Divorce is already emotionally exhaustive, but getting a narcissist’s child custody can be tricky. This process is often tedious, drawn-out, and full of headaches.
As a parent, you obviously want what’s best for your child. You want to make sure they’re loved and protected.
Unfortunately, you probably also know that the narcissist will work as hard as possible to punish you during these custody battles.
That said, getting custody is entirely feasible. It just requires creativity, effort, and careful planning. Let’s get into what you need to know.
How Do You Win a Custody Case Against a Narcissist? Follow These 9 Steps
So, you’re in a custody battle with a narcissist. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and scared but take a deep breath.
You can get through this and increase the chance of winning by having self-awareness and brainstorming properly.
Reading Suggestion: Who is Your Narcissist in the Family?
#1 Remember That You Are Dealing With a Narcissist
You probably know that a battle with a narcissist isn’t a typical custody battle. Divorce can hurt anyone, but you’re also dealing with someone vindictive, spiteful, and manipulative.
Narcissistic personality disorder entails having an overinflated ego and needing control.
Narcissists lack empathy and insight into other people’s emotions. Therefore, when they feel threatened, they often react with extreme gaslighting. As a result, they will likely push to your limit throughout this process.
That said, knowledge can help you feel empowered. Remember that you don’t have to let them control you any longer.
You can reach out for the appropriate support and affirm that you are making the right choice. Most of all, you can navigate this stressful time with the right mindset.
#2 Take Note of Everything That Happens
The moment separation happens, you need to start your documentation. Write down any instance of abuse or suspicious behavior. Include as much detail as possible and get testimonials from witnesses.
Don’t worry about being excessive with your notes. The more information you can gather, the better. Select Law Partners explains how to keep a detailed child custody journal.
Keep all evidence of texts, email exchanges, and social media posts, and take screenshots that clearly show the times and dates.
Keep them in a secure file that’s password-protected. Then, print out the evidence and store them in an accessible place.
Some people prefer using binders organized in chronological order. Whichever method you use, keep in mind that organization is vital. You don’t want to be sloppy with maintaining records.
Do not share your documentation process with the narcissist. If they find out, they may try to find whatever you’ve stored.
Or, they might attempt to cover their tracks by acting better in front of other people (in an attempt to prove that you’re ‘acting crazy’).
Remember that it’s easy for the narcissist to delete what they share or post. However, the proof lies in the evidence you maintain.
#3 Stop or Limit Communication
According to Lawyer Janet McCullar, you should avoid any additional communication that isn’t absolutely necessary. If you have children, keep your interactions about them short and concise.
Do not engage in any emotional discussion, no matter how tempting it may feel. The narcissist loves attention, even when it’s negative, and you don’t want to create that opportunity for them.
If you can, consider taking a no-contact approach. With this method, you need to avoid all communication. You also need to delete them from social media and ignore any attempts they make to reach out to you.
It’s also a good idea to temporarily avoid or severely limit communicating with any of their friends or direct relatives. You never know if they are using other people to try to hoover you back into their drama.
#4 Contact Law Enforcement
Narcissists often act erratic and explosive when they feel threatened. This risk escalates if you’re the one leaving. They may do everything in their power to punish you or try to convince you to come back.
You should contact law enforcement if the narcissist commits any of the following acts:
- Harassment
- Stalking
- Sexual assault
- Burglary
- Criminal restraint
- Criminal trespassing
- Kidnapping
- Lewdness
- Emotional threats
- Child abuse threats
- Physical assault
Act quickly and ask for a restraining order. A restraining order prohibits the narcissist from contacting you at all. There are different types of restraining orders, but the most common ones are:
- Emergency: lasts a few days and acts as a placeholder for a permanent order.
- Residence exclusion: requires the narcissist to leave home until the court hearing.
- Temporary: protects the victim during the time it takes for the court to hear the case.
- No-contact: protects the victim after hearing the case and with proof that the narcissist committed a crime.
- Domestic violence: protects the victim after the judge deems the narcissist an ongoing danger to the victim.
Filing a restraining order serves multiple purposes. First, it starts a paper trail documenting your concerns about your well-being. It also adds a layer of protection to you and your children.
You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
#5 Use Witness Evidence
Did the nanny observe the two of you fighting? Has your child’s teacher raised concerns about your ex-spouse’s behavior?
Was there a problem with your next-door neighbor? Witnesses at a child custody hearing can have a big impact on the outcome.
Now is the time to reach out and ask for them for statements. These statements can help build your case against the narcissist in court.
When requesting this information, let them know it isn’t about you. It’s about your children and their well-being.
#6 Ensure Your Physical Safety
If you don’t have a place to live- or if your home feels unsafe- it’s worth visiting a local domestic violence center or homeless shelter. These places ensure safety and confidentiality, and they can also help you secure appropriate legal resources.
In addition to providing necessities like food and shelter, these places also usually offer valuable services, such as:
- Ongoing food assistance support (food stamps, programs for free school breakfasts and lunch)
- Affordable housing assistance
- Benefits advocacy (qualification for childcare assistance, Medicaid, social security disability insurance)
- Case management for securing other resources
#7 Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Avoid any drug use. If you drink, drink only in moderation.
These habits are essential for your self-care, but they also demonstrate a sense of emotional maturity and personal responsibility.
#8 Continue Being Dependable
Pick your children up from school on time. If you drop your children off to the other parent, avoid any cancellations or reschedules. Answer phone calls and respond to emails promptly.
Reliability is an essential part of parenting. It shows that you are actively involved in your child’s life, and that other people can count on you. The judge will absolutely consider this factor when making their final decisions.
#9 Secure the Right Attorney
When it comes to knowing how to get child custody from a narcissist, hiring the right attorney can make all the difference.
You need someone who understands the nuances of narcissistic personality disorder.
Be prepared to meet with several different lawyers. Ideally, you want to choose someone with the best track record in the legal community.
Look for someone active in both state and national family law bar associations. Most states have specialization programs designed to certify lawyers in specific areas of practice.
Ask potential candidates how much experience they have in handling divorce cases. You can also inquire about their experience with narcissism.
Of course, hiring a lawyer can be expensive. Fortunately, several legal assistance programs provide inexpensive or pro bono services for those in financial need. These programs usually have specific rules for eligibility based on your location and income.
How Do You Expose a Narcissist in Court?
Custody disputes can feel heartbreaking. But no matter how you feel in the courtroom, aim to remain cool and levelheaded. This temperament is important- it shows that you are emotionally stable under pressure.
Be Prepared for All Outcomes
The narcissist will pull every trick in the courtroom.
They will work hard to charm the judge. They will make themselves look like a perfect parent.
They will outright lie and manipulate reality to make themselves look good, and then they will probably try to smear your reputation to everyone involved. They know your triggers, and they know exactly how to raise your blood pressure!
Be prepared for these outcomes. You have your paperwork. You know your reality. You need to have confidence that the narcissist won’t get away with their ridiculous behavior.
Stay Calm
Narcissists often thrive in the emotional chaos associated with divorce and custody battles. Don’t give in to their desires. Let your lawyer do the speaking. If you talk, stick to the facts.
Be careful sharing your emotions with mutual friends or family. The narcissist might be pumping them for information.
If you need support, reach out to trusted people who don’t associate with your ex. You may also want to consider meeting with a therapist for confidential support.
What Do Judges Look for in Child Custody Cases?
Judges determine custody by considering the factors that best serve the interest of the child. This rule applies across all states, although such judgment can be inherently subjective.
Judges will examine variables, including one’s financial, health, and emotional well-being, when deciding how to proceed.
They will also consider issues related to domestic violence, child abuse, or substance use.
Child’s Age
Although it’s more of an old-school approach, some judges still favor the mother taking care of younger children, especially if she has been the primary caregiver.
Judges often default to the primary caregiver when choosing custody for young children. However, this rule certainly does not apply if the primary caregiver is deemed unfit to raise the children.
Consistency
Structure and routine are important for a child’s development. For this reason, judges want to ensure that a child’s schedule remains as consistent as possible.
They tend to grant custody to a parent who can keep their kids in the same school and following the same schedules. This factor needs to be a consideration if you intend on relocating.
Living Situation
Judges want to see that children will be living in safe, clean, stable homes.
You should be able to prove that your child has their own bed, clothes, room for their own belongings, and adequate space for play and mealtimes.
Some judges prefer granting custody to the parent who remains in the family home.
But they will also consider your proximity to your spouse. For example, if you two opt to live in the same city, the judge will likely consider splitting the custody.
Child’s Preferences
Depending on the state, some adolescents and teenagers can share their preferences with the judge directly. In other cases, an appointed custody evaluator can discuss the child’s desires.
Do not try to convince your child to live with you. Instead, maintain open communication, and be empathic to your child’s needs.
Avoid badmouthing the other parent. It’s worth expressing your fears with older children, but you shouldn’t try to manipulate them in how to think a certain way.
Financial Stability
Judges want to see that you can provide for your child’s basic needs. You must prove that you can afford housing, food, medical care, clothing, and educational resources.
Sibling Considerations
Judges typically want to keep siblings together to ensure stability. It’s rare to break siblings apart, particularly if they are biologically related.
This rule can become more complicated in cases involving half-children, stepchildren, adopted children, or foster children.
Abuse
Abuse is one of the most important considerations a judge examines when evaluating custody. As you know, narcissistic abuse isn’t always blatant.
That’s why documentation, restraining orders, and remaining calm and objective help your case.
Judges want to ensure that the parent does not present any risk for emotional or physical danger.
They will identify various parental characteristics, home environments, and child-rearing skills.
Final Thoughts
There’s no doubt that dealing with a narcissist in court can be incredibly frustrating.
Staying proactive in building your case can help you win this custody battle.
In the meantime, avoid giving the narcissist any attention. It’s time to focus on you, your children, and moving on from the pain of the past.
Sources
- https://www.courts.ca.gov/1260.htm?rdeLocaleAttr=en
- https://www.samhsa.gov/homelessness-programs-resources/hpr-resources/housing-shelter
- https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/resources/public-information/how-do-i-find-a-lawyer-/
Good information..but since the majority of the narcissist’s abuse is psychological, how can we as victims protect our children when their narcissist fathers try to continue abusing us by exercising their parental rights through court-ordered visitation?
The mental torcher we were exposed to didn’t leave visible scars we can show the judge or the police to prove this behavior took place…video and audio recordings are not admissible in my state without consent..am I expected to hand over my child to this monster and keep my fingers crossed that he won’t damage her beyond repair?
My mother is a narcissist and she’s kidnapped my child and no one is helping
Hi., I just got chills reading this.
My mother is a narcissistic psychopathic and kidnapped my son 3 days before Covid.
She broke a court order and got emergency custody.
She refuses to comply with reunification or mediation.
It’s been 2 1/2 years and she won’t even allow me to speak to my son.
She has criminal charges against her now for all her illegal actions.
However I know the masterminded manipulation isn’t over yet.
I have had 4 lawyers, $30,000 and a son who is being abused by her and her husband and my hands are tied unable to get him!!
If you want to chat inbox me on fb Gabrielle DePasquale
Good Evening. Gabrielle (if I may be so bold)
I appreciate the courage you’ve exhibited by sharing your story and generously offering a soft place to land, so to speak. I would deeply appreciate some advisement and a little cheerleading🕊 if you’ve time. You will be in my prayers ✝️ Vie
This is exactly my battle now. I’ve been divorced for 5 years, but he has 50/50 custody. As my kids get older, I am seeing the toll it is taking on them after having been w/ him for so long. (Week/Week custody). I am finally to the point of realizing what he did to me all the time we were together (15 years!). I want to protect my kids, but I am at a loss as to what to do.
Thank you for the information…… im a male dealing with a narcissist ex-gf ive basically left everything to her because i did not want to argue and for our daughter to see her mother screaming anymore….. i was primarily care giver after i quit my job from being with her for 2 years….. and she had just gotten a decent job so i knew she could handle it with the money she was making……… sorry i know it sounds bad for me to quit my job but….. when a person that you think your in love with and you think they love you to says “i have a job now you can kick rocks” it really hurts……. Not to mention i was still working after i stepped on a bolt and messed up my ankle….. i knew i could not afford to take time off and the hospital bills….. so i just kept working ……. I tried to and i was a good man to her…… even after all the lies and her badmouthing me to everyone for a long time and her cheating on me …… i still tried to be there for my daughter and her…… i might not have loved her like i used too….. but i still cared deeply for her and my child…. Even now as im trying to convince myself to NEVER get back with her even if it is just to be able to see my kid more….. its not worth it….. shes playing the victim on all social media… making tiktoks saying im a piece of crap and never cared for her type stuff….. and literally all the things shes saying i did to her she has done to me….. i have video evidence of her hitting me….. i have some cheating texts left…. Because she made me delete most of them and i did lol honestly i forgot about the ones i have left because they are from last year when we were still together and had never broken up yet….. we have broken up 3 times in the past year now….. and i was straight up honest with her “if you want me ill come back i want you but i do not want to be treated badly every single day”….. that never happened…… now after my friend i was talking to about the situation told me to look into narcissist, gaslighting etc. i see what she was doing….. and trying to get me to leave her so i looked like the bad guy….. but like i said its classic narcissist shit….. and i realize that she never truly cared about me….. we did not want to have a baby….. but stuff happens when you party naked as they say… and i do not wish that my lil girl was not born or anything but i just wish i would have waited alot longer before trying to get into a relationship with my ex……. I fell for her and i was honestly lonely….. i had kept myself out of relationships from the time i was 17-25 because my last ex did the same thing and just like now i did not realize it because i was very young…. I know it has nothing to do with this comment but…. My ex from high school tried to finally contact me after all those years and told me she was very sorry for all the things she did to me back in the day…… but at least she had the common decency to express that by the end of our relationship she wanted to see other people…… at least she did not cheat on me with multiple guys…… idk…. I literally have to start my life over now…. Its only been a month but i already have my social security card again that was stolen right before she started a huge argument and basically discarded me….. and i have a great job lined up and it pays better than any job ive had before….. im honestly trying to get really stable as fast as possible so my lil one has somewhere to go when my ex feels like she does not want her anymore…… because i hate to say it but i think she will not want to be her mom and do the right things she needs to do…… she honestly gets comments about her house being messy and her attitude is garbage and you know what she does? Proceeds to make tiktoks about how she does not care what people think then proceeds to make more tiktoks about the same thing …… like if you dont care what people think you would not be making videos trying to convince people you dont care….. you just would not care and move on……. But like lady gaga once said “good press or bad press it does not matter its free attention” so to speak…… idk …… i did not try to write a book but…. If you have had a similar experience male\female its going to be ok…. Just the simple fact that you had to look this site up means that you care and want to do whats best for you and your child….. thank you for reading this if you made it to the end…. And i wish you luck, strength, love and happiness in your decisions.😇
Man, am sorry that was done to you.
My stepsons mom is a narcissist and has been stalking me on Facebook and doing everything i do. I mention my stepson she has to make her self sound better She tells him that my kids are not his sibling’s. Ive went off-on her But last night was my last rant. Hopefully it work out for you
yes very similar trying to build with somone that is trying to break you …..us father shouldnt have to fight to be in our kids life
I’m from Alabama. I have 2 little girls, both under age 10. I have always been a stay at home mom( well for the most part) like when my insane ex(their father) talked to me like a dog for not working and so I got a job..where I came home to find him asleep when he was supposed to be watching out daughters and they were up by themselves with scissors and had cut each others hair . Right by their eyes givin them bangs. But my concern was how they hadn’t liked out an eyeball. So I quit and stayed home. Throughout the years he had done lots of physical abuse where one time he choked me to the point of passing out right infront of our little girls! It was horrifying. We had a short split but ended up back together and then a couple years later we had our official split. And I had primary care of my girls as always. He would go weeks at a time without seeing them and laugh at me over the phone if I ever asked him for help buying groceries or school supplies. I took care of everything they needed he helped with nothing for a full year. I saved the money and hired the best attorney I could find in our area, and took him to court. ( I was scared bc I was raised to see how crooked the justice system can be) so it frightened me from the get go to take him to court knowing he comes from a family with money and I come from a family…where well… they don’t have any and if they did they wouldn’t help.
But I had already paid my lawyer in full and drawn it out a full year due to my being scared of his lies and munipulation once he was court ordered to pay child support. ( he has always been very money hungry and greedy) . But when my lawyer called me and said the money would be gone and time was running out we had to go to court right then. I agreed and we had my ex served.
As I knew the ex showed up to court with a lawyer ranked just as high if not higher than the one I had. Whom was also a judge for the city we were having court in .😩 we ended up making an agreement 7on 7off split custody.(which I did not want to do) but my lawyer stated if I didn’t have probable reason than the judge would grant him split custody anyways. So it was best in this situation to agree to split 7 on 7 off and he was ordered to pay child support plus me and my children stayed in our family home for the next year. The ex agreed before the judge. But as soon as we left he was furious. Once he calmed down he tried to win me over each day after like he wanted to be a better man and for us to get back together. I entertained that for a week or so. But then realized his true intent. And ended it. Before he could even pay his first month of child support . On the week he had our daughters. He never showed up to meet for me to get my girls back! On that Friday. I called him and he wouldn’t answer
.so Then I waited until the following Monday when I knew they would be at school. And I went to check them out. I was served with a paper stating I had 24hrs to go take a drug test. And that my ex had filed for Emergency Custody. I called the drug place right then and headed that way and had taken the drug test within the next 3hours. Would have been sooner but they had to take lunch. I waited for the results and as I knew I would. I had passed for everything. I had the drug lab email the results to his lawyer , the judge and my lawyer as well.
I called my lawyer to see what I needed to do. And it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to call me back… I was so confused. Once I got them on the phone. My lawyer had informed me that he had already done what I paid him to do. If I needed any further assistance, I needed to pay $3,000 more in advance before he would even discuss anything else .
I was in utter shock. Complete disbelief at how he acted… I was luck I ever afforded him the first time. I was so scared at what to do . So I started trying to make the lawyer money as quickly as possible. We had a court date and I asked for a continuance . Because I know what going against such a person with a lawyer can do if you don’t have any legal representation for yourself. It could have ruined me getting my children back at all.
With that being said. It has been around 7mo this and he barely lets me see my children . We are under a supervised visitation he has full custody. Until the last court date. We have had 3 so far all being continued.
I don’t know what to do. I just wish I had someone who might have been through something similar ti tell me what I need ti have with me in court . He is very terrible for my daughters mental health I have pictures and evidence of the things he says to them about me and lies he tells about me. His alcoholism. Drinking and roving with them and with multiple different woman. While he is on the job. It I don’t know how to go about it . I just need some advice ! Please help!
I am going through similar situation. It is absolutely awful. My ex was able to get an order of Protection against me. I haven’t been able to have contact with my children for 6 months now. He lied under oath and has connections with the Judge. I’m living in a nightmare. He is physically and mentally abusive. I have photos, videos, and police reports. When I brought up my evidence the Judge blamed me. If anyone can help please reach out to me.
My ex accused me of stalking him & our kids (who lived with him; it’s a very long story & related to my health issues; he filed for divorce a few months after I nearly died & was on my road to recovery instead of actually dying which he had hoped for me to do). He filed for an emergency protection/no-contact order against me & tried to include my youngest, who I had joint custody (but he had primary physical).
He claimed that I was driving past his house at all hours of the day (& night), then told the court that I drove past the house in the alley when his 2nd wife, her friends & our oldest was outside (they all “swore” it was me). At the hearing 2 days later, I told them that it wasn’t me because I had been dealing with another health issue (I had a form of dermatitis that left me with open wounds on my back that had been exacerbated after taking my daughter to an Independence Day celebration when it was sunny, which I should not have done as sun is harmful to my skin); I had been using ice packs all day for relief & couldn’t leave my apartment. I offered to go into a back chamber & show the judge & attorneys if they wanted to see them (they didn’t).
The only other people to testify was my ex (who could not say that he saw me, but was going off what hearsay from his wife & HER friends) & the 2nd wife, who could not say that she saw me personally (the driver was supposedly slumped down & only the top of the hair could be seen) but she recognized “my” car. The judge told my ex to leave me alone, that I was obviously trying to move on with my life WITHOUT him & that he needed to do the same. He then ruled in my favor.
A few months after the hearing, I saw a another car (same make & model) driven by a woman who looked similar to me (same height, weight & hair). We met each other at our local college (I had tried getting into her Hyundai & she’d tried getting into mine).
I’m going into court today…and I’m going to take all of you with me…metaphorically. He filed for p.time and custody after I left bc of his reign of terror. I told the mediator he was abusive and he said,” he’s goung to see his daughter “, over and over until I got quiet. Now 8inths later my child is unrecognizable I’m going to ask that the parenting time that they ordered be stopped she’s having a mental breakdown of sorts from visiting him. He is insane and sleeps most of the time and our child is then cared for by the abusive grandmother. Reading these posts has given me some needed amo. Keep fighting but leave your emotions at the door. Speak slowly and even toned..unemotional. I think they equate emotions to lies or stretches of the truth. Emotions have a way of making your request look like it was formed without fact or merits and not taken seriously. This will be my challenge today to almost remain stoic but firm. I just don’t have a clue what I can ask the judge to do. All this info online is absolute bs, no concrete strategy or court process info. Wish me luck and to you all as well.
Good luck girl. I’m going through the same thing myself I wish you luck and I pray that it’s all in your favor. God bless
I have been with my husband since March 2014, and married since August 2018. We moved in together after about 8 months of dating, i brought with me my son from another relationship, who after a few rough years of splitting custody, mostly due to his ex wife, but after they divorced we have they best Co parenting relationship ever, so i know how to co parent very well by now as he is 13. Anyways my current husband was/is an alcoholic. Which when we got together, I did not realize was as bad as it was and he also has a situation where if h. Is woken Up from sleeping he gets extremely violent. Well after a year of living g together, i was not aware of the waking issue and he had came home drunk from the bar and we got in an argument, he fell asleep on the couch and i took a bath and took a prescribed Xanax. AfTer about an hour bath i went to go wake him to get in bed because we were still a fresh couple and i was in love and didnt not want to end the night bad and wanted to cuddle, well he woke up and attacked me, long story short he wouldnt let me get my son and leave, i went and got my gun to scare him and he pinned me against our bar height table, after he would hit or shove me i would hit him with the gun, i had no real intention of shooting him but when i hit him the gun went off and I shot him in the arm. I called 911 and he was arrested for domestic violence. But stupid me dropped all charges when he promised to stop drinking and get counseling and medical help for sleeping. He of course did none of the above but we were already back together and on the surface he had quit drinking. I got pregnant and had a very rough pregnancy. Our daughter needed to come early so i was in labor for 4 days and he got mad at me for being up there so long, well on the last day the nurse moved me from the hospital bed to the rocking chair, he proceeded to lay in my labor bed and i told him not to but he did and fell asleep. The nurse came in and to have me get back in bed, i warned her what waking him would do, but I had to move, when he woke up he flipped out and even though he did not get physical he scared the nurse severly and security kicked him out. When he left he called and wanted m. To leave but my water finally broke and I was in full on labor, he threatened to run away and all kinds of other stuff. So he missed our daughter birth. There has been other physical times but after the shooting i felt guilty and he used that to his advantage . Its not easy dealing emotionally with shooting someone you thought you loved even if it was an accident. We have 2 dogs and he abuses them, and the kids have to beg him not to hurt them. The last physical abuse was last December where he threw a table top air hockey game at me and it him me. I didn’t call police then though. Well here is where he has hung himself. In March of 2020 he worked at a UPs store and he stole 11k in cash from an old lady, even though he knew there was cameras everywhere. He was arrested and put on probation. Well this year in March he failed his 1st drug test, so DCF came and did a check and tested both of us for drugs, he failed again (i passed of course) and so he went to jail for 30 days. Well besides the financial burden he left on us, it was the first time in idk how long i felt happy and not scared. So when he got out I couldn’t go back to the narcissistic abuse. So one week things started escalating because i had taken money out (for a fathers day gift for him) and i had gotten lunch 2 days at work. MiNd you I didn’t work for 5 years and had just gone back to work in December, and during those 5 years I was extremely isolated and was barely aloud to do anything and would get in trouble for grocery shopping with my neighbor. So I was making money and thought I deserved lunch, well I got accused of cheating and told i could not eat lunch out, he yelled at me and belittled and threatened me so bad over the phone my whole work office could hear him. Mind you he spends about 60 bucks a week just on cigs, and all our extra bills from his crimes and our car insurance was through the roof for 2 careless driving accidents in 2 years. But I could spend $15 on lunch. Well things escalated and he was harassing me and threatening me at home and I tried to hide in my room but he was forcung his way in (we have not shared a room in years or been intimate in years because of how violent he sleeps and how he would hurt me during adult time. So I was scared and called the police for an escort to leave because he has prevented me from leaving before. Well he ran from the cops and would drive by the house and not come talk to them so he missed his curfew and they issued a warrant and I went to a shelter for domestic violence. He waS arrested on his 2nd vop in less than 3 months. So I filed for an injunction which he tried to fight while in jail. I gave my testimony and then he gave his. He said everything I said was false, that there was no way the air hockey table could of left a hole in the wall after it hit me and that he told me he was sorry. And That he didn’t abuse the dogs because we have 1 good dog and one bad one and if he can’t hit the dog he uses his foot. So he admitted to everything but tried to twist it so he was the victim and it was all my fault he hurt me and the dogs. So I was granted the injunction and now when i go for the divorce he has admitted under oath that he abused me even though in his mind he has convinced himself it’s OK and he was somehow justified. Well it looks like they are going to make him serve his punishment in jail and not on probation but idk yet,, he is in jail now and has an arraignment hearing Tuesday. Please pray that he has to serve the time in jail. I have contacted legal help to file for a divorce and custody and if he is in jail, I will most definitely win everything for my daughters sake. But I think even if he gets out i will still be able to use his testimony and his criminal history against him. I am just so scared of what will happen when he gets out, he is angry and vindictive. I have changed my locks and got a camera in the house and of course i am armed with guns if the cops can not arrive on time but just because I have one does not mean I want to use it but I will to protect my family and myself, and sense he is not supposed to come near us then I have a right to protect myself. BTW my sheriff is the GREAT Grady Judd, so if I did have to shoot, he would protect my rights for self defense. Look him up if you dont know who he is. Everyone needs a sheriff like him. I will pray for all going through these horrible messes. it is so scary for us and our kids. I always feel so stupid for falling for someone so evil, and putting my kids through this . People always ask….how did you not leave right away? But they don’t understand that in the beginning, it was so amazing, they make you feel like you are a goddess and that they are so lucky to have you. then once you are in love, the abuse starts so slow and it’s just little things. BefoRe you know it, you have lost all your friends and family and they are all you have, then the real hard-core abuse starts but you are already trapped. No money, no job, no car, nothing. I am so grateful that once I finally opened up to my parents and old friends that for the most part they have been so supportive and helpful. so remember Please don’t ever think you are alone, there are people who love you, real love! and that you are a good person that deserves to be happy and loved. There is nothing wrong with you, do not let them trick you into believing their lies and never never never go back.
I’m sorry, but I can honestly say that NONE of this would have helped me (& I’ll bet a lot of others) in a divorce court & trying to get custody of their child(ren)!! I was diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disorder that nearly killed me & the ex filed for divorce about 5 months later (he’d been cheating with a co-worker, which caused him to get fired as he was in a managerial position & she was an underling; he had told his supervisor that he was divorcing me & seeing the other woman at the same time). His divorce papers stated that he wanted EVERYTHING that we had in our 23 years of marriage (house, all vehicles including my scooter, full & SOLE custody of our 2 younger children [oldest was already 18; he didn’t want me to have ANY visitation or contact with my kids] & all household belongings); he just didn’t want me.
He made sure to mess up my meds BEFORE hitting me with divorce papers (when I thought that he still at least cared about me) & essentially turned me into a zombie (my parents took me to a hospital to get me checked out & after that, they made sure that I knew which meds to take when so I would be able to take care of myself instead of relying on him). Because of all this (& the fact that he had ALL the money), he was able to get a slimey local attorney to represent him (I had to beg for an out-of-town attorney who took on my case ‘cuz she could understand how much emotional/mental/physical pain I was in).
Long story short, he got pretty much everything he was after (except for my car & scooter, as he had a broken-down truck that he could fix & a motorcycle, plus he went & bought another truck). He even got some personal belongings of mine. We had joint custody (but primary physical went to him) of our 2 younger kids, but then my son refused to speak to me for 4 years (Parental Alienation Syndrome; same thing happened on & off with our oldest). We were supposed to decide our kids’ medical conditions together, but he refused (he became an anti-vaxxer).
Our youngest turned 18 about 3 months ago. He gave her a choice of joining Job Corps or living with me when he found out that she was not going to college (yet) & wanted to live with a couple of friends. She is finishing her school year with her aunt & stays with me on weekends. I had moved out of my hometown years ago to be closer to work after working hard to recover enough to get off of disability through a “Back to Work” program (& also to get away from his harassment & him).
NONE of his 3 children have any relationship with him (the oldest cut him out 6 years ago; my son cut him out when he graduated & moved out shortly after–about 8 years; & now his youngest is realizing what he truly is: a narcissistic monster who had done everything he could to make my life miserable through lies & manipulation). My 2 older kids are doing quite well considering what they dealt with (not so much my oldest as she was out of the house most of the time). My youngest will do well on graduation as I will be backing her in whatever way I can.