What To Do When a Narcissist Turns People Against You?

Have you ever seen a flying monkey? Of course not – they don’t exist, right?


They absolutely exist in world’s where narcissists are prevalent. 

Think back to the Wizard of Oz, where the flying monkeys had the Wicked Witch’s back and treated Dorothy with disdain.

Now apply that to real life. 

You’re being treated unfairly because there are people out there defending the narcissist, and you are wondering how on earth they can stoop so low.

So… what can you do?

What is a Flying Monkey?

Flying monkeys are individuals whom the narcissist reaches into and manipulates them into believing terrible things about you. They might spread rumors, or share information to your detriment – but it will pull them away from you…

…the narcissist’s goal!

The flying monkey isn’t concerned with your truth, because they are slowly having their minds made up about you, and it’s normally against you. 

The flying monkey walks on the narcissist’s side of the street.

‘Give Me an Example’

Imagine you are in the middle of a break up with a narcissist. Your friends, you at least hope, have your back, but suddenly all you’re getting is radio silence from them. 

This will be for one reason only – the narcissist is recruiting flying monkeys to work and live on their team, instead of yours.

The narcissist needs an army to withhold their loyalty to them.

Who Can Be a Flying Monkey?

Anybody – and that’s the truly frightening thing.

It could be members of your family, or even long-term friends you’ve had for many years.

Think about how it must feel for a person to be already gaslighted by the narcissist, only to find that the people around them are suddenly dropping like flies to support the one person you are trying to get away from?

To be doubted by people you love is a very lonely place to be alone.

How Can Narcissists Do This?

Narcissists are the most charming people. You know yourself, as this would be the allure that pulled you to them in the first instance.

So now – the charm for you has worn off, but to others, the narcissist is only just getting started. 

They cut the best figures in public, talking in kindness or cruelness, depending on their audience and the narrative they want people to take from their time with them. 

I’ve worked so hard on this relationship.

There are things you don’t know about your friend/sister/daughter/brother.

They were my soulmate.

I need to talk to you, do you have some time?

This is so difficult for me to discuss, but I don’t have anybody else to turn to.

You’ll be really uncomfortable hearing these truths, but you need to know for your sake. 

I hate to be the one to break this to you.

The performance is world-class, and they will exploit you and spread whatever they can about you to gain attention and sympathy.

What Can You Do About it?

It’s time to process all the emotions that are rising within you. It’s hard enough having to deal with the end of any relationship, but the drama that unfolds as you end one with a narcissist means there will be even more grief, and there will be even more hurt.

You might notice people refusing to answer your calls or return your texts. Your plans with friends and family are constantly being canceled, as they make excuses not to see you. 

Ignore the Smear Campaign

Narcissists are good at starting smear campaigns in the wake of conflict between you and them, and it can be a confusing and frustrating time. 

It’s sad how easily the people who listen to the narcissist can be drawn in and made to believe total lies and exaggerations without even having the decency or wisdom to consult with you, but, this is the manipulative and coercive nature of the narcissist. 

They will do what it takes. 

And it is your job not to fight back. The more you try to protest your innocence, the more crazy they will make you look.

See? See what they’re doing because I’m speaking the truth?

It’s so damaging, and not just in your personal life, but this can happen in any environment, including your workplace. 

Reach in Without Defence

When you are the center of a smear campaign, the best advice is to reach out to those people (only if they truly matter to you) who have been lied to and do your utmost to be yourself.

No mention of what happened. No down talk about the narcissist. Act like none of it happened. 


By default, and without holding up your hands or waving the white flag of surrender, you are being authentic. You’re proving the narcissist wrong by simply being, by living, and by exuding your positive and radiant light. 

They always liked you, remember that. It’s only the words of someone else that have slightly distorted that. 

Hook and Line – But Not Sinker

If the people you are losing matter to you, you can prevent them from sinking into lies. You can unhook them from the twists and tales being told.

The narrative being spun is a figment of the narcissist’s imagination, and are tactics employed to destroy your reputation and make them look even better.

They need approval.

They need love.

They need sympathy.

As they no longer get it from you, they will punish you.

Be Graceful

Narcissists are like used car salesmen. They have the charm to sell a car without an engine for triple its original value just by convincing you that you need it. 

When you find someone subjected to the smear campaign stuck at the side of the road with their car, tell them how sorry you are that they bought it in the first place.

Ask them if what they were told is consistent with who you are.

Apologize that they even had to listen to the narcissist in the first place.

Don’t use the opportunity to run the narcissist down, because all that does is stoop you to their level. Instead, act with grace and dignity. 

Above all – keep being you. 

The best way to disempower the narcissist is to bring the light back in. Narcissists work around their insecurities, which are always kept in the darkest corner of their personality.

If you can shine a light on them without voice or justification, you will automatically allow people to see the real them, freeing you of the lies. 

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