couldn’t reply and was so mean and harsh. She went on no contact with me and didn’t even ask about my son thereafter. 5 days later, she messages me and says – send me a dirty pic of yourself. I was so upset that she hasn’t been there for me. I was also without a job at this stage. I was mad at her but she told me that now my ex husband is in the pic, I don’t need anyone.
Again she left me and I cried. Everytime she left me, I felt guilty of doing something bad.. like I owed her an explanation. She came back to wish me happy birthday in May and I called her and told her not to mess with my head.. she said she promises that there will be no more tears. Two days later, she sees the pic of me with my ex husband taken in February during one of our break up episodes. when she asked me, I immediately said no and that it was an old pic… she now feels betrayed and emailed me that she is so hurt.
I know that the pic is innocent and that it was when she left me.. but I feel guilty for not telling her and I have started to blame myself that its all my fault. SHe never did anything for me and I changed my entire life to suit her. She somehow makes me feel that I am the one who doesn’t deserve anything or any happiness… she compared me to her ex and told me what an ugly person I am.. she would always swear at me and I always forgave her because I thought she was angry when she said all this.
Today is my day two of NC with her but this time, I feel like I am guilty of hiding that pic and I feel I betrayed her. I am hurting .. everyone tells me that she is not good for me and I can see it too but she made me feel so special… she may have NPD but I truly loved her ..
okay i understand, because when the woman visit Jonapher is just normal conversation nothing serious. My daughter if not for the spirits you know i wouldn’t have asked you for more money. Am doing this all this for your own benefit and for your happiness and to also gain all you have lost back. Once money is here i will buy the cowries and go straight to the cemetery and deposit it there, and you will start seeing changes that same day, even within three hours i promise because that spirits instant result like the speed of light.
Six weeks since I ESCAPED from A Nacc… Am 57 wt 4 grown kids and a nana.8 yrs ago my 3rd husband past away. Eight years not an interest at all in dating or meeting another man… I was already strong independent and in control and anice person… Than. Like all and everything I read happened.. All of it …. All of it….. At first I was texting him ” why baby? ” “I care for you baby” ” I love you baby”….” Fug you” “I hate you” “why did you HURT me?”…. ” I am am REVENGE… ” ” I want you ” “do you want me to send you pics of me?” And all the cazynes seemed to slowly and is surly fading…REASONS no contact. Call blocking and my last text. $ am gonna expose you… It gets better . keep reading and educating yourself is the biggest thing St help.. They(he) do not want you
My Narc broke it off with me whenever I proved to know he is a narc. Somehow I want him to come back, not the idealizing fake person he was in the beginning but this sinister asshole I have come to know. Only because it’s fun to predict his actions and counter them, leaving him frustrated and leaving (This has happened twice).
It Kinda hurts but, playing with his head when he is trying to play with mine is fun, like a chess game
ending 6 years with NPD – Amazing the red flags I ignored and scenarios in here that I didn’t even realize was a red flag, but are described as perfectly as if you had been living here with us.
Only recently discovered what NPD is after having found out that I was raised by NPD mother. Am questioning if exhusband was on the PD end of that spectrum or just your average run of the mill alcoholic.
As I struggling with heartbreak right now, I am enlightened and encouraged by this article. THe heartbreak isn’t so bad when I consider that the person I believed I was in love with and heartbroken over losing simply never existed in this person. So, I shall grieve the loss of the dream rather than the loss of “my cowboy”. In my case, I believe my next move this week is a phone call to set up an appointment with a therapist.
Have read all your posts and is helping me understand more and more………
After 22 year marriage and then divorce, saw my “first love” high school sweetheart. He too was in middle of divorce. Thought fate had stepped in! Was crazy in love with this guy….thought of him often through out my “married years”.
Long story short, thought my knight in shining armor had finally materialized. Had a fabulous first few months (although his drinking was a red flag early on). 12 years later and many, many, many ups and downs, mostly downs (!), he beat me severely and that was the last straw. I moved out but have not done “No Contact” until very recently. He has threatened suicide often if I didn’t move back and last time I told him would call local police to do a welfare check if he threatened again. Stopped that crap pretty quickly! Have since learned that the narcissistic supply was already on board long before suicide threats. And BTW, there were other “supplies” available during troubled times, I just chose to forgive and forget after the honeymoon period started up again.
Folks, whether men or women, these people (?) are predators. They feed off us. They are here to kill, steal and destroy and sadly, we are the ones left broken hearted (because we are good hearted people) and trying to pick up the pieces of our lives. We can’t make sense of it because we don’t think/feel like they do. I am so thankful to know that I “don’t understand” because that would make me like him.
It’s been a very hard realization to ACCEPT that my fairy tale is over but in hind sight, it was over a long time ago; I just refused to believe it.
I’m going to put a different spin on this. N’s are what you call on a spiritual level the Jezebel spirit. Do your research on this spirit. It can inhabit both male and female bodies. The only way they can change is seriously an exorcism or having Devine intervention—no lie! You can learn more about it if you find videos on YouTube as well about demons and the Jezebel spirit– one of the most dangerous of all! This demon is brought in through sin such as porn, lies, sexual addictions. They seek to control you and destroy what?? The spirit!!! It’s a very viscous type of demon and it’s best to run! They will drain you If you stay! Just look in their eyes when they are in conquer mode and you will see that evil spirit! Another way to tell is to suggest getting someone to pray over them, I bet they will like hell! Promise you! They can even attach or inhabit your body as well through sexual contact. Be very very careful!!
Much truth to that! People need research this demonic spirit to better learn whose causing this spiritual warfare in reality.
Actually, my N didn’t give a crap at all. He completely withdrew and has done nothing to get back to me. I have been so unbelievably hurt at how LITTLE this breakup has affected him. He has tried to contact me a few times, nothing dramatic, nothing sad or heartfelt. No remorse. I would get so upset that he just dropped off the planet and obviously has no need to talk to me, think about me, know how I am. Nothing.. That is the most hurtful part of all. How much he doesn’t care. He made me feel like teh queen of his life when I met him, and when I moved countries to be with him ( he had many things he had done but he wasn’t what I would call cruel). The absolute indifference to me after I moved for him was nothing short of emotional devastation for me. He threw himself into his new job and couldn’t have cared less that I was there or not. When I would threaten to leave him, he would try for awhile. Or not. I was alone in another country. I have to say I managed to pick myself up and accomplish everything I set out to do. But with little or no support from him. Not learning his language. Not during my important work projects. He treated me as if I was completely optional in his life. WHen he was caring and loving he was amazing but I felt like there was a deficit of my needs over time. I could expect less and less and his attitude was simply for me to:deal with it. He would only try when I threatened to leave him. He got worse in crossing every boundary I had including name calling, screaming, threatening to leave when he would come back after DAYS of not answering texts ( I felt crazy, I would text over and over demanding an answer. It was totally invalidating and then I would do it because somehow I was trying to show him that if he didn’t care enough to answer me, or speak to me when he came home, then I would not give him his peace he demanded). He demanded everything but my needs were optional. He would come home and just go to bed without talking to me and after a week of me feeling infuriated, invalidated, weak, angry, sad, lonely, to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. he would FINALLY talk to me, and by that time I was crazy and he would say this was why he wouldn’t talk to me, because I couldn’t ‘stay calm’ as he put it!! After a week of ignoring me! I finally left him, and he simply went on holiday with his buddy. Tried to be ridiculously pragmatic about me moving out and diving up the things ( didn’t want to discuss anything about the relationship, just bills, details). His indifference was crushing. I couldn’t imagine how easy it was for him to simply throw himself into work and go on with his life. I tried absolutely everything to fix the relationship. And it didn’t work. And I finally blocked him. I would get so upset when he would say he would call me and WEEKS would go by without him even noticing he hadn’t. It was stupid, and it made me doubt myself and simply feel pathetic. I should note that I am actually a very independent and successful woman and I can’t believe now that I analyse it how completely messed up our relationship was! He constantly blamed me for everything and to a point where I really believed maybe I was high maintenance. But my friends couldn’t believe the stuff he did. Anyway, it’s been 9 months. I am far from over it. But I removed him from my life, finally. It still hurts so much how little I mattered. For months it really affected my self esteem. But I will get on with my life.
I know it sounds stupid but be glad he is not making a fuss.
Mine was trying to hoover me back in- I had to ignore and block him to not fall into his trap again.
I still have the birthday present he had sent me back in September lying around here unopened (I did not even open the shipping box it came in- don’t know what to do with it).
If a Narc’s hoovering is sure no compliment (in fact the opposite is true) though I understand where you are coming from and why you are hurt.
He has already moved on and made sure to rub this into my face via facebook.
So of course the hoovering was not based on honesty and him missing me.
I was with a Narcissist who had several addictions..We dated few weeks, lived together almot 3 months..He became more physically abusive after I broke up and tried to avoid him..I felt stalked by him through his lies and he turned others against me, he harassed me with text,voicemail and emails.Had to block him and many people knows on a social network..I found out later, I was not the only woman he did this to. When he was with me and vowed to be my Fiance he was on the internet seeking other woman..I got a restraining order on him for only 2 years. I moved 400 miles away..He cant bother me because he can’t contact me ..So yes no contact and not letting them know where you are is the only way to be safe from a Narcissist person
I just got over my narcissist. I had to get a protection order and he’s been charged with telephone harassment. I found out about another woman and didn’t move in with him. He’s now on a smear campaign. Holding private things we did together over my head. Calling my family members. I also found out that all the $$ he had, he conned people out of. I’m at a very low point but I’m not going to let him take me down.
I honestly believe and reiterate the fact that love is incredibly the toughest thing the human kind is prone to deal with. We talk about lot of scientific and pseudo classifications in terms of narcissist-sociopathic inflictions , however we often fail to introspect. Introspection is the key, If I am starting to blame the opposite sex for the breakups, I must ve already understood there had been weak points in me which was craving for an attention to someone . Listen to me on this , love had never been cheap and never will be – it’s not in the air as we welcome everyone by curiosity as someone should be our one . By allowing that we have no discriminations as we don’t take enough time whether to trust them or ourselves in terms of compatibility . We often fail because of attaining what we want in our life – the peace and love. Tell me one thing – let it be the first time you had fallen for a guy / girl – we call That an infatuation and not love even though we call it love, that definitely was an infatuation – the word is just another degree of scientific analysis.. it could ve been love too.. I am in a similar phase of break up with a woman who could be a narcissist or a sociopath or even the true heart. But let me first understand if I am a narcissist , sociopaths or a true heart … possibly I shall be one of those classified analysis .. what we sow is what we reap and it works vice versa .. we see relationships from the community that goes on for years and years , my question is were u and ur psychopathic narcissist sociopathic boy/girlfriend did not feel love atleast a day and if that was not right what were the chances that had to spend lot of time with the people you blame .. let me point this , if you don’t feel the mental compatibility in the beginning of even a small chat or if you don’t spend a time together without a kiss for atleast a considerable amount of time and if you still feel the same way you felt when you started off your relationship – let be me honest .. don’t pretend that you are living on somebody’s shoes … maybe my partner who broke up with me had a different situation altogether as we have been breaking up for over 10 times in a month . She leaves me and comes back to again … but what she feels in her heart is true but I have set this no expectation boundary to live on a safer side based on one Last text I sent her … ” if two are meant to be together and if it is – the whole universe is going to conspire to bring you together “. What it generally means is to let go , being in no contact is going to boost your ego and in the mean time you would’ve lost a considerable amount of life and career.. if you strongly feel that someone don’t deserve your happiness or they demand you to sacrifice and what you feel is mutual … let go .. let go .. you are going to get what you deserve be it a narcissist psychopath or whoever you will see them come to you the way you want .. but be open that you don’t expect anything out of them.. let time take the call, surrender your sorrows to something you believe “could be your god or your sentiment ” take the course of life … you are going to get better and better and better .. in fact we are all narcissist psychpathic and bipolar people and we don’t know it yet because love itself is a bipolar thing as it expects mutual consent and dependency .. we are talking about two brains at once in a single relationship … Don’t brand people , let them be people who they wish to be, rather blaming them make yourself beautiful and live the complete humanity. Maybe that way we prove to the people who hurt us , we are worth living in this world than them .. being in no contact is another pain to endure when you have mouth to talk. A hand to write and technology to block contacts after what you’ve said or wrote … but talk to yourself , take months to be alone , cry and come upto a decision. Genuinely ask for time from people who you really want to break up with, make them agree… after done crying write and close the call or start afresh …
OMG! This is a great article.
I met a man back in 2015 and he is a fireman in NYC. He gave the whole story of him being separated and his wife no longer wanted anything to do with him. He never said anything negative about her, but did say that his marriage was bad because he did not have much patience after 9/11. he totally love bombed me for the first months. So desperate to get me into bed. He started calling and texting every day and night. He was very eager to get into sex right the way. He was on his late late 40’s and I am in my early 30’s. Attractive and a real sweet talker. I figure he was a player right on. He right the way started to calling me pet’s names like sweet heart and babe. I figure he must had many others on his sleeve and did not want to screw up and call me by the wrong name. I than realized that his daily and nightly calls constant was his way of controlling me and see what I was up too. When I hinted to him that I knew he was trying to control me with his words and phone calls, he did not went into a rage but he held it against me. He would punish me sex and would not come by when he knew I was expecting him. He would cancel last minute and say he had to go home to take of paper work and so on. Soon after he started to criticize me, but I know I am smart and pretty and did not need him to validate, it did not work. He started to tell me how to raise my daughter. Right there I cut him off. he did not like it. I than left, and he started full pursuit again.
When I asked about his arrangements at home, he told me flat out that he was separated, had no intentions of divorcing and that he want his cake and eat it too. The he wanted his wife at home waiting for him, and he wanted to have his cake out here and have some fun. That marriages do get bored sometimes and a man needs a new excitement, something new and sometimes younger.It is ironic that he had sexual issues, and use to say that is because he had move had sex in along time, but I figure that his marriage was bad because he could not perform and his wife probably thought he was not interested on her and because he could not per form at home, she probably felt at easy, but he used Viagra with me and he would go on for hours. The man is a Narcissist and a sex addict. I told him flat out that he was not separated, what he was cheating and he got angry. He bought her a new car hoping she would sleep with him, when she did not he got mad. No man buy a new car for his separated wife that is telling him she is going to move out. He lied right to my face and thought I would buy into his BS. he would use other women to make me feel jealous. He would purpose let me see he was texting someone, in the mean time making sure I was there for him as his trophy, He liked to parade me around and show off to his firefighter friends, jus because I am pretty, young and have a pretty body. He never complimented me on my intelligence, was always on my looks. Always saying I was sexy, too shallow for me. He said some hurtful things and when I said he was been cruel, he replied as ” I am a very honest person, it is just the truth”. He tried his best to damage my confidence and self esteem but I got out just soon enough. He tried so hard to manipulate me. He had so many other women and he is so clever that he changed some of their names to man names so I would not figure out it was other women calling and texting. He has a PHD on cheating. He still sends a message here and there to check the waters. I have friends that are stuck with man like this for years.
Good that you see him for the pos that he is. I stayed with a N for 9 years while he did everything he cd to destroy the relationship I had with my young son from my marriage. It did a lot of damage. I wish I’d have never met him. They cannot stand you giving your attention to anyone (or anything) else, even your children. They will make you feel guilty for it. You are smart to see people in your lives hanging on to these “relationships,” and not fall for it. It’s no different, but worse, 5, 10, 15 years in. You yield nothing from a N other than grief and heartache.
I’ve read these stories what do you do if it’s a married narc that want leave you alone but is still married
After one year of my marriage my husband behaviour became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cry and cry seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend laura and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called Dr Goko she told me he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help countless number of people in restoring their relationship. I was really convince, I quickly contacted him I explain all my problem to him, he told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 2days my husband will come back to me and start begging, and it really happen as he said, i was very surprise,this is so amazing. To God be the glory our relationship is now very tight and we both live happily again. If you having similar problem, Contact him now (dr.gokosspiritualcaster @ gmail .com) or what’s app him plus 2348056398964 and get your problem solve once and for all. i am a living testimony to it.
I was in a relationship with a Narc for 6 months he even proposed we got engaged! Long distance relationship, we went on holiday and on the 3rd day found out he was hiding a serious STD from me!! Found Acyclovir in his suitcase I discovered it by chance when he was up and down to the toilet all night and saw his sores down below the shock!! I flew back home alone realising he was a cheat and a Liar! Ladies please don’t walk RUN!! From these Predators!
I have read all of these comments and am learning a lot of how to deal with a N. As a grandmother, my concerns are primarily focused on our 8 month old grandson. Our son dated an N for approximately 8 months, and then “ran for the hills”. “Voila” she then announced 3 months later she is pregnant. Our son tried for a few months to be supportive during her pregnancy but the drama, constant threats and degrading behavior was too stressful to attempt any relationship with her.
After baby was born, she instantly started using the child as a weapon against our son. He took her to court for access and guardianship, she only wanted child support and is trying her best to “paint” our son as a terrible father. In Canada, the first year all rights are given to the mom it seems especially when hiding in the breastfeeding umbrella. She is legitimately seeing a therapist weekly for “stress and anxiety attacks” in order to keep receiving long term disability from the prior employer but lying to the judge about her “income” and no mention of mental illness. Our son has an 19 yrs old child he raised on his own and he is a great dad. This mom has sent him to visits with dirty clothes on, not appropriate clothing for the weather, not started ANY solid foods as yet (8 months!) claiming she has to breastfeed every 1 1/2 hrs in order that Dad gets max of the 1 1/2 hr to visit. Mom has denied our family any time with him saying we can only see the baby during our sons time. If this is how we are being treated now, Lord knows what is to come….? Unfortunately we are all going to have to deal with this gal for the next 18 years if we want our grandson in our lives, we have no idea how to accomplish this on a regular basis? The Mom has no limits with being spiteful and immature and using any means necessary to feed her “fire”. We have lost loads of sleep worrying already and legitimately fear what is to become. How does a person deal with all this crap when you can’t run from the situation? The courts have ordered individual parenting counseling but the course clearly states that it doesn’t work when mental illness is a factor. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
I finally got away from my soon to be narcissist ex-husband. We we together for almost five years and married what would have been 3 years coming this April. He did a really good job of concealing his true-self in the beginning of our relationship and during our first year and a half of marriage. After that, I was literally on the roller coaster of hell for the remaining of the relationship until I finally walked away a few months ago. I dealt it as much as I could because I was trying to understand what was going on in my marriage and why he was always lashing out verbally and constantly moody. At one point I really believed that I was married to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He was always watching p**n when not at work or when interacting with family and friends. He was always chatting with so called “female friends”. I started investigating and discovered so many lies and deceit. And when I confronted him about my findings, I was that ither ungrateful, losing my mind, etc. He was very careless with our the finances, something was always past due or in danger of being disconnected. He would try to bully me and my children so much that we all were literally walking on egg shells. I discovered that he was lying to going to certain members of his family and making horrendous lie about my children and I. He even started spreading these same lies to our neighbors. He would sleep out by “family” as he would claim, it just was too much to bear. I became so emotionally stressed that I literally couldn’t think straight, I constantly cried many many nights, my hair literally fell out in clumps. I was literally a broken.
I was blessed to be able to get away and visit my family during the Christmas holiday, and during that time I was able to speak with a family member that was a psychologist and just broke down completely. They gave me their best professional and personal advise and I returned with these tools in hand and implemented them, and sure enough they were right. He fed off my reaction to the things he would say to me, he thrived for my responses or me arguing back with him, etc. So when I returned he once again stated lashing out, but this this armed with the advise I had, I didn’t go back and forth with him. He seemed to become enraged more and tried other ways to berate me. As much as I wanted to respond, I would walk away or simply state that I was not going to argue. It went on for 3 weeks until the final incident was when he had lied to a member of the family and accused me of sleeping with another family member who happened to be his father and a minister. I drew that line at that!!! I became a huge blowout among family members and him because they finally realized that he had been lying to them the whole time and had been telling them all different lies and versions of it. It came down to them attempting to apologize and want to help me in any way possible but I didn’t want anything from any of them, especially the family members he was lying on me to. I contacted my family and removed my self and my children from the situation. Since doing do I have been blessed to accomplish so much that I was not able to do in this marriage. Everything that I lost has been regained and I don’t feel any regrets.
He calls and one minute all of a sudden he wants marriage counseling and he’s coming to get his family, then the next minute he wants a divorce, or everything that has happened is my fault. He may go 3 days without contacting me and then expect me to answer and I don’t, I send everything to voicemail, he blocked me on social media when all this started but since I left, has been upset that I wont accept his friend request, so he attempts to call me through the internet. I have totally disengaged from this situation,
I am working on getting back on my feet for children and myself, and have already started my divorce papers!!
I have never experienced this in my life and also never expected that my first marriage would be like this, I did everything I knew a wife was to do, I even sought advise from counselors on how to fix me if that was the case and in the end I was not the problem.
I’ve been trying to leave for years now & he refuses to accept it, trying the “Let’s be friends”, then treats me like we’re still in a relationship & controls, disrespects & is so ignorant, it’s worse than ever before. I’m Mentally & physically broken down. He uses everything against me, makes threats, twists stories around to make himself look good, in the process of baiting in his next Victim. I’m so tired emotionally. I’ve tried the no contact, only to have him show up at my door. I’m thinking, the only way to get away & out of this torment for good, is to move out of town. He’s currently using the “Gas-lighting” technique, trying to ruin my reputation. It’s exhausting. I’m running out of ways to win. I feel shattered & completely thumb…
Wow it’s amazing that after 7 years being confuse and self doubting my own self by comparing my last two marriages and my, recent soon to be over with no contact, girlfriend or ex girlfriend, I was introduce to the term ” narcissistic.”
OMG it’s everywhere!!!
To my amazement being naive that these people exist now I have made it my mission to understand it for my own peace of mind.
My last 2 relationships we had an understanding we were partners it was just certain things that we didn’t agree on and parted ways amicable.
My narcissistic lives on her one way street with our relationship and I am getting in her way, being independent I wasn’t hurt by the insult just stung buy them which motivated me to understand her realizing every year I was getting closer to the truth by experiencing each symptom to look for in a narcissistic person now I’m looking for breakup of a narcissistic and yet still keep my self in the right mind and I am loving that you validated it by the phrase. ” no contact ” and won’t feel guilty like I did in the previous normal relationships. With your help I have been inspired and motivated to move on as fast as I can and chalk it up as life experience knowing that there is someone out there that’s right for me and staying away from narcissistic girls.
I have just read this post as I was feeling quiet vulnerable today considering it being Easter and being with family, I thought my ex may turn up with a gift for my son. To try and break the no contact rule. I left the relationship five weeks ago when I cut him.out of my life it was what my soul needed. I have read up alot about narcissist in the past and have tried to break the cycle for over two years but someone how he always manipulated his way back into our lives. The more I read about Narcissism and being in the situation the more I felt like an outsider looking in, I loved my ex more than anyone previously, fell for the sad stories and I would bend over backwards to make him feel happy and content which was never respirocated. I then found messages on his phone je would go missing and be sneaky. It also came to light last year, that he was dating me and another girl at the same time. Which was the last straw for me I never recovered from it I lacked trust for him and I would constanly go round in circles. We would fight regulaly and he would make it last for hours on end. I was always to blame I was always at fault. I became anxious and nervous and paranoid to what he was doing and we’re he was. When I I type this I think what an idiot I was, but I’m not an idiot I was so in love with this man I would put up with it he would get in my head. That is why I put up with it I was the emphasis and he knew it from the start. He was out for HIMSELF. He would never give me the love and respect that I deserved this time I knew I was strong enough to go I didn’t even say anything to him I ignored the phone calls and I blocked him off of everything. For all the people going through similar situations the best way is to acted like they don’t exist! Block all communication it has got me through. Thanks to this post having a little refresh read is what’s good for the soul in understanding the twisted mind of a narcissist. Thankyou LG xx
I am here to share my experience with all of you. About how I returned my husband, we got married for over 9 years and got two kids. It went well with us and we are always happy. Until one day my husband began to behave in a way he could not understand, I was very confused by the way he treated me and the children. Later that same month he did not come home and called me that he wanted a divorce, I asked what I did wrong to deserve this from him, everything he was saying he wants a divorce that hates me and does not want To see me again in His life, I was crazy and also frustrated I do not know what to do, I was sick for more than 2 weeks due to divorce. I love him so much that he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. I told my sister about my current condition and told me about doctor chamberc, I contacted him for the return of my husband back to me, he told me that my husband has been taken by another woman, that the Wife spelled him out, that’s why he hates me and wants us to get a divorce. Then he also gave me assurance that in the next 48 hours my husband will return to me and the children, after he has finished casting the spell in the next 48 hours my husband called me an apology to me on the phone And Said he still loves me so much he does not know what happened to him. But today my husband and all my family are happy again. Thank you Dr.chamberc for what you did. It would have been nothing today but for your help. Contact him via email chamberc564@yahoo.com
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My life was so out of place last month when my Ex-boyfriend broke up with me. It was a rough road for me and i felt like giving up, but I am so happy today that I found Dr Mack. he helped me get my man back and make him understand that he must love me till the end of time, When we got back together it felt so cool. Dr Mack is the best caster I’ve seen thus far, whoever need help to get his or her lover in a perfect way should try to contact Dr_Mack@yahoo. com, he offered a great help to me. he helped me a lot by bringing back my lover back with low amount.
The Following Is An Excerpt From A Document I’ve Written Regarding My “Experience” With A…..Well I Tend To Think A Narcissist…..But Possibly A Sociopath…..I’m Not Sure Which.
But I Am Sure That Whichever Is Not Important Compared To How Badly One Can Be Adversely Impacted From Too Much “Exposure”.
“Trying to come to terms with all the psychological damage done because of far too much exposure to her toxic personality for over 8.5 years is also very difficult.
Within about 4 to 5 months of meeting her I knew my health & well being was starting to be negatively impacted by her presence in my life.
In September 2014 I knew the damage was very bad because it was constantly manifesting itself in many ways on an almost daily basis.
By about August 2015 it had such a tight grip on me I was virtually paralysed from doing much of anything due to my fear of her, severe depression, complete loss of self confidence and little to no self esteem.
However, until I actually got her out of my life and began trying to address it, I had absolutely no idea the damage was as severe and extensive as it is.
It’s evident a massive amount of serious harm has been done because of being subjected to years of her battering, compulsive lying, psychotic behaviour and malicious conduct.
The damage has actually impacted my health & well being so severely I’ve collapsed three times since January 2016 and each time I was admitted to Hospital.
The third time I collapsed was around the third week in October and it was bad.
I managed to find enough strength to reach out to a neighbour for help.
The neighbour immediately notified the property owner of my situation and he in turn contacted my landlord & landlady.
Soon after being contacted they arrived at my residence and then took me straight to the Emergency Department of the Hospital.
I was in Hospital for about 2.5 weeks and when admitted I was extremely weak from malnutrition, I had broken ribs, 2 fairly large lacerations on the lower part of my left leg, another on my left knee and gashed knuckles on my right hand.
After I was discharged on November 7th it was determined I could no longer safely operate a motor vehicle.
As a result my automobile had to be parked and since then I’ve been either having to use public transport or asking and/or paying people for rides.
Apart from the fact I can no longer drive, what I find to be very depressing is it strongly appears a fair amount of the psychological damage is permanent.
I’ve also been having great difficulty trying to come to terms with the fact that virtually every aspect of who I was when I first met her in 2007 has been completely destroyed.
This I know because anytime I think back to just before she entered my life or I read over the beginning of what I’ve documented over the years, I truly struggle with believing I was that fairly warm hearted, trusting, compassionate guy who shared a fair amount of his time and energy with the community.
The only reason I do believe it is because I have memories of being that guy.
I can recall being that guy when he frequently went above and beyond to help others in need.
I can also recall being that guy when he fell deeply in love with her and wanted to marry her.
I also have memories of being that guy when she moved across the country to be with him.
And I also remember being that guy when shortly after she started living with him she began to repeatedly hurt him and no matter how many times he asked her to stop and she promised him she would stop………she continued and eventually destroyed him.”
Thanks for this article which described my ex exactly. He is still trying after 14 years on and off. He is a pathological liar and got me back by being sweet and helpful many times. He would then treat me like a dog with no tolerance, no compassion or help with anything. It has been hell and drove me to self harm and suicide attempts one if which I came home from hospital and busted him with teen pirn . he downloaded it while I was in hospital. He used to physically abuse me but due to avo’ s in the past it became mental and verbal abuse only. I wish I left years ago he is worse than ever and now doing drugs which make him more volatile and abusive. I am now healing from this monster and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Run a million miles from these people.
My narc has just left me two weeks ago , well I initiated the break up because I had no choice , I have been going out of my mind with pain and suffering while he goes on his merry way , no explanations no empathy no guilt just silence …. We lasted two years and he doesn’t think I’m gone … I am gone! So so many red flags and I skipped every single one of them , I have never felt pain like it , i keep having wow moments when something else falls into place , last night I realised he’s been watching me on my social media on fake accounts for a year .. Its just endless , I am excited to come out the other side of this complete mind fuck and start loving me properly , I we wasnt even interested in his abnormally skinny ass to begin with !! Why do all of their eyes have a weird film over them? It’s so creepy he would just want.to stare into me for ages and i felt so uneasy … He will be back in 8 weeks telling me yet again I’m his soulmate .. Have my sole on the back of your head! Mate
Great article .
Dealing with one of them now
Painful awful experience. Lot of tears, grief anger etc .
The omly way to control my situation definitely is NO CONTACT. Nothing had worked except that .
I will heal and move on .
No way I can trust someone who could always produce bad fruit. His soil is toxic
And polluted over the years . he will never change even if he wants to
Thank you
Hi all!
Is it possible that there is no cure for a narcissistic person is no hope at all? No cure for such souls?
Thank you, this describes my life to a T. Finally after 10 years of this it’s time to end it. I hope I can do this and stick to it. Prayers please
My boyfriend left me for another girl. I needed him back desperately because i loved him so much. I became very worried and needed help. as i was browsing through the internet, I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Mack can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on , So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (return Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Today I’m so happy and i want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to his or her broken relationships and marriage. Simply contact the great “Dr.Mack” If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you., Thank you Dr Mack for saving my broken relationships and brought my boyfriend back to me!” email him at: dr.mack201@ gmail. com ,
This article is so spot on. I’m in the breakup phases and almost to the point of a restraining order. A police officer even told him to leave me alone. I know to stay strong and hang on. This won’t go on forever. Thank you for the great info and strength to stay “no contact”..
So very thankful that other men responded to this with regaurds to women who are narcissist !
The woman I was married to truly fits most of the characteristics pointed out in this article !
She was also very intelligent being a 30 year manager in a communications bussiness !
I myself had been diagnosed codependent many years before along with having a very Trumatic childhood in some areas . This only added fuel to the fire . I have totally broken it off with her as well as divorced I even had to leave the church we attended due to her in-laws by her youngest son Also attending there; the manipulation was very easy for her there as I had openly testified as to the things that I had experienced in my lifetime ! I have been in much counseling and had made great strides in recovery and becoming someone many had seen As one who was over coming Many devastating obstacles in my life!
I am on the mend still and again ; this time without the support group that I previously had !
It is my believe that due to the emotional attachment that women can put with situations and circumstances
That they could pull this off with less skepticism From those around them and with the ease that they can get emotional ,crying ,acting hurt ect. That men are being emotionally abused in this area With virtually no help to understand what could be happening to them . I was fortunate to have a couple of people in my life male and female to point this out to me , and that in itself was truly a blessing and could very well have kept me alive to see better days ; for there were days Which I truly felt that it would be best if my life would just end!
I have been able to sort through a lot of truth and I take responsibility for my part in this and I am working to be a better me. I am also hoping to have a real relationship was a loving woman who can understand that I am not perfect nor is she and that we will grow and forgive one another ! Being almost 60 I must say my hope fades at times and its hard to stay optimistic .
What fascinates me is the addiction to porn. My ex is also an addict to everything! He loves pegging and porn on meth…very rarely would even attempt to satisfy me. Finally his sister set me straight on him and that he can never be trusted… He is 62. They never change!
Thankyou for everyones comments i have been the a really difficult time i met a man i loved he put me threw hell i never from one day till the next what he was going to do or say he played me for a fool..
But i found out his game so now his the fool.
My ex & I met while working in the ministry for crying out loud! He was the last person I ever thought to be suspicious of. We were married for 5 years & during our 3 year of marriage, I got pregnant with our daughter. After giving birth, I suffered with post pardum depression for a few months & wasn’t paying as much attention to him. Plus with the addition of our daughter, life was stressful & he wasn’t the best at dealing with stress. At the beginning of 2019, he began having an affair but knowing how narcissists are, I needed proof before I could get him to admit it. Once I had proof, I discovered he wasn’t just having an affair but had got this girl pregnant. At first, I tried taking him back, not realizing what he was and that he’d never change. After all the trauma he has enjoyed putting me thru, I now realize that he was only holding me back in life anyway & was always miserable. That just wasn’t me but I slowly adapted to that b/c I thought that’s what u did for your spouse. Seeing how he can treat me, I refuse to let him brainwash my daughter! I’ll be praying that God fights this battle for us by providing a miracle or helps us to disappear from his life for good. I’m not allowing him to do this to her!
Good article but why does it only refer to he and him? Women narcissists are more dangerous and devious than males.
I knew my narc for many years in the City we live in. He ran into me at my workplace in a hospital one day when in to visit the doctor I was working for and he began to show interest in me. I did not like him really but he was as usual very generous and I was lonely and so it goes. We dated regularly for five years and then married. Within a couple of years he had taken a girl off on a vacation. We divorced. In no time, back he came looking for reconcilliation. We remarried (believe it or not). He encourged me to quit my job and travel with him and I did (believe it or not). Trouble set in again within approximately 6 years and he insisted I leave (which I did). Both marriages required me to sign a prenup since he was well off and owned a business. I was able to get enough money out of him this third time to purchase a small home, I went to school and became a nurse. Within 3 years, he was back and encouraged me to sell my home and move in with him … then he sold his house and I purchased a condo where we lived common law for 3 years until he again was tired of me. Off he went. and I continued to survive on my own tired and weary of life in general (what a fool I have been). Here is the final word… I am now 76 years old and still working as a nurse part time to survive. He destroyed me and my life … he disliked my friends and family … it was all about him. I am tired and want to get out of this world …. I work because I do not have the money to survive! He ruined my relationships with my family and my grandkids. I hate his filthy guts and they are filthy because he gave me an STD (no surprise). I live in the condo I bought (and he lived in for 3 years rent free). He purchased a 4000 square foot condo in the ritzy part of town. I am so tired it is hard to get up in the morning but I try and one day I will get myself out of this world if it doesn’t take me first. And oh yes …. he came knocking on my door one night and I called 911. He is afraid of the authorities so I won’t see him again. He is a yellow bellied shit head and I live for the day I see his obituary in the paper. He now visits Cuba regularly and I understand he has a couple of chicas there that he supports monthly with a few bucks …. cheap prostitution. Don’t do what I have done. He is 84 years old and still screwing like he’s 18 because he hasn’t worked a day in 45 years.
Where do I begin. Well first. I’m a gay man. I first met Allan. Aka Cooper. 3 years ago. When I was single from a divorce. He started sending me messages in instagram. He was talented photographer very handsome. Funny smart. We chatted for months. Then he asked to come see me. Asked if I could pay for the ticket or he could not afford to see me. So. I really liked this guy so I said. Yes. When he arrived. He was so beautiful in person. So the love bombing began. He told me he was 27. Which I was like yes ok maybe. Looked a bit older. And he was single. And wanted a real relationship. I fell head over heels for him. My roommate said he seemed a bit odd. But I chopped it up to he was just nervous. Well. He went back to Mexico. And before I knew it he asked to move In with me. And I said yes he flew back which I payed for and we started to live together. My roommate moved out as he said he felt uncomfortable around allan Well about a month gos by. Everything was going so well. Then he springs on me. Hey I have to go to Spain. Uh. Ok? He said he had this job thing he had to do. Well he gos. I then I hear nothing. For weeks not a word I feel heart broken. Then he start writing me. After half a month. About how he was sick and. Issues with his phone. Then comes back. After almost two months away. The night he come back I took him out with my friends. To a bar. He wa a flirting with every one. I felt super uncomfortable. W ego back home I told him I was uncomfortable. Well. Fight I go to bed. Then when I wake up in the middle of the night I hear the door shut. He’s gone ! The. Next day he come back. I said where have you been. Oh just needed time to think. Well my friend texts me. Saying. I slep with Allan. And he and him where together now allan Denies it. We get in a huge fight he punishes me in the face. Bites me and then leaves. I do not hear from him for. Weeks. Then I get a frantic call. Form him saying my friend who he slep with. Pointed a gun at him. I for some reason believed him took him back. ( God this story will go on forever just a fair warning.). Well I forgive him. As I’m a sucker. He ruined my friendship he with my friend. The. I start to find out he’s not 27 but 34. Then I find out he’s married. To a woman. He tells me it’s to get his citizenship for Spain. Which I do believe that part. He’s super greedy. And selfish he will do anything to get what he wants. So he starts his roller coaster I would call it. Being so lovely to me then pulling away. Telling at me spitting in my face bitting me punching me. Then say I deserve this It starts to ruin my relationships with my friends he called them sluts whores. What’s Ever to isolate me. Well over time. I start to realize he never lets me see him on his phone or if i tuch it he would freak out. Or his laptop. He leaves his computer open one night to shower I was curious I look in his messages. Which I should. Not it’s wrong. And see so many messages sexual talking to men about how he wants to have sex with them. And how he’s single. And how there so attractive. So I cringe it him. He start to tell. And then punches me so I hit him back he won’t stop hitting me so he takes a stick and smacks it across my face the. Punches me breaking my nose spits in my face I scream my nose is broke he then starts to hit me more saying. I deserve it I get to my car he come out to it while I’m trying to drive away take a rock and jabs to big huge scratches In to my car. I go to a friends house she’s horrified. Takes me to the hospital. I never turn him in as I felt I was harming him or was his mental abuse. Along with his physical abuse. Well needless to say I take his ass back he says I’m throwing him away blah blah. We should get married. It hooks me again well I lose mr friend over this who took me in with my broken nose. She said I can’t see you be destroyed like this. I lost most my friends over this. And my family hates hates him. So. The abuse continues for years. And I start to find out about the cheating more and more. And the grooming he is always. Doing to others to try to jump ship at this point I feel like I need him. And feel worthless He starts lieing aboth where he’s at taking off. I would stalk his face book IG to see what he’s doing because he’s disappears I come to
Find out he is seeing other men on trips grooming them for his next relationship. Well it must not work out as he comes back to me. I and I confront him. And he starts pushing me punching me spitting in my face holds me down cuts my beard off calling me fat ugly and no one will want me then kickes me out of our apartment. I move in with my sister. Hear nothing for a month. Then I get a text I miss you. Me being weak. Begins the cycle again. We lived separate. And for Christmas I get him gifts that cost a lot he asks for. What do I get ? This over sized charger and a plug in clock. ? ?? I said ok well I don’t need this. He’s all yes. You do. You don’t like my gifts. ? So I say I’m sorry yes. Thank you well he insists to set them up this clunky phone charger he puts by my bed and this clock by my tv that faces my bed The light from the clock is so bright I start to cover it at night I start getting text he’s you using your clock ? I say yes. Well I end tto make sure he comes over says. Why is it covered ! This is how you treat my gifts ! So I just deal with the light. And I start getting angry emails texts about where I’m at. Well come to find out they are cameras Both the charger and the clock So we get I. A huge fight he starts to grab all my clothes and throw them out the window of my house while I’m trying to grab them back he then runs to his car drives off I pick up my clothes go back inside he runs back and punches the window in my room breaks it my sister is freaking. Out. Then I hear nothing for weeks once again. Well. He comes back again. After cheating and telling me I make him do it over and over again. So the cycle gos in again he starts hacking. My phone my emails. And starts sending me photos of random men’s d**ks. And saying things like you like this. ? Just totall mind games. So. I’ll skip forward. To just recent. So I was resigned to leave him after all this time after all the crap lies and crazy I have delt with So he begs me to go in a trip with him I do He asked me to marry him. As I want all’s along. To pull me back in. The trip is perfect. Then I get back home. And I find out he has adds on sex sites and apps and has been screwing around more trying to groom Some one to move to the next. The. I hear nothing again. For a month silent he comes back. I agree to go to the fair with him while I’m there he says. Let’s start new. Completely right just you and me. No crap no lies no bad. Me always being I love with him I agree So that night I’m driving him home he tells me he’s going on a trip. To meet a friend so I know. And say in my head god damn it. He’s doing it again to me !! I say when ? Oh I. A week. It’s during my birthday. And his a week after I feel so hurt but I always feel hurt around him. I stop the car and say. So your goin going to F**k let’s be real ! He says. No! He’s just a friend. And I say yea ok. And during my birthday. How cruel are you. ? Feed me all this crap s perfect say. And now this ?! So I Tell him just please get out of my car. He starts screaming at me to take him home. Mind you it’s 4 blocks away from his house I refuse. No. Jus they out. Enough! So he tried to grab my phone and car keys. I won’t let him so he takes a soda and smashes it in Side my car and starts hitting me. Punching me bitting me Grabs my phone throw it and take some keys so I run after him he tells me leave him alone. Well. No I need my keys so I ge them back I’m covered in my own blood everywhere The cops come. And I still don’t file a report he tells the cops I did it to my self and he has not seen me all night. Or say which is another lie. So. I go home. And then I feel sad. Hurt. Broken So he just went to the smoky mountains he tells me in emails says he has no reception. And to wait for him he’s thinking. Of me miss me loves me. Well it’s all a lie. He was there grooming some one else. To have a new victim. So he text me the other day with photos of him crying with my engagement ring on I gave him. Which he never got me one by the way. And I have been begging. Him in email to let me go If he was having sex and trying to be with some one else. Well. He. Never said. He sorry never gave me closer. Nothing. I offered us to go to counseling anything. To try to fix this. Even though I knew he’s a ego maniac narcissist. He now says. He is in a relationship. With this new guy he loves and knows all about him he says. And that he can’t come back to me because he likes what this new guys love has to offer. So. He’s basically saying this guy will support him. He hates to work. But he always has so much money he would quit a job and blame it on who ever he worked with but always have money and a lot. How I don’t knew but I imagine something not legal Any ways. After he says all that but has texted me saying what am I doing. Being a whore ? And sent me a email or two from fake emails. He always had me blocked on his social media as I was always a secret. I am so lost sad and frankly scared for mental state I have heard much the last few days as his new victim is in Mexico with him at his moms house. Which he took me to to wow you pull you in. So. I think it’s done for me now And I feel like I need him. And still want him but he left me because he used all
He could from me. I feel so
Hurt confused and throw away used Many people say he’s not done with me
Even if he has something new to use. And I know I have to let go break contact. But it’s so hard and I really don’t want to. I wanted to fix him and him truly love me and actually end to marry me. But he always had me hanging on crumbs scraps. It’s as if there not human and feed off you in any way. So maybe. He is gone this time But others say he will be back I am seeking a therapist. Something I can’t eat sleep I just think of him and how I need him it’s horrible.
Thanks for the great insight, It’s been three painful years breaking up from an extremely abusive relationship. She managed to turn all my family (who happen to not even have known her very well) against me, I lost them all, but had to get out at all cost if not for my great friends and support at the community church I would have lost the battle in this world for good… Guess what, after 3 years she now contacted me again, I feel desperate to go “fix things”, but that will land me back in a world of pain and of course, she used my sister to get hold of me again, and apparently they are best friends. Have a chance of being part of the family again, but it comes at a high price. Don’t know what to do now?
Now that I think of it it is 5days short of exactly 3years from the last contact…what is it about 3 years?
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Things can only work out in your relationship only if you give chance to the right person to assist you. My love life turned out to be something great after i contacted prophet dumela through his details via email [dumeladgreat@ gmail. com] I still can’t really say what prophet dumela did actually but i can boldly say that the prophet gave my relationship that perfect fixing that my relationship was lacking happiness/love and through this my lover is seeking for me to marry him without wasting no more time.