It’s not uncommon to hear the whiney tones of a narcissist ask their newly ex-partner if they can stay friends.
After everything we went through together.
Surely we can’t just go our own separate ways?
You might need a friend in the future.
It’s all the same drivel. Your friendship only means certain things to the narcissist.
There’s no real joy or positive aspect in it for you, and I will prove that with these 7 reasons why they want to stay friends with you.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Splitting Up? Great News!
Are you proud that you’re finally at a stage where you get the opportunity to part ways with the narcissist?
I bet you’re so thankful to the universe for giving you this chance to be free, and to put this toxic present behind you and become your past.
Splitting up with a narcissist should be cause for celebration.
Still, if you’ve promised them a forever into your life through the murky waters of friendship, this relationship and dynamic are going to be far from over.
The Freedom That Should Come…
At a time where you should be planning your next chapter, whether that be travelling, adventure, seeing friends again, or just plain sitting home and gathering an ounce of peace that you are overdue…
You won’t get any of it.
If you spot the narcissist being keen on keeping you around – here’s why they will be doing that.
#1 Thinking Of Their Reputation
Nobody wants to come out of a relationship looking like the bad guy.
With narcissists, they know their time is up as soon as you give orders that it’s over.
These are the occasions they want to enforce damage control; the first step is to ensure you remain friends.
If they can keep you on good terms, then there should be no reason for you to go around telling the truth about how they really treated you.
You will find here that a narcissist is great at buttering you up and keeping you sweet for that very reason.
#2 Back-Up, Anybody?
If you didn’t realize that you were never good enough for the ego while you were together, you will experience more of the same when apart.
But the difference is that the narcissist will keep you hanging on just enough to make you think you may be wanted at some point in the future.
Is that what you want for yourself? Many victims hang around and are often pulled back into some kind of no strings situation with their narcissistic ex as they grapple with being apart or alone.
That independence doesn’t come naturally to them, and they understandably find it a challenge to break free.
Don’t fall for being anybody’s back-up.
#3 Control Everywhere You Look
If you think a narcissist stops short at controlling you in a relationship, you just wait until you enter the friend zone.
That is where you will notice the same patterns, and the same right to access to you.
I want you to remember all the miserable ways they tried to put a lid on you. Telling you what to do, what to wear, who to talk to, who not to talk to.
And what about the worse parts. What to think, how to speak, when to listen, how to apologize.
It was ingrained into you, and rather than unlearn it and move on, they stick around and cause an emotional flare-up.
#4 Triangulation
Any chance the narcissist gets to come between you and somebody else – you bet they will try hard to do it.
That might even – and sadly – mean they come between you and a prospective partner.
Rumors spread, gossip or unfactual news gets carried from one person to another, and before you know it, somebody isn’t talking to you.
Is that something you really want?
#5 “Just Incase”
I would certainly hope that they wouldn’t be able to persuade you to get back together with them.
It’s easy for me to say when I know there might be a part of you that thinks they were your soulmate, but hear it from me:
That’s just the trauma bond talking.
If there was love, there would be respect. If there was respect, there would be trust. If there was trust, there would be happiness.
There was none of that.
So don’t let them hang around you as a friend – because it’ll never be the relationship you want it to be.
#6 Manipulation
The one driving force behind every game a narcissist plays is how to manipulate well.
When you become their ex, you are lucky enough to escape this if you cut all ties.
If you remain friends and stick around for them, they will only be grateful that you are still there to manipulate.
Think about how they were when you were together. How they would gaslight you, and make you feel guilty for something you didn’t do.
Now that your friends – it will be more of the same. Even though the dynamic has shifted between you intimately, it will still exist, and those boundaries will still be crossed.
#7 An Ego Boost
What narcissist doesn’t love a regular ego boost?
If they keep an ex close enough, they will always have somebody to go to when they need that compliment or reminder that they’re good enough.
Fantastic in bed.
Attractive.
Have great taste in cars or clothes.
Literally anything materialistic you can think of, or traits that equate to a shallow sense of self – that’s what they keep their exes around for.
And it works. The ex, as ever, will be keen to please and offer whatever the narcissist needs to hear.
Don’t think for one second though, that the ex is anywhere near appreciated any further than this ego boost…
…It will be pretty much all they’re good for.
Hurt? What Hurt?
The pain of losing somebody a narcissist once relied on as a strong and consistent source of supply is going to hurt, whether they care to admit it or not.
It will cause mild to moderate panic when they realize there’s no going back, and no replacing you immediately.
Some of the most intelligent narcissists may have another person lined up, but there’s still no escaping what you provided, and how it inflated their ego.
To hide all of that and pretend supply doesn’t even exist in their world, the narcissist is going to keep you in their life to prove that everything is fine.
Yeah, all is good. No problem here.
Nothing to see, just two people who are now friends and moving on.
It’s not always to keep your supply flowing to them, but rather an attempt to show everybody that there are no wounds that need healing on their part.
