If you know a narcissist, you know exactly what it feels to catch them in a lie. At times, their lies may seem so obvious that you can’t fathom why they don’t just fess up.
That said, narcissism and lying go hand-in-hand. So how to make a narcissist tell the truth?
Can you convince them to tell you the truth? Is there an effective strategy you can use for them to acknowledge their lying? And what should you do if you keep getting caught in their vicious cycle of lies? Let’s get to it.
Do Narcissists Know They Are Lying?
The answer depends, but it’s important to understand the nature of narcissism to understand how they identify with the truth.
The Skewed Narcissistic Worldview
It isn’t a surprise that narcissists have a much different worldview from other people. If you spend just a few moments with a narcissist, you will notice this disparity quickly.
They have overinflated egos and often perceive things in absolute and rigid extremes. They believe they are morally superior to everyone else. They often don’t like the truth, the truth makes them feel bad. They rather like their own perception of the world.
Moreover, when they feel their power or control is under threat, they often react intensely and impulsively. At that point, self-preservation is the top priority. They will do whatever they can to protect it.
When Lies Feel Like Truths
Because narcissists see the world differently, they also see their truth differently.
They often perceive their feelings as facts. If they think something is wrong, they don’t just classify this as a thought.
To them, it’s their truth. And because they believe that truth 100%, they don’t recognize that it may be distorted.
Reading Suggestion: How to Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back?
Narcissists also tend to justify their lying automatically. For this reason, they don’t necessarily classify lying as a problematic issue.
Instead, they see it as a means to an end. Sometimes, they disregard it so quickly that they don’t even register it as a lie.
Additionally, many narcissists genuinely believe their lies. This often happens when they make empty promises.
In doing so, they may assume they will follow through with what they say.
They might even make a genuine attempt to change. However, once things resume to their normal homeostasis, the narcissist usually disregards their promise or forgets about it altogether.
Most of the time, narcissists can’t distinguish their truth from the objective truth. Just take a look at any narcissistic leader or politician to witness this behavior. They believe in their beliefs and they dismiss anyone who thinks otherwise
Reading Suggestions:
When Narcissists Intentionally Lie
In other cases, narcissists lie deliberately because they have a specific motive.
For example, if you ask a narcissist if they stole money from you, they will probably deny the behavior. This isn’t surprising. Very few people will actually admit to something so egregious.
Instead, they might try to convince you that you’re crazy or that you just overlooked something.
Narcissists aren’t dumb. In their mind, they know they’re lying. However, they’ve already justified the behavior, so it makes valid sense to them. There’s no reason for them to think about the repercussions associated with the lie.
Can You Just Ask A Narcissist To Tell You The Truth?
You can, but it doesn’t mean you will get a straightforward answer. Narcissists play by their own rules.
They decide how and when they engage with people. Subsequently, they also determine what is and isn’t appropriate for them to share.
Narcissists don’t follow regular communication protocols. They use communication to get their needs met.
It’s not about connecting, validating, or assuring other people. Therefore, even if you demand to know the truth, it doesn’t mean they will give it to you.
To a narcissist, self-preservation supersedes building meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
6 Ways to Make a Narcissist tell the truth!
First, it’s important to remember you can’t control anybody but yourself.
This especially applies to your interactions with a narcissist. There is no way to fully guarantee their honesty, even if they promise they are truthful.
Most of the time, narcissists don’t respond with direct truths. The truth may emerge, but you often need to parse it out from their numerous manipulation tactics. This requires that you understand the following signs.
How to make a Narcissist tell the truth?
- They tell the truth when they need something from you
- They have Raging Confessions
- They tell the truth by telling you Half Truths
- They Project onto You
- They tell the truth followed by a fake apology
- They tell someone else the truth
1. They Need Something From You
Narcissists don’t always lie. Many times, they will be sincere when they benefit from their truth. Let’s see how this plays out.
I love this dinner! You should make it more often. It’s delicious.
The narcissist wants you to keep pleasing them. They’re using praise and flattery to encourage you to keep them happy. However, don’t be surprised if they seemingly change their narrative the next time you make this meal!
Narcissists can change their minds frequently. Additionally, if they feel upset with you, they may gaslight you to make you question your reality.
I’m not all that great at writing project proposals. Would you be willing to help me? I know you’re good at these kinds of things.
Narcissists are willing to admit weakness when they want to get out of something. This can happen if they think a task is below them or when they don’t want to do it at all. Again, they often resort to flattery to convince you to help them.
I’m running late. Go ahead and start without me.
This means that they don’t care about the meeting. They’re hoping that they miss it!
If a narcissist needs something, they often have no shame in asking for it outright.
Interestingly, most of the time, people tend to comply with their requests. Everyone likes to feel flattered, and a simple compliment might motivate someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do.
In other cases, people don’t want to deal with the fallout associated with the disappointing narcissist. They would rather comply than cause a conflict.
2. Raging Confessions
If you keep acting this way, I am going to end this deal.
Stop being so irrational. it’s making me want to stop trusting you.
You’re crazy! Anyone else would leave if they were in my position.
Have you ever been around an angry narcissist? Think about how their communication sounds.
It’s usually erratic, loud, and sometimes utterly outlandish. That said, if you pay attention to the rage and try to distinguish their words from their actions, you may hear their exact intentions.
However, most people usually dismiss the narcissist’s anger as just anger. They denounce their words as just being emotionally-charged.
Don’t make this mistake. Narcissists tend to feel very comfortable sitting in their anger. If anything, it’s where they are most honest about their needs, feelings, and plans.
3. Half-Truths
Half-truths are exactly what they sound like. They occur when the narcissist is partially honest. But with this strategy, they only tend to be honest about the minuscule details rather than the important ones.
For example, if you suspect they may be cheating on you, they may claim that they are just working late at the office. But if they are having an affair with their coworker, this is a great example of a half-truth!
Or, if you suspect they’re hiding money issues from you, they may claim they “lost a lot of money in the stock market.” While this may be true, they may choose to avoid telling you that they’ve also been compulsively gambling.
Half-truths are designed to throw you off course. The narcissist knows that the best lies contain some grains of honesty. They hope that you will cling to their truths without probing into the rest of the information.
The half-truth can also protect them if you catch them lying. They can focus on the truth part of their claim and insist that they weren’t lying.
4. They Project Onto You
It’s only a matter of time before you’re going to leave.
I bet you tell all your friends how awful I am.
You waste so much time caring about what other people think.
Projection happens when someone blames you for doing something they’re doing. If a narcissist starts blaming you for something out of nowhere, it could reveal some truth about what they’re doing behind your back.
Projection tends to happen unconsciously. It’s usually a way to reconcile your own feelings or experiences. Narcissists project onto other people all the time. However, it can be challenging to discern their usual manipulation tactics from the genuine truth.
5. They Inundate You With False Apologies
Yes I did that, but it was only because I wanted to protect you!
Even if it’s true, it’s not a big deal. Nobody else would care.
I’m sorry that it affected you so much.
Sometimes, the truth may emerge during a false apology. This typically happens when they feel backed into a corner and have no other choice but to own up to their behavior.
But the apology isn’t authentic. It also t doesn’t really assume personal accountability for the lie. Instead, they tend to awkwardly wrap their truth with justifications, manipulation and gaslighting.
6. They Tell Someone Else The Truth
I don’t want to tell her what’s going on, but let me tell you what’s up.
I know you can handle the truth, but please keep it between us.
Narcissists sometimes like to make other people feel special by sharing their truth with them.
They tend to make it well-known that this is a special privilege. Then, they often pressure the other person into keeping their secret.
Is It Worth Confronting a Narcissist About Their Lies?
Because narcissists are so skilled in manipulating, confrontation strategies usually don’t work. Instead, if you confront a narcissist about their lie, they tend to react in extreme ways.
1. Denying The Behavior
I never said that!
You’re seeing this completely wrong.
It didn’t happen that way.
For a narcissist, denial tends to be the easiest and most straightforward solution. They just refuse to acknowledge they did anything wrong. They may then turn it against you by claiming that you’re imagining things or blowing the situation out of proportion.
2. Justifying The Behavior
I had no other choice!
Anyone would do this if they were in my shoes.
You don’t understand what it’s like to me.
To circumvent acknowledging the lie, the narcissist may dogpile you with all the reasons as to why that lie was warranted. This is a distraction technique, but it can effectively convince you that their lie was warranted.
3. Smearing You To Other People
To punish you for exposing their truth, the narcissist may try to smear your reputation to gain other people’s approval.
This can happen instantaneously or gradually- it all depends on the narcissist’s intentions.
4. Deflection And Dismissal
We just need to move on from this!
This doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life.
Just forget it happened.
Narcissists will often downplay or disregard their lies by trying to divert your attention elsewhere. This technique is designed to make you feel like you’re overreacting.
5. Physical Violence
In extreme cases, narcissists may resort to violence when they feel threatened. Violence ranges in severity, including everything from hitting or slapping you to severe physical or sexual assault.
If you’re concerned about your safety, make sure that you develop a safety plan. Reach out for support with a trusted family member or friend.
Can A Narcissist Be Honest? How To Trick a Narcissist Into Telling The Truth?
For a narcissist to be completely honest, it means they need to recognize their behavior. Most of the time, they can’t do this.
The answer doesn’t lie in tricking the narcissist. The answer lies in you knowing your truth.
Pay attention to your intuition if you suspect the narcissist is lying to you. Trust your feelings. they are probably telling you something.
Keep in mind that most narcissists don’t change their behavior. In many ways, they become more crafted in their storytelling. They also tend to find more people who will enable their behavior.
Remember that your goal isn’t about pulling the truth out of the narcissist. Instead, it should be about honoring your boundaries, well-being, and personal integrity.
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Thank you so much for your excellent description of a narcissist! Been with a guy for 15 months. Just discovered he has live in girlfriend when I rang him unexpectedly! Told me and the other girl so much lies! I was in Ore of him but I realise he has real insecurities! Interesting to note his mother hated him and he hated his mum! Thanks so much x
Hi Kate…this guy you were seeing…did he change his name?
Thank you so much for this article it has re affirmed to me that I have definitely been in a relationship with a true narcissist. I have been feeling as if I have been going mad. I have been questioning myself.
It feels terrible after reading so many articles about narcissists, I can’t believe this whole 8 years I let him manipulate me gaslight me and deny every problem that has arised in our relationship
Feels weird to read that from a Monica, though it’s a common name, since I knew one who really hurt me very badly, and then seemed to be someone completely else once we finally broke up.
Complete disillusionment in so many ways, and still recovering.
Me too. I’m about to lose it in all directions!
I was with a girlfriend for four years and was making plans to propose to her. Then one day, she said she wanted to take a break to figure things out. That was about four years ago. She got married about two years after her “break” to a coworker who I later found out through the help of hackgoodnesstech on insta, gram a pro tech guy that she had been cheating on me with the whole time we were together. I was devastated at the time, but now I think it was all for the best. Also, it’s a small world, because her husband is cheating on her with someone I know. Thanks karma!
Thank you for your story and making my day! What goes around comes around.
My issue is that I had my little granddaughter with me for 4 years and then my narcissistic daughter kicked me out of the house and out of my grandbaby’s life. My granddaughter and I were very close. I was her second parent essentially.
So I’m trying to figure out how to make my narcissistic daughter want me around – even if I have to fake everything. She lies to everyone about me and she knows I know she lies a lot.
My narcissistic sister has done this before just when I would stay the night at her place, she’d get in a bad mood and kick me out. because I confronted her about her neglecting my nephew she has gone around saying I scratched him. …and she sleeps with every boyfriend of mine she can just to hurt me and finally I find out I’m dating a narcissist for 13 years and he’s fallen for HER! He refuses to admit anything that’s happened even though I have insane amounts of proof , I am completely isolated now because these are the only two people I had in my life and I kicked her out of my life and confronted him but he just treats me worse and worse, I’m scared he might become abusive too. But the thought of giving up everything I have and living in a shelter for battered women sounds almost as bad. What hell is this?
Just find a new boy friend that respects and cares about you he’s out there some where and when you leave your current partner he will be devastated! Your only alone because you think your alone there. Plenty of people out there that want to help you just have to reach out ! your not alone !
this is hell on Earth unfortunately.. I recently found out I have been with a narcissist for 17 years and two children she has been having a fair since before we were together and those affairs lasted up until last year and they may still be.. the paternity of my first child was questioned and seems that a couple years back it will test being done for some other guy that’s married because he’s been sleeping with my wife longer than I’ve been with her.. along with all these shoes snuck around my back with her ex that picked her up around the corner from my house she’s brought my kids around everybody she’s cheated on me with and make them part of her sick perverted lifestyle. she’s slept with other guys on everybody’s birthday that we know that on our family she slept with multiple guys in one day with me and another man with another man than me she has bragged about all her indecent and moral actions and behaviors to all of our friends everybody that knows us and did it proudly even ruining her own image and reputation she destroyed the family humiliated us and embarrassed us profoundly and she still hesitant to stop she would love to keep going but when I finally found out because I finally took a good look at her and her friends I snatched her out of her little 24-hour 7 days a week party habit she works as a good job and all that but she is the most toxic person to know or have around you much less she’s a nightmare come true to be with all my worst fears have been made real by her so now I just have multiple eye surveillance and audios surveillance on her I track her phone’s, cars, and anything else that’s trackable.. don’t get it wrong either I am no longer with her but I will not continue to allow her to disrespect in the humiliate us me and my children even her family her mother and my mother I will not allow her to continue to destroy it even her own story of life.. there was unlimited amount of hesitation and assistance from her believe me she tried it all and I had only one option left one solution cuz everything else failed and that I physically deny her any access or possible connection to anyone or any thing in our past unfortunately that is a 24-hour job as well and I feel more like a bouncer most of the time, I’m not proud to say… but I got her to start understanding of what consequences are and how her actions will not go without them.. it’s been a sad depressing disappointing and for the most part pointless and hopeless 11 months… I been with her so long I know her usual basic matters and behaviors and I just apply all the narcissistic tendencies to her character that I know of and I see right through her I read her like a book now and she gets a reality check real quick when I do.. amazingly, it’s exposing her that has kept her at Bay.. it’s the threat of showing evidence of who she truly is to the world that has her rolling with the punches, it’s her fear of being found out that she’s more than the little bad naughty woman that she would tell crowds of people one or two things at a time that they might find interesting some women might find that envy is jealousy of being able to sleep with multiple guys in one day I’ve been able to have and choose from different men to sleep with at any given time or at once and. admired she was. aswell as supported and encouraged by her flocks of flying monkeys around her who exploited her narcissistic tendencies and behaviors with simple dares and double dares games in her head she never played to lose and always win for the win in any there or challenge made to her.. she even made her own challenges and theirs to people that so she could participate and be the winner just because she could and nobody else ever actually even did anything they were just their hair and she went for it and she won every time I’m sure there’s a couple different ways she is still communicating contacting and if not seeing the people that she is not allowed to see anymore and so I continue my 24-hour job after waiting time and it will most likely last till the day one of us finally calls it quits in life I have a few things on the list I gave her that she will have to get done as punishment or get punished and I gave her the list 2 months into it 9 months ago not one thing has been done she has accepted every punishment so far instead of any type of cooperation any type of assistance any type of acknowledgment remorse sympathy and change nothing she has chosen the punishment every time so far.. it’s unbelievable it’s unimaginable it’s something I cannot ever understand.. I’m sure at the end or not too far from now she has something set up for me for all this I could feel it she’s not going to go down without a bang even though I’m the father of her kids we have kids we’ve been together 17 years and she’s already ruined my life in every way possible she even had me drinking so much a few years back because of her behavior and irrational actions that I ended up with cirrhosis so indirectly she also limited my life now not just destroyed it and ruined it my life has become pointless for myself it was all in her show and her story of disgusting diabolical heartless cold-blooded selfish story
I think my husband maybe a narcissist or have some narcissistic tendencies. I know he lies quite easily to others without a thought, even when telling the truth wouldn’t have changed the outcome. So I know this may seem silly but I buy us our own cases of energy drinks.
I only like one particular flavor, so that’s what I get, he has to have variety, so I buy him variety packs. So I notice I have some missing and I haven’t been drinking them as much because I’m trying to decrease my caffeine. I haven’t told him this though. So, I asked him why he was taking mine. He blew up and started yelling that he didn’t take them and he’s tired of being accused of taking my things. He got in my face yelling that he didn’t take (something from an incident a month ago) and he didn’t take my drinks!
The problem is there hasn’t been anyone else who could have taken them! Is this narcissistic type lying or just normal lying? I feel my marriage is coming to an end and I’m just trying to make sense of the type of person I’m with because I’m tired of feeling confused, crazy, and exhausted. I’m tired of apologizing when I’ve done nothing wrong, because he rarely apologizes. I’m tired of pretending I haven’t caught him in a lie just because I don’t want to argue. He says he’ll get help and work on things, but he never does.
Def a narc!
Mine cussed me like a dog for taking his and I don’t even drink them. I drink tea! So out of the blue I’m up to no good taking him for a fool! Cripes somebody HELP! Put me out of my misery!!
Be careful with distance diagnosing. That’s abusive in itself.
He sounds like a narcissist to me, I asked myself the same thing , am I just trying to make sense of a nightmare , the problem is it only gets worse so either way we don’t have much choice do we?
I think what the person is doesn’t really matter, nor the label. If you think no progress can be made, and you have tried couple therapy, then it matters to take care of your (mental) and physical health.
You are lucky! mine just hit and I can not believe the things I am finding out
Dara, yes, in my opinion that is most definitely a narcissistic behavior and I can totally relate too .And yes it completely sucks an I can’t believe that my world has become this. I never in a million years saw this one coming
Getting the truth out of a Narcissist is like performing an exorcism. You wonder “Why am I trying this?” Then comes the half truths, the mind games, focusing on your weaknesses. If you should get the upper hand and get the Narcissist cornered then it’s blaaaaa, the vomit comes flying at you. It’s a no win situation.
I’ve been a Rollercoaster with my supposed to be ex narc bf for over 2 yrs. And just in that time I’ve had broken fingers, toes, almost broke my arm, and the worst gave me a concussion and 6 stitches both eyes swollen shut with bloodshot red eyes. How the fk am I just realizing he is narc! He just kicked my door in for me not opening it tried busting my bedroom window out. I just moved away a month ago he will not leave me alone nor take breaking up. God please help. Oh and we work together
Holy Crap! That’s awful! When I have left him he constantly stalks me! Begging! Never leaves me alone until anyone who may be helping me get away from him will push me away and don’t want me around anymore because he won’t leave me alone. It’s happened twice.. I’m so sorry he’s touching you that way!! I probably would’ve quit my job. But I am weak and I am so tired.
I know when he is lying I just say ok I see. Is that enabling him to lie more
I think so I do the same but what choice is there? I catch him red handed and he still acts like I’m crazy
Ugh. That’s the worst, when people make you doubt reality. And it’s weirdly making you doubt, even when you saw it with your own eyes.
I’m dating a narcissist now. He’s my first boyfriend in 13 years. The tenant down stairs told me he had another woman sleeping over on Saturday nights. He completely denies it and I think he stopped it. It devastated me. I cried for 25 days. I knew her as his friend. Then I found her in a reflection in a picture he sent me, denies that to. I finally as least got him to admit she was a x girlfriend and not a 70 year old friend of his family. He lives 260 miles away from me . So to spy on him isn’t an option. But I lost my trust and my deep love for him. He was my first true love. And my first narcissist. I’m still seeing him, but I am texting a new man. So I’m going to be alright. This tore me apart. The lies.
Just because someone’s cheating and lies About it doesn’t mean they’re a narcissist
especially if y’all live close to 300 miles away from each other
True narcissist example:
2 people are alone in a room…the narcissist breaks wind denying it to the grave knowing the other person HAS to know because it’s only the 2 of them there.
I have a Narc girlfriend for 9 months, I realised she had NPD after she gave me a half truth about her friend that was a narcissist, it wasn’t a friend, she was talking about herself, after weeks of research through websites and books I now understand what she has put me through and why she does it. I think anyone here that has or is still going through the abuse needs to first understand the personality disorder that these people have, yes they understand what they are doing and yes they have one intention to suck the life from their victims but once we can understand them we can gain some control of OUR lives, depersonalise yourself from their actions.
Us as victims are only objects to the narc, we are their supply and just like any addict if we keep giving supply we will feed the narc until WE destroy OURSELVES. Some steps I have taken to gain back my life is to:
1. Learn as much as you can about NPD and the tactics they use such as love bombing.
2. Understand the narc in your life you don’t have to accept but understand what they are.
3.Take back control, either leave if you can or manipulate the situation to suit your needs.
4. Everything they tell you is a lie so believe nothing they say.
5.Look at yourself, heal yourself, focus on what you want in this life and the next, learn where this obsession to help and fix people comes from, remember we cannot fix anyone but our own true self.
I am still with my GF because she is pregnant and I am unsure if the baby is mine, I can only get a paternity test when the baby is born, and until that day I will play the game she has played with me. I do wish there was a cure for NPD as the pain these people put the ones that LOVE THEM through is horrific, a cure for NPD is a cure for all of us.
Alexander, I looked into brain training that has cured PTSD and ADHD, Do you know if there is any research or possibility that this could cure NPD??
There is no real cure for NPD as in general you can not cure personality disorders. It is connected to their personality. The only treatment for NPD is giving people insights in their own behavior so they know what their behavior is doing to them and other people and learn them to alter this.
The main difference is that PTSD and ADHD are no personality disorders and thus their treatment is very different.
That sounds always so absolutist and defitist. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say no known “cure”?
I wonder how the difference between “personality” and behavior is drawn, since NPD is often said to have resulted from trauma.
If personality is characterized as consistent mental and behavioral traits of an individual… wouldn’t learning to change your behaviors and thinking differently by becoming self aware be considered a “cure” ?
Currently watching someone go thru a break up with a narcissist after baby was 1 year old—he was in same situation as you…waiting to see if baby was his…you better read up on narcissism. Start documenting it now. And do NOT allow your name on the birth certificate until you are POSITIVE baby is yours.
It is utter hell for him now thru child custody. They will lie, give false reports to police, file Domestic violence orders repeatedly against you. Play victim all the way. The family courts eat it up with a spoon and strips dads of all rights. It is absolutely insane and family courts are an absolute joke. Lies are allowed with no evidence to support them and dads are left constantly defending the lies.
What about when your being constantly accused of lying or doing something you’re not lying about or doing to the point it’s hard to control you anger. Reading about narcissism I feel I have tendency, but lying definitely isn’t one of them. I am blatantly honest about things , I know my significant other will get upset about, but tell the truth anyhow because it’s how it should be. I am constantly being accused of knowing and talking to someone I don’t know or talk to ever. In actuality I believe we both have narcissistic tendencies. She lies quite often telling me it’s because she doesn’t trust me ? She constantly watches this womens Facebook page and tries to relate what the woman says on there to me and our situation. I keep asking her to not concern herself with others and there actions and to concentrate on us and to be honest, because her being dishonest will never help us. Confused on how to reconcile this situation.
I have a wife, we spent 4 years together with 5 years boy, 3 years back, we planned to live in France, she left with no problem in the family. But recently I came to know that she gave birth she has a kid of more than a year, I asked her If it is true. Of course she denied. She can’t tell the truth cos she is a the most narcissist I have ever seen. Now she can’t let me talk to my son, the excuse being that she is working so hard that she has no time; which is wrong. I don’t know how to make her accept that she moved on so that we can have a concessus on how I can talk to my son and move o
Narcissist love to control people try to give her a little control over you and see if she lets you in to her web again then you might be able to see your kid maybe ! if it is your kid that is ?
Thanks Misty, there is nothing I can document, problem is I work abroad and just get back every 2nd weekend, I really don’t care what she’s doing to herself with seeing and texting other men, I only care about knowing if the baby is mine, I have 15 weeks left for the baby to be born, If the baby is not mine I will run for the hills, I Still don’t know what to do if the baby is mine. She has a 13 year old daughter and she never see’s her father, she has turned her daughter completely against him. I can just take it step by step.
I feel for you all.
I’m trying to get out.
I will someday but for now I don’t have the money. He will not give me any money even if a judge orders him to, he will do whatever it takes not to give me any. He’s ruined my health & in a very serious way where I can’t function or go out sometimes etc. I figured him out years ago and it has affected me beyond my wild imagination. It makes the whole relationship fake in many ways. All I think about now is all he’s done to me and what he will do and he will be mean as hell if I tell him I want out or get out. I literally have not done anything to him but I’m always the blame if I stand up and defend myself for his cruel and unwarranted Yelling sprees and child like temper tantrums to divert his guilty actions. I want to tell his friends so badly what he’s done to me cause they respect me & just think I’m sick all the time from medical conditions I have but it’s cause if him. Prob 70% of them. My stress level is out of this hemisphere. I need to talk to a councilor cuz if I tell a friend and they tell him I’m done for. He has done a lot of good things and nice things but most of them are for show. He treats me in public way different than in private. I’m sick of it. And I knew he lies but I’m just now realizing he’s lied to me about probably everything. Prob been cheating the whole time weve been together. He doesn’t let me on the his phone which to me is a clear sign of hiding something but the viscous words and yelling at me is what kills me. I’m not like that whatsoever on my side and never had a man or anyone talk to me like he does or treat me like he does. So many times the words are on the top of my tongue to tell him I done and want a divorce but can’t do it for the threatening and mean words I’ll get and then the terrible medical issues get worse. If I had the money I’d pack up and be gone. My deceased parents I know are so grieving for me! I know they are watching and listening and I’m so embarrassed I’m with this mean guy. Run now if you can I never dreamed this would be my life. I’m tired of having to not be authentic to friends and not tell the truth about him. They need to know but he’ll butcher me. I shouldn’t have to just survive each day. I used to be very happy and full of life and had a lot of fun in life. I think MY GAWD-how did I get to this point??? I’ve tried every tactic I can but leaving. Too scary right now. I’m not dumb I’m pretty smart but why am I staying? Fear. I can’t take any more stress heartache illness or being blamed. He is a huge hypocrite. I can’t stand that. He can do whatever to me but I better not do anything. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. And all the promises I need him to fulfill he never never does. I know one thing-I will not live out my life like this. Exactly-he has no empathy or sympathy for me but oohhhh if he gets hurt the slightest (not warranted) he’s like a 7 year old that has a tantrum. I pray all the time for me and pray for all you. Live your best life and get out now.
You just told my story exactly, and you bet he’s cheating and he won’t admit it. It’s only getting worse. I almost died twice because of this man and my health is a mess, I too am dependent on him but the thought of going to a shelter and giving up everything seems like hell too.
Find a new boy friend while your with him and when you know the new guy is decent just pack up and leave when he’s not there ! You deserve much better !
Wow, reading this felt like reading the last few months of my life dating a narcissist. Wish I had found this sooner to save myself some of the annoyance I was experiencing with him!
25 yrs.. I’m exhausted.. mine is the passive kind so he’s not so obvious in many ways.. liar, gaslighted, manipulated, ego maniac and loves to try to control me.. internet cheater, drug use on and off over the years.. I didn’t realize because he’s passive narcassist until last year.. I’m still here but only because I was trying to “make it work”🥴.. I have a new hobby and it infuriates him that he doesn’t get my undivided attention.. now telling me my hobby is so beneath me and I’m “too smart for that” lol
It’s all finally coming into focus.. I feel so misled..he talks about me to my kids and our friends, everything is a competition, gets so angry if I take an interest in finances cause it’s “his lane” and I should stay in mine.. what a roller coaster this has been all these years.. it’s all so obvious now
Started dating a guy the first part of December,only because he was a good
Friend of a long time friend. From day one, I informed him to not lie to me because I as an Empath might not catch on immediately but more sooner than later, I would find out. Well, immediately, came the love bonbon g…the “you’re gorgeous” (which made me cry) and that led to “I’ve never met any woman who had the same sexual appetite as me and could keep up”… Time together was hit and miss as he “was having to hold to a promise to take care of his “”best friend” who also was his ex…who he claimed they were better friends than anything else.” This was shadowed by constant compliments and texts. Including the “you are this man’s dream come true, independent yet has time to spend with someone … blah blah blah…
Then came the excuses with the “best friend” having numerous complications post hip surgery and his bitching of her injecting herself into his plans for the day. While telling me he wanted to spend more time with me. His disappearing for long periods of time, terrorized by his ex wife, and blowing up at me via text Feb 8, about my wanting more than he could give.. (I never asked for money or expensive gifts .. just reassurance and security..
Next came the ghosting and I went off on him and flat out told him exactly what I felt and what I thought he was for what he was doing. I also gave him ample time to come and get his things from my place and return the things of mine he borrowed along with my house key. March 30, my final message was… I assume you never had intentions of getting these things and I best not hear that you have said that I stole these things or prevented you from getting them…
The emotional and mental anguish was horrendous.. I couldn’t go a day without tears, music was also painful when I would hear “our song”.
The end of April, I had a gut wrenching urge to reach out to one of his ex’s that he dumped for this “best friend” and she and I shared stories and since have become good friends.. he has retaliated in text messages to me that I ignore.
Mid-May.. I was included in a series of group texts between several women who I immediately realized were included in the time he swore I was the “ONLY” one … these texts included accusations of STD’s, multiple partners, male and female and IVDA. The primary text came from a young woman who was his current victim… I since have been tested and all negative results!!
I reached out to this woman last Friday as I got info that he had discarded her also. Not to get revenge but to let her know that she was not alone in her pain.. I don’t care if he gets mad at me.. or as his text stated “women are messy”!! HA HA.. one thing that she stated in her pain was a definitive “KARMA IS ALREADY WORKING ON HIM” he should have heeded my warnings..
I just got out of a relationship tha I’m sure she was a narc. But it only lasted 2 months so you can say I “dodged a bullet.” I couldn’t figure out why she never wanted to visit me or spend any time with me even though made plans to do so many times but didn”t always have an excuse for not showing up. One time she called me to tell me she was just leaving her apartment and would be over in 15 minutes. I waited for a half hour and called her. She told me she just got out of the shower! I reminded her that she had told me that she told me that she would be over in 15 minutes! She completely turned it around saying that she had told me that she said that she would be over 15 minutes after she got out of the shower. I told her there was no mention of a shower. She then told me that she was on her way. Finally after 90 minutes she showed up just like nothing had happened. I just let it go. But after an hour she said she needed to go home without telling me why. She said she’d call me when she got home. Of course, that didn’t happen. There were so many times when we would be talking and she told me that someone was trying to call her and that she would call me right back. You guessed it. No phone call. That happened more times than I can count. Another thing. When I would try to call her, it went straight to her voice mail saying that her mail box was full and couldn’t accept anymore calls. And if I called more than 3 times back to back to back, she would tell me that if she didn’t answer after the second call, that she was busy and to stop calling so much. I finally got fed up with what was going on, I decided to end whatever relationship we had by going no contact.She now calls leaving messages asking why I haven’t called her and asking me if I’m okay. It’s been a week since I’ve talked to her and it’s hard. But I feel so much better now that I don”t have to listen to her lies and empty promises.