Being pulled into a relationship with a narcissist can seem like fun, roses, and flattery – but this very brief yet intense period of passion often fizzles out within months or even weeks of your meeting.
Soon, the relationship goes from seductive and mysterious to “Do I even recognize this person?”
As soon as you wonder, “Do I even recognize myself anymore?” – you know it’s time to leave. Does the narcissist make this impossible?
Absolutely.
Here are ten reasons why.
#1 You Lose Yourself
When you met them, you felt whole. It was as if you knew yourself well, and you probably liked to think you made good judgments about people and how they made you feel.
Then bam – the narcissist shows up, and you take on all their struggles. Everything, and I mean everything, becomes about them. You take a back from the good to the bad, and your identity goes with that.
You lose who you are and what matters to you because you’re so busy pleasing them that leaving them seems impossible. Understand it takes time, and some are lucky to get out anyway. Others remain rooted to the narcissist, leaving themselves behind.
#2 They Control Your Finances
One thing a narcissist loves to do is take away your right to financial independence. This can be done over several years, but small things will begin to shape the way you rely on them for money.
Staying at home to look after the children, not working as much so that you can be at home doing the things that keep the house perfect, or simply pulling you away from what you love and are good at because they don’t want you to succeed.
Whatever reason the narcissist has for keeping you and earning money apart will be one of the reasons you feel you can’t make the jump out of the relationship. They will make it impossible to leave because you have been left fearing how you will cope, pay the bills, or get by without them.
#3 You Lose Your Independence
If you’re independent, the world cannot revolve around the narcissist. In fact, if you are independent, you are considered a threat to them.
Why? because it challenges their idea that they must be the grandiose of the two, with a self-image that makes it seem like they are in charge and have it all figured out.
With independence comes success, so if you are doing well, this will be a huge no-no for them. They can’t stand to see you doing better than they are because, guess what? The attention isn’t being served to them.
#4 Your Confidence is Stripped
Have you ever been belittled by a narcissist? Somebody you thought was on your side and had true and kind feelings for you has suddenly, potentially even in public, made you look silly, small and meaningless?
Yes – this isn’t uncommon they do it to get under your skin and make themselves look better.
Narcissists love control, and they will make no qualms about distorting your empathy and turning it into a fault you have, rather than a strength.
This is done using sly tactics to chip away your confidence, making it difficult to leave them as you ask yourself, “Who else would have me?”
#5 The Push and Pull Has Left You Hooked
Games are fun, right? It’s so nice to play games that are designed to be played with, but a narcissist will create their own games, and usually at your expense.
Their favorite game is ‘push and pull’, in which you will one day feel like the greatest and most adored person on earth, and the next day, you will be discarded and completely confused.
It’s not a game you might be used to – but to the narcissist, it is an addiction. They love the hot and cold of life because one of their happiest feelings is sitting within an extreme.
The gentle hum of content life is not for them, so keeping you hooked on the game of push and pull will create a scenario that makes it challenging to let go of and leave.
#6 They Make You Feel You Can’t Live Without Them
How could you possibly leave a narcissist?
After everything I do for you?
Look at how you treat me.
I work so hard so you don’t have to, and this is how you repay me.
Words to this effect will be because they metaphorically push you into a corner and submit to the idea that you are nothing without them and won’t be able to cope in the real world.
In truth, would the real world possibly be any worse than where you are now?
#7 They Become a Toxic Habit From Your Past
Often, reasons from our past are drawn into the present moment, and we can recreate situations we find ourselves in if we were to be honest with the types of people we’re attracted to.
Having a parent who constantly made us feel needed will spiral into an adult habit of always looking for someone we feel we need to fix or help in some way.
Does being needed make it impossible to leave someone – absolutely!
#8 You Feel Special (Under Their Spell)
Being linked to someone many people love and admire can make you feel special.
So if you are lacking that self-esteem, you will gain a warped sense of it through association with the narcissist in your life that you’re struggling to leave. This sense of importance is false and has been created to give you a false sense of security.
#9 You Believe They Will Change Someday
Wishing, waiting, hoping, even praying. Does it change anything?
Sadly, no.
A narcissist will never change, but part of that push-and-pull technique is telling them how sorry they are and how they will do better next time. Yes, you believe it because you’re a good person with much faith in someone turning over a new leaf.
Narcissists don’t have leaves to turn.
Believing they do is why so many choose to stay with them.
#10 They Bully You into Staying
Narcissists are bullies. There are no two ways about that. They don’t care; when they do, they want something from the situation.
They can bully you into staying by bribing you, threatening to share personal information about you, or using any of the above reasons as direct bribery to prevent you from leaving.
Do they sometimes resort to physical violence? Yes – never, ever put it past a narcissist to harm you directly.
