Last Updated on June 1, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Narcissists are unique characters, one of the things you will notice about them is they do and say things that will have you scratching your head in total bewilderment.
Narcissists gain pleasure from manipulating their victims.
Due to the nature of the disorder, some narcissists have a desire to disrupt the emotional well-being of their targets.
Therefore, they don’t have conversations or behave in certain ways without there being an ulterior motive behind it.
Often, the aim is to psychologically terrorize their victim. Basically, everything a narcissist says and does is code for something else, and if you are going to get a better understanding of the person you are dating, you will need to read in between the lines.
Here are 12 weird things narcissists do and say and what they actually mean.
Weird Things Narcissists Do and Say
#1. They Always Walk in Front of You
Most narcissists are capable of being extremely self-centered; as far as they are concerned, they are the most important person in the world.
They view people as an extension of themselves who are there to satisfy their wants and needs.
Much of their behaviour will result in their partner feeling invisible in the relationship, and one of the many strange ways they do this is to walk in front of their significant other when they are in public.
The narcissist will pick up speed and walk extremely fast with the intention of losing them.
The individual will then go on a frantic search for their partner, while they are watching them panic in the shadows.
When the narcissist decides to show up, they blame the person for being too slow.
#2. How Can I Show You the Depth of My Love For You?
A saying like this is typically a part of the love-bombing or the idealization stage.
The narcissist will make their partner feel as if they are the most astonishing and remarkable person in the world.
They desperately want the individual to believe this and to reinforce it will ask what they can do to show how much they love their partner.
This is a very effective manipulation tactic with deep psychological implications.
They are basically saying they are willing to do anything for their significant other, even if it means traveling to the ends of the earth.
#3. They Are Obsessed With Conspiracy Theories
Psychologists from the University of Kent carried out a study and discovered that narcissists are most likely to have an obsession with conspiracy theories.
Previous research suggests that the endorsement of conspiracy theories is linked to low self-esteem which is a common character trait of narcissists.
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Researchers argue that their love for conspiracy theorists may stem from their connection to the malicious actions of the perpetrators.
#4. There is No Couple in The World With Such a Strong Connection as Ours
Again, this is another saying used during the love bombing stage of the relationship.
The narcissist’s aim is to keep reminding you that you are in the most perfect relationship you could ever be in.
This is one of the first things you will hear from a potential abuser.
Nonstop attention and flattery can be appealing when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few months.
But when they are making such statements after a few days, you might want to start thinking twice about the person you are dating.
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The love bombing stage is a strategy the narcissist uses to capture their prey before they realize what’s really taking place.
Think about it like this, when you are trying to get the lead back on a dog’s neck, you will entice him with treats, put on your sweetest voice, and say all the right things to get them to come to you.
As soon as the dog gets close enough, you quickly snap the leash on his collar.
At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists will use every trick in the book to hook their victims.
#5. They Answer Questions Indirectly
A narcissist will never give a yes or no answer, instead, they will deflect because it invalidates the question.
Giving a straightforward yes or no answer is an indication that the individual doing the asking has been acknowledged and honored as a person whether they agree with the opinion of that individual or not.
By giving an indirect answer, you are refusing to answer the question and dehumanizing the individual who asked it.
Narcissists don’t like answering other people’s questions, they would rather answer their own which is why they reframe the question to suit them.
#6. None of My Exes Were Faithful to Me
When you can make a person feel guilty, it is easier to control them.
Narcissists are champions at making their victims feel sorry for them.
If their partner is not acting in a way that pleases them, they will say something along these lines to force the person into a position of submission.
#7. They Dominate Conversations
As you know, narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance (even though deep down they are terribly insecure).
One of the ways this manifests is by dominating conversations; psychologists have coined this behaviour “conversational narcissism”
Conversation is a two way street, but not with a conversational narcissist.
You won’t be able to get a word in edgeways because to keep turning the attention onto themselves, they will interrupt everything you say and make it about them.
Before you’ve finished the first sentence about your day, they will interject and tell you every last detail about theirs.
Try and talk about the amazing skiing trip you went on; they went on a better one ten years ago.
And once they have finished speaking, they will abruptly end the conversation because they have achieved their goal.
#8. I Know How to Destroy You
The cornerstone of the narcissist’s personality is they lack empathy.
Most of the time, they don’t feel good about themselves, they cope with this by projecting their negative feelings onto others.
Their survival depends on winning and being right at all costs, and when this is threatened, they automatically go into attack mode.
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When they say things like, “I know how to destroy you,” these hurtful words don’t actually mean they want to make your life miserable, but they want you to feel just as bad as they do.
The narcissist’s inner voice is one of severe criticism; therefore, to shut that voice out, they will repeat the same destructive messages to their victims.
#9. They Have a Love For Totalitarian Leaders
Pol Pot, Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong and Adolf Hitler are just a few totalitarian leaders who have been labeled as narcissists.
They desired to have complete control over the citizens of their countries and governments, and they did so by any means necessary including the imprisonment and systematic murder of anyone who refused to submit to their authority.
Narcissists desire to make a name for themselves, and in most cases these dictators inflicted such terror on the population they remained in power for several years and are now well-known historical figures.
If you find that your narcissistic partner has an obsession with Adolf Hitler, it’s because he can relate.
Narcissists have a love for dominance, they think they are better than everyone else and love the idea of wielding their power over the “little people.”
Since narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and people like Josef Stalin were on the high end, in most cases, your boyfriend won’t agree with the pillage and murder that takes place with this kind of leadership.
There is no need to worry that they are in agreement with that level of evil, it’s the power these dictators have over others they admire.
#10. You Are Responsible For The Downfall of This Relationship
One of the most essential characteristics of a mentally healthy, responsible and morally centered person is their ability to evaluate themselves and be accountable for their feelings and actions.
This is how we learn and grow from our mistakes and live a life that lines up with our value system.
Most people understand the difference between right and wrong from an early age.
However, one of the trademarks of narcissistic personality disorder is they don’t take accountability and blame anyone but themselves when things go wrong.
If their relationship is at breaking point, instead of looking within, they will point the finger at their significant other.
You will go through several stages when in a relationship with a narcissist; a statement like this is typically said during the devalue or the discard stage.
The devalue stage is when the narcissist starts destroying your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you.
The aim is to take complete control of your emotional well-being so you become totally dependent on them.
They want you to get to a point that you will do anything for them, and so by saying you are the person responsible for the downfall of the relationship, you will start doing everything possible to gain their approval.
The ‘discard stage’ is when the narcissist feels they have got everything they can out of the relationship and you are no longer useful to them.
It could be because you’ve ran out of money, you are completely exhausted from the abuse and so have nothing left to give them, or they have found someone they perceive as better.
To ensure they win their imaginary competition in the relationship, they will go for total destruction.
During this stage, you will hear the worst insults to keep you in a heightened state of distress.
Because they are getting ready to walk out, they want to leave you feeling as if your actions are the reason the relationship failed.
#11. The Silent Treatment
Narcissists are well-known for their passive aggressive nature and the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to display contempt, disapproval, and displeasure.
It can be subtle or explicit, but it is always used to subjugate and manipulate the victim into compliance and submission.
The silent treatment is a very effective form of abuse, because of what is not being said, the person that it is directed toward will focus on what they may have done wrong, and this causes great emotional distress.
The victim will usually end up accepting blame and responsibility for things they have not done.
They will apologize and beg and plead for forgiveness while the narcissist is inwardly gloating and enjoying watching the results of the emotional trauma they have inflicted.
The victim is left feeling bewildered and confused because they are unable to rectify the situation they did not create.
The silent treatment can go on for hours, days, and even weeks, depending on how long the narcissist feels is necessary to make you suffer.
#12. Is That Really How You Feel? I’m so Sorry
“Sorry” never means sorry to a narcissist, what they want to say is, “let’s get passed this so I can continue my reign of terror without you complaining about it every second.”
The narcissist has several reasons for being sorry, and none of them has anything to do with holding themselves accountable for their actions and understanding that what they have said or done has hurt you.
They are typically sorry because:
- You called them out
- They got caught
- You have emotions
Final Thoughts About Weird Things Narcissists Do and Say
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, these sayings and behaviors are probably all too familiar and you have observed and heard them over and over again.
The good news is that now you can put them into context if you are planning on staying with your narcissist partner.
It’s important that you shield yourself from the injury these words and actions can cause.
But if you feel the relationship has become too damaging to you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy.
The reality is that deep down, most narcissists don’t want to hurt anyone and everything they do is a knee-jerk reaction to the intense pain they feel but don’t know how to navigate.
9 thoughts on “12 Surprisingly Weird Things Narcissists Do”
Great points in this article. I especially like the one about a narcissist’s fascination with dictators ( while they agree they are the monsters).
One thing I would add for anyone trying to live with or help a narcissist in order to help them with their deep insecurity – You will have to accept that, on a social level, you will experience suffering if you try to socialize with their ” harem” of fellow narcissists, empathizers people pleasers and the easily charmed. They will attack you.
Even out in public, the narcissist will enjoy leveraging a crowd against you by manufacturing an offense to gain sympathy.
It is also painful to go to counseling with a narcissist because they make up horrid lies about you that can even disgust the counselor.
Weigh carefully before accepting ANY social engagement and write off some of their fellow narcissists, or other attackers, at least until there is some progress in your relationship.
I would like to thank the author for this material.. and comment on the part about when narcissists try to humiliate you publicly..
I happen to have realized that my stunningly beautiful girlfriend is in my opinion the carrier of the torch and the queen of all narcissists.. because she’s very intelligent, very very polished in her use of timing and techniques and very experienced. She’s been a narcissist since a very young age from what I gather. And it just comes naturally to her. The article mentions a narc’s need to humiliate or in some way berate their supplier publicly. That helped me realize that they don’t necessarily need people around or a digital audience in order to try and make you feel like you’ve been made to look bad. My soon to be past dealings with my narcissist often include her telling me how other people think this or they dislike me for that or they agree that I always this or I never that. Of course this being after statements she’s made like “I would never talk about you behind your back” or “what a lousy thing to berate someone when they’re not there”.
I’ve come to realize that the “minons” she pretends are on her side and against me are strictly lies. And at first it really got to me having believed her lies. She said it so matter-of-factly and it was very well delivered as if she didn’t know what upset me.
I would love to see more about healing from narcissistic abuse
A great article, and very timely for me, because I have very recently experienced a big ‘hoovering’ by my narcissistic ex, being told at the same time how he admires Adolf Hitler so much, and also now Vladimir Putin……… I told him that the reason that he liked them was because he was as big a psychopath as they are, but inside it wasn’t a joke for me, I meant it……….
The other thing set I have noticed so clearly about my narcissistic ex, is that he always as I put it, perverts the course of justice; he would rather give weight and prominence to a stranger he’s just met, through making his so-called necessary ‘research’ on me, to the point of abandoning me in any given situation, having taken their ‘side’ in any situation, for the sake of causing me pain………..
Honestly, what a VILE human being he truly is !!!!!!!
I love this article! I am in therapy for past narcissistic abuse and these truly are all very interesting points. The only one I would say isn’t necessarily true or could be in two completely different view points would be the conspiracy theory one. I am an HSP highly sensitive person and as much as I think the term is over used an empath as well (my therapists words) I have a lot of love and wonder for the world and beyond and I love conspiracy theories. I enjoy opening my mind to the what if’s. I could see a narcissist could love them out of a “oh my god look at this evil! look at whats under your nose you idiots?!” Like a high and mighty “you all are sheep” type of vibe lol but I would like to say please don’t lump all conspiracy lovers into a category with others who lack empathy. It’s just a different mindset.
I agree with Amanda. I share the same view about opening your mind / considering other possibilities than what we are told.
Just remember Amanda the people who are controlling the media and the world are the same ones who came up with the “conspiracy theorist” / “conspiracy theory” label as a means of discrediting those who are aware of what they’re doing. Same way a cheating narcissist will criticize his accuser by calling her “crazy” or “delusional”. That’s exactly what my ex did!
The truth is I wasn’t crazy at all, I was onto him. My point is by calling the conspiracy theorists individuals with “low self esteem” it is an attempt to make it appear we aren’t mentally stable, that there’s something wrong with us!
People are stupid and buy into that crap. They’re the same sheeple who believe everything they are told as long as it’s from the media. People like us realize though, that it is simply untrue, it has to be, otherwise they would’ve had to evaluate all believer’s mental state. well that’s funny because mines never been evaluated and if it had been then by who? and how would they have known what my beliefs were? And, “wow, that sure is a lot of people to have to evaluate”. it’s just a bunch of crap. nonsense. I’m sure you’ve figured that out.
Sorry, I didn’t meant to botch your name. It’s “Manda”.
Reading this article puts the relationship I had with my son’s father into perspective – I was ‘discarded’ after I had my son – he wanted children but not a relationship. he suggested we have a child. Just after having my son and in the maternity ward he told me that he was glad the child didn’t look like me, like a chimpanzee. I left when my son was weeks old. He has subsequently had a relationship with a woman from Malaysia who had two 8 month old stillborn sons to him, as well as a miscarriage, she had a daughter about whom she was understandably very protective, this woman left him with her daughter and went to live in a small flat. My ex now has the daughter living with him full time, although the daughter’s mother has been landed with a puppy which the ex wanted but couldn’t care for (he has a degree in zoology) Narcissists are dangerous people and can disrupt lives causing intense suffering.
Narcissists are predators and should be treated as such. Most of them belong in jail.
There oughtta be a law that those of us who manipulate, lie and cheat on our partners are intentionally causing them injury and therefore are guilty of assault.
Should be a “wobbler” offense meaning depending on the severity of the crime, it can be prosecuted as either a felony or a misdemeanor.
I am a Licensed Psychologist for the past 32 yrs . I absolutely think this article is great . The only thing that is opinion based and not scientific according to Peer Reviewed Studies in The Lancet and The United States and National boards of Behavioral and Psychology is the Conspiracy allegation . Many people have many different ways of perceiving every certain situations. To label someone a “ Name “ of any sort for a belief or view that isn’t yours or even someone else’s view , would actually be Narcissistic in nature . Telling them Their Reality isn’t real or they are the other , for having a different outlook or opinion is a Form of Narcissism itself . Hope this Helps !