Narcissists leave destruction in their wake. They can turn you into a shell of what you used to be through several tactics. They are control freaks, dominants with the need to break you down and take control of your mind and actions.
Anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist knows that it takes time to get back to your former self.
If you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist and are noticing little tell-tale signs that they are trying to break you, it’s time to stand up for yourself. You need to set boundaries, take care of yourself, and remember that they are the problem, not you.
9 Signs to Look For When a Narcissist is Trying to Break You
Here are the nine most common signs to keep an eye out for that your narcissistic partner is trying to break you. Breaking you gives them the ability to control you.
They believe they are superior, can do nothing wrong, and desire to control every aspect of your life. Identifying these signs early on can help you protect yourself when in a relationship with a narcissist.
Showering You With Love
Narcissists are deceitful with the ability to make you feel very special in the first few months of a new relationship. When your relationship is new and fresh, they will show you love and praise. This helps them draw you in to them, securing a long-term relationship with you.
The early days in a new relationship with a narcissist can be that of a fairy tale. Maybe you cannot believe how lucky you are to have met such a wonderful and caring person.
Unfortunately, this is short-lived, as once they have drawn you in, they slowly start working on breaking you, giving them the control that they desperately desire.
Isolation
After a while, you will spend less time with your family and friends. The narcissist will subtly start to destroy your relationships with family and friends. You may realize one day that you haven’t seen your family in weeks or spent time with your best friend in months.
They will lie and twist the truth to make you believe that your family or friends are in the wrong. They may even tell you that your friends don’t like you or that your family doesn’t want the best for you. Isolation is common for victims in narcissistic relationships.
If you have recently noticed that you haven’t seen or spoken to your family and friends in a long time because of your partner, pick up the phone and make the call. A strong family and friend base is important, helping you keep your sanity and live a happy and healthy life.
Targeting Your Success
Little by little the narcissist will start targeting your success. They will play it down if you have just had a promotion and are excited about it. They will tell you it’s nothing to be excited about, making you feel disappointed.
If you are enjoying financial success, they will drain you. Why do they do this? So that you rely on them and they can maintain control.
By targeting any of your successes, they downplay the event’s importance. This is done to make you feel worthless. Over time being told time and time again that your successes are not important, you will start to break. Once you break, it is easier for the narcissist to control you.
Your Feelings are Insignificant
Over time, your narcissistic partner will invalidate your feelings. This is because to them, what you think and feel is not important. All that is important is that you focus all your attention on them. Of course, this is not a realistic goal, but it is something that every narcissist strives for.
If you have argued and you are upset. Chances are your narcissist partner is going to tell you, “You’re overreacting again,” or “Why are you always so emotional.” They ignore your feelings, focusing on their own needs and desires. Without your feelings being validated, you become a shell of your former self.
Shifting Blame
In their eyes, a narcissist is never wrong. They will always blame you when things don’t go their way. Whether you are in an argument or your narcissistic partner has been accused of something by work colleagues, friends or family, they will always shift the blame.
They do this easily and don’t even have to think twice. It’s all about preserving their self-importance and ego. If you have disagreed, they will turn the tables, shifting the blame onto you.
A good example is, “If you hadn’t acted that way, I would not have called you names,” or “If you didn’t do that, I would not have hit you.” Shifting the blame is a way to break you down. You immediately think you are the problem, not them.
Denies Wrong Doing
Another common way that a narcissist will break you is by always denying any wrongdoing. As mentioned above, a narcissist is never wrong in their eyes. Even when they know they are wrong, they will not admit it. They would rather make you think you are wrong.
They slowly break you down by constantly denying any wrongdoing. This often results in you second-guessing yourself. Even if you know the truth, you may wonder if you imagined it all along.
Guilt Tripping
Narcissists are masters when it comes to guilt-tripping. Guilt is an excellent opportunity to break you down and eventually control your mind and actions. Guilt-tripping helps them avoid responsibility for anything, get what they want, and completely control situations.
If you have been spending quality time with your family lately, your narcissistic partner will use guilt to try and keep you away from your family.
They may accuse you of not spending enough time with them or that you don’t want to be with them. This causes guilt on your side. When you start to feel guilt for something you didn’t do wrong, they break you down and take control.
Playing the Victim
Narcissists are known to playing the victim card when all else fails. This is an excellent way to break you down and get you to do what they want. Playing the victim, the narcissist turns the tables, making you think that they have been wronged, maybe even that you have wronged them.
Playing the victim makes you feel sorry for them and want to help them. At the same time, you are just falling deeper into their trap, allowing them to break you down and control you.
Shut Down Your Ideas and Opinions
A narcissist doesn’t want you to have a voice. They don’t want you to have your ideas or opinions. They want to control every aspect of your life. One of the ways they do this is by shutting down any ideas or opinions you may have to break you.
If you come up with an idea for you both to go out with some friends for the night, your narcissistic partner will shut down your idea, telling you that you should both stay in and spend quality time together.
If you are conversing with friends and you come up with a great opinion, they will automatically shut it down, making you feel worthless and stupid.
Identifying the common ways a narcissist will try and break you helps you know what to look for. When in a relationship with someone like this, you must always protect yourself.
This means taking good care of yourself, knowing the signs to look for, and remembering that you are worth it. You are an individual, and you have a right to your own ideas and opinions.
