Have you ever picked up on a good vibe with someone? They nod when you nod; they smile when you smile, and they laugh when you laugh.
The intricate ways a narcissist will gain your trust and respect include mirroring – doing or saying anything you do to do nothing more than agree with you.
What false waters can you swim in when given half a chance by them and their twisted ways, right?
Mirroring can look as though you’ve got so much in common.
I’m sad to say that it’s a manipulation tactic to get them close to you.
Hack your way out, right now with these 8 simple tips!
#1 Express a Hope – Look for Similar from Them
So, you’re mid conversation with a narcissist and you think everything is going so well. They seem to light up when you talk to them, and they hang onto your every word. It really feels as though they’re interested in you.
What’s the catch?
Plenty.
In fact – a narcissist is only making you feel this way because they are experts at mirroring.
Your mirror test:
Tell them you really hope to have kids someday. See if they agree. Tell them you love city breaks. Check how aligned they are with that. Test after test will reveal they only agree with you because they want you to feel a strong connection.
It’s all an act – and you can be a step ahead.
#2 “You Go First”
One of the best hacks you can try is the ‘you go first’ hack.
Having those same conversations in hack 1 can seem a little boring after a while. All they do is agree and want the same, but what if you get them in a position to ask you a question.
“Do you like dogs?”
“Well, there’s a question. You are asking me because you have feelings about dogs. What are your views?”
Throwing the question back at the narcissist before you have a chance to answer leaves them wide open to failure.
Narcissists hate failure. They want to be on your wavelength so they can try to answer by guessing what they think you’d say, but that won’t always be successful.
Suddenly their attempt to mirror you has failed miserably, and the control they want over you is erased from existence.
Great job!
#3 “Why Do You Ask?”
You’re coming from a curious place, right? If you feel the narcissist in your life wants to know something, whether it be a spouse who is asking if you’re okay just to provoke you to apologize to them for something you haven’t done or someone trying to get to know you, ask why.
It throws the narcissist back a few spaces, so rather than them be up in your face demanding to know things, you can stop them, leaving them high and dry, and ask why they’re asking.
You know yourself when something isn’t right, but they want to look like they’re mirroring you by being concerned (the way you usually might). It won’t work. When you ask if they’re okay, they want you to know that no, they aren’t.
You asking why leaves room for you to disagree with them when they give you their answer,
Mirroring – fail!
#4 Hold Back – Don’t Bite the Bait
So you spot what appears to be a mirror right in front of you. It’s as if they cannot think or act for themselves, but what does this do? It makes you feel superior and in control. The narcissist loves that. This is the false sense of security they’re offering to make you feel empowered heading into a discussion or relationship with them.
This is nothing but bait thrown your way for you to bite, so they can reel you in and change their mask. Once the mask is changed, you will see a different side to them, and that’s where you regret falling for the mirroring.
Instead – hold back. Do not bite the bait under any circumstance. They can’t win if you don’t play the game.
#5 Grey Rock Technique
Grey rock is a successful tactic many use to divert any emotion from the conversation. If the narcissist is being animated, they will expect you to match pitch. This confirms to them that they have you under control, but disengaging or responding in a manner that draws no light or shade from your response leaves them battling to sustain their conversation.
Be as boring as you can. With no energy to grasp, they have none for themselves (remember, a narcissist cannot create their own, they need yours).
Grey rock is known to reduce conflict, and I know underneath you might be desperate to voice something emotive – but your best bet to avoid mirroring, is to give them nothing.
#6 Look For the “You Too, Me Too”
Ah, the good old “you too, me too.”
Have a nice time. You too.
You look nice. You too.
I love this show. Me too.
I fancy a curry tonight. Me too.
Oh, haven’t you got every little thing in common? It;s almost sickly sweet, in fact.
The narcissist will give you tiny, unimportant moments of power because they want to form a bond with you. More than that, they want you to believe you have a bond with them too.
How special?
It’s actually not. It’s yet another tactic.
And you can hack your way out of it by playing “You too me too” bingo (in your head, of course).
#7 What Happens in Private Matters
Somebody’s real intentions come out behind closed doors. If you are somewhere in public, surrounded by people you know, the narcissist will be on their best behavior. They will do all the mirror-related things to make you feel like you are out with the most charming person in town, but that will look different in public.
The mask slips on a narcissist a lot of the time, and ways to spot that are how and when they choose to mirror you.
What happens in private matters.
#8 Actions Won’t Match Words
“I’d love to go out Friday, shall we?” Sure! I’ll book a table!
Friday comes, and where is the table?
Unbooked of course.
Oops, they forgot.
Oops, they got busy.
Why didn’t you remind them?
Why didn’t you book it?
The blame will fall on you, but the original lure and pull of the mirrored desire to go out went from promise to dust.
One hack to spot a narcissist mirroring you in the moment to appease your current mood or request ist to see if they follow through with their words.
If they don’t – you’ve got them pinned!
