I don’t need to tell you that any time spent with a narcissist is a confusing time. One minute it’s like this, the next it’s like that.
They say one thing, and they mean entirely another.
It’s downright painful to experience, and you can try to make sense of it all, but they will only further confuse you.
These 15 things a narcissist will say, and what they actually mean, are a way for you to untangle their toxicity.
I think you all deserve to do that.
Crossed Wires?
Hardly.
Crossed wires are accidental, and narcissists never do anything accidentally.
Everything is planned and poised for them to look like a good person, and for you to suffer yet again.
When they say things they don’t mean, they’re not trying to convince just you, they’re trying to convince themselves, too.
That’s why they’re so determined to succeed, and why you will never win.
Let’s take a look now, at what they say, and what they mean.
#1 “I Am Sorry You Feel That Way”
What a way to have your feelings dismissed!
I absolutely abhor this phrase.
This has nothing to do with their actions, or what upset you in the first place, and has everything to do with invalidating you.
They don’t want the blame you’re sending their way, and the more you try to hold them accountable, the less they will appreciate it.
This is all about maintaining their self-image, and they will throw you under the bus if it means they can keep it.
They’re not sorry about what they did, they’re just sorry you’re creating such a fuss.
#2 “Nobody Gets Me Like You Do”
Oh, spare me.
I’ve heard this before, and I know many of my clients have.
It is devastating to think that somebody can propel you into this huge place of importance when all they do the rest of the time is make you feel like shit.
So you, as the victim, don’t know if you’re coming or going.
Nobody gets me as you do should be converted to:
Nobody will put up with half of what I do like you do. To lose you would mean to lose a great deal of supply that you give me daily for free.
Fantastic. I hope I covered that well enough for you.
#3 “You’re Completely Overreacting”
Are you, though?
Is it within your right to react how you see fit?
The truth of the matter is, you’re probably absolutely spot on, and the narcissist doesn’t like that.
You’ve made some good points, and you’re asserting yourself.
They don’t like that – and they will do their best to make you small as a result.
Never fall for it!
#4 “You’re So Selfish”
What a joke!
Narcissists are the most selfish people ever to walk this earth, and they have the nerve to tell you that it’s you who is so?
I don’t think so.
I wish I could remind victims of this every day. It’s well worth remembering the next time they try to guilt you into apologizing for something you haven’t done.
I promise there’s nothing more toxic than refusing to believe they’re the problem, when in fact, they are.
There’s nothing selfish about you. They say it because they want all their selfishness to be hidden by their accusation.
#5 “You’re Lucky To Be With Me!”
Are you though? I mean, narcissists live for you to take their word as gospel, and this is what they give you?
When you dig underneath, you’ll notice that what they’re actually saying is:
I want you to believe that you’re lucky and have the best because then there will be no reason for you to leave me.
They don’t want you to leave them – abandonment is one of their major triggers.
#6 “I Didn’t Say That”
Essentially this means:
Yeah, I might have said that, but if I convince you that I didn’t, then we aren’t going to have a problem.
In other words: Let’s erase all the shit I do to you, so they aren’t talking points.
#7 “You Never Do Anything Right! Why?”
You know you do, but they want you to think that you don’t. I’ll tell you why.
In making you feel bad about never getting it right, they can constantly act as though it’s you with the problem, and they’re the victim.
They control this narrative, and they’ve got themselves a really good deal…
…Unlike you.
#8 “I Don’t Remember”
You bet they don’t! Narcissists are never going to remember all the things they said or did that were wrong.
If they don’t remember, then they can’t argue.
It never happened. The End.
And where does that leave you?
Absolutely stuck, that’s where.
#9 “Everyone Else Thinks I’m Right”
Do they? Honestly?
This is severe narcissistic ego talking. They really do live in their own toxic little worlds, and they think everybody revolved around them.
WRONG!
What the narcissist really means is:
I want everybody to think I’m right so my image cannot be destroyed!
#10 “You Don’t Even Know What You’re Saying”
I will translate this for you right now:
You do know what you’re saying, and you’re right. I just can’t stand that you know me and my games, so shut your mouth and be confused.
Would you tolerate being spoken to like that?
You already are, with this phrase.
#11 “Who Else Is Going To Put Up With You?”
What a way to make victims feel even more worthless.
If I convince you that nobody will ever want you, you will never have the courage to leave me.
Bingo!
They get you and your supply forever!
#12 “I Am Always Right – Fact”
No…
…You like to always think that you’re right.
That’s the real fact, here.
And by the way, adding ‘fact’ to a statement doesn’t make it a fact!
#13 “You’d Never Be Able To Cope or Live Without Me”
Did you cope just fine before they came along?
So what would be different if they ever left?
Narcissists want you to believe they are the be all, and end all.
They aren’t.
What they mean is:
“I will never be able to cope.”
This is major projection, people!
#14 “It’s All Your Fault”
Loosely translated to:
If I admit this is my fault, then I admit to actually having faults. So instead, you’re going to get the blame. Toughen up and deal with it.”
Don’t ever believe that you are to blame. This is how narcissists shame and guilt you into apologizing for no reason.
#15 “You’re So Jealous/Insecure”
I’d kindly like to point out (and I am trying to be as calm as I can with this):
The only jealousy that would come from you would be the kind they plant in you.
That jealousy is going to feel more like panic.
Will they leave me?
How will I cope?
What will I do?
The trauma bond they place upon you will worry that something is going on. Your fear is a problem to them, so instead of creating a secure and loving bond, they leave you on edge.
All the time.
Then blame you for it.
