You’re fed up with the narcissist, and you’ve finally decided to leave. There’s just one problem: your finances are in shambles.
As you sort out your exit strategy, money is probably one of your top concerns. You wish it weren’t this way, but you have to be able to survive.
Financial security can make things easier, but it’s not the only consideration.
If you’re stuck worrying about finances and unsure where to turn, don’t worry. There are solutions and resources available.
If you don’t have your finances perfectly in order, you can still make a plan to leave.
How the Narcissist Destroys Your Finances
First, let’s take a look at how the narcissist destroys your finances.
Narcissists believe they’re entitled to anything they want, and that includes your paycheck. So, it’s not unusual for a relationship with a narcissist to empty your bank account.
Throughout the relationship, you probably paid most of the bills, covered dates and vacations, and even bailed them out a few times. The narcissist probably had some sob story about why they needed your money.
You forked over a check, believing them. Maybe they even promised to pay you back, but they never kept that promise.
The bottom line is that the narcissist was more than willing to take advantage of your financial resources. Because they lack empathy, they don’t care how it affected you.
You might have even agreed to take on joint debts to help them out, and now your credit score is ruined.
Narcissists and your career
To add insult to injury, the narcissist probably also made it difficult for you to hold down a job. Narcissistic people are so demanding of your time that you certainly can’t devote yourself to work.
So, you definitely aren’t as productive as you could be without the narcissist in your life. This can add up to lost wages, or even missing out on a promotion.
All of this can ultimately affect your financial health.
As you think about leaving, you might convince yourself that you can’t start over again on your own. But, are you even getting by financially with the narcissist in your life?
Considerations Aside From Finances
Finances shouldn’t be your sole consideration when you’re leaving a narcissistic relationship. Certainly, you need to be able to feed yourself, but there are other things to consider as well.
Your personal safety
Narcissistic rage can sometimes result in violent outbursts. If your safety is in danger from these situations, finances shouldn’t be your top priority.
Explore local resources like domestic violence shelters, or reach out to trusted friends or family members to see if you can stay with them temporarily.
You can rebuild your finances while living safely and away from the narcissist.
Your mental health
Narcissists play games that can erode even the most resilient person’s psychological well being. You’re probably at rock bottom after enduring gaslighting, blame-shifting, and cold, callous behavior.
You don’t need to stick around in this situation, especially if you’re experiencing depression, anxiety, and trauma symptoms.
Finances might not be perfect, but you’ll be better able to support yourself when your mental health improves.
Leaving may be the best choice. You can begin to heal while building up your savings again.
Planning an exit strategy
Having your finances in order is not the only consideration when you leave a narcissist. You need to have a comprehensive exit strategy.
This includes gathering up your belongings, ensuring that you have important documents and personal identification, and planning to officially leave.
You might consider leaving when the narcissist is away, so they don’t try to convince you to stay. It’s also essential to inform trusted friends or family members of your plan, so they can jump in to help if needed.
Part of this exit strategy might involve disentangling yourself financially from the narcissist. If you have a joint account, this means opening your account and depositing your paychecks there.
You might also consider setting aside bits of money in savings to prepare for your departure. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re financially stable, but at least you are financially separate from the narcissist.
Starting over slowly
Financial stability doesn’t happen overnight, so when you’re leaving a narcissist, it can be helpful to take small steps.
Don’t pressure yourself to have an 800 credit score and six month’s worth of living expenses in savings right away.
It’s also helpful to have realistic expectations for housing and other necessities.
Maybe this transition period means selling your car for a cheaper model. Or, perhaps you start over in a small, studio apartment so you can afford rent while you rebuild your savings.
This might require some penny pinching and a lifestyle change, but your peace of mind is worth it.
Freedom from the narcissist is a luxury in and of itself.
The narcissist’s financial toll
If you’re debating whether you can leave the narcissist before achieving financial stability, consider this fact: you probably aren’t financially stable in the relationship, either.
In fact, you’re likely financially unstable because of the relationship with the narcissist.
Your finances may not be in perfect order now, but staying in the relationship isn’t going to fix this problem. Leaving increases the likelihood that you’ll be able to achieve financial health in the future.
The day you leave, you’re one step closer to taking control of your finances back from the narcissist.
The bottom line
If a relationship with a narcissist has left your finances in ruins, you’re not alone. Narcissists will exploit you for all you’re worth, causing you to give up your savings as you go into debt.
You might think you can’t leave the relationship, because you’re so financially unstable. Worrying about finances is understandable, but remember, it’s because of the narcissist that your finances are messy in the first place.
Leaving the relationship opens the door to financial freedom, so you’ll have a chance actually to get your money in order.
If you happen to be in a relationship with a narcissist who maintains control by providing for you financially, the same message applies. Walking away means you can finally enjoy your freedom without the narcissist using their bank account to have power over you.
Being financially stable can make it easier to leave an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. However, there are many reasons to leave before you achieve financial stability, especially if your physical and mental well-being are at risk.
