Most narcissists hate spending time alone. I know that seems crazy considering how much they love themselves, but that love is fake and empty and behind closed doors – non-existent.
Narcissists despise themselves, so they source so much supply from everywhere else, including you and your precious time.
If you think you are going to have a balanced time with a narcissist – you can think again. They will monopolize every minute and neglect how you feel. They want you to be silent so they can be heard, and here’s why.
#1 They Cold Call You
Does it matter if you were in the middle of something? Nope!
Narcissists hate hearing the word ‘no,’ so if you are at home and they don’t live with you, they will show up at your door unannounced and make out as if they were passing by.
It’s the familiar pattern of you being pushed into a corner every chance they get to obtain control and make it about them, so if they show up, you will find it more likely to say, ‘Sorry, I’m busy.’
They don’t care if they weren’t invited, because their ego doesn’t need one.
#2 They Want to Borrow From You
This only really applies to important things, and it continues the theme of you finding it tricky to say no to them (usually because they’re so overpowering).
When you loan out your possessions, they will come to collect and outstay their welcome. If that wasn’t enough, they will ‘forget’ to return the item for as long as possible, knowing they are getting under your skin.
Narcissists don’t care, and they won’t hesitate to tell you how busy they are when you remind them to return your things, expecting you to apologize for inconveniencing them.
#3 “Oops… Did I Leave Something at Your House?”
In a classically similar move, a narcissist will leave things at your house to test your honesty and use it as an excuse to come back again. They know they bother you; they know that their being at your house means you can’t get on and do what you want, but none of that will bother them.
It exerts its presence in the most overt ways and will keep you on your toes, wondering when you will hear their knock at your door. It’s impossible to keep the peace when you are constantly expecting chaos, isn’t it?
#4 They Lurk
The root of all narcissism is entitlement, so if you live with one and have friends over, they will automatically feel as entitled to be around them as you are. Their space is yours, their friends are theirs to impress, and their time and presence completely monopolize the moment.
It’s possible for a narcissist to shake up the atmosphere, potentially awkward for you all.
That’s because they are pulling the strings with certain conversations, comments, or even actions.
They aren’t interested in your need or want for time with your friends, as they lack the boundary or notion to be aware of how sacred these things can be.
#5 They Pull You From Your Friends
Isolation is a fun game for the narcissist to play. If you try to do something about the awkwardness of having friends over – they will make it hard for you to go visit them.
Reasons being?
“I don’t feel well. Will you stay and help me?”
“I’ve got a delivery coming, and I need you to stay in.”
“I’ve been thinking about (insert terrible thing that happened 10 years ago here). Can you stay and talk with me about it?”
What if you were to say no? There would be all hell to pay, and at the very least, the guilt trip would make you feel obliged to cancel your plans with friends to be with them.
If we are talking about very dark ways a narcissist can take your time – they will go straight ahead and hide your car keys, so you can’t go out even if you wanted to. Arguments also count here, making you feel too depleted to want to go out.
#6 They Don’t Let You Breathe Around Your Friends
Despite what they try to convince both you and others, narcissists don’t have much going on. They love to pretend they are busy and in demand, but these are empty ways to fill time because they can’t stand to do anything.
When they see you with your friends, they want admiration, love, support, and all things that inflate their egos.
If you are in the company of friends, they will try to bother you constantly. This leaves it draining for you, and over time, you will eventually learn to choose not to see them because history repeats itself.
This is another tactic to drain your time and make it all about them.
#7 “Surprise!”
Narcissists will feel you pulling away from them, and they won’t like it. As a result, they can sometimes use surprises as a ploy to pull you back in and give them the time they feel they deserve.
Their effort in doing this will make it so hard for you to decline their offer, and if you do, expect fireworks because that is where the narcissist’s true colors will appear.
“After everything I did for you!”
“You’re so ungrateful!”
“Why do you always have to ruin every nice thing I try to do?”
Where does that leave you; the kinder party? In the pits of guilt, wanting to say or do anything to improve it, and giving into their offer of spending more time with you amidst their latest surprise.
#8 “Can I Come Too?”
Narcissists don’t care about your feelings, so if they invite themselves to where you’re going, they don’t want to miss out on something that may benefit them. They can be so overpowering that saying no makes you feel uncomfortable.
Likely there will be a “Oh, I’ll come!” – a straight-up insistence that they must accompany you. If they ask, you might say no, and no is the narcissist’s worst word to hear.
As you know, a narcissist will not hesitate in guilt tripping you if you say no, and will also bask in applying pressure to you until you say yes and give them what they want.
#9 “Me, Me, Me”
If there were a book called Conversations with a Narcissist – it would be the shortest and most misleading book you’d ever buy.
Why, I hear you ask?
Because conversations with narcissists do not exist!
Narcissists talk at you. They don’t want to hear what you have to say unless it is filled with compliments and gushing reviews on their personality or intelligence.
Catching one will involve tuning into their words and delighting in the time that passes while they get to say what they want.
They absorb your time like a sponge absorbs water, making it all about them.
