Last Updated on June 1, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Q: I have no contact now for 11 weeks. Before I had contact on and off. But that did hurt to much.
I was wondering, what does the narcissist feel about this ‘no contact’ ? I think he is so angry about this, that there will be no contact anymore.
Maybe I shouldn’t have this question, but it is a kind of revenge when he will feel this way. Thank you
A: No Contact is for the sanity and safety of the narcissist’s victim.
It gives the victim time to heal and regain a sense of reality which they lost while under the influence of the narcissist. Different narcissists react differently.
Some respond with considerable anger and will use any means they can to seek revenge on the person if they cannot persuade him or her to renew contact with them.
Others will try to “win” this battle for a short time but quickly move on to an easier person to get Supply from.
Still others will walk away and you will never hear from them again.
They simply move on to other prey. With regard to your question about narcissists’ feelings…if you are asking will they feel hurt and betrayed the way you did, no they will not.
They will feel frustrated, angry at not winning, and angry at not getting Supplies.
Remember that ANY attention- good or bad- is Supply to them and they will keep coming back even if you give them negative attention. No Contact prevents them from obtaining any Supply.
23 thoughts on “What Does The Narcissist Feel About “No Contact”?”
I can tell you as a narcissist a “no contact” would be pure evil for me. Some narcissist cut contact on their own as a form of control, others linger, and being told they can not contact kills them.
Depending on how he is, yes, you are getting revenge. Not that this will fix anything but it will give you a little satisfaction I am sure.
Hey Joe does it mean you are cheating when you get contacts all day off and on. Could they also be away just to make you think they are doing something? My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
I had 4 years of this didnt want to believe what people were telling me about my so called boyfriend. I feel i lost those years of my thirties when I could have met a nice man. I hate the term moved on. seems a phrase people use to do what they like. He put me through emotional hell.
Maybe they’ll kill themselves. Maybe all the narcissists in the world will commit suicide when everyone abandons them and all the empaths, will feel nothing. The search for the narcissist is like trying to find which side of the mirror is flesh and blood so the mirror can be shattered.
Narcissism isn’t real, what you’ll find is if you study this type of literature you will become a “narcissist”. Breaking contact with people you know and claim to love is cruelty, you’re lying to yourself if you think otherwise. That mental behavior, demonizing someone who may not even know the definition of narcissism, and then leaving them without explanation, is narcissistic abuse. Studying people, to the point you think they’re a narcissist and then dropping hints that they are, or reacting to them as if they were crazy, is Gaslighting. If you believe they’re cunning and smart and so much so that they’re not even human anymore they can manipulate you so well, then who is bitter and envious of other people’s success? I’m telling you right now, this over analysis of other people’s thoughts and motives, is schizophrenic, and it is poisoning an otherwise good well.
No. The only gaslighting here is telling those who have or who are contemplating leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is that they are the selfish and disordered ones.
Studying NPD does not cause people to take on the characteristics of the disorder. It enables them to make more informed choices with respect to how to handle those with NPD in their lives.
And remember: No one owes another person a relationship, whether or not that person has NPD.
I agree! The perso you replied to is quite obviously a Narcissist.
We can hope lol
That had to have been the dumbest reply I’ve ever read! Narcissism isn’t real? So the years of torture people suffered was just them overreacting and over analyzing? There’s zero doubt that you yourself are a narc and you’re gonna be extremely lonely in life
The Narcissist I had the misfortune to be involved with for almost three years aid that i “Neglected and rejected his ass when I refusedmany contact with him. In that period of time he managed(thankfully) to finally move on.
I am finding these websites dealing with NPD to be very insightful and extremely helpful- I only wish that I could have found this info earlier
In no contact with the ex narcissist. What a jerk. Thinks he can just come in and out of my life without a thought for the hurt he causes. No more silent treatments for me I’m done. Go and get your supply somewhere else pal cause you ain’t getting no more from me.
I dumped my N on Christmas Eve at 11pm and haven’t had any contact since. During the dump I think I called him every thing including Satan and then told him he was worse than the monsters who abused him in childhood. I think I was about an inch away from having a complete emotional breakdown after his every effort to psychologically rape me. I then exposed him to everyone in his circle. I turned into this mindless angry woman who wanted revenge. Now I feel remorse for stooping to his level but I’m hoping that besides establishing no contact with him that he will see it as the ultimate betrayal and rejection. If so then he will not contact me ever again. I am not doing well and am barely functioning at a level of normal right now though. He almost broke me completely.
Anyone who brings you down to that level emotionally needs to b out of your life completely. You will get stronger and you will see that this person was really not what you need to grow as a person. Ok so you broke down and said hurtful stuff, but u were pushed to breaking point obviously,
and maybe its not half as bad as the things u have been putting up with. Be around good people, set goals keep busy. It was just too taxing to b with that person . Take care ????
That’s me Donna
Thank you so much I had a daughter called Donna who died in 2009 aged 36
Life can be so hard @ times
How old are you Donna
I have a great husband beautiful doggy called Alice small group of great friends lovely son grandchildren @ stepchildren
The narcissism ( a customer) nearly broke me .
Hope you are ok
You are not a victim of narcissist BS anymore..you are a SURVIVE of it!!
Keep telling this to yourself..when you feel anxious, breathe out..that anxiety is the abuse leaving your body. You are enough. You were abused. And again
You are a survivor!
It gets better! Please stay strong! U got abusrd by a monster that trauma bonded w u. That’s a powerful brain change. It will heal in time but u got a addiction to a very sick man.
Keep positive and get a therapist if u can. It’s a complicated trauma u suffer from. Thank God everyday he gone! U now have a chance at happiness!!!! In time u will forget him and b happy!
God bless u
Jackie / w a very sick narcissist for 35yrs
I did the same. I have had never been so depressed considering that I’m a foreign worker married to a narcisstic husband.
On Xmas night, after countless times of psychological and physical abuse. I finally opened my eyes to see his true faces – caught him cheating on me throughout the whole proposal/marriage.
Finally on new year day, I’ve managed to move out with helps from different friends.
But the extent of physical and psychological damages are still too great for me to handle / considering how much financial and emotional support that I have provided for him…I would need a lot of time to heal – it does make me change into a different person – I find it hard to trust people.
He completely shattered all my fundamental knowledge of being an human being – cuz he told me to stay in this country for him, invited my families over to attend our wedding and quited my job – to move to another city with him.
I DID ALL of that…. and that Was how my nightmare began. I have had no idea what was going on – all these time I thought I’d have to try my best to save my marriage and he completely shattered all my dreams and plans because he has and used his ability to manipulate me and turned everyone against me but because of this, I know who my real friends are and I realize I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was.
It took me couple weeks to find a new job and new place but it was a lot better and I love the place I’m in now.
I become a workaholic – to keep my mind away from thinking about all the things I’ve been through.
There are some good days and some bad days – sometime I’d cry. I miss our mutual friends a lot (well, I’m alone in this foreign land but Im slowly developing my own social circle and my life.) hey! We all are strong enough to stand on our feet.
I’m just currently waiting to be legally separated for a year to file a divorce.
I’m planning to write a book about what haPpened because I realize a lot of people have no idea what NPD is.
you go milkshake… write that book i was thinking the samething after being in a relationship with a narcissist believe it or not it’s our great awakening we learn things in life that would have taken years to learn in school don’t be bitter be better bcuz after all we found out things about ourselves that we would have never known we are beautiful souls with a heart of gold (God) gave you a gift with light to shine for everyone don’t let the monster dim your light… shine bright like a diamond!
I am coping with no contact and struggling as I am always the one trying to repair. I finally woke up to his most recent chain of lies and cheating. He is involved with another woman and even when I asked about it he turned it back on me like I have trust issues and ask too many questions. Meanwhile he is selective in his communications. I feel bad that she doesn’t know she is his next victim and he already cheats and lies to her too.
Is the no contact going to send a message? Or will I end up feeling guilty. He makes it about what I do. I find that I have no self confidence or belief in myself. I am broken.
❤️ to you my friend. Hope this reaches you ok. There are many of this going through the pain of loving a narcissist. Look up Richard Grannon’s videos about narcissistic abuse on YouTube. Knowledge is power! – Kimberlee
To you, Loveslovelost, I really hope you’re doing ok & wish you the best. I can only imagine how you must have felt – it’s hard enough to deal with a person like that or being cheated on so both would leave me feeling broken too. If you were able to cut him off for good then you got to see that dealing with some guilt you didn’t deserve was far more productive than the constant & seemingly-permanent state of suffering you’d be accepting but didn’t deserve either. I truly hope you have or will find peace in your heart & life because you do deserve that & are strong enough to do what’s best for yourself even when it doesn’t feel that way. HUGS!
Coming from a wife and mother to a monster I did not know what I was dealing with. It is very unfair, I had never even heard of the meaning of narcissist. Mother of a 6 and 7 and almost had given up making excuses for my soon to be X husband. I remember I would cry and tell him the day I had enough he was never coming back and that I would make sure he died alone. Since he would always verbal abuse the kids and that’s where our arguments and fights would begin. As A strong, fighting woman that I was it took him over 10 years to completely take over my mind and my life, soul.
Until 1 morning I had had enough and as I broke out in tears and a moment of anxiety his mask slipped. I was already drained and I thought I was gonna end up in a mental hospital. To see this enjoyment in his face a smile from ear to ear and a stare I saw this empty soul threw his eyes. I said to my self Im dead as he sat down and laughed and asked me if I was okay. Are u kidding me. I told him if was home when I get home from work I was calling the cops and left ASAP with my kids. I wonder if he knows what happened that scared the daylights out of me who know who cares I’m out. I think he does and know he really messed up to late to bad. I’ m the winner to his fucked up game I was not aware I was in. Worst experience in my life I am still fighting for my insanity. Got my strength back went no contact filed for divorce 2 weeks after event and found out he was in a long term relationship. double life M……F……
He wants my son the only one that loves him and actually he don’t deserve it. I’m protecting my kids from this evil person. Like I would tell him day after day “mark my word ur dyeing by yourself”. Final Words
I will make sure my kids know the reason I did not let there DAD pick them up. Awaking me to change for the better and making sure my kids little hearts are flowing with pure oxygenated red blood. Not black
I lost a 4 month baby and I believe now he had something to do with it. Since he took the spot light on Christmas Eve. May God have mercy over his soul.
I just finished a relationship with a narcissist, a week ago. We lived together for one year. He used me, I paid the bills , even after he got a good job. I financially supported him and took care of him when he was unemployed. The breakup was nasty, and he spit in my face twice. I blocked him on Social Media. We did talk on the phone one last time. He said he was moving on and that was the last time we had communication. The reality hurts tremendously, but there was red flags all along. I am lucky I did not spend more years with this man and suffer more abuse. Nevertheless it is painful!