Inside every narcissist is a green-eyed monster just waiting to rear its ugly head – all you need to do is provoke it.
Narcissism is often accompanied by feelings of jealousy stemming from deep-rooted insecurity.
While it may be tempting to provoke jealousy in a narcissistic individual, it’s important to consider the potential consequences and motivations behind such actions.
In this article, we’ll delve into the dynamics of jealousy in narcissistic relationships, explore tactics for making a narcissist jealous, and discuss the potential risks involved.
What makes a Narcissist Jealous?
- Change your attention to someone else
- Focus on yourself
- Withdraw your attention
- Be Successful
- Show off
- Compare Them
- Be your best self
- Be Happy
8 Ways to Make a Narcissist Jealous
Before exploring strategies for making a narcissist jealous, it’s important to understand your motivation.
Narcissists excel at manipulation and crave attention and control.
Provoking jealousy could escalate unhealthy dynamics and lead to negative consequences.
Keep reading if you still want to understand more about making a narcissist jealous.
#1 Give your Attention to Someone Else
One of the quickest ways to make a narcissist jealous is to take your attention away from them and give it to somebody else.
If you’ve had a child with a narcissist, you’ll know how easy this can be. Narcissistic fathers easily become jealous when they feel their partner is giving their child the attention and admiration that should rightfully be theirs.
Giving your attention to anyone other than the narcissist will evoke jealousy, especially if that person is also worthy of envy.
If you start hanging out with someone who’s more successful or has a higher social status than your narcissistic partner, you’ll provoke feelings of envy and jealousy, making your efforts twice as effective.
Be careful, though, a jealous narcissist is liable to seek revenge by flaunting a relationship that will make you jealous or projecting their jealous feelings onto you.
For example, if you try to make your partner jealous by flirting with his best friend, he might retaliate by posting pictures of himself and an attractive work colleague on social media. If you call him out, he’ll accuse you of jealousy and use the situation to regain control.
#2 Focus on Yourself
What better way to make your partner jealous than by indulging yourself for a change?
Allocate some time to spend with other friends, or pursue a personal fitness goal or a new hobby.
Make it clear that you want this time to yourself, and make sure your partner knows how much you’re enjoying the experience and how much you’re achieving, either by cementing friendships, getting fitter, or learning a new skill.
Seeing someone else’s happiness and success will quickly make a narcissist jealous because it suggests that you’re better than they are – something their underlying lack of self-esteem can’t stomach.
The fact that you can find fulfillment outside of the relationship will also spark jealousy, as the narcissist will fear losing control over you and potentially losing you, which would mean severing their narcissistic supply.
#3 Withdrawn Your Attention
Narcissists thrive on attention and will become jealous if you withdraw it. Before you attempt this, make sure they’re completely hooked. That way the withdrawal will have a more significant impact.
Give the narcissist in your life excessive attention, showering them with compliments and praise, before withdrawing your attention altogether.
Ignore them and focus on someone else, preferably someone the narcissist admires or even envies. You don’t have to flirt – just be friendly and let the narcissist’s paranoia do the rest.
It won’t take long before the narcissist wonders if you’ve found somebody better. You see, although the narcissist has an inflated sense of self, beneath all that bravado lies some deep insecurities and a niggling sense of self-doubt.
#4 Be Successful
Can you make a narcissist jealous without involving anyone else? Absolutely! All you need to do is succeed.
A narcissist wants to control you and to do that, they first need to break you down until you feel powerless and worthless. If you succeed at anything, it disrupts this power dynamic and puts you in a more powerful position.
If they’re not in control, they feel rejected and fear losing you altogether, which leads to jealousy.
Everything in a narcissist’s world relates to them, first and foremost, and someone else’s success reminds them of their failings.
Unfortunately, the Narcissist may respond to this scenario by undermining your accomplishments or achievements to convince themselves they’re better than you.
Don’t let this distract you from your intent, and keep working towards your latest fitness goal, a new qualification, or a promotion at work.
Understand that your behavior provokes feelings of jealousy in your partner simply because they need to put others down to feel good about themselves.
#5 Show off Your Accomplishments
Do you earn more than your narcissistic partner or have a wider circle of friends than him? Emphasize whatever gives you the upper hand, and ensure they know it.
Post pictures on social media celebrating your successes and those who’ve helped you along the way while ensuring you overlook the narcissist.
Ask your narcissistic partner to come out and celebrate your recent promotion, and then ignore them while you enjoy the evening with your work colleagues.
This approach undermines the narcissist and could trigger a fear of abandonment as they realize that you’re successful in your own right and don’t need them to improve your status.
#6 Compare Them to Others
A client asked me the other day,
“Do narcissists get jealous when you compare them to others?”
I took a moment to think about it before answering,
“Yes.” If you want to make a narcissist jealous, say something like, “My ex was so successful he could afford to spoil me,” or “My father is so well-respected, I feel welcome wherever I go just because I’m related to him.”
By emphasizing qualities that the narcissist lacks, you challenge their inflated sense of self and undermine their perceived superiority. You also highlight their shortcomings and undermine their grandiose self-perception.
The narcissist wants to be in control and at the center of attention by pointing out the qualities of other successful individuals.
You could spark their insecurity, triggering jealousy as they realize you could aim higher and leave them for someone else.
#7 Look your Best
Narcissists will see you as belonging or a toy they use for their gratification.
Sure, they want you to look good because it reflects well on them, but if you look so good that you get attention from others, it will spark jealousy as their underlying sense of self-doubt starts nagging at them.
Don’t forget, a narcissist is also highly competitive, so if they suspect that you look better than they do, they’ll feel envious and like they’re losing control.
In this scenario, the narcissist gets jealous because they fear losing their superiority and control over you.
They also get jealous of the attention you attract from others, which in their minds, should have been focused on them.
#8 Be Happy
Narcissists can’t stand other people’s happiness, especially those they’ve dated.
They need to be the happiest, the most successful, the richest, and the most validated. They also can’t bear the idea that you might be happy without them. After all, your entire world was supposed to revolve around them.
Even being happy while you’re still in a relationship with a narcissist can provoke jealousy.
If you delight in spending time with your family or return from having coffee with a friend full of happiness, a narcissist is liable to feel threatened, which could trigger feelings of jealousy.
The narcissist’s need for attention and status means they can’t accept that you could find happiness anywhere else. Furthermore, your connections with others threaten their control over you, making them fear they could lose you.
Narcissists and Jealousy
Why are narcissists so jealous? To a narcissist, everything another person has is something they’re missing, which sparks almost continuous feelings of jealousy and envy.
Scientists exploring the concept of romantic jealousy concluded that it was “related to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and self-consciousness,” all of which the narcissist has in abundance.
Why do Narcissists get jealous?
Narcissists get jealous for the same reasons as anyone else and a few more besides.
They might get jealous if they think you’re giving too much attention to your daughter instead of them or because you compare them unfavorably to other people in your life.
They will also get jealous of any attention you may receive, feeling that they are superior and therefore entitled to the attention of everyone around them.
In a romantic relationship, narcissists will get jealous if they think you might reject them or leave them for somebody else.
The narcissist’s feelings of jealousy are extreme and could trigger potentially destructive or even violent behaviors.
Do Narcissists Get Jealous When You Move On?
Narcissists don’t want you to move on and forget about them. They still want to control you and dominate your thoughts.
Any sign that you’ve moved on and no longer think about them will cause pain and potential narcissistic injury. It may also provoke jealousy, especially if you seem happier without them.
Why do Narcissists Get Jealous if You Date Someone Else?
Like most people, narcissists get jealous when an ex moves on and starts a relationship with someone new.
To the narcissist, it means they were replaceable and someone else is now the center of your attention.
Even if the narcissist ended the relationship, they’re still liable to feel jealous if they see you with someone else or because you’re happier in your new life than you were with them.
In their eyes, they are so perfect and superior that nothing could ever replace them, but if you can prove them wrong, there will be little they can do to control that green-eyed monster.
Why do Narcissists Try to Make You Jealous?
A narcissist might try to make you jealous for several reasons, but research suggests that the most common motivator is to “acquire power and control.”
Vulnerable narcissists may also use jealousy to test or even strengthen the relationship. By making their partner jealous, they are assured of their commitment to the relationship and feel more secure.
Others may use jealousy to validate their status and compensate for their low self-esteem.
Are Narcissists Jealous of Their Partners?
Narcissists are so lacking in confidence that they’re jealous of almost everyone, including their partners.
They might feel their partner is more popular than them or better liked. They might be jealous of your success at work or your close family relationships.
Anything that might enable you to challenge their superiority and regain some control over your own life is liable to make them jealous.