Why would a narcissist get married? And why do they often rush to RE-marry? How can someone who has a history of cheating and lying, who lacks empathy and compassion, and who has proven that he/she has no desire of upholding their vows… get remarried?
Narcissists often rush into marriage and then a remarriage. If narcissists are afraid of intimacy and commitment, why and what would possess them to want to marry so fast? Is there something in the narcissist’s mind about the ‘new source’ that makes them more prone to such a drastic step?
Why Does The Narcissist Get Married?
a Motive for Marriage
First, narcissists always have motives. When a narcissist rushes into a relationship and remarries quickly, you can be rest assured there is SOMETHING in it for them. It could be money, fame, friends, assets, power, control-there is always something in it for them. Always!
Second, narcissists are always concerned about their image and narcissists to need people more than the typical person does. Narcissists have very specific reasons for being in relationships, but their reasons do not reflect the universal need most of us have -which is to love.
Narcissists do not enter or stay in relationships for love. They become involved in relationships in order to ensure their needs are met, to obtain Narcissistic Supply.
Furthermore, narcissists are addicted to attention. Securing it is their dominant drive. If his ‘new source’ provides him with the ability to obtain that which he could not achieve on his own, he will go to great lengths to secure this as a constant source of Narcissistic Supply. There is almost nothing a narcissist won’t do if he thinks it will bring him fame.
To him, there is no such thing as bad publicity. Any publicity is good publicity, even through marriage.
Why The Narcissist Remarries
An additional point to make is that the narcissist considers himself special and not understood by just anyone. He or she feels they are unique and rare while most other human beings are common and ordinary. Therefore, a narcissist will only associate with others of high status or intellect, for they feel ONLY these people can possibly understand them.
Thus, a narcissist evaluates whether he wants to develop a relationship with someone on the basis of their utility. How useful a person will be to him is the measure of their worth. He chooses friends and his partner(s) based on how well they can help him get attention or reach his goals.
It is not uncommon to find when a narcissist remarries it is to someone younger to promote their self-image as being younger. Depending on how ‘worthy’ the victim is in obtaining his goal, will also depend on how quickly the narcissist moves in their relationship.
In reality, a narcissist chooses to develop relationships only with those who are perceived as superior, attractive, or unique in some way. By associating with others who attract attention, he ensures that he will never be deficient in Narcissistic Supply.
The Narcissist and The Unstable Mind
Since there is no complete control over the quantity and quality of Narcissistic Supply, it is bound to fluctuate. The narcissist’s view of himself and of his world is correspondingly unstable. As “public opinion” ebbs and flows, so does the narcissist’s self-confidence, self-esteem, sense of self-worth, or, in other words, so does his Self.
The narcissistic personality is unstable in each and every one of its dimensions. It is the ultimate hybrid: rigidly shapeless, stanchly flexible, and reliance on the opinion of people whom the narcissist undervalues.
The narcissist’s lability is so omnipresent and so dominant – it could be said that the only stable trait they possess is their instability.
The narcissist does everything with one goal in mind: to attract Narcissistic Supply (attention). He asks not what he can do for the world – but what the world can do for him as far as Narcissistic Supply goes.
He falls in and out of love with people, workplaces, residences, vocations, hobbies, interests – because they seem to be able to provide more or less Narcissistic Supply and for no other reason.
It is not uncommon to find chaos and instability in the “career narcissist”. This narcissist marries, divorces and remarries with dizzying speed.
Everything in his life is in constant flux: friends, emotions, judgments, values, beliefs, place of residence, affiliations, even hobbies. Everything, that is, except for his work. His career is his only place of stability. The career narcissist is often ruthless, demanding, demeaning… and highly successful.
Further Readings On This Blog
- 3 Misconceptions about Divorcing a Narcissist
- How and When to Divorce a Narcissist
- Are my Children Safe with the Narcissist
- 7 Things to Know When Divorcing a Narcissist
- My Narcissistic Husband Left Me. When Will Reality Catch-Up with him?