Breaking up with a narcissist is like ripping off a band-aid – the quicker you do it – the less it hurts. The trouble with that is that they will find every and any way to slow the process down because they can’t stand the idea that anyone could possibly leave them.
A narcissist doesn’t want to lose you. They see you as someone they can control, and who offers them a lot of supply. The more drained you feel, the more energetic they become as they steal it.
Breaking up is never easy. They may use threats, guilt trips or lies to keep you.
Don’t allow this!
Use these 10 things not to say in your break up to help you get out the other end unscathed.
“Maybe We Can Stay Friends”
Mistake number one!
Never offer a friendship olive branch to a narcissist after a break up. You are breaking up for a reason: you no longer want to be with them. It’s got to the point where the best thing for you to do is walk away.
So why invite yourself to stay in their life? What are you hanging around for?
Being friends means they can still find ways to manipulate you, just form a different angle.
“I Still Love You”
Telling a narcissist you love them, even though you want to break up with them forms an emotional tie that they won’t want to let go of.
Narcissists need to be needed, they want to be loved so badly that they will do anything to keep it in their lives.
Knowing you still love them weakens your grip on them, and they won’t hesitate to take advantage of your feelings.
Even if you do still love them – they don’t need to know and you will get over it in time.
Move on silently.
“Can We Keep in Touch?”
Big no-no!
Keeping in touch with a narcissist looks to them as if you can’t live without them, and that you need to have them in your life still.
You know that isn’t true, so why make it look so when what you really want is to forget they even existed and start healing from the toxic relationship you have just stepped out of?
Keeping in touch gives them all the moves to re-enter your life and try to continue to pull you back in.
Don’t do it.
“I Miss You”
Ah yes, old habits die hard, right? Missing someone you’ve spent a long time with is normal, but you have to ask yourself: Are you missing them, or are you missing the routine you’ve had?
Now you’re apart, the whole world is at your feet, which can seem scary. There’s no way you can miss the abuse, the criticism, the belittling comments or the control.
Telling them you miss them makes them think you miss all of those things, which you should be keen to avoid.
“I Don’t Know What I Will Do Without You”
Yes you do.
Even if you don’t, pretend you do.
Breaking up with a narcissist needs to come from a place of empowerment. You’re choosing to end a relationship based on what you need and the things you value.
Telling them you won’t know what to do without them is basically telling them you have no identity and that without them, you mean nothing.
You mean everything. You’ve just been made to feel worthless, and that’s why you feel so empty.
Revealing your weakness to them is exactly what they’re hoping for.
Don’t give it to them.
Anything With Emotion!
Oh, narcissists adore emotion. They don’t have any themselves…. but love it all the same.
Narcissists want to see you cry. They love to see you squirm and be uncomfortable or unsure of yourself, so they can swoop in and be the ones who steer you to the emotion they wish you to experience.
Vulnerable people are preyed upon, and the narcissist is constantly trying to find ways to hunt you down.
They find you through your emotions, but if you break up with them, showing nothing but facts (eg. I want to break up with you), they have nowhere to go and no supply to take from you.
“It’s My Fault”
One thing a narcissist will be looking at from you is you blaming yourself for the demise of your relationship.
“It was all my fault.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I blame myself.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
Really?!
I don’t believe this to be true.
Blaming yourself is exactly the kind of fuel the narcissist wants to go around telling everybody what you said word for word.
If they have evidence that you blame yourself, they are immediately off the hook, and they will relish in telling the world.
It wasn’t your fault.
“I Believe You”
Ending a relationship is hard, but ending one with a narcissist is even harder.
They will try to find as many ways as possible to tell you that you are the problem—that you’re too this or not enough that. They won’t stop until they’ve worn you down and cornered you into believing everything they say.
What is the worst thing you can do?
Tell them they’re right!
Believing them and telling them so will be the confirmation they need that their emotional manipulation has worked on you. Not only do they feel they’ve won, but they will also move forward into future relationships, thinking they already have a game-winner up their sleeve.
“You’re a Narcissist”
Okay, if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my professional time, it’s that you can never tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist.
I mean, you can technically do it, but it will get you nowhere.
The following rage will be akin to a volcanic eruption, bursting out with anger and resentment for you.
You figured them out. You know their secrets. You decoded their lies.
You know them.
This spells danger for them because they usually know what will follow if you tell everyone you know exactly what they are and who they are.
A narcissist won’t hesitate to match your honesty with their lies, and create a smear campaign with your name all over it.
You don’t need the hassle.
“I’m Scared to do This”
“I want to leave you, but I ‘m scared to make that call.”
What are you scared of? Can you see life being any better in their company forevermore?
Never tell a narcissist that you’re scared. Ending a relationship is a courageous act of self-care that you should never underestimate.
Admitting you’re scared will keep them hanging around. They will then either attempt to save you and lure you back or scare you further with threats and lies.
A big mistake!
