Do narcissists enjoy kissing their partners? Yes, but not for the reasons you might think. So, you thought you had a fairy-tale romance, your soul mate, your prince charming. He’s charismatic, attentive, his light shines so brightly it could blind you. And then without any warning, it all falls apart and now, you’re an emotional wreck, giving him everything you’ve got in the hopes of resurrecting your dead relationship. Unfortunately, your magnetic physical connection was all a part of the plan.
He loved kissing you because he knew it would get you hooked, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s the cruel, harsh reality of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Let’s take a deeper look into the question do narcissists enjoy kissing their partners?
What Does Kissing Symbolize in a Relationship?
Everyone remembers their first kiss; it sparks emotional fireworks and activates the feel-good hormones. You were on cloud nine for weeks and couldn’t wait to get back into the arms of your crush. Kissing is one of the many ways in which romantic partners connect and it’s a very important part of a relationship. Several scientific studies have highlighted the benefits of kissing. Experts state that passionate kissing boosts sex drive because saliva contains the hormone testosterone which plays a role in sexual arousal. The more intensely and passionately you kiss, the more testosterone is released.
Couples develop emotional intimacy when they kiss because the act involves feelings of connection and vulnerability. Oxytocin is one of the feel-good hormones released when romantic partners kiss and it breaks down emotional barriers enabling couples to connect on a deeper level. Additionally, oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone which plays an important role in strengthening relationships.
Furthermore, oxytocin is a trust boosting hormone, and when two people trust each other, it increases the likelihood of them falling in love.
Reasons Why Narcissists Might Not Enjoy Kissing
As the above evidence suggests, there is more to kissing than just a physical act. Hormones are released that trigger emotional reactions. Therefore, there is a possibility that narcissists have a secret disdain for kissing because of how it makes them feel. Remember, narcissists lack empathy, not because they want to, but because they have mastered the art of repressing their feelings in fear of reliving negative childhood experiences. These repressed emotions often resurface as rage, fear and envy. These are very dominant, recurrent and prevalent hues in the emotional existence of a narcissist.
Therefore, they will tolerate kissing because they know it will help them reach their main goal. But the reality is that the last thing on a narcissists mind is building an emotional connection with their partner. So, if you are asking the question do narcissists kiss? They do, but the narcissist always has an agenda when he gets into a relationship, and that is supply.
Kissing and the Love Bombing Stage
The beginning of a relationship with a narcissist is extremely intense; they go above and beyond the call of duty to win over their date. Psychologists refer to this as the love bombing stage. If you have been asking yourself the question, “Do narcissists kiss their partners?” During the love bombing stage, they won’t be able to keep their hands off you.
They will take attention, flattery, praise and gifts to another level. You will think you’ve found the partner of your dreams; however, everything they do comes with a price tag. When they shower you with expensive gifts, the narcissist will tell you how much it costs because they want you to know they are investing in you. They will overwhelm you with compliments so that when they come fishing for supply, you feel obligated to do the same.
Your narcissist partner will bombard you with public and digital affection. When you are around friends and family members there will be plenty of touching and positive body language to let them know who you belong to. Their social media page will consist of loads of lovey dovey pictures of you with romantic captions expressing their undying feelings for you.
What Happens After the Love Bombing Stage?
And yes, there will be plenty of kissing during the love-bombing stage. Unfortunately, your dream will quickly turn into a nightmare once the narcissist is confident that you are hooked. With the blink of an eye, the compliments will turn into insults, the PDAs will turn into, “Please don’t touch me.” The gifts, the vacations and every other romantic gesture will become a thing of the past.
You can still expect the social media posts though; after all, the narcissist wants everyone to think they are the perfect partner. The social media posts will serve two purposes, one, it keeps his image intact, and two, it keeps you on your toes.
And here begins the split personality, in private, he’s evil as hell, but in public, anyone watching would nominate him for the world’s best boyfriend award. To keep up appearances, he may only kiss you when friends and family are around. This is referred to as the devaluing stage.
Narcissists and Intimacy – Are Narcissists Intimate?
Intimacy is characterized by mutual vulnerability, sharing and openness. Intimacy is not just about physical pleasure, it is a deeply emotional connection between two people in a romantic relationship, family relationship or friendship. According to experts, there are four types of intimacy:
- Sexual intimacy
- Intellectual intimacy
- Emotional intimacy
- Experiential intimacy
For the purposes of this article, I will focus on emotional and sexual intimacy and how it relates to narcissists.
What is Emotional Intimacy?
Emotional intimacy is when someone feels secure enough to express their fears, hurts and insecurities to their partner. They are confident that whatever they say won’t be used against them. Due to the nature of their condition, narcissists are incapable of being emotionally intimate with their significant other.
One of the main reasons for this is that it involves vulnerability; for a narcissist to express their fears, hurts and insecurities it means removing their fake exterior, and that is something that a narcissist will never do.
The root cause of narcissism is childhood trauma where a person was made to feel powerless. The narcissist has spent their entire life making every effort to suppress this emotional pain. Therefore, they have subconsciously conditioned themselves not to open up on this level in a relationship.
What is Sexual Intimacy?
It is no secret that narcissists are good in bed; but unfortunately, they are not good in bed because they want to please their partners. Making their partner feel good is the last thing on their mind. The narcissist will go to great lengths to ensure his sex game is on point because its one of the many tools they use to hook their victims.
Good sex is addictive, and amongst other behaviors, sex is one of the many things the partner of a narcissist gets addicted to. Good sex means more supply to a narcissist because it’s just one more thing for their significant other to praise them about. Additionally, they know that if the sex is consistently good, it increases the probability of their partner turning a blind eye to the abuse.
So back to the questions do narcissists enjoy kissing, and do narcissists kiss? The answer is that they enjoy kissing for the wrong reasons. A normal person enjoys kissing because they are attracted to the person they are kissing, and it feels good. But a narcissist enjoys kissing because it is a part of the seductive process that leads to them hooking their partner.
Am I Dating a Sexual Narcissist?
A sexual narcissist believes they are gods in the bedroom, they are obsessed with their sexual performance and they are addicted to hearing their partners tell them how good they are in bed. In general, narcissists love themselves and need constant praise, but this aspect of the disorder shows up in relation to their sexual performance.
If you are dating a sexual narcissist, there is a high chance that the only time he kisses you is during sex. Kissing you during sex is purely for his own benefit because he knows that you like it and it’s one more thing for you to compliment him about. Here are a few signs that you are dating a sexual narcissist:
- He Ghosts You After Sex: Whether you are in a casual or committed relationship, sexual narcissists are known to pull a disappearing act after sex. They’ve got what they wanted, they are not interested in the hugging and smooching that takes place afterward. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to literally get out of bed, put their clothes on and leave. Or, if you are at their house, they will politely ask you to leave.
- They Are Sexually Violent: There are many women who are raped by their partners; at the time, they convinced themselves that it wasn’t rape. But in hindsight, the woman said no several times, but sex was forced on them. In this case, the opposite of what they typically do happens. They become affectionate and love bomb after the event for two reasons. First, so that their partner forgets they’ve just been raped, and second, so they can get their supply.
- They are Not Faithful: In general, narcissists are not faithful to their partners, but this is not the case with all of them. Sexual narcissists on the other hand can’t help themselves. It stems from their insatiable desire for praise for their sexual performance. They need to hear it so much that the more people they can get it from, the better.
- They Are Selfish in the Bedroom: Narcissists lack empathy, whether you are seriously ill in hospital or your mother just died, narcissists don’t care. Life revolves around them and they can’t bare the thought of anyone else being the centre of attention. But with sexual narcissists, this shows up in the bedroom. It’s all about them, they are there for their pleasure alone, anything they do to please their partner is for the praise they know they will get from it. Sexual narcissists are emotionally absent during sex, they are not there for the spiritual connection.
- They Gaslight Their Partners: Again, gaslighting is a common trait amongst narcissists and it’s all about control. However, with sexual narcissists, gaslighting shows up in the bedroom by accusing their partner of being needy if she expresses her desire for emotional intimacy during sex. Or, they will call you selfish if you ask for what you want in the bedroom. It is also common for sexually violent narcissists to gaslight their partners into believing they wanted sex after raping them. They will also do things like accusing their partners of flirting or having an affair when in reality, they are the ones doing the cheating.
- They Get Emotional if They Don’t Get What They Want: Saying no to a narcissist is just not done. It’s their way, or the highway. If a sexual narcissist doesn’t get what they want in the bedroom, they will throw a temper tantrum. In some cases, they will resort to threatening behavior by saying that if their partner doesn’t perform the sex act they are requesting, they will tell everyone that it was their partner demanding the perverted sex acts.
So Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing? Final Thoughts
Do narcissists enjoy kissing partners? It is a common question amongst victims of narcissist abuse because one minute the narcissist is all over them, the next, they’re not. The partner then begins to second guess themselves and question what they could have done to cause the cold and stand-offish behavior of their once loving and affectionate significant other.
As you’ve read, you are not to blame, you were love bombed and now you are in the devalue stage. Right now, you are probably standing at the crossroad of should I stay, or should I go? Well, let me warn you in advance, unfortunately, things are not going to get any better.
Narcissism isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological disorder, they have a predictable pattern of behavior and the relationship is going to go from bad to worse very quickly. Sorry to disappoint you, but very soon, kissing your narcissistic partner will be a distant memory for you.