When a narcissist sits in a silence they didn’t create – they can’t stand it.
They shift in their seats, clear their throats and even resort to completely raging out.
Silence is not acceptable to them. What will they feed off if nobody is giving them anything?
What’s everybody quiet for? What do I do in this situation? Am I being figured out?
If it’s your silence?
They love it!
What’s the difference though?
Control!
Let’s look a little deeper…
What the Narcissist Craves
Narcissists don’t want you to throw the silent treatment their way, instead, they want to be the ones to give it to you.
Their craving to be in control comes from the power they feel they have the right to exert over you. Narcissists want everything to go their way, and you do not have a say in the matter.
Of course, in the long run that’s going to cause so much harm to your emotional and mental health – but the narcissist isn’t going to care about that.
Not Giving Them Attention
So, what happens when you flip the script?
You decide one day to be the one who gives the narcissist the silent treatment. You are the one who says to yourself, “You know what? Enough is enough. I’m done trying to please you. You don’t deserve my voice any more.”
The power of silence is severely overrated, so when it comes to narcissists, silence can act as a powerful weapon.
It’s your best option for clawing back that control, and taking it away from these energy vampires.
Getting to the point where you resort to the silent treatment will likely come from a place of desperation. You’ve tried everything to reason with them. You’ve attempted and after attempt to quell conflict. You’ve asked a thousand times if they’re okay when they refuse to engage with you.
What do you do now?
You deprive them of any attention.
By this, I don’t mean to join them at what they are at their level.
Your silent treatment has to come from a place of clarity. A place of empowerment and sincerity. You aren’t looking to treat them with the same disdain they show you.
You have simply had enough of their drama.
Your Silence: What it Does to the Narcissist in 6 Ways
It Takes Away Their Control
Narcissistic people thrive when they are pulling the strings. If you are in a place of fear or anxiety, they are at their happiest.
Those intense feelings are provoked when we feel out of control or want to regain control in a situation. If a narcissist is taking from you, they are leaving you with nothing.
Giving the silent treatment to the narcissist is a way of channeling the energy once stolen from you, and claiming it back. It’s a powerfully self-satisfying tool to use when you want what’s owed. Without that control, they almost malfunction.
Narcissists laugh and smile to themselves when they have succeeded in confusing you, or punishing you with their silence. When it’s returned to them, that control immediately vanishes.
Invokes Rage
With anything the narcissist is no longer able to control, the rage will soon follow.
How dare you ignore me!
Who do you think you are?
You’re a terrible person!
All the words that act as wood kindling to stoke your fire will be thrown at you. They want you to respond. They want you to break your vow of silence. They want to see you break under their pressure.
Underneath it all, they’re looking for you to come back and resume normal dynamics, because without a victim mentality, they cannot act as the antagonist.
If you’re non-responsive, they cannot feed off you.
It Creates Helplessness
With no control, the narcissist soon becomes helpless – an emotion they are unable to sit in for long.
Helplessness and narcissism do not go hand in hand, so this is where you should expect the narcissist to ramp up their game-playing. Still looking for you to bite their bait, they will try anything.
Starving Them of Compliments
Where you would have once gushed over their day or new jack/hair/job – you’ve suddenly got nothing to say. It’s not that you intended on being rude, it’s that you prefer to disengage with the dysfunction.
Now when they come to you in “Look at me” moments, you are choosing to look the other way and starve them of what they once may have gotten from you.
Now what do they do?
Your once Grade A narcissistic supply was finite all along – and without it they are going to crumble.
The ways they’ve exploited you have come round to haunt them, and the more consistently you hold the silence, the more you are ending this game…
Once and for all.
They Miss Your Begging
One thing to learn about narcissists is when they give you the silent treatment, they absolutely love the way you come begging.
Please! What did I do wrong?
How can I fix it?
What can I do to make you feel better?
Tell me how I can make it up to you.
What’s wrong?
Are you okay?
Is it me?
No more!
No more giving them the attention. No more dishing out unnecessary apologies.
You don’t need to ask any more, and that’s why you started going silent. You don’t need to ask what you can do, because you now know nothing works. The narcissist has played you countless times in the past, and finally, you are giving yourself the space to see it’s not your fault.
Your peace and freedom from being silent is their hell.
They Discard You – For Good
It’s the start of something great when a narcissist decides to discard you for good. Nothing you’ve previously tried has worked, but you want them to lose interest in you.
The silent treatment lets them know directly that they don’t matter. YOu want to live your life and be free. You don’t want to see them, they aren’t on your radar, and you’re through.
The silent treatment is letting them know you have a life to live that doesn’t involve them being in it.
The discard may not happen immediately, but make no mistake—it will happen, and you will feel lighter and burdenless as soon as those ties are cut.
Once the discard has occurred, keep going in that same direction, and never look back. You don’t want the narcissist to think you made a terrible mistake!
