As a narcissist, you believe you’re superior to everyone around you and more deserving of attention and admiration than anyone else. But what happens when you meet someone who feels the same?
When two narcissists meet, you might expect them to engage in furious rivalry as they battle for the attention they desperately need, but that’s not always the case.
In many instances, narcissists will feel an instant attraction to one another. Indeed, some might say they flock together like birds of a feather!
As the relationship develops, however, it will evolve into a complex dance of egos where the rules of engagement are anything but ordinary.
Through psychological insights, real-life examples, and expert analysis, this article will shed light on the fascinating dynamics that unfold when a narcissist meets his match and explore some of the scenarios that might develop as that relationship develops.
Who is a Good Match for a Narcissist?
You might expect a narcissist to be attracted to someone easy to manipulate and willing to give them the attention and admiration they desire, but that’s not the case.
Not only do narcissists tend to be attracted to strong, confident people, but they also love other narcissists.
Psychologists at the University of Warsaw in Poland found that narcissists tend to engage in romantic relationships with people who scored high on the narcissist spectrum.
This style of engagement is known as assortative mating and means that “Narcissists look for prospective partners similar to themselves – that is, self-oriented rather than other-oriented.”
That doesn’t mean narcissists only date each other but are more likely to be drawn to those with similar traits.
Other studies have produced similar results, with one finding that narcissists are happier with “trophy” partners and “attach more importance to the physical attractiveness and status of potential mates” than non-narcissists.
Narcissists naturally gravitate towards people who make them feel good about themselves, often targeting people with qualities they envy.
They are attracted by success, confidence, good looks, and popularity, but only for as long as it takes them to destroy those qualities.
According to one psychotherapist, this is either because they “feel special through association, or they will feel powerful in taking down someone who appears mentally, physically, or emotionally strong.”
As narcissists are so focused on their appearance and image, it stands to reason they’ll be attracted to one another. After all, two bright and shiny individuals will look even better together than apart.
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What Happens When a Narcissist Meets His Match?
A few things happen when a narcissist meets his match, starting with instant attraction and forming a power couple.
Further down the line, things may become less harmonious, leading to power struggles or, on occasion, presenting both narcissists with an opportunity for change.
Like Attracts Like
When a narcissist meets his match, he may feel attracted to their good looks, confidence, and charisma.
When a narcissist looks at another narcissist, they feel a connection and may even recognize the traits they find appealing in the other person as ones they possess themselves.
Narcissists get their name from Narcissus, the character who, in Greek mythology, fell in love with his reflection.
This is how narcissists feel when they fall for each other. Rather than falling in love with the other person, they’re falling in love with themselves as they see themselves reflected in the other person.
The mirroring effect has another side, however; narcissists may feel unsettled when they see their manipulative strategies reflected at them.
This reaction can positively influence if the narcissist responds by confronting and reflecting on their behavior.
The Perfect Power Couple
Narcissists are attracted to partners who mirror their idealized self-image, so what happens when two narcissists get together?
When two narcissists come together, they see themselves as the perfect match – or the most powerful of power couples.
Each believes they have found someone who fully appreciates their brilliance, beauty, or success, reinforcing their sense of being superior and deserving of adoration.
As a couple, they constantly validate and reinforce each other’s grandiosity.
They fuel each other’s need for constant praise and admiration, whether through social media posts showcasing their lavish lifestyle or public displays of affection to demonstrate their seemingly enviable relationship.
The narcissistic power couple is highly conscious of their public image. They project an air of confidence and success and relish the attention and envy they get from others.
Narcissistic power couples may also engage in manipulative behavior together, using their combined charm and charisma to influence others to their advantage.
They may form alliances to further their shared goals or protect their image from perceived threats.
Being part of a power couple also offers a sense of protection. The couple can use each other as shields against attacks on their egos or self-esteem.
If one partner faces criticism, the other is likely to step in and defend them fiercely, reinforcing their bond and sense of loyalty.
While appearing as a power couple on the surface, this type of relationship can be fraught with internal conflicts and insecurities.
The constant need for external validation and competition reveals that the couple’s bond is based more on appearance than genuine emotional connection.
Ultimately, their relationship may be sustained by the illusion of power and grandiosity rather than mutual respect and support.
The Power Couple Becomes a Power Struggle
While two narcissists can have a successful relationship, in most instances, the need to be the best will disrupt the dynamics in their relationship, leading to power struggles that could destroy the picture-perfect image.
While two narcissists may rely on each other for the validation and ego-boosting they require, it’s only a matter of time before the rivalry begins.
Sharing the limelight becomes too claustrophobic after a while, and each narcissist within the power couple will want to shine brighter and be more dominant than the other.
In their quest for superiority, narcissists may engage in behaviors designed to outshine one another. If one celebrates their recent promotion on social media, the other may try to take credit for it.
Let’s look at an example:
Narcissist one posts, “I just had to share this incredible news with all of you. I’ve been working so hard, and today, I finally got promoted to Senior Vice President at XYZ Corporation! It’s such a dream come true, and I couldn’t be more thrilled!”
Narcissist two comments, saying, “Honey, you did it! I always knew my influence and connections would open doors for you!”
In this scenario, narcissist one proudly announces her promotion on social media, attributing her success to her hard work and determination.
However, her partner quickly takes credit for her achievements, claiming his power and influence provided the opportunity.
This kind of power struggle can go two ways – it could become a mutual admiration dance in which both partners reinforce their image as a “power couple” by emphasizing their influence, mentorship, and support for each other, or it could lead to conflict.
Instead of supporting and congratulating each other, two narcissists could end up competing to prove their worth and influence, turning what should be a moment of celebration into a battleground of egos.
Their interactions on social media showcase their need for validation and their desire to be recognized as the more dominant and influential partner.
It becomes evident that their relationship is built on a foundation of rivalry and self-importance rather than genuine support and love.
A Catalyst for Change
Although most relationships between narcissists are shallow and based on appearances rather than a connection of minds and souls, there are occasions where it can be a catalyst for change.
In rare instances, when a narcissist meets someone who shows a deep understanding of their condition, it can lead to unexpected collaboration and healing.
This unique connection allows for mutual exploration of the underlying wounds and insecurities that drive the narcissist’s behavior.
The encounter becomes an opportunity for both parties to embark on a journey of self-awareness, personal growth, and healing.
The presence of someone who can compassionately confront the narcissist’s defenses can create a transformative dynamic that challenges the narcissist to change their ways.
The experience becomes a turning point, motivating the narcissist to seek therapy or address their destructive patterns. The encounter becomes a powerful catalyst for personal transformation and growth.
Consider Reading: 11 Signs YOU are Narcissistic Supply
What Happens When One Narcissist Meets Another?
Have you ever tried to imagine what happens when two narcissists meet?
If you have, you might have imagined fierce rivalry and a battle of egos, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Narcissists are surprisingly tolerant of other narcissists and are often attracted to them.
Narcissists have much in common and are drawn to each other’s confidence, appearance, and status.
They have similar expectations and feed off one another, using one another to gain attention and admiration and not caring that they lack empathy for one another.
Not only that, but narcissists are also more accepting of the narcissistic traits others find off-putting and will tolerate arrogance, selfishness, vanity, and a lack of empathy more willingly than others might.
Consider Reading: How to make a Narcissist respect you?
Do Narcissists Get Along with Each Other?
Even though narcissists are generally impatient and dismissive of other people, who they see as inferior, they are surprisingly tolerant of other narcissists.
According to a study by psychologist Ulrike Maaß and colleagues at the Humboldt University of Berlin (2016), “friends of narcissists are themselves narcissists.”
Narcissistic friends have many things in common. They share the same life and protective strategies to prevent their weaknesses from being exposed.
They may develop an “us and them” mentality that boosts each other’s vulnerable self-esteem while undermining those that demonstrate non-narcissistic qualities.
Other studies show that narcissists are more accepting of others’ narcissistic traits and more likely to tolerate selfish, aggressive, vain, or egotistical people than non-narcissists.
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What Happens When Two Narcissists Start Dating?
When two narcissists start dating, the whole world will know about it. They will make a big deal about how they’ve finally found someone who can hold a candle to themselves and who shares their desire for attention, success, and admiration.
When they announce their flourishing relationship, they’ll say things like: “To the skeptics who doubted us – prepare to be amazed! Our love is a force to be reckoned with, and together, we’ll show you the true meaning of perfection!”
Of course, they want others to notice them, look up to them, admire them, and celebrate their status as the next great power couple.
Unfortunately, perfection doesn’t exist, and both narcissists will realize this as the relationship develops.
The idealized partner will inevitably make a mistake or do something to disappoint the other, causing instability in the relationship. Neither will admit fault or take responsibility for this breakdown, causing more conflict and competition.
This can lead to criticism and manipulation, which neither party will take kindly to. As these problems progress, the relationship quickly becomes toxic and in many instances, ends as abruptly as it began.
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Can One Narcissist Control Another Narcissist?
While one narcissist can attempt to control another, it’s unlikely that either party will establish complete dominance. Instead, they are likely to engage in a never-ending cycle of manipulation.
Narcissists will try to control one another by convincing them that something is in their best interests.
For instance, one narcissist might suggest to another that they ally: “By collaborating, we’ll ensure that we both climb the corporate ladder faster and with less resistance. Our collective brilliance will be undeniable!”
Unfortunately, the narcissist’s plan isn’t to create an alliance but to use their narcissistic partner as a stepping stone to her advancement.
Both might believe they’ve gained the upper hand, with one thinking, “While he thinks we’re equals, I’ll be slyly pulling the strings from behind the scenes,” while the other one plans to “use this ‘alliance’ to my advantage and then turn the tables.”
Beneath the façade of mutual admiration is a complex web of deceit and manipulation, with each narcissist seeing only an opportunity to control the other.
Consider Reading: How long does love bombing last with a Narcissist?
What Happens When Two Narcissists Fight?
It only takes a minor disagreement to spark a conflict between two narcissists, and once their swords are drawn, be prepared for a vicious battle of inflated egos and a fight for dominance.
Intense emotions, manipulation, and a relentless pursuit of superiority characterize every clash between two narcissists.
Here’s a glimpse of what might happen when two narcissists fight:
Jessica: “You can’t ignore my achievements! I’ve accomplished so much more than you ever will!”
Richard: “Ha! Your accomplishments are nothing compared to mine. I’m the real star here!”
Here, you can see each narcissist is trying to outdo the other by exaggerating their accomplishments and belittling their opponent’s achievements.
Both are convinced that they are the superior one and will do whatever it takes to prove it.
Jessica: “I have a devoted following on social media, and my posts get hundreds of likes and comments! You can’t even come close!”
Richard: “Likes and comments mean nothing. I have a powerful network of influential people who respect and admire me.”
As the fight escalates, they start insulting and undermining each other, attempting to establish dominance and undermine the other’s self-esteem.
Their arguments become increasingly fueled by their grandiosity and need for validation.
Jessica: “I have more experience and intelligence than you. You’re just trying to ride on my coattails!”
Richard: “You wish! I’m the real expert here, and everyone knows it!”
In the heat of the battle, they are blind to reason and unable to see each other’s perspectives. It’s a battle of egos, where neither is willing to back down or admit shortcomings.
The conflict continues, with both narcissists feeling threatened and determined to emerge as the victor.
However, what may start as a confrontation can quickly devolve into a game of manipulation and undermining behind the scenes.
Ultimately, a clear winner may not emerge, as both narcissists are unwilling to concede defeat.
The battle might continue indefinitely, with each person trying to one-up the other in a never-ending quest for dominance.
When two narcissists fight, it’s a collision of inflated self-importance, a clash of delusions of grandeur, and a struggle for control.
The result is often a toxic and exhausting power struggle that leaves no room for genuine resolution or understanding.
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