Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it would be great if we could refuse to let all narcissists into our lives, wouldn’t it?
To sense them coming and send them packing would be a dream – but it’s not always possible.
We can’t choose who our family ends up marrying. We can’t choose who we work with for the majority of the time. If we could, we would all lead peaceful, happy and content lives.
So! What can you do if a narcissist comes a knockin’? You can avoid getting drawn in and do that with these strong 8 tactics that will repel them.
Think of each one as your own can of bug spray. Arm yourselves, and keep them away for good!
#1 No More Second Chances
Stop it.
Don’t think, “Wow, this is so cold-hearted.”
We all make mistakes, and a lot of the time, we all deserve to be given another chance to prove ourselves. It is in the act of redemption we find our connections with each other again but what I am talking about are those time and time again times we give narcissists.
Time and time again, you give away another chance after they get it wrong. The first time you call them out on making a serious mistake should be the only time because when you overlook the other times, you’re giving them permission to treat you how they want.
More than that – you’re telling them in no uncertain words that you actually have zero boundaries. None. Nothing. Never.
Having no boundaries or self-preservation means you can be walked over. The narcissist will love that – but it only spells bad news for you.
#2 Knowledge is Power
Trust me when I say how valuable it will be to you to get clued up on narcissism. You’ll hear the word a lot nowadays, as we live amongst a generation of people obsessed with taking selfies, trying to ‘influence’ the world on social media, or celebrities and their inflated egos.
Don’t let that detract from the real meaning of narcissism.
Narcissism is incessant. Narcissistic people get under your skin and will live there rent free for as long as you allow them to, but by clueing yourself up on their behaviors, the way they employ people through charm and wit to work for them on their behalf (aka. The flying monkey) – you can win.
Narcissists don’t have to be in your life, and it is up to you to do what you can to learn about them, so you can always be one step ahead.
AT ALL TIMES.
#3 Trust Your Gut
Mind and gut are fiercely connected. The way we get butterflies when we are nervous or excited comes from our thoughts about what we are anticipating.
Do you see yourself as someone who currently trusts their gut? Knowing the phrase and being the phrase are two separate things, but when it comes to the narcissist, it’s important to be able to sense when somebody is off.
Eye Spy The Hollow Charm
Whether that be this hollow-like charm you see, or the way they act in front of different people. Perhaps it has a lot to do with how much you hear them talk down about other people when they aren’t in the room.
Your gut, if you listen to it, will tell you whether or not that person’s energy is worth getting to know. This is more likely to occur if you experience narcissism as a child because your body will learn how to respond to threats or threatening kinds of people physiologically.
It is your call who you allow into your life, but it’s far easier to refuse entrance to the narcissist than it is to clean up the mess they make when they claim squatter’s rights in your deepest, darkest secrets.
#4 Love and Abuse – Learn That They Aren’t the Same
When you keep getting drawn into situations that hurt you or make you feel low and worthless, it’s time to be honest with yourself.
Love and abuse are not the same thing.
What you tell yourself is not the same as what can be happening in relationships with a narcissist of any kind. You see them as a person who is trying to do better. You see your life with them. They have moments where they treat you so well. They say they love you.
These narratives have got to go. You can’t live knowing how much hurt and pain you feel due to the actions of someone claiming to love you.
Stop labeling abuse as ‘love.’
#5 Learn What Love Bombing is
I cannot stress enough how life is not a fairytale.
We see it all too often, don’t we? The romantic movies, the Disney happy endings, even the perfect lives people portray to us through social media. We see everybody as living the lives we strive for, so when the opportunity arises, it’s easy to see the charm of a narcissist as being your moment.
No.
Love bombing is different to somebody being genuinely nice to you for several reasons.
Number one – with love bombing there is a motive. The narcissist wants you hooked, so they will say or do very grand things to make you believe them.
Number two – Love bombing makes those with low self-esteem suddenly feel seen or heard. They will begin to see their insecurities being papered over by the narcissist’s affection. This never lasts.
Number three – Any time you feel the narcissist has dragged you down, there will be an opportunity for the narcissist to wipe your memory of the abuse and pain by giving you anything you want. A date night, a holiday, being showered with compliments.
They’re all designed to manipulate you into believing the narcissist is a nice person, so spotting how somebody does those things is a way of knowing they have narcissistic traits and are best avoided altogether.
#6 The Gaslight Needs to go Off
Oh, the narcissist will attempt to light you up whenever they get a chance.
They aim to reduce and eventually diminish your idea of reality and replace it with theirs. They don’t want you to think for yourself or concern yourself with your version of events.
You will be denied all of those things under the control of a narcissist, but one very effective way of disallowing that is to stick to your values. Do not let them fall for anybody no matter how charming they may seem.
Holding onto what you know to be true keeps that self-assured part of you well and truly alive, and will keep the narcissist at bay.
