Why Do Narcissists Want to Stay Friends With You?
Hey, it’s me. I know we broke up, but I miss you. I miss just hanging out with you. I’d really love to stay friends, and maybe do something together soon.
When you break up with somebody, it’s usually because it’s for the best. While it may not immediately be what you want, it will be what’s needed.
If they break up with you, well – why the heck should anybody be friends with them then?
Narcissists always want to try to be friends with their exes, and I have spent some time compiling the 9 reasons why.
Let’s jump in.
Engage… To A Point
Seeing the narcissist you are invariably unable to escape from in the street can sometimes mean there will be a quick exchange of politeness.
Hi there.
Hello.
I will advise you now that an equally fast getaway statement needs to be.
I must dash. I’m late for something.
Leaving the scene means you are refusing to get drawn into a discussion that may lead to a request in meeting up, or catching up, or “I should call you sometime.”
No. Nobody needs to be calling anybody.
The narcissist has done all this damage, and now it’s time for you to take charge of your well being, and do the right thing:
Leave them behind.
Here’s all the reasons they want to stay friends with you.
#1 Their Ego Matters
Of course it matters! You know that they have a huge sense of self-importance and they want to exert that as much as they can, with as many people as possible.
You don’t need to be a part of that, nor is it any of your business anymore.
You broke up, right?
You used to be friends, and they’ve tried to worm their way back even?
It’s a no!
It has to be.
Their ego wants you around because you have a history of making them feel good at a detriment to your own health.
Absolutely not – not even up for debate.
Let their ego self-combust. It’s nothing to do with you anymore – thankfully!
#2 You’re The Back-Up!
So, they’ve come running to you because they don’t have any other options?
Why is it they always try to fight their way to you when there’s nothing else going on for them?
You are the main character in your life story, and every time you go back to them, or answer their call, you’re making yourself an extra in the background of it.
You’re nobody’s back up.
#3 “Validate Me!”
If you weren’t there to validate them, they’d have nobody.
Remember that you may be an ‘old friend’ or ‘ex’, but you once delivered a strong sense of supply to the narcissist. When they needed it the most, you provided it.
This is a real change to what they have now, and that is the large, very obvious risk of losing you entirely.
That’s why they want to keep you on side, and a friend.
#4 Social Image: Positive
If you were to disappear or tell people that you no longer wanted to be in the narcissist’s life, how would that look on them?
It won’t be pretty, I can tell you.
It’s in their interest to keep you close so that they don’t look like the ex you tried to get away from.
If you successfully keep your distance, people will pile on the pressure and want to know why.
What will the narcissist say then?
#5 Intimacy Benefits
So you gave them something good while you were together, and now you’re not, they still want those benefits.
Does life work that way?
The whole point of being friends is that you aren’t intimate with them. They’re buddies. You hang out, do things together, support each other, and that’s pretty much it.
Intimacy benefits – if you’re going to dabble at all – should at least be with a person who doesn’t have a history of abusing you and making a mockery of your very identity.
And if you think this will ever work, and that you will never develop or retain stronger feelings for them, you’re wrong.
It almost never works, and it will eventually become yet another power play of the narcissist.
Remember, they’re so keen to keep that control. It’s what they live for, and if they can offer you an ounce of affection ‘with no strings,’ then prepare for those strings to appear over time.
Your presence will be just as much in demand as it was when you were officially a couple.
Don’t allow it.
#6 Sabotaging Your Love Life
When you do meet somebody else, you’re going to want a totally fresh start.
It’s you and your new partner. The past is in the past. Lessons were learned, and this is it.
Except – how can it be if your narcissist is lurking behind you waiting to close in like some kind of unwanted Norovrius?
You do not want the hassle of having them try to spread rumors about you to your new partner, or attempting to become their new best friend.
Avoid the friendship – and cut them out.
#7 Your Supply Is Valuable
Everything you have given them over the time you were together has now gone for them. As much as they refused to value you as a person, they did value all the wins they got from you.
The tears as you wondered what you did wrong were wins.
The times you asked if you’d done anything wrong when they purposely ignored you were wins.
The job they made you give up so you could be the one who stays home and cooks was the win.
The friends you lost to them were wins.
That supply can’t just disappear – so they will cling to a potential friendship.
#8 “I Dread Being Alone”
They aren’t likely to spring that confession onto you, but you’ll feel it in all the ways they will not leave you alone.
They want you to think that they’re trying to do you a favor by sticking around, but really it’s all them.
The thought of not having you around worries them, so having you as a friend means they always have a way to your supply.
#9 It’s Always All About Control
It isn’t just narcissistic partners who are abusive.
It is possible to be related to them, work with them, or even be friends with them.
They’re everywhere, as much as I wish they weren’t.
If there’s anything to still control, they will keep you around, or at least fight for you to be around in some way.
They know you well enough by now to know what they can and can’t get out of you, so control is vital to them.
