If you find yourself repeatedly attracting narcissists, you’re probably starting to feel exhausted. In one relationship after another, you’ve been lied to, taken advantage of, and made to feel like you’re crazy.
After a while, you’re probably starting to blame yourself. If this sounds like you, grant yourself some compassion. While you aren’t to blame for suffering narcissistic abuse, you can take steps to protect yourself from people who are harmful to your psychological well-being.
The truth is that if you repeatedly attract narcissists, you might have some traits that make you appealing to them. Rather than changing yourself completely to avoid narcissists, you can build upon your strengths and heal your inner wounds so you only attract people who have your best interests at heart.
The truth is that once you become the best version of yourself, you aren’t likely to be interested in narcissists anyway. You’ll only want to spend your time and energy on people who genuinely care and consistently reciprocate your love and affection.
Tips for Keeping Narcissists Away
So, what do you have to do to keep narcissists out of your life? The tips below can help you get started. Remember, you aren’t to blame for people treating you badly.
By following these tips, you’re simply taking the initiative to protect yourself from people willing to take advantage of your kindness and genuine heart.
#1 Establish Firm Boundaries
Narcissists love to violate your boundaries, because they don’t believe they have to honor them. They see the world from one perspective: their own. A narcissist feels entitled to take advantage of you, so they don’t particularly care if they’re inconveniencing you.
If you have weak boundaries, narcissists will likely continue to bug you. Once they realize that you’re someone who will give in to their every demand, they will keep coming around.
On the other hand, if you set firm boundaries and stick to them, narcissists will be turned off. Consider this example: you go out on one date with someone, who happens to be a narcissist. After the date, they text you constantly, demanding your attention.
If you set a firm boundary and explain that you cannot be immediately available to text around the clock, they’re likely to leave you alone. They’ll move on to someone easier to control.
#2 Look Out For Red Flags
Narcissists can be easy to fall for, especially at the beginning of a relationship. During the love bombing phase, they will shower you with attention and compliments, making you feel like you’re the center of their universe.
Remember, this is part of a cycle that begins with love bombing and progresses to the narcissist devaluing or discarding you. Recognize the love bombing phase as a red flag, rather than falling head-over-heels in love.
If someone moves quickly in the beginning stages of a relationship, this is just one of several red flags that you’re dealing with a narcissist. If you notice other red flags, such as arrogant behavior, exaggeration of achievements, and an expectation that you’re always available to them, it’s time to break ties.
Once you learn to recognize these red flags, you’ll be better equipped to identify narcissistic people, and avoid them.
#3 Engage in Self-Care
Being with a narcissist can be draining. If you’re been with multiple narcissistic people, you’re likely utterly exhausted. You’ve probably set your own needs aside for so long that you forget what it means to put yourself first.
When you’re working on removing narcissistic people from your life, self-care is essential. Make time to relax, engage in hobbies you enjoy, and care for yourself through regular exercise and a nutritious diet.
By caring for yourself, you will learn to value who you are, rather than always putting others first. Make a habit out of self-care, and you won’t have time for anyone who doesn’t respect your needs.
#4 Heal Codependent Behavior
Narcissists often find themselves in relationships with people who show codependent behavior. Codependents naturally want to care for and nurture others, so they will see no problem with a demanding narcissist.
Spending all their time and energy catering to the narcissist fuels the codependent’s self-esteem and gives them a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, the codependent also ends up resentful, as they will pour all of their energy into the narcissist while neglecting themselves.
Take a look at your patterns in relationships. Do you tend to be in one-sided relationships, where you do most of the work? Do you spend considerable time trying to fix every problem your partner encounters? Does it sometimes feel like you’re a parent rather than a partner?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, you likely have codependent tendencies. Now is the time to change this behavior, especially if you want to avoid narcissists.
To heal from codependency, you must consider yourself. This might seem foreign to you, but it’s healthy. Consider what you need from a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less. Make your opinions, preferences, and needs known early in a relationship, and don’t feel guilty for expressing your own needs.
Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided, and you should have your needs met, just as much as your partner does. When you stay true to who you are, you’ll repel narcissistic people who are simply trying to take advantage of you.
#5 Consider Therapy
Breaking unhealthy patterns of behavior can be difficult. If you’ve repeatedly attracted narcissists, you may be entrenched in codependent patterns, or repeating relationship dynamics you witnessed in childhood.
For instance, if your parents had an unhealthy marriage, you might think that the dynamic that occurs in narcissistic relationships is normal. Furthermore, if you experienced abuse or trauma as a child, you may have negative views about yourself, causing you to accept mistreatment in relationships.
If you’re struggling with unhealed childhood wounds or another mental health problem, a therapist can help you move toward healing.
Therapy sessions allow you to uncover dynamics that may contribute to unhealthy relationships, and they are a safe setting for building skills, such as being assertive and setting boundaries.
Therapy can help you reframe negative thoughts, build confidence, and boost your self-esteem. The skills developed in therapy will prepare you for healthier relationships in which you can express your needs and walk away from abusive situations.
Moving Forward From Narcissists
The strategies discussed here allow you to prioritize your own well-being rather than continuing to submit to narcissistic behavior. Caring for yourself, setting boundaries, and learning to identify narcissistic traits reduce the likelihood that you’ll attract narcissists in the future.
Remember, you deserve fulfilling relationships in which you are treated with respect and kindness. A relationship with a narcissistic person is unlikely ever to meet your needs. Now is the time to break unhealthy patterns, as they stop you from living life to its fullest.
If you’re having a hard time healing on your own, there is no shame in seeking therapy. Relationships with narcissists can take a toll on your mental health, and you may need professional support to recover.
