Narcissists, or people with narcissistic personality disorder, are known for being damaging to others in relationships. It’s hard to hop on social media without encountering at least one story of a relationship with a narcissist gone wrong.
If you’ve encountered a narcissist, you must learn about their secret objectives. The narcissist will deny their hidden intentions up and down, but you must know what they’re after.
Learning what the narcissist is hiding can protect you from a world of hurt. We’ll dive into their most common hidden objectives below.
#1 Seeking Sources of Narcissistic Supply
Obtaining narcissistic supply, which refers to people willing to cater to the narcissist and boost their ego, is perhaps the primary hidden objective of a narcissist. Narcissists rely upon this supply to maintain their feelings of superiority.
Without supply, a narcissist’s self-esteem comes crashing to the ground. So, they constantly look for people who will give them a never-ending stream of attention and praise.
Even when they’re in a committed relationship, narcissists will continue to seek additional sources of supply. It takes a village to feed their fragile ego, and they have no qualms about stepping outside of the relationship to get what they need.
#2 Avoiding Any Sense of Accountability
It certainly won’t be the narcissist’s fault when there’s a disagreement or wrongdoing. Their primary goal during any conflict, even if they cause it, is to avoid taking accountability.
If they’ve done something legitimately hurtful, you can bet your last dollar they won’t admit to it. They will go to great lengths to play the victim and deflect the blame.
If you bring up a complaint against them, you can expect them to blame-shift onto you. Consider this example: You’ve caught them cheating on you, and you have clear evidence.
The narcissist won’t ever take accountability, and they certainly won’t apologize or show remorse. Instead, they’ll point out all of your flaws, no matter how small, and use that as an excuse to justify their behavior. They might even gaslight you by convincing you that you’re crazy and imagining the act of infidelity.
#3 Gaining the Upper Hand
In any situation, one of the narcissist’s hidden objectives is to have the upper hand over others. They must have a sense of dominance, power, and control to convince themselves they’re superior.
Narcissists will do just about anything to achieve this end. They might lie, cheat, or manipulate to maintain power over others. At the opposite end of the spectrum, they may use their charm to win others over, only to earn the trust they don’t deserve.
Regardless of the exact tactic they use, the narcissist’s main goal is to remain at the top of the totem pole. When they can control everyone around them, they won’t have to succumb to feelings of inferiority.
Anyone who questions the narcissist’s authority, brilliance, or superiority is likely to be met with rage. A narcissist cannot tolerate feeling inferior, so anyone who makes them feel less than must be dealt with accordingly. They may go so far as to use physical violence to assert their dominance.
#4 Maintaining Their Masks
At the root of narcissism is a facade of superiority, confidence, and self-assurance. To the outside world, the narcissist must appear to have it all together.
In reality, narcissists are wearing masks. Underlying their haughty exterior is extreme shame and a sense of self-loathing.
The narcissist has a fragile ego, and they’re unsure of themselves. To counter these feelings of inadequacy, the narcissist must act as if they are superior to others.
To maintain this mask of superiority, narcissists will be extremely cautious about how they present themselves. They will exaggerate their strengths and achievements while undermining or hiding their failures.
Projection is another method narcissists use to maintain their masks. Rather than accepting their flaws or insecurities, they project them onto others.
As an example, a narcissistic person who worries about their appearance may constantly criticize the appearance of others, calling them names like ugly or fat. Attributing negative traits to others allows the narcissist to avoid accepting their flaws.
The bottom line is that the narcissist needs to feel perfect, and they need you to believe that they’re confident and self-assured. You cannot know how inferior they feel within.
#5 Taking Advantage of Others
Narcissists evaluate all people based upon what they can do for the narcissist, and their goal is to engage with people who have something valuable to offer them. In just about any relationship, a narcissist will be more than willing to take advantage of the other person if it benefits them.
This can look like extreme flattery to win a person’s affection, only to ask for a large favor once the person falls in love. Or, they might ask to borrow money, with a promise to repay it, only never to make good on their promise.
A narcissist is completely willing to exploit others if there’s something in it for them. Because they completely lack empathy, they won’t even feel badly about this behavior.
If a narcissist has chosen to enter into a relationship with you, it’s probably because they saw something valuable in you. The chances that they genuinely care about you are slim. Instead, they have their eyes on what they can gain from you.
#6 Obtaining Emotional Fulfillment at No Cost
If you’re with a narcissist, they’ll expect you to meet all of their emotional needs. This means you will need to be available for them at all times, ready to serve them.
The narcissist expects complete devotion and adoration, but they don’t want to give you anything in return. The narcissist believes they are special and worthy of admiration, so they feel entitled to your devotion.
However, they will have little to no time for your emotional needs. They lack empathy and as such cannot identify with your needs. They cannot see past their excessive demands.
The narcissist relies upon your validation and attention to maintain their ego, but they cannot fulfill your needs. They have no time for other’s emotions, and they probably view you as being weak for having any emotional needs at all.
How to Cope?
Once you learn a narcissist’s hidden objectives, you can avoid falling victim to them. Perhaps the best thing you can do if you encounter a narcissistic person is to not engage with them.
When that’s not possible, you can still keep yourself safe. Set strong boundaries, including refusing to speak to the narcissist if they are treating you with disrespect.
If the narcissist tries to take advantage of you, don’t feel bad about telling them no. You have a right to stand up for yourself, even if it makes you angry.
Chances are that if you set boundaries with a narcissist, they will probably leave you alone and move onto a weaker target. If they continue to remain in your life, make sure to prioritize self-care. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and care for yourself through a healthy diet and regular exercise.
Ultimately, knowing the narcissist’s secrets prepares you to stand up to them. In the end, you’ll be the one in power.
