How To make a Narcissist Obsessed With You?

Last Updated on January 6, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Narcissists don’t play by the rules, and if you want to make them obsessed with you, you’ve got to beat them at their own game.

How to make a narcissist obsessed with you? May I warn you, this is not going to be an easy task.

But if you’re willing to put the work in, and ditch your traditional romantic ideals, you can have a narcissist whimpering like a puppy, and eating out of the palm of your hand.

However, it’s risky business, but if you’re a risk-taker, then go ahead. If you want to know how to make a narcissist obsessed with you, keep reading! 

How do You Get the Attention of a Narcissist?

How do You Get the Attention of a Narcissist

Narcissists are attracted to everything shiny, they’re super vain, and enjoy the finer things in life. So if you’re looking to get the attention of a narcissist, start here:

Be As Physically Appealing As Possible

Everyone wants what they can’t have, but narcissists take it to another level. They want the best looking partner, the best car, the best house, the best everything. They’ve got to be number one at all times, or they don’t feel complete.

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If you’re serious about how to make a narcissist obsessed with you, looking as physically appealing as possible is essential. Make sure you look on point at all times, even if you’re just going to the grocery store.

When the narcissist sees how much attention you get, you’ll slowly start drawing him/her into your web of splendor. 

Ignore Them

Narcissists are strange characters, even though they revel in the attention, when you ignore them, they’ll chase you for having the audacity to ignore them.

The narcissist will want to know who the hell you think you are? As a result of you ignoring them, they’ll start pulling every trick in the book to get your attention. If you intend on using this tactic…prepare for a theatre show. 

Act Arrogant

Now this one might backfire, it depends on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, but you can give it a try and see what happens. Okay, so narcissists get a kick out of destroying people’s self-esteem.

They can spot low self-esteem the way a shark smells blood. And that’s the direction they typically go in because they know it will be easy supply.

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But there are some narcissists who like more of a challenge and will target a confident person because it’s more of a victory to them when they break them down. So, if you want to see a narcissist obsessed, act as if you’ve got some self-respect. 

3 Ways to Make a Narcissist Obsessed With You

3 Ways to Make a Narcissist Obsessed With You

If you want to know how to make a narcissist addicted to you, you may need to do some things you’ve never done before and play a few emotional games. Here are some tips:

#1 Don’t Make a Commitment

The minute you make a commitment to a narcissist, they’ll switch on you. You see, they’re very strategic people, and get into relationships with one intention.

And that’s to get you hooked on them so you can become their constant source of narcissistic supply. There are three stages to their strategy:

1. The Love Bombing Stage

The love bombing stage is right at the beginning of the relationship and they invest a lot of time and money to get their victim to fall in love with them. Love bombing is why narcissists have developed a reputation for being charming.

They will take you out to nice restaurants, buy you gifts, take you on vacation, call and text you all the time telling you how beautiful you are.

You’ll think you’ve found the man/woman of your dreams, you’ll invite them to meet your friends and family who will love your narcissist just as much as you do.

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Before you know it, you’ve fallen head over heels into his/her trap. Once they know they’ve got you, they move onto the next stage. 

2. The Devaluing Stage

Once you’re addicted to what you’ve been deceived into believing is their loving nature, the narcissist will switch on you so hard and fast you won’t know what’s hit you.

He/she will literally mess with the chemical makeup of your brain. Let me explain…dopamine is the feel good hormone, anytime something makes you feel good, the brain releases this chemical into the bloodstream.

Dopamine plays an important role in addiction, whether the person uses drugs, alcohol, or they’re addicted to shopping, what the individual is actually chasing is a dopamine high, they want to feel good at all times.

When the addict crashes, they feel depressed, and go out looking for that high again. Abusive relationships work in the same way, the only difference is the addiction is a person. 

Your narcissist made you feel good and giddy when they were love bombing you. Now, they’re going to make you crash by emotionally and verbally abusing you. Let’s say it’s your six month anniversary and you’re going out to dinner.

You decide to wear the same red dress you wore on your first date. As you put on the dress, you reminisce about how he lavished you with compliments.

You remember every last word, he told you how much the dress complimented your figure and your skin complexion.

But today, when he picks you up, the first thing he says when he opens the door is, “not that dress again, it makes you look a bit chubby, and the red against your skin makes you look too pale.” Now you’re confused, and as you get changed, your self-esteem is slowly deflating. 

He knows you’re slightly depressed because he’s well aware that you wore that dress in anticipation of hearing him make the same compliments. Even when you emerge with a new dress on, he doesn’t acknowledge you.

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The date is slightly off, and you spend the night worrying that he’s not into you anymore. Now you start acting desperate, and this is exactly where he wants you. You’ve now become the perfect source of narcissistic supply because you overcompensate to win his approval.

He will know exactly when to start building you up again, and then he’ll tear you back down. So now you’re completely addicted to him, elated when he validates you, and crushed when he’s mean and nasty to you.  

3. The Discarding Stage

Once he’s completely worn you out, and you’ve got nothing left to give, he’ll get rid of you in the most cruel and cold way. If he moved into yours, he’ll simply pack up and leave. You’ll come back from work to an empty house.

If you moved into his, he’ll pack your things while you’re at work, leave them outside the front door, and change the locks! Once you’re out of the picture, he’ll move onto the next. 

What you don’t want is for him to get past the love bombing stage. He’ll bait you to see if you take it. Remember, the bait is the nasty comment or insult.

Act as if what he says doesn’t bother you at all. Laugh about it, but whatever you do, don’t get into a confrontation about it.

When you don’t take the bait, he’s going to keep love bombing you, and every so often, he’ll throw the bait out to see if he can hook you.  

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#2 Flirt With Other People

When your narcissist is around, make sure you flirt with the opposite sex. Don’t go overboard with it, be subtle, but obvious. For example, you can keep giving compliments, or lightly touch an arm during conversation.

The narcissist will sulk like a petulant child, and may even start an argument, but it will motivate him/her to try harder to become the center of your world. 

#3 Don’t Compliment Them

And I mean ever! The minute you start complimenting a narcissist, they’ll rub their hands together in glee thinking they’re one step closer to getting you hooked.

Instead of complimenting the narcissist, highlight their imperfections in a clever way.

Deep down, narcissists are terribly insecure, they put on a facade that they totally love themselves, and they’re the best thing since sliced bread, but it’s all a front.

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So you could say something like, “wow, I really admire the way you wear tight tops even though your stomachs a bit on the round side.”

Or, after taking a selfie together, look at the picture and say, “your levels of confidence are out of this world, I’d never take a picture with the bad side of my face.” 

#4 Never Have Time For Them

During the love bombing stage, the narcissist is going to want to spend all their time with you. Their aim is to spend as much time as they can buttering you up so that you get hooked as soon as possible.

As you’ve read, once you’re hooked, the devaluing starts. So the less time you spend with your narcissist the better for you because they’ll keep trying to catch you.

Every time your narcissist calls to arrange to meet up, say you’re busy on that date, and that you’ll call back when you’ve got some free time.

The narcissist won’t be very happy about this, they’ll feel neglected and abandoned, but it will keep him/her on their toes. 

How do You Keep a Narcissist Hooked?

How do You Keep a Narcissist Hooked?

By refusing to get hooked! It sounds simple, but it’s not. The only way to keep a narcissist chasing you is not to succumb to the love bombing stage.

It’s also important to mention that you won’t keep the narcissist hooked forever.

Eventually, they’ll go to where they can get supply. Remember, narcissism is a mental illness, and without narcissistic supply, they can’t function.

They’ll enjoy the chase for a moment, but in the same way they discard their partners when they no longer have any use for them, is the same way they’ll discard you once the reality sets in that you’ll never become a victim.

So keep that in mind on your quest to get a narcissist to become obsessed with you. 

Can a Narcissist be Obsessed With Someone?

Yes, but for the wrong reasons. The one and only way a narcissist is going to get obsessed with someone is if they can’t hook them.

It won’t be because they think the individual is so awesome and they want to be around them all the time. One of the symptoms of narcissism is that they lack empathy.

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A lack of empathy can manifest in many ways, and one of them is that they don’t have the capacity to become genuinely attracted to a person because of who they are.

You’ll never hear about a narcissist falling head over heels in love because of their partner’s personality. So if you’re looking for someone to become obsessed with you for normal reasons, you won’t get this from a narcissist. 

Why Making a Narcissist Obsessed With You Might Not be a Good Idea

Well, in extreme cases, this is a dangerous game to play. When a narcissist is obsessed with you, it’s for the wrong reasons.

When they can’t get past the love bombing stage, they might start using other tactics to break you. In other words, the only reason why the narcissist became obsessed with you was because he/she couldn’t get you hooked.

Your resilience will intrigue them, and you’ll become a project that they’re determined to complete. Second of all, do you really want to waste your time and energy playing this sick emotional game?

You’ll never be able to be yourself around them, and you’ll always be on high alert trying to one up your narcissist. Eventually, you’ll get worn out. 

Final Thought

Getting a narcissist to like you is difficult enough, let alone obsessed! You’ll need to be on your A game at all times, and you can’t get caught slipping or your plans will fail miserably.

You see, narcissists don’t live in the real world, they’re constantly planning and manipulating so you’ve got to be ten steps ahead of them.

Be warned, sometimes, you’ll feel as if you’re fighting a losing battle because the narcissist won’t budge.

But if you’re relentless, eventually, you’ll get exactly what you want!

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

1 thought on “How To make a Narcissist Obsessed With You?”

  1. Hi there, Alexander.

    Wow. This whole article was written as a frighteningly accurate depiction of the situation I am in.
    It’s as though you were speaking to me, personally.

    Thank you for this honest and straightforward article.

    Reply

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