If you’re trying to end a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably quickly learning that it’s not easy. You tell them you’re leaving, and they beg you to stay.
Perhaps they promise to change for the better. Alternatively, they might lash out in anger, threatening that you’ll never find someone like them again if you leave.
Despite how desperate you are to break free, you just aren’t sure how you can finally escape.
Is relocating to another town the best option? It might just be, depending on your circumstances.
Factors to consider before relocating
The thought of moving to a whole new location has probably crossed your mind if you’re trying to leave a narcissist. After all, how can you really break free if they know where you live?
Before packing up and leaving, let’s consider the factors below.
Your physical safety
The safety of you and your family is paramount when you’re involved in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist.
If they are stalking, harassing, or physically attacking you, creating distance is essential.
Now, ensuring safety in this situation can be easier said than done. Recognize that they may be angered by no longer having access to you, which could increase harmful behaviors.
Creating a safety plan
Before you move, it’s important to have a safety plan. What will you do if they discover your plans or new location? How can you increase safety?
Reaching out to local community providers, such as mental health or domestic violence support centers, can be helpful. It’s also wise to tell a few trusted friends or family members of your plan.
Having loved ones on standby in the case of an emergency can be critical for your safety.
Establishing a support network
Relocating means saying goodbye to your local support network, especially if you’re moving across the country.
Moving to a new state can increase your physical safety and place distance between you and the narcissist. However, healing may be more difficult if you have no social support.
Breaking free physically is a good step toward recovering from narcissistic abuse. However, you also have emotional healing to do!
Considerations for building support
If you decide to move, you might consider moving to a location where you already have social connections.
Maybe you have old friends who live across the country or family members who live out of state.
Choosing an area where you already have social connections can make emotional healing easier.
Financial considerations
You don’t need to be 100% financially stable to leave a narcissist. In fact, having them out of your life is probably a good choice for your bank account.
Narcissists have a way of extracting every last dime from your possession, so sticking around probably isn’t helping you save for the future.
That being said, relocating is a big investment. Consider the cost of hiring a moving company or, at the very least, paying for a moving van.
Beyond this, you’ll need to set money aside for a downpayment on a new house or a security deposit for an apartment.
The cost of relocating can really add up. When you arrive at your new destination, you’ll need money in savings and a plan for employment.
Going no contact
When you’re ending a relationship with a narcissist, going no contact is usually the best way to handle things. This means you have zero communication with the narcissist.
If you leave any channels of communication open, they are likely to reach out and try to suck you back in. Don’t allow them this opportunity.
Going no contact means blocking their phone number, deleting them from social media, and refusing to engage with them publicly.
Achieving no contact
No contact is pretty easy to achieve if you relocate. If you move to a new city, the narcissist won’t be able to swing by your house or stop by your usual hangout spots.
You can also change your phone number in a new town, so they cannot contact you, even from a blocked number.
Relocating can make no contact easier, but it’s not the only way. You can stick to no contact, even in the same town.
Beyond blocking the narcissist from your phone and social media, you might have to change your routine. If you frequent certain restaurants or clubs on the weekend, you’ll have to find new places to hang out.
Similarly, if you stop at the same coffee shop on the way to work each morning, you must switch to a new location. This prevents the narcissist from stalking you at your usual stomping grounds.
Sticking to your boundaries
Regardless of whether you relocate, breaking free from a narcissist requires you to set strong boundaries.
When you try to end the relationship, they will likely beg you to stay. Or, they’ll listen to what you say, only to act as if you never broke up with them.
They might arrive at your house after the breakup, or call you as if nothing ever happened.
Don’t allow them to violate your boundaries. If you’re ending the relationship, end the relationship.
Don’t give in to their attempts to reconcile or have contact with you. Remain unreachable to them; if they find a way to reach you, ignore them.
If you must, remind them of the fact that you broke up. Give them the gray rock treatment, remaining as boring as possible so they realize they’re not getting a reaction from you.
The Bottom Line
This article began with the question of whether relocating is the best way to break free from a narcissist. It may be one way of breaking free, but it’s not the only way.
When you decide to take your power back from a narcissist, what is most important is that you stick to your boundaries.
Ending the relationship and moving on allows you to break free. How you achieve this depends upon your specific needs and situation.
If you can do so, moving away can ensure a clean break. The narcissist won’t be able to contact you, and you’ll be able to start over fresh.
Moving is a big step, and it could remove you from your support network. When moving isn’t an option, you can remain in the same town if you commit to going without contact.
Relocating is one way of establishing freedom from a narcissist,and it could be the best way for you. Ultimately, the best way to break free is to go entirely no contact and start your life over without a narcissist breathing down your neck.
