When the gaslight gets switched on, there is a high risk it can start a destructive fire in your house of peace.
Your reality is taken, twisted and denied in a warped attempt from the narcissist to manipulate you and assert their power and dominance.
Gaslighting can be small and subtle, and learning to spot those moments when you try to justify yourself is the key to regaining that power.
But why do narcissists love to gaslight? What are they getting out of it? Why is it such a popular game and tactic for the narcissist to use?
I want to dig a little deeper today, going beyond the ‘whats’ and getting straight to the ‘whys’ because I believe once you know, it’ll be the game changer in your life.
#1 To Gain Ultimate Control
Let’s start at the most obvious –
Narcissists love control.
They feel the best when sitting in the driving seat, ensuring that everybody else is dancing to the beat of their drum.
They will go as far as taking away everybody else’s drums and deny their existence, to the point where you might even agree, even if you once held it yourself.
The control that comes from distorting or even changing your reality entirely confirms their ability to pull the strings.
Once they have that control – as far as the narcissist is concerned – the world, and you – are their oyster.
#2 To Weaken Your Identity
Imagine a beautiful ice sculpture. It has been carved to perfection, detailed and intricate, and everybody admires it.
Now, imagine the narcissist comes along with a chisel and a hammer, and slowly but surely starts to chip away at the sculpture. Bit by bit, fragment by fragment, the sculpture begins to resemble something totally different, losing its initial identity.
Well, I hate to say it, but narcissists do this very thing, albeit emotionally, to their victims.
Each time they get an opportunity to gaslight you, they chip away again. Over time, your reality, your identity, your values, and beliefs become things you don’t even recognize.
As they weaken you, they strengthen themselves. They keep you strung along by telling you they care about and love you, which confuses you the most.
How can somebody love you if they are stripping your identity and making you feel so lost and confused?
In truth – they don’t love you. They just love what they are doing to you instead, because it makes them feel good.
#3 To Confuse You
Any form of gaslighting is created to doubt your reality. For example, maybe you’re having a conversation with somebody, and they tell you things like:
That didn’t happen that way.
Don’t be so sensitive.
You don’t have any right to feel that way.
Are you okay? You seem to be saying some really weird stuff.
These comments are designed for one thing, and one thing only – to make you doubt yourself.
If they’re being thrown at you by the narcissist, the narcissist is going to love watching you squirm through your frowns, as they watch you question your reality in real time, right before their eyes.
In fact, the narcissist will love it so much that they will mentally remember what really works with you, so they can use it the next time to get you even more confused.
#4 To Tell People ‘You’re Crazy’
There’s no sweeter moment for a narcissist than when they can tell other people that you’re the crazy one.
If they get you to a point where you are unable to think clearly for yourself, they won’t hesitate in saying things like:
Oh, you know, I don’t know what’s going on with them. Their minds are all over the place at the moment.
I never really know where I stand with them. One minute, they’re clear on something, and the next, they seem completely different. It’s upsetting.
They were unsure what you wanted for your birthday, so I thought money was the best idea.
They may comment like this in front of you or behind your back, but it’s really to make you seem unsure so people begin to view you differently.
It seems like a really cruel ploy, and it is, because guess what?
If you’re coming across that way, the narcissist is coming across as the sane one!
They will love to know that they’re getting under your skin this way because they aim to look good. Narcissists can never be seen to look bad – remember that!
#5 They Genuinely Enjoy The One Thing They’re Best At
If a narcissist were to write a list of things they were good at, the list wouldn’t be long.
It would also be to the detriment of other people because no single thing would be filled with compassion, love, or genuine kindness.
When the narcissist gaslights, they are in their element. They probably spent years and years perfecting the sick craft of confusing other people and distorting their idea of reality.
And for what? To crown themselves the King or Queen of Gaslighters?
Well, you know what? According to the wrapped mind of the narcissist, they don’t care, because they’ve got so good at being able to mess with the minds of others that they genuinely believe it is a trait worth having.
They think along these lines because they know that gaslighting gets them something in return. There is always something in it for the narcissist, so in a way, they have to be good at it, right?
#6 To Cover Up Their Own Insecurities
A narcissist hates the skin they’re living in, so they wear masks to keep their insecurities hidden.
I find it amazing that so many people, when learning about narcissism, are surprised that narcissists are, in fact, some of the most insecure people on the planet, but it’s true.
Narcissists gaslight as a way of distracting themselves from how insecure they are underneath it all. They do it by crafting ways to confuse you and make you paranoid, so you start feeling as insecure as they do.
The difference is, you aren’t able to hide your insecurities – you leave them wide open for all to see – and you may even discuss them with the narcissist.
This makes them feel fantastic.
Not only do they not have to think about themselves, they also get to see you physically and emotionally squirm in discomfort.
This spells pure joy for the narcissist!
