Narcissists are absolute masters of ruining anything good that comes into their life.
Wouldn’t you think they would want to keep people looking at them positively? What an easy life it would be if we could all just get along, and see the good in each other…
…Not the narcissist!
Instead, these insidious wastes of space will go to great lengths to sabotage relationships.
There’s an interesting reason why they do that, followed by 10 ways they will work their black magic.
Why Sabotage?
Doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?
Nothing says I love you more than somebody throwing a bomb at your relationship while maniacally laughing.
Narcissists will do this, pretending they’re throwing rose petals, of course. Your job was never to question them, but with people like me around, your job role has now changed.
From now on, I am recruiting you as:
CEO of Narcissistic Knowledge.
Sabotage is all the narcissist knows. They know they can’t hold onto a successful relationship forever, and so they have it pumping through their blood to ruin what they find.
It’s never always obvious, but it’s always painful when you’re the person who has to deal with that sabotage.
Did you pick the wrong person? Yes.
Were you aware you were picking the wrong person at the time? No.
So, about those ten ways…
#1 Being Unfaithful
When I say unfaithful, I am not just talking about physical unfaithfulness. Yes, that’s a very evident way to ruin a relationship, but narcissists aren’t always that overt.
Disloyalty like this can come from:
- Flirting online with strangers.
- Messaging exes.
- Joining dating sites to scan the market.
- Going out for drinks or coffee dates with coworkers.
- Keeping potential unfaithful interests from you, and withholding their existence.
It can also, of course, involve kissing, intimacy, and other intimate acts of betrayal, all of which hurt.
#2 Always Putting You Down
It still baffles me as to why a person chooses to be with another, while always finding ways to put them down and make them feel bad about themselves.
It’s got to take a very toxic person to be able to do something like that, hasn’t it?
Well, enter stage left, narcissist!
Putting you down can appear to be:
- Saying unkind remarks about your appearance.
- Telling you that you’re no good at something.
- Laughing at you for trying a new hobby.
- Reminding you of times in the past you’ve failed.
Again – this is an act not truly representing what it means to be in a loving, caring relationship.
It points at all the ways you can ruin a perfectly good union, and narcissists are some of the best people mentally equipped to do this.
#3 Rage Attacks
Nobody needs rage in their life, but when it is so frequent, you have to question a person’s likelihood of being a narcissist.
To be on the receiving end of rage is to know you are being intimidated, and that in itself is a threat.
Is it a way to live? No. Yet so many people are programmed to make excuses for the narcissist when, in fact, this behavior is not right at all.
#4 Reminding You That They’re In Charge
Superiority is the middle name of a narcissist, and they will use that as much as they can.
Narcissists will remind you that they’re in charge whenever you try to assert yourself, make a decision, or give an opinion.
You’ll be metaphorically shot down and put firmly in your place.
If it feels like bullying, it is.
#5 “Who Cares What You Want?”
Not the narcissist, that’s for sure.
Time and time again I see victims of a narcissistically abusive relationship and they all say the same thing:
They just didn’t care what I wanted. They didn’t care if they hurt me, or withheld the minimum standard of affection.
It’s all about them. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re in the most exciting, passionate relationship known to man.
If you’re not being treated well and your needs are being pushed aside – it’s not healthy.
Narcissists aren’t even aware that they’re sabotaging. They just want what they want from you. If that’s at the cost of everything you’re hoping for, then so be it!
#6 Isolating You
You’ll know you’re in a relationship with a narcissist when your support system starts to dwindle after a period of time. Maybe not at first, remember, the narcissist wants to impress you and all your friends.
Soon after, the comments will come.
You’re better than them.
You don’t need them.
I’m here if you need support.
You can always talk to me, I am a better listener.
Anything to pull you away from the people you’ve previously relied on. In the long run, this is going to completely sabotage your relationship as you realize you’ve got nobody. To make it worse – they aren’t going to be the support they promised they’d be.
#7 Controlling To The Max
Control is at the heart of everything the narcissist does. Narcissists treat their victims as if they are under lock and key, and once you get to that point, it’s going to be challenging to get out (but not impossible!)
First, you have to see the problem, and that’s hard when the narcissist works hard to cover up their abuse with smokescreens and mirrors.
One person like this should control no relationship. It’s a devastating way to ruin it.
#8 Zero Empathy
Empathy should be at the center of every intimate relationship. You want to be with and understand the person you’re with, and you’d hope for the same in return.
It’s how communication, trust, respect, support, compassion and love grows, right? It’s likely that you know that, and you offer that, too.
But the narcissist?
Forget it. They know nothing about empathy. Instead, all they want is to pretend to care when it suits, and the rest of the time they will suck all the empathy out of you.
I don’t want you to think that your empathic traits are a bad thing – they’re not. You just met the wrong person to offer them to.
#9 Kindness? Watch Out!
Narcissists love to take advantage of your good nature, and they won’t stop. You give an inch, they won’t just take a mile, they will take ten!
It’s in most of us to be kind, and surely the fact that you’re in a relationship with somebody means kindness should come pretty easily, right?
Right?
Wrong – for narcissists, anyway.
They hate your kindness, but at the same time, they can’t live without it. This is a classic example of never being able to do anything right.
If you have experience with a narcissist in a past relationship, you know they will walk all over you to get what they want. All the while you comply, they’re happy.
But that’s all at your expense, isn’t it?
#10 They Leave You Exhausted
Drained is probably the better word to use. Drained of all life and energy that was once vibrant and positive.
Now you’re stuck constantly feeling like you are on 3 percent battery, and you can’t find your charger.
You’re going to feel it however you want to frame it, and there’s no getting away from that.
The exhaustion comes from the battles you have with the narcissist. The ways you try to defend yourself, the times you listen to them complain about something you did or didn’t do, or all the attempts you make to bring the two of you closer together emotionally.
Or what about needing to please them, just so they’re in a good mood? Or giving up the things you love because they make fun of them.
It all adds up, and it all drains the life out of anybody who has to tolerate this insidious abuse.
