Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a narcissist or why you find yourself inexplicably drawn back into a relationship that you know is toxic?
Narcissists have a knack for pulling you back into their world, using a variety of tactics that can seem hard to resist. They’ll promise change, use guilt trips, invoke nostalgia, and even resort to threats or blackmail.
Understanding these tactics can empower you to resist their pull and protect yourself.
So let’s explore 11 ways how narcissists lure you back into a toxic relationship with them.
#1 Love Bombing:
“I’ve missed you so much. No one else makes me feel the way you do.”
Love Bombing, a manipulative emotional onslaught, is a technique narcissists often use to pull you back into a relationship, showering you with affection and compliments like ‘I’ve missed you so much.
No one else makes me feel the way you do.’ It’s an intense display of affection designed to make you feel special, wanted, and needed.
But don’t be fooled. They’re not expressing genuine love or care. Instead, they’re manipulating you, using your emotions against you. You’re not their one and only; you’re a pawn in their game of control.
If you find yourself being love-bombed, remember, it’s not about you—it’s about them. Stand your ground, know your worth, and don’t let their fake affection sway you.
#2 Promises of Change
“I promise I’ve changed. I’ve realized my mistakes, and I’m a different person now. You’ll see.”
Promises of change, such as ‘I promise I’ve changed. I’ve realized my mistakes, and I’m a different person now. You’ll see,’ are another tactic narcissists use to reel you back into their web.
They know how to manipulate your hope for a better relationship. They’ll seem sincere, claiming they’ve introspected and are now different.
You might want to believe them, especially if you remember the good times. But it’s crucial to remember that real change takes time and effort. It can’t happen overnight, not just because they said so. Promises without actions are empty. Don’t let yourself be fooled by their sweet words.
Stay strong and remember their past actions. Trust actions, not promises.
#3 Guilt Trips
“You breaking up with me really hurt. I’ve been struggling without you.”
Another tactic narcissists employ to pull you back into a relationship is the use of guilt trips, often expressing how much your departure has affected them.
They may say, ‘You breaking up with me really hurt. I’ve been struggling without you.’ This method aims to make you feel responsible for their pain, hoping you’ll be swayed by empathy to return.
They’ll highlight their struggles, emphasizing how much harder life is without you. They may even exaggerate their difficulties to gain your sympathy. Remember, it’s a trap.
You’re not responsible for their happiness or struggles. It’s crucial to maintain boundaries, despite their attempts to blur them. The guilt you feel is just another tool in their toolbox of manipulation. Don’t let it pull you back in.
#4 Nostalgia:
“Remember how happy we were during that beach vacation? We could feel that way again.”
In the throes of a breakup, a narcissist might try to reel you back in by appealing to your shared past, using statements such as ‘Remember how happy we were during that beach vacation?
We could feel that way again.’ This tactic, driven by nostalgia, manipulates your emotions by evoking fond memories. It’s a lure designed to make you question your decision to leave.
They’re not reminding you of the happy times out of sentimentality; they’re doing it to regain control.
Remember, those happy moments don’t erase the damaging behavior that led to the breakup in the first place. Don’t let one pleasant memory cloud your judgment.
Stand firm in your decision and resist the manipulative allure of nostalgia.
#5 Jealousy
“I’ve been out with others, but none of them are like you. They all make me realize how much I want you.”
While they may exploit your shared past to regain control, narcissists aren’t above using jealousy as another manipulative tool, often implying that they’re desired by others while still wanting you.
They’ll paint tales of their exciting adventures with new people, only to claim no one else measures up to you. They’re counting on your jealousy to stoke the fires of desire and re-ignite your relationship.
But, don’t be fooled. This isn’t about their love for you, it’s about maintaining their power.
Remember, they’re experts at manipulation. They know how to use your emotions against you. So, once you feel the twinge of jealousy, step back. Ask yourself if it’s genuine longing, or just another game they’re playing to pull you back in.
#6 Gaslighting
“You’re overthinking. We were good together, even your friends said so.”
Gaslighting, another tool in a narcissist’s arsenal, involves them making you question your perception of reality. They’ll say things like, ‘You’re overthinking.
We were good together, even your friends said so.’ You’ll begin to doubt your memories, feelings, and judgments. They’ll convince you that you’re the wrong one, and they’re the sane, rational one.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to gain power over you. You’ll start to believe that maybe you’re being too critical or dramatic.
You may even rely on them for your sense of reality, trapping you in their web. Remember, it’s not you, it’s them. Stand strong against their manipulative narrative. Trust your instincts. You’re more than their gaslighting.
#7 Playing The Victim
“I’ve been so depressed since you left. It feels like my world has fallen apart.”
Just as you’re learning to trust your instincts against gaslighting, be aware of another tactic narcissists commonly use: playing the victim.
They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve been so depressed since you left. It feels like my world has fallen apart.’ They aim to make you feel guilty and convince you that you cause their misery.
However, remember that you’re not responsible for their emotional state. It’s another manipulation tool aimed to pull you back into the toxic relationship.
They’re not truly depressed because you’re gone; they’re upset because they’ve lost their control over you.
Stay strong, trust your instincts, and don’t let their guilt-tripping pull you back into the unhealthy dynamics.
#8 Hoovering
“How’s your day going? I passed by our old hangout spot and thought of the fun times we had.”
Another tactic narcissists often use to draw you back in is ‘hoovering,’ where they bring up shared memories and experiences to trigger nostalgia and emotional responses.
They’ll send you a casual text, saying, ‘How’s your day going? I passed our old hangout spot and thought of our fun times.’
The aim here is to make you reminisce about the ‘good times,’ subtly manipulating you into forgetting the reasons why you left in the first place. They’re banking on your sentimentality to open the door for their return.
Don’t fall for it. Remember, their actions aren’t rooted in genuine care or regret, but rather, their need to regain control. Stay alert, and don’t let them suck you back in.
#9 Using Third Parties
“Your friend Mark and I bumped into one another. He said you’ve been lonely lately, I’m worried about you.”
When narcissists can’t get to you directly, they’re likely to use third parties as a manipulative tactic. They might drop lines like, ‘Your friend Mark and I bumped into each other.
He said you’ve been lonely lately, I’m worried about you.’ This isn’t genuine concern; it’s a calculated move to play on your emotions and draw you back in by making you feel they still care.
They also exploit your friendships by sowing seeds of doubt about the people you trust.
You might start wondering if Mark did say that, if your friends are discussing your personal life behind your back.
It’s an unsettling thought. But remember, it’s just another ploy to regain control. Stand firm, trust your instincts, and keep a safe distance.
#10 Exaggeration
“I can’t eat or sleep without you. My life is meaningless without you in it.”
Ever heard a narcissist say, ‘I can’t eat or sleep without you. My life is meaningless without you in it’?
This is a classic example of exaggeration, a manipulative tactic they use to suck you back into a relationship.
Narcissists use this extreme language to create a sense of urgency and importance around your role in their lives. They’re not shy about laying it on thick, hoping you’ll feel guilty or responsible for their well-being.
It’s a powerful ploy that can really tug at your heartstrings. But remember, it’s not your job to fix or save them.
It’s a trap designed to pull you back in. Stand your ground, and don’t let these melodramatic declarations sway you.
#11 Threats or Blackmail
“If you don’t return to me, I will tell everyone about your secrets.”
While the dramatic exaggerations can be emotionally draining, you may also find yourself the target of threats or blackmail like, ‘If you don’t come back to me, I’ll tell everyone about your secrets.’ It’s a desperate attempt to regain power.
The narcissist leverages your fear, making you feel cornered and helpless. They know your weak spots and are not afraid to exploit them.
But remember, it’s all a manipulative ploy. You’ve got to stand your ground. Don’t let their threats dictate your actions.
Seek legal advice. Find emotional support. You’re not alone in this. Narcissists thrive on control, but you’re stronger than their threats. It’s your life, don’t let them manipulate it.
Final Words
Narcissists are masters at manipulation, using tools like love bombing, guilt trips, and threats to pull you back into their web. Remember, their promises of change are often empty and their concern feigned.
Stand strong, remember their patterns, and don’t let nostalgia or manipulation sway your decision. You deserve a relationship built on respect and honesty, not on manipulation and control.
Don’t let a narcissist suck you back into a toxic relationship.
