The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me

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QUESTION: Like a bouncing ball, my narcissist boyfriend keeps coming back and constantly contacts me. I keep dumping him but he keeps coming back for more. He calls, emails, texts and even contacts me on Facebook until I take him back. I can’t resist him when he is his old charming self. I always take him back but then things get bad again and the cycle repeats itself. Why does he keep coming back? Why does he try so hard to contact me?

Why Do Narcissists Keep Coming Back and Contact You?

Narcissists are addicted to what is known as “Narcissistic Supply”.

Attention (good OR bad), adulation, applause, fame, celebrity, notoriety – are all Narcissistic Supply.

The people who supply these consistently, reliably, and predictably, are called “Narcissistic Supply Sources”.

The Need for Narcissistic Supply

Why should the narcissist look for another supply source if the current supply source is available and always accepts him back?

Cultivating a new source of Narcissistic Supply is a VERY time-consuming and energy-depleting affair. The narcissist always prefers the path of least resistance (reverting to old sources).

If a narcissist is deficient in Narcissistic Supply, he will seek it out from anyone he can get it from.

If he comes to you after your relationship has ended, you must understand he is coming to you because he is not getting enough attention or validation from his current source of supply.

This may sound harsh and may be hard to accept, but you need to understand that.

He is not returning to you because he misses you or genuinely loves you (although he is apt to say that to you because he knows that is what most women want to hear).

Remember, the only two feelings a narcissist experiences are fear and rage.

Love is not a feeling a narcissist can experience. If he returns to you, it’s because he needs to be validated and nothing more.

Quick Fix

Why do some narcissists return only to change their mind immediately after you commit or why do they return just to say something insulting or hurtful?

The reason for this is that he is only returning to get a “quick fix” for his addiction.

Once you validate him by responding to him in any way- good or bad- he has his fix and will move on to the next best ‘high’.

Getting a reaction out of you is like a drug to him. He gets off on it and he needs it in order to feel alive.

Without it, he feels dead inside. This is why he will come back even if it is just to insult you. If he knows he can’t get a positive reaction from you, he’s going to try to elicit a negative reaction.

All he needs is a reaction-any reaction- from you to get his fix. He likes to know he still has some kind of effect on you.

Furthermore, the old source has the advantage of having witnessed the narcissist’s past grandeur.

Her much repeated ‘surrender’ and ‘yielding to his charm’ is the Narcissistic Supply he seeks. It is his victory, a ‘win’ in his game.

More generally, the narcissist sort of pushes the envelope, trying to determine and figure out how strong his potency is as an irresistible male and desirable mate.

The more tortured the relationship – the sweeter the recurring “victory” (reconciliation).

This is doubly true when the narcissist is in the throes of life crises such as loss of a job, divorce, serious illness, etc.

He then tends to derive self-esteem and a sense of self-worth by proxy, by being associated with a successful woman.

To summarize:

Your narcissist keeps coming back, and remains fixated on you, because it is the easiest and quickest way to get a fix of Narcissistic Supply.

And because you keep taking him back. Narcissists act (or refrain from acting) based solely on the availability of Narcissistic Supply (or lack thereof).

If the narcissist keeps coming back – he does so because he is convinced that there is Narcissistic Supply to be obtained – or because he has yet to secure an alternative source of supply.

Let him get his fix somewhere else. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to go “No Contact” and refuse to react to him.

36 thoughts on “The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me”

  1. My ex was forever walking away. I’d always coax him back. Pattern:

    He’d hurt my feelings.
    I’d get upset.
    He would say something like, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
    I’d get angry.
    He’d go.
    I’d miss him terribly and call/text to coax him back.

    Then he ended the relationship twice – both times taking what was meant to be a break and telling me at second hand “it was over” – once by removing his clothes etc without telling me, the second time by texting that I could keep the stuff he’d left.

    The third “I’m leaving you,” was ten days ago. This time I decided to accept it.

    Last Friday he called and said he had a wrong number. I said, “OK,” and hung up.

    Nothing since then.

    I am in terrible pain over this. I hope and pray he doesn’t contact me, because I wonder if I would have the strength to refuse to talk to him. On the other hand, this silence hurts me too. That’s the dynamic between us, of course. He runs/I coax him back/he runs… I wouldn’t have been doing that if I didn’t feel so much for him. So this is hard.

    I wonder, academically, what he’ll do next. He may plan to “bump into my by accident.” I know he’d never call me and do what I used to do – try to re-establish things.

    This is all so sick and so horrible and it’s going to take so long to get over him. And I have to learn from this, too. Just as tough.

    • Hi, don’t know when you wrote this. But I can tell you that the pattern is typical of a narcissist. They use whatever it is you need to hurt YOU. If you fear being abandoned they do that or act as though they don’t care if they are with you or not just to keep you off balance and insecure. The more insecure you feel the better they feel. Always keeping you off guard is the best ammunition for them. My suggestion, just go on with your life. The crazyness will continue if you let it and you are right. He is not going to contact you. He is waiting for you to contact him and that will provide him the NS that he needs. He can wait a month, a year, a decade. However long it takes. Hopefully you have let him go, moved on to a healthier lifestyle in which you are surrounded by people who care about you and value you for the wonderful person you are. Remember, the narcissist never did that and remember, he never will. You are in love with what the person you thought he was and when things started going wrong he blamed everything on you and so he feeds off your guilt, gets his way and always remains the superior one and in his mind you are the “sick one.” Please let it go. Move on. It is very unhealthy.

    • I’m going through the same thing . he would break up with me ,then real me back in . I’d fall for it because he’s so sweet and believing . but then few days he finds something to get mad about and say we are done again. I never get an answer of why. I miss him each time even though I know it’s a cycle . I fell in love with someone that really isn’t there . the person he wanted me to believe . I’m still hurting inside because I kept going back hoping he’d become that person again that I could make things great . all it did was mess with mind and I still miss him . but I read a lot about narcissists and keep busy . because I know I don’t deserve to be talked to the way did. and that person I love is rarely there when I did see him . so I would get discarded over and over and it hurt each time . but I tell myself love shouldn’t be this way and what did I do . nothing and you will never get an answer . it sucks but someday the pain will go away

  2. I was in the same situation. My narcissistic boyfriend came along while I was struggling with a previous 12 year relationship so I was feeling pretty vulnerable and unhappy. He was stationed in the US but lived in holland separated so I though. Anyway because of how happy he made me and the way he gave me courage I called him Lancelot. He showered me with compliments, gifts, and trips. He really gave me the princess treatment for about 6 months until he had to return to holland. Then everything changed starting with his attitude. He became more demanding and jealous we fault all the time. Mostly about my job (massage therapist) and my kids for some reason he was mean towards them almost jealous. I didnt get that because he said he wanted to marry me but after the fights and awkward in person moments I knew deep inside that it wouldn’t be possible. It came to the point where I was walking in eggshells because no matter what I did it would set him off into insecurity or rage and he’d end things. At first I thought he might have been Borderline Personality but he met only some of the criteria but matched all the signs for Narcissism. Then in Thailand which probably really did it for me he invites me after a 4 month break up as soon as I arrived his attitude changed its as if he wished he didn’t invite me. I don’t get it. We texted everyday it was ok then we make plans and I show up and he’s rude and indifferent here I am walking on eggshells again because I’m afraid to get dumped after we meet. He had a fetish for shemales so he cheated on me with one as soon as I left then again in Cambodia. I felt lik such a loser. Then I ended up forgiving him but by this time (3.5 years) I’m feeling emotionally drained. Don’t feel like Sextexting or jumping through hoops to keep it interesting while he does nothing. Valentines day I plan the perfect weekend French embassy and party at Ronald regan building. Two great events then we saw a movie then he leaves to go near his business co workers but no contact from him. I start wondering why and texting him that we should increase our communication he goes on the defensive. The truth came out later when he said he lost interest and wasnt sure he loved me. I tell him to fuck off when he said he wanted to go no contact which was a break up in disguise. By the way he left the US without saying goodbye so I never received any closure. He acknowledges nothing he has done wrong blames me for everything. I’m left an emotional wreck and trying to pick up the pieces in his life he said he met someone else.

    • sorry you had to go through all that. But as far as I can tell I haven’t met a perfect person thus far.. everyone isn’t going to be the ONE. think about it this way in relationships the sooner they show you that it won’t work out the sooner you can give yourself attention instead of them. communication is key with narcissistic folks as my self. I don’t beg for attention although sure it’s great to feel loved and wanted of course. who wouldn’t want that. so hard to understand the supply thing that was made up somewhere. Human is human love them or don’t why do people choose to make things so complex. work together spend time together and grow together. everything else can be worked out through love. if the love is genuine you won’t find those feelings and emotions just anywhere. so its always always OK to talk through things and just cause things get rough you don’t have to belittle or jump to conclusions just express with sincerity and have each other’s back no matter what. if I got your back narcissist or not then I’d hope you return the flavor. Smile and stop looking for love it will find u.

  3. I’m not exactly sure whether or not my ex is an N or not. He sure does have a lot if traits to match one. I made the mistake to get back with him about a year ago. Since then it was complete hell. From him being emotionally abusive , to him threatening to hit me on multiple occasions. At one point he came to my hotel room. Took my purse and cell phone and left me there. Also, infidelity has been a huge issue. From him contacting internet ads, to prostitutes. To even some tranvestites. Every time I tried to leave he would threaten me or tell me he would take the kids away. Until I got upset lately because I found out he met a new girl at a bar. After that his demeanor towards me changed. He stopped calling me. Then would only text me constantly to ask about our kids. He would all or a sudden even ask if I needed money for them. If I said yes he would give me an attitude. Sometimes even becoming disrespectful in the texts and calling me names. When we finally did talk and I mentioned getting back together because I’m pregnant. He immediately said no. That maybe we could in the future but right now he wanted to focus on him. That if I wanted him I needed to show him I was different. Basically because in the relationship I was always accusing him of stuff. Everything I’ve ever accused him of was real! Then when I tell him I don’t agree with that and will just leave the relationship alone and move on he gets upset and hangs up on me. Calling back later telling me he wants me and the kids to go on vacation with him in June. Seriously? That he doesn’t want to be with me right now but he’ll be there for is. This is a slap in my face. He always leaves me for other women. As soon as he’s somewhat comfortable with them I get pushed to the side. The person that was just last week pining for my love magically doesn’t care about. Shows no remorse and tells me he has nothing with this new girl. However he always posted a picture of them on Instagram. Any advice on how I can have a no contact when there are kids involved. I would really like this part of my life finished but when I ask him to not contact me as much he tells me that I have his kids therefore he can do whatever he wants.

    • I interchange kid always through a third party I open an email account with our sons name on it. If he tries to start emails about us I don’t reply only things about our son that r totally necessary to email about nothing else. I had to do this because the mind games and sick play was destroying my life

    • Not trying to be mean, but you are his backup plan. He figures he has you hook, line and sinker because of the kids. Take him to court and het established child support and move on. He will never change! How do I know? I was You!

  4. Get out samantha!!! I8 years I wasted on my Ex N..realized the way they keep us addicted is because they make it about us being the problem and we just try harder to prove we arent we love them we try harder to please them etc…they are disgusting thgs and THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE NO 1 WILL EVER SATISFY THEM..WE HAVE 2 LOVE OURSELVES AND CHILDREN ENOUGH TO MOVE ON..LET GO.let go of the fake person he never existed…

  5. My ex keepsleaving me then comes back just to tell me he had to see if he wanted me & when I ask him if he did he says no & leaves
    He dumped me last time 5 days before I was due a spinal fusion . He didn’t even tell me I was dumped just never returned my calls or texts he called me a month after to see how it had gone & when I said badly he told me I should kill myself because I was no good to anyone .. I thank god for my friends because I did consider it .
    Every two or so months he calls non stop until I speak then he sees me & tells me that I looked better in his memory & ignores me again !
    Help I can’t take much more & can’t seem to break free ..
    I asked him why he ignored me last time & didn’t tell me we were over & he said he didn’t need to be told he knew I would get the message eventually 🙁

  6. I was involved with someone for 4 months. He came…went..came went. When he just disappeared in January I was heartbroken, until I researched on the net and came across NPD. I am totally convinced he is a Narc. Last week sitting in traffic my mobile went. It was him….by the end of the day I had had 97 texts…4 phone calls and 4 photos!!!! what the hell is that all about?!! it continued the next day. He threatened to throw acid at me and other despicable things when he discarded me first time round. Now he’s back…giving it “I love you” shit and all the love bombing 2nd time around. I am ignoring him. Once you realise what’s going on through research (thank god) I won’t be falling for Mr Fake again. But he is good….very good but I know it all isn’t real….just la la land. I fixed myself first time round. Not and can’t do it again. I wanted to believe him but know with all my heart that it is because his supply has run out and I’m on the hit list again lol. I did read somewhere that they always return. I didn’t actually believe it…then BAM!!! after what he did, and how he discarded me these people have absolutely no remorse, conscience , empathy or real love for anyone. I’m so clued up now that I don’t ever want to be with someone so vile again. I deserve better, whatever that may be. 🙂

    • Hi, I usually don’t reply to these forums. I’m very concerned about the fact that this person is threatening physical harm & he actually sounds very dangerous. You should not take his threats lightly& you should contact the police. It’s not normal behavior … Not even for a narcissist.

    • My ex narc I don’t think I can even call him an ex because he keeps returning and I like the fool I am keep taking him back. When am I going to learn the lesson? The constant I love you then the silences. Am I such a worthless person that I cannot break away from him. What is this hold he has over me. I cannot spend the rest of my life crying for someone who doesn’t and never will love me. I need to get some strength from somewhere.

      • Hi Marilyn,
        I know this was two years ago, but the pain you write about is relatable. The cycle is exhausting, and I felt so much shame and guilt for going back to him time and time again. I finally mustered up enough courage to go no contact, for the fifth time, again after he had me on the floor and pulled my hair. It’s so hard breaking away from a trauma bond. You care about this person, but you have to accept that will never change, which is in and of itself, a very hard concept to grasp in you are a naturally empathetic, loving person. Please take care of yourself. You deserve the best and better than what you are experiencing with this person. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you love someone and believe they can change, but narcissists simply can’t. The majority of them will not change. If they do, it takes almost a lifetime of therapy for them, and almost a lifetime of pain for you. Best wishes.

      • Hi Marilyn,
        I know this was two years ago, but the pain you write about is relatable. The cycle is exhausting, and I felt so much shame and guilt for going back to him time and time again. I finally mustered up enough courage to go no contact, for the fifth time, again after he had me on the floor and pulled my hair. It’s so hard breaking away from a trauma bond. You care about this person, but you have to accept that they will never change, which is in and of itself, a very hard concept to grasp in you are a naturally empathetic, loving person. Please take care of yourself. You deserve the best and better than what you are experiencing with this person. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you love someone and believe they can change, but narcissists simply can’t. The majority of them will not change. If they do, it takes almost a lifetime of therapy for them, and almost a lifetime of pain for you. Best wishes.

  7. I feel very backwards about this and have a boyfriend whom I dated. I am not sure if he is the N, or if it’s my fault. There are passive attempts from both of us, like he won’t text me back and will then follow pretty girls on Instagram and say he wasn’t on his phone and I am being crazy. I will leave because it seems so vague, unclear, and it feels ‘crazy’, but everything is always so subtle, but hurtful. I was raised by an N and truly want love and want to be loved, and try my best, but feel angry all the time at him, but he does a lot of gas lighting (so it seems) and it’s never quite clear if I am at fault or he is. There is always tension, and I leave so he can find someone who won’t hurt him, leave him, or break his spirit. It feels bad seeing him cry, so I leave, but he always comes back. The most previous mutual split was after he pulled away for a while, and we broke for nearly 6 months and I was in the hospital due to extreme exhaustion. It was unclear why or how my body could get so affected, but it’s unclear again, if he is the N, I am the N, or we both are.

    I leave him to protect him from my anger, but it’s almost like he relishes in it, and when I had a breakdown at his place, he told me he felt closer to me than ever. Only two family members have ever seen me that low. He thought I was cheating and thought a pregnancy scare was with another man when he was the guy who sent a nudie to a girl early on. It hurt, and to this day, we had a recent fight and he is cutting me out because I told him never to text me again (trying to eliminate the source of physical body pain from anxiety and confusion).

    He should be happy with someone that has a more care-free attitude, and that is why I keep leaving, but he keeps coming back.

    What the hell is wrong with us? 🙁 sorry it is solo scattered, it’s just frustrating.

  8. Also, I keep asking for us to go to therapy to resolve grievances and increase communications skills. He keeps saying no. It’s hard to love someone when it hurts so bad that you have to leave to keep your sanity (my issue…).


  9. My ‘x’ is definately a narcissist after reading all these womens stories!!

    Our last breakup he really extremely emotionally hurt me. Here is my story.

    We dated for 10 months, broke up a couple times in between but not from march till septemberi was being good for a long time after our march breakup.bitingng my tongue so he wouldnt breakup with me again As I getvpossessive in relationships sometimes…

    Finally in the summer I couldnt take it. That he would ditch me last minute all the tjme I lashed out at him, eventually he agreed to try to change for me. And he was a great amazing guy for those two months because his actions would meet his words now.

    Partly I think his regular job was giving him a ego boost because all summer he worked for another guy as well and the breaking up happened when he went back to his old company.

    Anyway before the september weekend he decided he would call last minute again after being good for so long… I got mad at him again.everything was fine though. The next morning we talked on the phone and he kept saying things like well do you think I wanna lose you and some anger fraustration and hurt sound in his voice ( odd for a nars I guess maybe he has a similar disorder but from stories I am convinced hes a narc). Later that day I text him saying maybe ur right…can we talk tonight ? …I was about to break up with him and he 100% must have realized that because after he agreed to talk to me I never heard from him all weekend for 5 days…I went up north so I figured maybe he was just trying to give me space, cool off from argueing etc.

    I finally text him tuesday sking if we are over ? He says he rhinks it would be bet….or at the very least he needed space while he was away for work.

    Well I got insecure several times in the month and text him saying can we talk about the space thing…of course he keeps saying yes and not ending up talking all month.

    For awhile he is giving me the silent treatment when he keeps saying we will talk and we dont. I bug the hell out of him, he got pissed off and finally broke itnoff. A week later I beg for closure, silent treatment again. I wait 3 weeks and text him calmly saying hi and how r u?

    He says hes ‘ok’ and asks how I am..I say good…and eventually ask him for closure whichsurprises the hell out of me that he makes an attempt to do that…even if I didnt understand and it sounded like b.s. I appreciated that he tried.

    I sort of got emotional cuz I didnt understand and hed just tell me to move on…

    I need advice, big time. In my opinion when I said I was good last …do you think he said move on and that its over as a control tactic because he thought I was doing good? And I assume to see my reaction and have him tjinkbid beg forhim ?

  10. The only way to truly move on and heal from narcissistic relationship is to build up the courage to find out the part you played in creating it. I’m not talking about blame, guilt, self-condemnation-heaven knows we are hampered enough by that. Its one of the things that attract narcs to us. I’m talking about taking stock of what we are getting from relationships with narcs. There is something we are getting, something we are wanting, and they are giving it to us. Often we will find that we are subconsciously re-creating neglectful or abusive childhoods, trying to get it “right”. Often we are trying to get a form of parental love we never had-a love that feels unconditional, but keeps us in a child-like, dependent state. Often we enjoy the “high” that narc attention, like a drug, gives us. Whatever it is, we need to find it and then set about working to heal that part of ourselves constructively and with the help of spiritual guidance, kind friends, and learning to love and be kind to ourselves. Only this will break the addiction to narc attention and narc relationships. We focus on them and how awful they are and how much they hurt us, which is all true, but it does nothing to heal us. So I encourage all dealing with these sad, destructive impulses to be with narcs to start giving attention-kind, but firm constructive attention, to what is driving you and what needs healing and care. We can’t go from “doormat” to “invincible” overnight, but we can make great progress, step by step, by learning how to have a good, nurturing relationship with ourselves before even thinking of getting involved with anyone else. We can practice being our own good “parent”, kind friend, and support system. It really helped me. I’ve been narc free for three years after a lifetime of narcs. To all who are struggling, I wish you the best!

    • Thank you so much for those kind words of inspiration..I find myself where I get to the point of being over him and then all of a sudden he comes back into my life. and I end up getting so excited that ohhhh he wants me again..he ca t live without me ..then the cha ges start to take place and here we go again.It seems to get alittle easier for me..The other day he said acter weeks of putting me on hold why do t we just leave each other alone and I said OK..why couldnt you have told me that weeks ago because clearly thats what your actions were telling me..havent heard a thing from him since.

  11. I have been with my husband for over 10 years. During this time out relationship has been very up and down. We have 2 young children. The first time he left me , he met and moved in with another women. I did to see it coming it totally devastated me. He was all I ever knew and I was a wreck. After 3 months I asked him to come and see me, I told him I was lost and missed him so much and the life we had built. He said he felt the same and we went to councelling . For a year it worked I felt he was in love with me and he tried hard. Then his behaviour began to change again. He became distant and withdraw. He said he wasn’t happy n didn’t no wat he wanted. He said he loved me but left. A week later he pleaded forgiveness and came back. I felt his vubrability and wanted so much to believe him. Week later he went again. I am an emotional wreck. I distant myself from him allowing him to see the children wen he wants then he txt to say he wanted to take us out as a family. I said I couldn’t and he pleaded he wants help. He said things will change and he can’t live without me. Now I have allowed him back into my heart and he knows it, I sence he likes the control . He acts remorseful but then I can slowly see a pattern emerging by which he gets agitated wen I feel insecure about the situation. It’s all about him , his stress his feelings he acts like he understands my feeling but he can’t empathise. He’s Living with a friends mum and it feels like he just dating his family. He comes sees us a bit then goes bCk to doing wat he wants. I love him but this is destroying myself esteem. I feel he pulls me in and thn I’m right back on that roller coaster life. I am struggling to cope. The children must be confused. He’s there then he’s not. I live with anxiety daily and I don’t know what to do. I want to believe things will be different but in my gut it’s just turmoil .

    • I too Lucy, going on 11 years now and he finally the last most hurtful thing was giving me his ring back that he held onto for the last year and some he kept, he came back to us (our family ) for Christmas than spent New Years with the other after he tells me I can’t do this……we didn’t fight he just left he seems to be so easily influenced by negativity……so be it I gave up than he came back again convinced me of his undying love , stayed for his B-Day which is 12 days after New Years and stayed for almost a month I did everything in my power to keep him , feeling my anxiety growing and having nightmares of snakes again…..and he leaves again without a fight I can say a warning but that’s not true listen to your instincts we just love so deeply women like us …….it’s not fair…..I know….. But we do deserve so much more…..I’d say real love but I do still believe it is…’s just them…’s not us….they are wounded individuals we knew this when we accepted them in the beginning …..we pitied them and seen the good in them……I studied many psychology courses read books before him to heal myself from anymore selfish men……a narcissist is not so different from a drug addict except their not as clumsy in leaving evidence …….they do learn us and play us well…… My greatest fear is to die lonely ……but I promise you if women like us continue to forgive and let these kind of men back in …..we will die lonely .

  12. This is very true. A real eye opener for someone like me. Have been involved with this type of scottish man for a few years on and off. He is 45 and separated with two kids. I met him through work in the bank in my town. He is an extreme narcissist with NPD who treats gfs very badly. I forgave him so many times but he is a liar, manipulator and cheat who loves only himself. He moved in with me – mistake!! I live in a village outside town and it is convenent for him and his kids when it suits him. He is passive aggressive and thinks he is above everyone. At first he plays nice and then reels people in. He is a nasty piece of work. He will promise to change but never does. Talks trash in anyone and everyone. Says im crazy. Plays me off against his wife or other women he says are friends but i know he is sleeping with them. He is moody. Hot & cold manner and very sneaky. It is always someone else’s fault. He has no soul. Just a fake man who preyed on my good nature. Men like him wreck lives. Run! Nicole G

  13. I had no idea what a narcissist was until recently. I met a guy online a year ago talked for a month than decided to met than started dating, it was nice at first got all the compliments wanted to be with me everyday. About a month into it he asks me to move in I declined because it was to soon and he got angry and I left so I started to feel guilty and decided that I’ll try it out not to mention he said the L word 3 days into our relationship. When I moved in he started acting different he would go through my phone and see who I was talking to and message them from his own fb to tell them to leave me alone yes these were guy friends who I knew for years. We decided to try for a baby I got pregnant right away which I didn’t expect but 2 months I had a silent miscarriage and he kicked me out of the house because I was spending alot of time at the hospital my family members were out of town for other medical reasons so his mother offered to take care of me while I had to force my own miscarriage. I let him know what was happening and I was with his mother he knew my family was away and he kept saying I was trying to make him look like a monster for being with his mom. I had a rough go with the miscarriage and ended up having emergency surgery after passing out from blood loss. His mother was really supportive and didn’t care how he felt she was trying to contact him to come to the hospital but he wouldn’t answer her calls or texts. So after that we still talked but didn’t date until 2 months later we went to a friends house for drinks and by the way he has lost his licence due to drinking and driving a few years ago but I drove his vehicle to the party he was determined to drive home but I secretly gave his keys to his friend and he got pissed and we drove home so that night I seen a girls name on his phone who he says they have been friends for years of course we got into a fight and he grabbed me and pushed me out the door with nothing on my feet and threw my shoes and purse at me when I was about to get in my car he told me to come back in because he didn’t want me drinking and driving so stupid enough I did. But later on a few days he broke it off saying we can stay friends I got mad and he kept telling me to be normal about it so I went 2 days not talking to him and I was quite clear for him not to text me again
    On the second day he texts me and misses me so I go for another round we were together for about 3 weeks I was after finding a necklace on his headboard of the bed and he doesn’t know how it got there so I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he had friends over and I ignored it so as of last week I developed a yeast infection and I told him he should take the 1 day pill and I wasent allowed to have sex for a week he goes again to ignoring me then texts and says he’s done he’s sick of my lies and blaming him for everything and tells me not to text him anymore I have called him a narcissist before this break up and he still contacted me to get back together I recently advised one of his gfs whom he’d known for years and bad mouthed him pretty bad and she told him which I was hoping for because of how he acted towards my friends. So this is day 1 with no contact I wonder will it be longer than 2 days this time just hoping he stays away this time!

  14. Caught my ex bagging me to a friend as he forgot to switch his phone off. When I text him and told him all what I had heard and he could get his bike out of my garage the next day all he said on his text was “Disgraceful” The next day “oh you shouldn’t have been listening. Since then I have been ignoring his messages then after two days I get “morning”. We were at the movies a couple of months ago and he talked all the way through it then afterwards he asked me whether or not I liked the movie and I happen to say to him that if he hadn’t have talked all the way through I might have enjoyed it better. The answer to this “How dare you insult me in this way you have no right to talk to me like this” Couldn’t get a word in edgeways with him. Once he kicked me in the back and told me he was sick of the site of seeing me. Its the constant turning our arguments on me all the time and not meeting me half way with anything. He comes across so charming but no body can see the other side of him only me. He just wont admit he has a problem. “Nothing wrong with me” he sais.

  15. I’ve been in an on and off relationship with a guy for about two years now. We are both in our twenties, and I am his first girlfriend. As always with new relationships everything was amazing to begin with, he took me on holiday for my birthday, bought some really thoughtful presents, was attentive all the time etc. Then about seven months into the relationship he goes cold, drops off the radar for no reason, ends up sleeping with a girl who had come onto him for months and I spent a week crying and saying I could forgive him and move past it and he said no so I decided to move on. I didn’t contact him for three weeks and he messaged me saying he’d made a huge mistake, begging me to see him. Eventually a few days later I messaged him back, he apologised profusely and we started slowly dating again.

    A few months later we went travelling across America together, had an amazing time, were all set to move in together. Two months into living together he’s asking me to move out says he needs the space. I move down the road and continue to see him, but as of November found out some really upsetting personal news and was crying all the time. At first he was supportive but then it just got to a stage where he’d ignore my calls, not really bother to speak to me anymore, try and break up with me, etc. I got upset that I was in a relationship where I felt alone.

    One night I had argued with him and he sent me a message along the lines of ‘I don’t think I can keep doing this, I need some space and we’ll talk tomorrow, everything will probably be fine after we take a breather.’ So I chill out watch a couple of films, then I see my relationship status change to ‘single’ with no warning. So I go round to his and try calling and he’s not answering his phone, turns out he cheated on me.

    I stick around for a while absolutely devastated demanding an explanation, he doesn’t really give one just shrugs and says well it’s done now. Later he says that he was purposely trying to sabotage our relationship and distance himself as far away as possible. I again start initiating the no contact rule, actually moving on with my life. I had a birthday in this time and he messaged me saying ‘happy birthday, hope you’re okay’ to which I respond with leave me alone. Christmas passes, then New Years, I get excessive calls and texts crying about how much of a mistake he’s made. He leaves me voicemails begging for me to talk to him, even showing up one night in hysterical tears saying he can’t live without me and throwing rocks at my window. I start to go back to him and then after a few weeks he completely distances himself from me, tells me I’m not the person he wants, drops all my stuff off and leaves.

    This time I didn’t want to do the no contact rule, I am genuinely devastated and this situation has obviously been unhealthy for a long time. But sometimes a part of me just blames it on lack of communication, I don’t know how to speak to him though, most nights I try to speak to him he completely ignores me. We’ve been seeing each other again without labels because that is apparently ‘too scary’ for him to deal with right now. I last saw him about two weeks ago because every night I try to speak to him he says ‘not now I’ll speak to you tomorrow.’ Is this a case of a true narcissist?

  16. Rose breakaway from this fool, run and don’t look back. How can a man be so dramatic about trying to get you back only to drop you all over again? Because it was never about really wanting to be with you he just wanted to know he still had you. The best thing for you to do is to ignore him. I fear he is only using you until someone he feels better comes along and you deserve better than a guy who is too scared to man up and give you the relationship you want and need. As we get older are options dwindle don’t let this creep ruin your chances of happiness. Best of luck

  17. I was in a physical and emotional abusive marriage 13 yrs, I left in one piece but I have alot of depression anxiety from, then 1 week later I ran into an old fling I fell in love and he did to he said he never felt this way before, I fell hook line and sinker he started accusing me of cheating betraying him he broke up with me 2 or three times a week everything was my fault not his he was talking bad things about me behind my back. I found over 50 different girls pics in his phone they were just woman on the bus walking by ect. I asked him why he would do that he said I love woman. but I couldn’t even talk to other men just socializing I m a soul believer in the finger pointing when they do that finger pointing 4 point back he was guilty. He recently broke it off moved 100 miles away I was suppose to move with him but he started another argument threw me out of his RV that he done at least twice a week.I been getting emails from him the last couple days its all my fault its over and he keeps emailing me.I need to stop responding its hard but I do know he never was in love like he said. I have read all about narcissist its fits him to a T I don’t understand how they look you in the face and tell you they love you and its a lie. I have got to break this pattern of these men.

  18. I thank god for Google and u tube. Oh my every thing is said about a narcissist is so true. I believe it a.deasease of the personality. I advise people if u keep going back to the narcissist. It is not going to be good he is trying to suck u back in to destroy mostly everything comes out the narc mouth is a lie. Pretend he is dead and go no contact all the way.

  19. I believe my BF of 2 years has many N traits . He is an alcoholic but is also very sweet and never mean. And OCD also. he has the same routine whether I am with him or not. As long as I follow him and his friends it was fine. Once I asked him to slow down and meet my friends it started to fall apart. His friends are the drinkers and mine are not. I also have a special needs child at home and he has never had children of his own. They get along great but I feel the resentment of me having to share my time. Of course he wants to be the center of attention. The alcohol makes him the big man on campus/frat boy…at age 60. We have broken up twice and he still thinks there is a chance to get back together. I’m done.!! Last vacation when I got there he was a different person and mad the whole time picking fights. He said he didn’t have a good reason it just kept going down hill. I think I was the alcohol and him having to share me with my son/24 who is very functioning Autism. I know he doesn’t like to be alone/ N Supply. I asked him for no contact for two months. So far its good.

  20. So I’m dealing with this now. we dated for a year I figured the insults or the mean digs would finally go away. They haven’t . So I went on no contact its been about a week now . I have spoke to him but he still sends hurtful texts . there are times I have my weak moments. Lets face it u talk to someone everyday its a pattern. But he is reaching out to family and friends trying to hurt me that way. kinda lost on what I should do at this point.

  21. Good morning,

    Today is our 8th year anniversary, we been together for 13 years. He have move out 3 times, 2012, 2018, 1.24.20. We cant continue to let them mistreat us. You have to stand up for your self worth. Keep praying and be around positive family & friends. I love you and things will get better. No Stress No Worries… #NSNW

  22. I’m sorry ladies..looks to me that instead of looking for ways to discard these people maybe allow them to see the research that you see. allow them to see these negative traits first hand. I thought one of my ex loves had made up Narc lol. I had no clue it was a real trait of some poor kids that had a shit up bringing. Most of us are just surviving doing the best we can with what we have or with what we know. if you truly want change from these men then help them be a better human. don’t discard the heart they have so quickly.. the cheaters and such that’s a given -GOOD bye to them. But if they care they will consider what you are saying. I bet very few of these so called shhitty men even know what it is that you have labeled them. Educate and continue to love. I guess with the looks of it woman don’t have to be a part of this damaging background, lucky them . I’m not one to point fingers anymore I’m far from a great person but I do have open ears and am open for adjustments.. The trauma I have endured over the last so many years for being a narcissist has totally withdrawn me from society. just knowing the way I’m seen through eyes of people who never met me brings a little bit of sadness to my heart. I’ve never met anyone that’s truly offers the time to explore fixing something rather they look for the opposite waiting for things to fall apart. Please just be honest to these men that seem to be so selfish. to me though I’f they do respect you and let you be after you go no contact with them win surely, lies will bring out rage in these individuals stemming back to early childhood never able to trust anyone nor really allowed to show emotional sides as a man other than anger and wanting to fight. its not always a fault of someone more like a neglect of others


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