Their carefully crafted charm pulls you in, and you’re pushed away by the toxic traits that drop the mask of pretense – the world of narcissists is a true minefield that is being taken more and more seriously each day.
Narcissists wreck havoc wherever they go and never stay to clean up the mess—they’d sooner laugh and move on to the next person.
Unraveling the venomous layers of the narcissist will expose their toxic traits, but bringing them to you like this is far less painful.
So, what are the most toxic traits of a narcissist?
Let’s have a look!
#1 The Predictable Gaslighting
Gaslighting is like living in an upside-down world. Wrong is right, up is down, reality is fake, and bad is good.
It doesn’t seem right. Why would anybody volunteer to live this way, struck down by the narcissist’s control and kept living in a way that makes them constantly feel at fault.
Gaslighting looks like:
Denying you of Reality –
The narcissist will deny events that have happened or recall them differently from the actual truth. They do this to bend reality and use coercive approaches to entice you into believing them.
Blame-Shifting –
Fact – narcissists will not take the blame for what they did wrong. If you’re hurt, the problem will be that you’re hurting, not that they hurt you.
Projection –
Anything negative the narcissist feels is put right onto you. Why? They don’t want to have to carry it! It’s a weight they will not be responsible for, so you are left feeling as though you are controlling, manipulating, or even dishonest.
Isolation –
There’s no hesitation in cutting you off from the people you love, so you feel alone and rely on the narcissist more. This way they can twist the truth as much as they want to, and have more control over your perception of reality.
#2 Lack of Accountability – “Who, Me?”
A narcissist is never responsible for anything that results in chaos or misunderstanding. They will put their names to success, even if they didn’t achieve it, but they will never get involved where mishaps are centered.
The excuses will ooze out of them as they hold their hands up and say, “This was nothing to do with me?” Statements like this always follow somebody experiencing hurt, like a fallout caused by the pulled strings the narcissist was always controlling.
The cycle of dysfunction usually means people will look to each other for who is to blame, as by the time they realize something is wrong, the narcissist is long out of sight.
They know exactly what they do, and they love it.
#3 Triangulation
Triangulation happens frequently in family and friendship dynamics and is so toxic.
The narcissist will see two people getting along and feel threatened by the pact they are naturally forming together. If there is a bond being fused, the narcissist will do everything in their power to diffuse – creating an unhappy outcome for you and the person you were getting on with.
Triangulation is born from narcissistic envy and is used to create tension where there was none previously. It is another seedy game they play because their motto is to divide and conquer!
This takes us right back to all original narcissist statements:
The narcissist is never happy until everybody around them is miserable.
They will weaken your bond, trap you in the division of a blossoming relationship or friendship, and ensure the two of you are at odds rather than in harmony.
The toxicity flows into how it can make the people who have been pulled apart feel – imagine having something taken from you based on lies and deceit.
#4 They Exaggerate of Your Flaws
Now, this is the type of toxic trait that you’d miss if you weren’t looking closely and carefully enough.
How on earth can they exaggerate your flaws?
Easily!
A narcissist will be hyper-critical of you. Did you buy a new sweater? It makes you look a little short/fat/washed out. Did you get an 85% on a test? Well, it wasn’t 90 or 95%. Did you get a nice haircut? That style might have suited you ten years ago, but not now. Did you get a new car? It isn’t as nice as the one your sister has.
These little, subtle comments that they could hold their hands up to and say, “No, I didn’t mean it like that; you know I love you,” afterward are still toxic. Saying something means, then smiling through an apology, is a well-thought-out act that makes you feel not good enough.
#5 Their Purposeful Silence
No matter who I speak to, they all agree that the worst toxic trait of all when it comes to the narcissist is…
The silent treatment.
It’s painful, it’s disappointing, it’s anxiety-inducing and it is a constant tactic used by the narcissist to make you feel terrible and question yourself.
Why do they use the silent treatment, and how is it so effective in producing toxic consequences?
They refuse to take blame
If something crops up that lays them in the line of fire, they will extinguish the flames with their silence. Suddenly, and as if by some warped magic, the attention and focus shift from what they did to you, suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety and confusion at their silence.
To Manipulate You!
Silent treatment gets a response from you, doesn’t it?
Whether that’s asking, “Are you okay?” every five minutes or racking your brains to think where it went wrong and what you did to cause this silent treatment to develop.
You’ve been given the cold shoulder to make you feel guilty; you then become desperate for some reconciliation and display high levels of anxiety.
They Want to Punish
Whether the wrongs be real or perceived – the narcissist will use the silent treatment to punish you.
Withholding affection, attention, or any expressive form of positive communication will affect you long-term unless you start seeing how toxic it truly is.
They Love and Need to be in Charge
What happens when you are given the silent treatment? Have you ever wondered who is in charge? The narcissist dictates the dialogue when they are silent, which means they plan out and allow the interactions to play exactly how they’d hoped.
Where does that leave you?
With no power and a stack of vulnerability.
You Become Reliant on Their Dependence
You begin to want them even more if they’re silent for long enough. You look for a smidgen of affection or a flicker of hope that they are there again. This reliance on them removes any self-reliance you could build and grow within you.
