Getting involved with a narcissist is a dangerous game. Some people compare it to swimming in a pool of water, and the longer you swim, the deeper you get. Suddenly, you’re in a place you don’t recognize, tired and nowhere near the shore.
The tricks narcissists have up their sleeves are endless, and many of them involve letting you know how much they love you.
Don’t fall for them!
Instead – read these secret tricks they have so you always stay one step ahead of their manipulative, game-playing tactics.
Keeping You Hooked
As narcissists are so highly skilled at lying – they will do what it takes to keep you hooked. Keeping you hooked means you cannot swim to safer shores where you feel more appreciated and loved. Instead, they’ve got you right where they want you.
They will tell you everything you want to hear when they sense you pulling away. They want you near so you can keep telling them how wonderful they are and how you’ll do anything for them.
Remember – you aren’t the only person they lie to. They also lie to themselves daily when they convince themselves they aren’t the problem. This is a huge cover-up for the truth- something you should know.
Money Over Time
The classic sign that you are enmeshed with a narcissist is the money that comes your way. Whether they treat you to a fancy dinner, take you on a beautiful vacation or offer you money to spend how you please – they use it to replace love.
Love for them simply doesn’t exist as it does for everybody else. They can’t give time because they don’t want to. They much prefer to say, “Here’s something I can hold against you later, and you will take it because it is the most tempting currency I have.”
To the narcissist – money is love. Reality is fake, and fake is reality – they don’t know the difference, and they don’t expect you to either.
Reeling Excuse After Excuse
“I had such a hard time growing up.”
“I do this because of my past.”
“I am who I am, and I’ll never be any different.”
Heard it all before? I bet you have. It’s the same spiel from all narcissists because they all operate in the same way. Once you spot one – you can spot them all.
Their excuses come from what they want you to think is a painful place. They use them to do, say or act however they want with you, but act as though it’s all coming from a place of love.
If a narcissist is feeding you excuses, they are doing it to convince you that they aren’t the problem and over time, you will start to use those same excuses to defend them when you are being questioned.
This is a long-standing tactic used, but one that helps manipulate you and keep you the person who never sees them for who they are.
This isn’t love.
Limitless Lies
Lies are used to get people out of trouble.
“It wasn’t me.”
Accompanied by the innocent shrug – who isn’t to believe that if it is dished up with a side of slight smiles and pitiful eyebrow furrowing? The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing, and how to do it most effectively.
They will lie, and if they are really clever, they might actually remember some of their lies. However – when it comes to love – no lie is off bounds. This is to glaze over their mistakes or ill timed comments to make you think they love you because they don’t want to lose what you offer them.
Their Past is “What Led Them To You”
“Nobody has ever accepted or loved me the way you do.”
“You understand me like nobody else.”
“Only you get me.”
“I can’t lose you, not after everything I’ve been through.”
“This connection is amazing.”
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
The list goes on and on – but the words all boil down to one motive:
The narcissist refuses to let you go, and will use their past to pretend, like some huge, grandiose love story, that you were destined to meet and understand each other as deeply as you do.
This is fictitious, and a story they love to tell to garner sympathy and pity.
If they feel pitied, they have successfully placed themselves in the victim role.
The Trauma Bond
Narcissists are experts at creating trauma bonds. This is because trauma bonds are inconsistent, and narcissists thrive on inconsistency. They play up to it like it was a fuel to their minds, and as a result, you can suffer.
In a healthy relationship, bonding happens over time, with honesty and empathy intertwined. Trauma bonds stem from unhealthy dynamics – usually involving an abuser and a person abused – but it will appear as love to those who seek any form of attachment.
Attachment isn’t love, and the idea of “being unable to live without somebody” isn’t love. We can all live without people, but how they make us believe we can’t forms the foundations of a trauma bond.
Infatuation in the Moment
A narcissist is very infatuated by their new supply at the start of a relationship. Everything is new, and they have a brand new source of supply. Someone who hangs off their every word, and believes whatever they say. It’s a wonderful time to carve out the person the narcissist wants to be with (little does the victim know…)
You will be convinced that this person loves you more than anybody, but everything changes once the infatuation phase wears off.
Don’t Fall For The Love Bomb
Using gifts, words, physical affection or gestures are all included in ways the narcissist can love bomb.
If you’ve been love-bombed, you’ll know how intense it feels to be caught up in such exhilarating moments of pure heaven. You feel like you’ve been saved by an angel and swept off your feet.
You might be off your feet, but you weren’t swept – you were pushed.
Love bombing is addictive, just as much for them as it is for you, which means you fail to see the bad moments for what they truly are because you will be too busy falling for their flowers, chocolates, and empty promises.
Pulling you in and making you feel adored through excessive flattery and praise, constantly sharing feelings, and showering you with gifts you neither want nor need is how they pull you in and bond with you tightly.
