Last Updated on March 3, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Anyone that’s ever been in a relationship with a narcissist knows that their love is cyclical. One day they’re fawning over you, buying extravagant gifts, and saying that they’ve never felt this way before.
Not long after they’re criticizing how you dress, how you talk, and making you question your sanity. Then they get bored, leave, and make you feel like you never mattered in the first place – that is until they need an ego boost and come running back.
But what if you could be the one in control? What if you could bring them back to the relationship on your terms?
So how to make a narcissist miss you? It isn’t all that difficult. Ignore them, and they’ll do everything in their power to get your attention; narcissists thrive on interest and admiration, so playing hard to get is one of the best strategies for winning them back.
Can a Narcissist Genuinely Miss You?
Narcissists get pigeon-holed as these emotionless (albeit self-centered) robots, but in reality they’re incredibly sensitive.
They’re so sensitive and full of emotion that they don’t have much capacity for anyone else. It’s not that they’re incapable of empathy; they just don’t have room to feel anyone else’s emotions when they’re so focused on themselves.
So can someone who is focused on themselves genuinely miss you? The answer is an unsatisfying yes and no. Every relationship is about fulfilling an emotional need, and that’s true even in healthy relationships.
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So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn’t being met when you’re not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.
The answer can also be no in that a true narcissist doesn’t really miss you as a person; they miss how you made them feel. You were a source of narcissistic supply and provided them with positive feelings.
They miss having someone around that they can control and squeeze that supply from whenever they need it. However, you can always be replaced by someone else that makes them feel that same way.
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How to Make a Narcissist Miss You?
If you’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, it might be a little confusing as to why you’d want them back after a breakup. However, many survivors of these relationships are left feeling confused and powerless following a discard.
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Figuring out how to get a narcissist back after a discard can be a way to regain one’s confidence, even if the relationship is eventually doomed to fail. So how do you make a narcissist regret losing you?
Start By Thinking Like Them
The first step to getting a narcissist to miss you is to think like a narcissist. What is it about you that they liked most, what will they have trouble finding in a new romantic partner? If you’re wondering what a narcissist regrets most, it’s losing their source of supply.
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More than likely, your partner never saw you as a person. But do narcissists miss old supply? Absolutely! Think about when they needed their supply the most – what kind of ego triggers did they have, things that made them feel very negative about themselves?
Think about when you were indispensable as an ego booster. Use that to your advantage and then dole out the supply in minute doses.
Let Them End the Relationship
You might be thinking that the narcissist is already doing this when they criticize, gaslight, and generally make you miserable.
If you’re like most people, you call them out for their negative behaviors and let them know how much they’re hurting you. This is the wrong strategy against a narcissist though, they will always win this type of argument because they don’t care about your feelings.
Instead, when the narcissist is telling you how worthless you are or is playing the victim by listing all the wrongs you’ve committed against them, just let them.
Agree with their criticism and say that you don’t deserve them. You end the argument by agreeing with them, and it gives you the opening to initiate the breakup. If they’re flabbergasted that you would do such a thing, remind them of how terrible they just said you are.
Get Them to Open Up
Remember narcissists are not emotionless robots, they simply don’t know how to express their feelings and worries in a healthy way. Surprisingly, narcissists have the same desire for emotional intimacy as everyone else, but they aren’t very good at attaining it.
The narcissist is so afraid of being outed as weak, scared, or anything less than perfect – you know, things every human is from time to time, that they wall themselves off to make sure no one gets too close.
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This is why narcissism results in such superficial relationships based on money, status, or sex. Anything more complicated feels like it could be their downfall.
However, you can get through to some narcissists, provided you have the time and willpower. Once you’ve broken through their defenses and allowed them to open up, they’ll be yours, at least for a while.
Remind Them of What Was Good About Your Relationship
Narcissists are always looking for the better deal – more money, a more attractive partner, someone that can improve their social status.
They are quick to forget what made them happy in their previous relationships, instead of focusing on what was wrong with it and how there could be a more attractive option out there.
To get a narcissist to come back to you, help them remember all the things you did for them. To save face and not look foolish for discarding you, they’ll likely point out your flaws and everything you did wrong in the relationship.
However, by planting the seeds of doubt about their decision to walk away, you’ll have gotten inside their head and soon they will be obsessed with you again.
Go No Contact
If you’re wondering how to make a narcissist regret losing you, the simplest method is to stop communicating with them. Even when the narcissist discards you, they leave a line of communication open so they can access you whenever they need a dose of narcissistic supply.
Going zero contact lets the narcissist know that they’re not that important to you, your emotions aren’t tied to their whims, and you aren’t interested in continuing this relationship sometime in the future.
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Unfortunately, zero contact isn’t possible for some people. If you’re forced to co-parent with a narcissist, only communicate about what’s necessary for the health and well-being of your child. Then, when the narcissist inevitably steers the conversation towards themself and how they’re doing after the breakup, kindly redirect them to essential parenting topics.
Does a Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?
By necessity, this no contact will be temporary if you’re hoping to get back together with the narcissist. It’s a break that’ll give them time to clear their head and think about how much you meant to them.
Again, don’t take that as them seeing how valuable of a person you really are, but how valuable you are to them; the narcissist is always thinking about how they can use you.
How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You?
Following a discard, many narcissists will leave you alone for a while. Not only do they want you to feel worthless and undeserving of your time, but they’re probably searching for better romantic prospects. The key to getting a narcissist to chase you is to show them what they’re missing out on.
You need to remind them of how valuable you were in their life. Narcissists will only treat you with kindness and respect when they believe they can lose something valuable to them. They need to know that your presence in their life is conditional on their behavior.
Another option is to induce the excitement that was present in the early stages of the relationship. The narcissist was on top of the world because they finally had someone that filled all their psychological voids.
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You want them to feel the way again, when they were love bombing you and still enthralled with a new romance. Always keep in mind why the narcissist left though. Their love has a time limit, and they hit their limit whenever those feelings of excitement run out.
Treat Yourself to a Makeover
Nothing is more important to a narcissist than their personal appearance; this applies equally to male and female narcissists.
So if you’re wondering how to make a narcissist regret losing you, start putting more work into your appearance. Seeing you looking trim and fit or with a fresh makeover will signal that you’re feeling confident after the breakup. That fact alone will infuriate them, as they want to be in control of your confidence.
Additionally, narcissists want to be seen with attractive people because they think this makes them look attractive and high-status.
Be the Person You Want to Be
Physical appearance isn’t everything, though, even if it’s a big attractant for narcissists. Focusing on yourself is a great way to let loose the shackles of a narcissistic relationship and see who you can really be.
If you’ve ever had an interest in something but didn’t pursue it: a career change, world travel, or just some sort of hobby, this is a great time to make it happen. The narcissist will notice and be incredibly attracted to your newfound ambition.
Get Them to Talk About Themselves
Everyone likes to talk about themselves and it feels good when the person you’re interested in is hanging on you every word.
Narcissists take this to the extreme by dominating the conversation and redirecting it whenever it strays too far from praising them. Ask the narcissists questions about their successes or anything that will boost their ego and don’t call them on it if the answers sound exaggerated or outright false.
That can be challenging with a narcissist who’s discarded you, as you’re probably well aware of their flaws.
Don’t Act Too Impressed With Them
This sounds like the opposite of the last point, but when done correctly, it’s a foolproof way to get a narcissist to come running back to you. You want to keep them talking about themselves, but don’t interject or follow their statements with any kind of praise or signs that you’re impressed.
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They’ll keep trying so long as you’re willing to keep listening. The longer you keep this up, the more they’ll be interested. Make the narcissist beg for your approval.
Make Yourself Seem Unattainable
Nothing thrills a narcissist quite like a chase, with the pursuit usually being more exciting than an actual relationship. If you’re trying to understand how to get a narcissist to come crawling back to you, being unavailable is a sure-fire method.
If the narcissist tries to make plans to see you, say you’re busy and give a non-committal answer for when you might meet up.
How to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship
Enduring months or even years of narcissistic abuse can exact a heavy toll on your psyche. It’s hard to remember what it’s like to have a relationship with someone that isn’t constantly playing mind games with you.
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After a discard, you might make rash decisions, hoping you can make them jealous and regret losing you. If they come chasing after you, you feel like you’ve beat them at their own game. Unfortunately, you’re playing right into their hands.
Being discarded by a narcissist is usually temporary; they often come back, which is not a positive thing even if you’re in control of the situation.
The relationship will always be a toxic one and a waste of your time and emotional resources when you could be with someone who’ll love you and treat you as more than a source of supply.
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