While 3 has been known to be a magic number, I decided to double that for you today.
When narcissists go silent, you know something is up. This isn’t just about them feeling a little introspective – there is a toxic agenda at play.
With my six reasons narcissists suddenly go silent, not only will you be able to figure out their game plan…
…You are now far more likely to win.
Yep. Being a step ahead is where the real magic is.
Silence and The Cycle of Abuse
Silence is just one way a narcissist will get under your skin.
It is the worst thing to do to somebody who has no idea what’s really going on, and it can create a real stir of worry, fear and anxiety in a person on the receiving end.
Silence is all part of the narcissistic cycle of abuse, and it is often followed by hoovering. I’ll explain in a little more detail.
Step 1: The narcissist is getting to know you. Everything is perfect. They’re charming.
Wonderful. You feel warm, wanted and fuzzy on the inside. You’ve met your person, and nobody comes close to comparing.
Step 2: The narcissist pulls away, lacking interest and beginning to pick you apart. You wonder what’s gone wrong, and you assume it’s all your fault.
Step 3: The narcissist discards you as if you don’t matter. You worry that it’s all over, and right before you give up…
Step 4: They hoover you back up, love-bombing you and throwing as much attention they can your way to reel you back in, and start all over again.
In other words:
- Love-Bombing
- Devaluation
- Discard
- Hoover
Rinse. Repeat.
SO…why the silence?
#1 New Supply In The House!
It’s gone quiet…
…Where did the narcissist go?
You can see them – just about – in the distance chatting with somebody who looks unhappy.
They look unhappy because they’re surrounded by narcissism.
And the narcissist looks happy because they are sucking the life out of the unhappy person!
It’s like looking in a mirror, isn’t it?
There you see it. The narcissist is bothering somebody else, and in turn leaving you alone and going silent.
While it can feel quite nice to have that silence, it’s only a matter of time before they circle back to you.
#2 To Manipulate You
There are a million and one ways to manipulate another person, and if truth be told, the narcissist will know them all while inventing more.
One huge way to manipulate, is to go silent on you. This does several things to you:
- You panic. What did you do wrong?
- You ask them what you did wrong. If everything is okay. If they want to talk.
- You try to make it better by cooking their favorite meal, or taking them out.
- You plead with them to open up to you.
- You assume it’s your fault, and feel overly guilty about it.
Meanwhile, the narcissist is:
- Loving your attention.
- Wanting more of it.
- Enjoying seeing you miserable.
- Potentially taking away a good day you had and turning it into a bad one.
- Seeking to see what triggers you, so they can do the same again in the future.
Manipulation is a word that covers all of this – but you need to know the ins and outs to spot it all happening to you.
#3 To Punish
Why would somebody who claims to love you, possibly want to punish you?
Make it make sense!
On a serious note, the dysregulating factors that contribute to a narcissist’s personality are not your burdens to carry.
They prove and provide evidence that this person doesn’t know how to deal with challenges properly.
Unfortunately, and I see it all too often, it’s you who suffers. Why should any innocent person be at the very tip of punishment, when the root comes from a person so much more toxic and damaging?
It doesn’t seem right or fair, but it’s the perfect way for a narcissist to show they aren’t happy with you.
Silence is their way of punishing you for something you have done. Except, that’s only what they want you to think. In reality – you haven’t done anything wrong.
Silence that claws at yourself-esteem, confidence, and at your shame system only serves to make the narcissist feel good about themselves temporarily.
Nothing more, nothing less.
#4 To Avoid Any Accountability
No narcissist wants to be held accountable for the destruction they cause. They would rather drop the bomb and run as fast as they can, watching it explode from a safe distance.
The bomb so to speak, can be:
- Saying something to upset you or somebody else
- Spreading false rumors
- Criticizing you
- Trying to stir trouble where trouble is not necessary
- Triangulation
- Blowing hot and cold
A message to the narcissist:
We see you. We know what you do and how you do it. We know you want to be the innocent party in all of this, but we know you aren’t.
You’re the cause of many problems, and you run away and go silent as if it had nothing to do with you.
We see you.
#5 To Remind You “Who Is In Charge”
Did you overstep the mark?
Did you say something you shouldn’t have?
Did you speak too confidently? Too passionately? Too Correctly?
Are you awakening to reality?
I can officially confirm that none of these moments are a cause to be ignored, or for any kind of silent treatment.
Narcissists don’t care what they should or shouldn’t do. Moral codes don’t exist within them.
Instead, they will go suddenly, and it will be silent.
What they want to teach you is how to circle them and ask what’s wrong.
Why are you quiet?
What did I do wrong?
How can I make it better?
Suddenly, the power rolls right back around to the narcissist.
Bingo.
They got what they wanted.
#6 Spoonful of Attention, Anybody?
The most immature of them all (if I had to pick one) is this!
Narcissists love the attention that their silence gets. Where they were once just a person in a room while everybody or somebody else got all the attention, their silence is a way of bringing that attention back to them.
Are they okay?
Do they feel unwell?
Shall I go talk to them?
Oh, the narcissist is waiting for that. They want a line of concerned people following them around while they refuse to engage at all.
Just watch the smirk appear on their face as they turn to see so many people offering this new supply to make them feel better.
It’s pretty evident that this is the height of immaturity, wouldn’t you agree?
