Narcissistic parents talking to their kids.
Narcissistic partners talking to their spouses.
Narcissistic bosses talking to their employees.
Their words come out of their mouth quite openly and audaciously, yet what’s going on with their eyes?
Have you ever noticed a narcissist just cannot look you in the eye? Maybe they have fleeting moments where they feel brave enough to face you, but otherwise, forget about it.
Why is that?
Well, you’re going to be surprised when you find out, but that will come with a healthy dose of knowledge so you can learn everything you need to know about the narcissist and their eye contact.
The Narcissistic Eye
Paying attention to the narcissist will reveal to you the true self-esteem of the narcissist, and it can sometimes be pretty humorous to witness.
Hey. Could we talk about that issue you’ve had with me lately? What’s going on? Shall we set some time aside?
Nothing. Not even a glance your way.
Not right now. We’ll have to talk another time.
Ah yes, of course. Getting them even remotely to look your way would mean they are facing something, or rather someone that they feel threatened by.
The narcissist hates feeling threatened or backed into a corner, so they usually avoid it at all costs.
That’s the thing to remember with the narcissist – they don’t always like confrontation.
So what is the narcissistic eye?
The Disinterest
The narcissistic eye can sometimes be the opposite too, to make things even more confusing.
The tactic many like to use is to keep your eyes locked while you try and get them talking, and as soon as you wear them down enough, they will disengage visually. They will almost treat you like you are a nuisance, tutting, sighing, and looking away, telling you how they don’t want to talk about it.
This will be met with annoyance, treating you as the culprit.
So, my next question is what can you learn from narcissists and eye contact?
#1 Maximum Roar From a Maximum Coward
Narcissists have this inner core of cowardice within them. This isn’t just the odd narcissist either, no. This is every narcissist on the planet.
While they can be overt, covert, or any other kind of narcissist, they are essentially all cut from the same, boring and predictable cloth.
The narcissist cannot look you in the eye through every kind of conflict. So their bullying and dismissive nature is driven underneath it all by fear.
Afraid of their own vulnerabilities and shame, that fear can bubble up when cornered, and that’s when you will see them stop engaging in eye contact.
The more disrespectful they get, the less they will look at you. They do this because they know they’ve usually gone too far.
This can happen when you’re also trying to tell them something important, and they just stare at the TV, or look out the window. They’re cowards. They don’t want to hear your problems or the truth, they just want to disengage because anything above that leads them into deeper waters.
And the narcissist can’t swim.
It is Hard
When you are in the throes of an important conversation, it can be hard to look somebody in the face as it shows you are willing to be accountable for their emotions. You want to share a moment of connection, but guess what, the narcissist has no idea how to do any of that.
The narcissist doesn’t want your shame in their face – so they look away and ignore.
This doesn’t need to be a faraway look, but it can be just a simple, “I refuse to see you.”
Which we can all agree is painful enough.
#2 The Narcissist Looks Away
Narcissists will avoid eye contact with you as they lay down their rules. It’s almost as if they aren’t negotiating with you in any way, shape or form. What they want is for you to listen, and for them to talk.
Looking at you and making eye contact would mean they are willing to hear your side of the story and, more importantly, engage in a conversation.
Narcissists hate conversations. They don’t know how to have one because being a participant means you have to give time to listen to the other person.
Is Anybody There?
Eye contact is non-existent, and it can be mind-numbingly frustrating to the person on the receiving end. You feel like you’re talking to yourself, or like you are talking to a brick wall.
Narcissists know this, and because they know it, they like to continue to annoy you through the channel of visual refusal.
Then guess what? When you get annoyed, you become the problem.
#3 Fear and Contempt
Nobody likes to say or hear uncomfortable things, but sadly we sometimes cannot avoid being caught up in it.
The narcissist will do whatever it takes to avoid discomfort, and that is a primary feeling driven by two things:
Fear and contempt.
They’re scared about what you have to say, but even more interesting is the fact that you have the balls to confront the issue rather than do what they do:
Blame somebody else.
Ignore it.
Pretend you have nothing to do with it.
You’re a good, honest person, and they envy that about you.
To the point where they can’t even look you in the eye.
#4 They Don’t Value You Enough
All the above can be blended into the rather troubled idea that the narcissist simply doesn’t value you enough to look you in the eye.
Driven by their deep and unfixable insecurities, they will refuse to look at you because they feel too good to engage with you.
This is designed to make you stop talking and feel as though you don’t matter or have nothing interesting enough to say.
We all know that’s not true, but narcissists will give you a hard time remembering that because they will be so focused on ignoring you and refusing to acknowledge you.
This is the point at which you must raise your head and realize that you aren’t the person with the issue.
Their value in your worth is not your value, so this is something you should never forget when you are in the midst of a conversation with a narcissist.
They lack capacity and hate that you have more than enough to go around for everybody.
Let them look away – and recognize it as an interesting thing to focus on instead of something you necessarily do wrong.
