How Do Narcissists Make You Feel Sorry For Them?

Narcissists desire constant attention, and when their charm doesn’t get them the attention they need, they will become victims. It’s all about gaining the attention and admiration they desperately need to boost their ego.

By becoming victims, they get people to feel sorry for them. When people feel sorry for them, they secure that much-needed attention from you and others around them. It is common for them to act like everyone else is wrong or out to get them. This is their effort to gain sympathy and positive attention from you.

There are several ways that a narcissist will make you feel sorry for them. You must know these tactics to help you protect yourself and your mental health when dealing with a narcissistic partner or family member.


When a narcissist is trying to make you feel sorry for them and playing the victim, they are lying. A common trait of people with NPD. As a result, they are likely to exaggerate the truth to win your sympathy.

They do not feel empathy and will not feel guilty about lying. They aim to remain the centre of attention, getting the attention they need to boost their ego and self-esteem.

In other words, they will exaggerate the truth to make you see that they have been victimized and gain your sympathy and attention.

Playing the Victim

Narcissists can change their personalities in a heartbeat. They are masters of disguise and can just as easily play the victim to get the attention that they desire so badly. A majority of the time, they will play the victim card.

They will change their disguise to portray the victim when they see that their normal tactics are not working on you. Being the victim will secure them the positive attention and sympathy that they need, again ensuring that they are the centre of your attention.

If they walk into a room and everyone doesn’t greet them, they will quickly change and tell you that these people don’t like them. This is their quick thinking to play the victim, so you immediately feel sorry for them.

Making You Believe They Need Your Help

Narcissists will try and make you believe that they need your help because they have been victimized. This is a common sign that they are trying to make you feel sorry for them. As you know, they do not normally need help with anything, as they are superior to everyone else around them. When they suddenly ask for help, this is a red flag.

Often asking for help, the narcissist is trying to turn you into their flying monkey. Flying monkeys are those that do the narcissist’s bidding, so the blame is not put on them.

Be very aware when they ask for you help, no matter what it is, as chances are they are just trying to get something out of you by making you feel sorry for them.

Making You Feel Guilty

The one thing that narcissists are excellent at is shifting the blame. They want to control you and the situation, therefore they are very quick to shift the blame when they do something or they act out. This includes making you feel guilty.

In most cases, they will accuse you of doing something they are doing, making you feel guilty and sorry for them. When you feel guilty, you feel sorry for the person you have harmed, in this case, the narcissist.

Do not fall for this typical tactic. Don’t let the narcissist make you believe you have done something you have not done just to make you feel sorry for them.


Narcissists are compulsive liars. They lie about everything and anything, from big things to the smallest thing. Lying is a natural part of their lives and they think it’s normal, in fact they think when they lie that they are superior to you.

This means that if a narcissist wants you to feel sorry for them, they will lie to get the attention that they need. As superiors, in their minds, they think that you will not catch on that they are lying.

Narcissists see themselves as superior to everyone, including their partners. If they need something from you, they will make you feel sorry for them to get what they want or need.

Creating Confusion

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist for some time, you have probably experienced you fair share of drama. They love creating confusion, making you believe that you have done something wrong when, in fact, it is them who has done the wrong. By doing so, they can make you feel sorry for them.

Something as simple as getting a speeding ticket can be made your problem, so you feel bad and immediately feel sorry for them. They may say, “If you didn’t talk so much while I’m driving, I wouldn’t have been distracted, and would not have gotten that speeding ticket.”

By creating confusion, they make you feel sorry for them. In turn you take all the responsibility.

Blaming You For Their Mood

Narcissists are never wrong. Even when they know they are wrong, they will not admit it. This means that they will play the blaming game when they are angry or not getting the reaction that they want to feel important or have complete control over you and your actions.

One of the favourite sayings you will come across when in a relationship with a narcissist is “I cannot believe you are blaming me for that” or “If you didn’t do that, I would not have called you names.”

By blaming you for their mood, they make you feel sorry for them. When you feel sorry for them, they maintain control, something the dominant narcissist thrives on.

Accusing You of Being a Narcissist

This has to be the best one of them all. When a narcissist wants you to feel sorry for them and they are not getting anywhere with their normal tactics, they will turn the tables and blame you for being a narcissist. This is very ironic coming from a person with NPD. Why do they do this?

By playing the victim, they can divert any attention associated with their own behavior, helping them avoid accountability. When you feel sorry for them, they feel superior and important. They don’t care how they get the attention they need, as long as they get it.

Anyone in a relationship with a narcissist needs to know the signs they use to make you feel sorry for them. It’s important to hold onto your own self-worth and not let your esteem be affected. It is not easy living with a narcissist, but if you know what to expect, you can have the upper hand, not giving in to their tactics.

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