Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.
They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.
There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.
If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.
“My Reality is Fact!”
The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims.
“You’re Nothing!”
Being told how worthless you are does a few things.
For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it.
You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words.
It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day.
Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.
That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you.
“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”
Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.
So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you.
And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice.
This design is set up to get them off the hook.
Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.
Phew for them!
“…”
That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you.
If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary.
The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet.
When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.
What did I do wrong?
How can I fix this?
What can I do to make them happy?
I must be a terrible person.
What’s going to happen next?
Do you need this?
No.
Yet they make it so prevalent in your world.
It isn’t fair.
“I Must Cause Fallout”
What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist.
The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?
Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.
Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic.
If you’re a part of that, you will suffer.
“Poor Me…”
The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.
It’s all been too much for me.
I try my best.
I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people.
I wish people would understand me.
These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works.
Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.
This injects:
- Guilt
- Shame
- Self-blame
- Self-loathing
- Insecurity
- Worry
- Anxiety
- Depression
In their partners, and they know this.
They just don’t care.
“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”
Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!
We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!
Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.
Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.
It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those.
What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!)
Don’t get sucked into this black hole.
“I Will Tell Everybody!”
Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?
I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,
Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one.
It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive.
Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains.
“Nice, But Not!”
You go out, they act like the perfect partner.
You get home, and they ignore you.
You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.
Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.
This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”
Also the best one,
“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”
Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right?
The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it.
You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.
This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.
