8 Phrases Narcissists Use to Control Their Partners

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you have probably heard it all. They use words and phrases in their desire to control everything about you.

A narcissist is never wrong in their mind. They have a superior image of themselves and feel you should be submissive to their demands.

Why a Narcissist Feels The Need to Control You

Narcissists are naturally dominant. They believe they are superior to everyone else. Being able to control their minds and actions gives them the image of superiority that they crave.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist, there are ten phrases you need to keep in mind. These phrases are what these dominants use to control you. The top 10 phrases used by narcissists includes:


1. You’re Being Too Emotional / Sensitive

When you are faced with a narcissist who wants you to do something they want you to do, they can get argumentative and difficult. They aim to control you completely. You may feel worthless, frustrated, and, yes, emotional. Tears are not something uncommon for anyone in a relationship like this.

A favorite phrase used by a narcissist when trying to control you is “You’re being too emotional/sensitive.” Using this phrase, immediately shifts the blame onto you. By saying this, you may question yourself and what you did wrong.

Narcissists are clever, well-practiced in disguise, and know how to quickly shift the blame from themselves onto you. This helps them control you, make you question yourself, and make you do what they want you to do.

2. You’re Overreacting

When it comes to you doing something you want to do, that your narcissist partner isn’t keen on, they will use phrases to get you to back down.

They aim to control your actions, getting you to do what they want. The minute you get upset or start arguing back, they will tell you “you’re overreacting.” These two words are something you will encounter often when in a relationship with a narcissist.

These two words can make you stop in your tracks, questioning your sanity. You may wonder if you were being too extreme or insensitive or if you were really overreacting.

This is a clever trait that a narcissist has in their arsenal of vocabulary, one of the phrases they use to make you question yourself and give them the control that they need.

3. I’m the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

Unfortunately, a narcissist often looks for a relationship with someone that has experienced problems in previous relationships or has a submissive personality.

They make endless promises to draw you to them and get involved with them. Once you are in their grasp, they can use phrases to hurt you and to take full control of your mind and actions.

One of the many phrases you will or have encountered living with a narcissist is “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.” By now they have gained your trust, maybe they have gotten you to share some of your past experiences. This is used against you when you want to do something they don’t want.

If you were in a bad relationship in the past, your narcissistic partner will use that to their benefit.

When your actions don’t meet what they want, they will use “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you” to gain full control over you. Sadly, you will likely believe them until you realize the type of person you are dealing with.

4. You’re Remembering it Wrong

How often have you been told you are wrong in the past month or two? Yes, this is a phrase used by your narcissistic partner to gain control of you. They use these phrases to make you wonder if you remember it wrong.

It may be something as simple as an agreement you both had or that you asked them to attend a work function with you and they agreed. When the topic comes back up and they have changed their minds or are in a mood and need a superiority boost, they will use this phrase to gain control.

Because they need to control you, they will make promises that they do not keep. This boosts their sense of superiority, helping them feel better about themselves.

5. If You Really Loved Me, You Would Do …”

In a narcissist’s desire to control you, they will use just about everything in their arsenal to make you do what they want you to do. One of their favorite ways to achieve this is to make you feel guilty. Feeling guilty makes you more inclined to do what you want, boosting your superiority complex.

“If you really loved me, you would do …” is a phrase often used by a narcissist. Why? Because it makes you feel guilty.

Feeling guilty makes you more likely to do what you want, giving you control of your mind and actions. Often, you give in to what they want to avoid an unnecessary argument or another one.

6. I Never Said That or I Never Did That

If you put money in a jar every time your narcissistic partner told you, “I never said that,” or “I never did that,” you would be a rich woman right now. Narcissists consider themselves superior to everyone else and they don’t like being reminded of their mistakes.

If they have made a mistake or made you a promise that they have no intention of fulfilling, they will make you question your own sanity by saying, “I never said that,” or “I never did that.”

These simple words can make you question yourself, allowing them to control you.

7. You Never or You Always

Narcissists use guilt to control you. Their phrases are carefully chosen to make you question yourself and your objectives and to give them control of your life. Living with a narcissist is not easy, leaving many women feeling that they are unworthy, useless, and generally wrong in everything that they do.

As a result, a narcissist will often use the phrase “you never” or “you always.” This immediately blames you, resulting in a swell of guilt and giving them the chance they need to control you.

8. You’re the One Who Made Me Behave Like That

“You’re the one who made me behave like that.” Let’s be honest: how many times have you heard this phrase from your narcissistic partner?

Chances are it’s a phrase you hear more often than you would like. Again, they are shifting the blame onto you, allowing them to control you and boosting their superiority over you.

You need to remember that narcissists need to control you in your relationship, enabling them to maintain their sense of power and self-importance. Their need to control you gives them the validation they need, helping them meet their needs.

If you are noticing that your narcissist partner is using the above phrases more often, it is due to their need to control you, boosting their self-importance and ensuring their needs are met.

It is important that you know the most common phrases used by narcissists to control you, enabling you to identify them and not give in to their control. This can help you remain strong, happy, and healthy.

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