Narcissists are unique characters, one of the things you will notice about them is they do and say things that will have you scratching your head in total bewilderment. Narcissists gain pleasure from manipulating their victims.
Due to the nature of the disorder, some narcissists have a desire to disrupt the emotional well-being of their targets. Therefore, they don’t have conversations or behave in certain ways without there being an ulterior motive behind it.
Often, the aim is to psychologically terrorize their victim. Basically, everything a narcissist says and does is code for something else, and if you are going to get a better understanding of the person you are dating, you will need to read in between the lines. Here are 12 weird things narcissists do and say and what they actually mean.
1. They Always Walk in Front of You
Most narcissists are capable of being extremely self-centered; as far as they are concerned, they are the most important person in the world. They view people as an extension of themselves who are there for the sole purpose of satisfying their wants and needs.
Much of their behaviour will result in their partner feeling invisible in the relationship, and one of the many strange ways they do this is to walk in front of their significant other when they are in public.
The narcissist will pick up speed and walk extremely fast with the intention of losing them. The individual will then go on a frantic search for their partner, while they are watching them panic in the shadows. When the narcissist decides to show up, they blame the person for being too slow.
2. They Say:
“How Can I Show You the Depth of My Love For You?”
A saying like this is typically a part of the love-bombing or the idealization stage. The narcissist will make their partner feel as if they are the most astonishing and remarkable person in the world.
They desperately want the individual to believe this and to reinforce it will ask what they can do to show how much they love their partner. This is a very effective manipulation tactic with deep psychological implications.
They are basically saying they are willing to do anything for their significant other, even if it means travelling to the ends of the earth.
3. They Are Obsessed With Conspiracy Theories
Psychologists from the University of Kent carried out a study and discovered that narcissists are most likely to have an obsession with conspiracy theories.
Previous research suggests that the endorsement of conspiracy theories is linked to low self-esteem which is a common character trait of narcissists.
Researchers argue that their love for conspiracy theorists may stem from their connection to the malicious actions of the perpetrators.
4. “There is No Couple in The World With Such a Strong Connection as Ours”
Again, this is another saying used during the love bombing stage of the relationship. The narcissists aim is to keep reminding you that you are in the most perfect relationship you could ever be in. This is one of the first things you will hear from a potential abuser.
Nonstop attention and flattery can be appealing when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few months. But when they are making such statements after a few days, you might want to start thinking twice about the person you are dating.
The love bombing stage is a strategy the narcissist uses to capture their prey before they realize what’s really taking place.
Think about it like this, when you are trying to get the lead back on a dog’s neck, you will entice him with treats, put on your sweetest voice, and say all the right things to get them to come to you. As soon as the dog gets close enough, you quickly snap the leash on his collar. At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists will use every trick in the book to hook their victim.
5. They Answer Questions Indirectly
A narcissist will never give a yes or no answer, instead, they will deflect because it invalidates the question.
Giving a straightforward yes or no answer is an indication that the individual doing the asking has been acknowledged and honored as a person whether they agree with the opinion of that individual or not.
By giving an indirect answer, you are refusing to answer the question and dehumanizing the individual who asked it. Narcissists don’t like answering other people’s questions, they would rather answer their own which is why they reframe the question to suit them.
6. “None of My Exes Were Faithful to Me”
When you can make a person feel guilty, it is easier to control them. Narcissists are champions at making their victims feel sorry for them.
If their partner is not acting in a way that pleases them, they will say something along these lines to force the person into a position of submission.
7. They Dominate Conversations
As you know, narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance (even though deep down they are terribly insecure). One of the ways this manifests is by dominating conversations; psychologists have coined this behaviour “conversational narcissism”
Conversation is a two way street, but not with a conversational narcissist, you won’t be able to get a word in edgeways because to keep turning the attention onto themselves, they will interrupt everything you say and make it about them.
Before you’ve finished the first sentence about your day, they will interject and tell you every last detail about theirs.
Try and talk about the amazing skiing trip you went on; they went on a better one ten years ago. And once they have finished speaking, they will abruptly end the conversation because they have achieved their goal.
8. “I Know How to Destroy You”
The cornerstone of the narcissist’s personality is they lack empathy; most of the time, they don’t feel good about themselves, they cope with this by projecting their negative feelings onto others.
Their survival depends on winning and being right at all costs, and when this is threatened, they automatically go into attack mode.
When they say things like, “I know how to destroy you,” these hurtful words don’t actually mean they want to make your life miserable, but they want you to feel just as bad as they do. The narcissists inner voice is one of severe criticism; therefore, to shut that voice out, they will repeat the same destructive messages to their victims.
9. They Have a Love For Totalitarian Leaders
Pol Pot, Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong and Adolf Hitler are just a few totalitarian leaders who have been labelled as narcissists. They desired to have complete control over the citizens of their countries and governments, and they did so by any means necessary including the imprisonment and systematic murder of anyone who refused to submit to their authority.
Narcissists desire to make a name for themselves, and in most cases these dictators inflicted such terror on the population they remained in power for several years and are now well-known historical figures.
If you find that your narcissistic partner has an obsession with Adolf Hitler, it’s because he can relate. Narcissists have a love for dominance, they think they are better than everyone else and love the idea of wielding their power over the “little people.”
Since narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and people like Josef Stalin were on the high end, in most cases, your boyfriend won’t agree with the pillage and murder that takes place with this kind of leadership.
There is no need to worry that they are in agreement with that level of evil, it’s the power these dictators have over others they admire.
10. “You Are Responsible For The Downfall of This Relationship”
One of the most essential characteristics of a mentally healthy, responsible and morally centered person is their ability to evaluate themselves and be accountable for their feelings and actions. This is how we learn and grow from our mistakes and live a life that lines up with our value system.
Most people understand the difference between right and wrong from an early age. However, one of the trademarks of narcissistic personality disorder is they don’t take accountability and blame anyone but themselves when things go wrong. If their relationship is at breaking point, instead of looking within, they will point the finger at their significant other.
You will go through several stages when in a relationship with a narcissist; a statement like this is typically said during the devalue or the discard stage.
The devalue stage is when the narcissist starts destroying your self-esteem and confidence by saying nasty things to you. The aim is to take complete control of your emotional well-being so you become totally dependent on them.
They want you to get to a point that you will do anything for them, and so by saying you are the person responsible for the downfall of the relationship, you will start doing everything possible to gain their approval.
The ‘discard stage’ is when the narcissist feels they have got everything they can out of the relationship and you are no longer useful to them. It could be because you’ve ran out of money, you are completely exhausted from the abuse and so have nothing left to give them, or they have found someone they perceive as better.
To ensure they win their imaginary competition in the relationship, they will go for total destruction. During this stage, you will hear the worst insults to keep you in a heightened state of distress.
Because they are getting ready to walk out, they want to leave you feeling as if your actions are the reason the relationship failed.
11. The Silent Treatment
Narcissists are well-known for their passive aggressive nature and the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to display contempt, disapproval and displeasure. It can be subtle or explicit, but it is always used to subjugate and manipulate the victim into compliance and submission.
The silent treatment is a very effective form of abuse, because of what is not being said, the person that it is directed towards will focus on what they may have done wrong, and this causes great emotional distress. The victim will usually end up accepting blame and responsibility for things they have not done.
They will apologize and beg and plead for forgiveness while the narcissist is inwardly gloating and enjoying watching the results of the emotional trauma they have inflicted. The victim is left feeling bewildered and confused because they are unable to rectify the situation they did not create.
The silent treatment can go on for hours, days and even weeks, depending on how long the narcissist feels is necessary to make you suffer.
12. “Is That Really How You Feel? I’m so Sorry”
“Sorry” never means sorry with a narcissist, what they want to say is, “let’s get passed this so I can continue my reign of terror without you complaining about it every second.”
The narcissist has several reasons for being sorry, and none of them has anything to do with holding themselves accountable for their actions and understanding that what they have said or done has hurt you.
They are typically sorry because:
- You called them out
- They got caught
- You have emotions
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, these sayings and behaviors are probably all too familiar and you have observed and heard them over and over again.
The good news is that now you can put them into context, if you are planning on staying with your narcissist partner, it’s important that you shield yourself from the injury these words and actions can cause.
But if you feel the relationship has become too damaging to you psychologically, start planning your exit strategy. The reality is that deep down, most narcissists don’t want to hurt anyone and everything they do is a knee-jerk reaction to the intense pain they feel but don’t know how to navigate.