It doesn’t take much to weird a narcissist out – but birthdays are one of the most interesting ways to spot a narcissist, and why they care so much about their birthdays.
Some people love them, others hate them, some even try to avoid noticing them because it means they’re getting older – but where in all of that does a narcissist fall?
The narcissist’s birthday is a big deal. If you don’t pay attention to it, you may as well be telling them directly that they don’t matter.
They can’t stand it. They feel it’s their right to be seen and noticed, even if they pretend not to be bothered by their big day looming.
The Most Validating Day of the Year
Happy Birthday to you
The most important person is you
Today is all about you…
Happy birthday to you.
Ah, the sweet song the narcissist likes to hear on their birthday, in fact, if they could hear that every day, they absolutely would.
The birthday of the narcissist comes along, and they expect everyone to remind them how wonderful they are, perhaps even how good they look – all the validating things narcissists love to hear on their special day.
These aren’t things they hope will happen, but they feel automatically entitled to.
Things get weird if this attention isn’t given to them.
Self-Righteous Nonchalance
Me? Oh goodness. It’s no big deal.
Birthdays happen every year – I’m over it.
Hey, I still work on my birthday because life goes on, right?
Oh wow – the narcissist is so humble, so modest.
Suddenly, the narcissist you know as someone who craves attention gets to their birthday and almost seems hypocritical as you try to make a fuss and are brutally pushed back by their nonchalance.
Weird, but surprisingly common!
Waiting for Greetings
Do you ever notice the narcissist in your life just laying on the sofa, staring at their phone and waiting for all the adoration texts or calls to come in?
They can’t out it down!
With each ping or ring, their smirk (never really a true smile) gets bigger and bigger. Soon, they are beaming with pride that there are people out there thinking of them and taking the time to show how loved or appreciated they are.
It’s enough to make the strongest stomach flip, but it is a weird trait to display on your birthday, as the healthier of us simply cruise through the day checking in occasionally with our messages.
That’s because we don’t need the reliance of others to feel good about ourselves the way the narcissist does.
Forget? Hell to Pay
The narcissist will throw a fit of rage the moment they realize you forget their birthday. They don’t care if they forgot yours – that doesn’t matter to them.
What matters is that you hurt them by failing to remember them on their special day.
The fact that they haven’t heard from you will quickly eat them up as they obsess over checking their phone to see if you sent a message or, even better, wish them a happy birthday in public on their social media account.
Narcissists want you to make it all about them every day of the year, but prepare for even more weirdness from them if you don’t do that on their birthday.
Remember? Whatever
Malignant narcissists don’t really like their birthday.
Birthdays are emotionally ridiculous ways to draw the wrong kind of attention to them, and this is usually because they either don’t like the fact that they’re getting older or they feel they are too fluffy.
“My Birthday? Forget About it!”
They downplay the entire day and pass it off as nothing but an excuse for people to be sucked into the necessary aspect of it – whatever that may look like to them.
This means you can be as sweet as possible. Bake a cake, buy them something you know they’d usually love, or even wish them Happy Birthday when they specifically told you not to. You might do this because last year you didn’t, and they got mad.
Gaslight Central!
Accept this weird reaction to the narcissist’s birthday as a form of gaslighting. It is meant to confuse and derail you on the day, because you won’t know whether you’re coming or going.
Too Much, Too Little
On this note, nothing else you do will be right either, and presents and cards can go the entire day, even subsequent days after, being left unopened and untouched. They don’t want the fuss, but had you forgotten or refused to buy based on previous similar years, you would have been at fault,
Nothing you do is good enough – and nothing you try to make their day special will work!
Poor Behavior – As if it Could Get Worse!
Any standards the narcissist usually builds throughout the year are heightened on their birthday. The day should be more about them than usual.
Nothing is good enough, you didn’t spend enough on them, and they ‘deserve more. ‘ Everything you try and do for them is wrong, and if it hasn’t gone how they want it to, it’s your fault for ruining their big day.
Planning and carrying out the perfect day for the narcissist will never go right, because what they want will constantly change to suit the present moment.
The weird way they treat you, and their birthday, is how they come out at the end of it feeling hard done by.
The Tense Trait of the Narcissist
The narcissist’s birthday is the one day of the year where their traits are going to exude more weirdly and strongly than any other day.
They don’t see this special day as something you are going to win at, so if you are trying your hardest to make it exactly what they want it to be, so if people don’t perform on it – their one day where validation should be at its highest height – they will never allow you to forget how you made their day somehow more about you than them.
Their Weirdness Affects You
The one thing you end up doing is taking on all the weirdness of the entire day, and holding onto it like it’s some warped memory you cannot forget due to the same day eventually whirling back around 365 days later.
It becomes a day of dread. What do you do, how do you do it, what will make them happiest?
The truth is – nothing will make them happy.
They are, after all, narcissists.
