Narcissists have a desire to control you, weakening any support structure you have. It is easy for you to make excuses for your narcissistic partner, mainly because you don’t want to be hurt or don’t want to face the truth.
Narcissists want to be admired. They thrive on control and power. They will play people up against you, giving them more influence over you and boosting their power and control in the relationship.
How do they do that? How do they have the power to turn people against you, your closest friends, maybe even family members? Here is the top 9 ways how narcissists turn people against you.
#1 Provoke You
Narcissists will find something about you, and they will try and provoke you to get a reaction. With constant prodding, you may eventually turn around and say something they can use against you to make you look bad to your family and friends.
They may use anything about you. Maybe they keep on saying you are too overweight, or they prod you about your job and how it’s not high-profile enough.
Constant prodding is enough to eventually wear anyone down, and when you snap and fight back, they can use that to turn others against you. They will share the information with your family and friends, making you look bad.
#2 Encourage You to Criticize Others
They are masters of manipulation; without realizing it, they can encourage you to criticize others.
Maybe they are saying something in a group, and you half-heartedly agree with them, maybe to keep the peace and avoid an argument. They will use this to tell people how you criticized them, turning them against you.
When it comes to family and friends, you build strong bonds based on trust and honesty. When a friend or family member hears you criticizing, they will not want to be around you and spend less time with you. This in turn, is exactly what the narcissist wants.
#3 Twisting the Truth
We know that narcissists are not honest people, and they have the knack of twisting the truth to benefit them. They use this to turn others against you, so you feel isolated and alone. Twisting the truth comes naturally to a narcissist who is masters of deceit and use the information to their benefit.
It could be anything that you have said. By twisting the truth, the narcissist can gain control over your friendships and family relationships, turning others against you.
We all rely on our friends and family and by twisting the truth, the narcissist removes your support base, leaving you feeling worthless and isolated.
#4 Shifting the Blame
A narcissist needs to look and feel important. They see themselves as superior to everyone else, including their partners. If they do something that they could be blamed for, they will shift the blame, making you look the guilty party.
They can do this so easily and naturally that no one questions them or their motivation. By shifting the blame onto you, they can slowly strip away your friends and family, turning others against you.
This is a devastating blow for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist. You get so tied up in their lives and meeting their needs, that by the time you realise your friends and family are no longer contacting you, it’s too late.
#5 Exaggerate Your Flaws
Even if you have been in a relationship with your narcissist partner for many years, they will not think twice about bad-mouthing you to get what they want or need.
Remember it is all about them, their mood, goals, and needs. They do not have empathy, they see nothing wrong in lying, and they will not think twice about using you as a step to get where they want to be.
Everyone has a few flaws, but your narcissistic partner will quickly identify your flaws and then exaggerate them to others. This is done to make others feel sorry for them and slowly turn those against you.
When they manage to get the others to turn against you, they are winning, they are on top, they have the control that they desperately need.
#6 Playing the Victim Card
When a narcissist noticed that things are not going as planned or they are not getting the results they want using their normal manipulation tactics, they will play the victim card. Amazingly, they can pull out this card at any time and they know how to play the victim well.
This can result in people feeling sorry for the narcissist, blaming you for them being victimized. Others blaming you will think of you differently as the narcissist continues to play the victim. The more they work on others as the victim, the more likely they will get others to turn against you.
#7 Gossiping
Gossiping is something narcissists are masters at. Gossiping gives them the upper hand. It enables them to communicate with others, be liked, and be welcomed into social circles.
Gossiping for you is not a good thing. They will share your secrets and stories with others, maybe twisting the truth a little to get others to turn against you.
Their need for control and superiority overrules everything else. A narcissist will do what they need to to get those around you to turn on you, enabling them to maintain control of you and your actions.
#8 Smear Campaign
One of the many tactics used by narcissists when turning others against you is a smear campaign. This is done subtly over time, getting more and more people to share the lies they have come up with about you. Unfortunately for you, news travels fast, making a smear campaign an easy way for narcissists to gain control.
When they come up with a smear campaign about you to turn others against you, they will work hard to share the information with those closest to you.
They want to rip away your support structure, which means the most to you, so that you focus all your attention on them, making them feel superior and important.
#9 Triangulation
Triangulation is one of the most hurtful ways that a narcissist can turn people against you. They will bring two people together to rip them apart later. Narcissists need to be in control at all times. They need to control those around them and every situation.
To maintain control, they feel that being able to play with your feelings and control your life gives them the upper hand.
Introducing yourself to someone that you get on with and then turning that person against you is triangulation. It is a powerful tactic to isolate you, have others turn on you, and give them the control that they desire.
How to Cope When Narcissist Turns Others Against You?
Having people turn against you is devastating to a normal person. You are hurt, you don’t understand why it’s happening, and most of the time, you don’t know what you did wrong in the first place.
Coping after a narcissist has turned others against you is not easy, but there are some things you can do to help yourself.
The first is not to react. This is difficult, but the narcissist wants and expects you to react so that they can continue tarnishing your reputation. It’s important to remember it is not your fault.
Stick with your support system, your closest family and friends, and speak to them about it to get it off your chest. Whatever you do, do not focus your attention on the narcissist, as this is what they want the most.
