Last Updated on April 12, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
What is a false twin flame? A twin flame relationship is what most people would refer to as a ‘soul mate’ relationship. Although, it is said you can have many soul mates in your life but only one true twin flame. A twin flame is said to be your ‘soul mirror’, your exact match or perfect fit, someone who is made for you.
Therefore, a false twin flame is someone who may appear to be your twin flame at first, but actually, it turns out they’re not the real thing. Some say you’re likely to come across a false twin in the search for your true one but they exist to help us identify old patterns so that we can be ready for the real thing one day.
Whether you believe in twin flames or not, the basic principles can be applied to any relationship: they’re either healthy or they’re not. But how can you tell the difference between a true twin flame and a false one? Or a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one?
Well, the truth is, it can be really difficult! Particularly if your false twin flame also happens to be a narcissist, as they are skilled in masking their true identities and portraying themselves as a perfect match.
Your false twin flame will be very similar to your true twin flame in a lot of ways (at first, anyway) but here we identify some signs to look out for that may indicate you’re involved with a false twin flame and how to deal with them.
16 Signs of a False Twin Flame
It’s very easy to get swept up in the intense romance that comes at the start of a false twin flame relationship. You will probably place your false twin flame on a pedestal, thinking they can do no wrong and overlook any negative red flags that might arise. If you tend to fall easily for people, here are some signs and symptoms to look out for that could indicate a potential false twin flame:
1. Your friends and family love them
This might seem like a good sign, and it definitely is sometimes! But what you should look out for is your friends having the wrong perception of your partner, so much so that they don’t believe you when you tell them of their bad behaviour. This can be a sign they’re a master of portraying different personalities.
2. You’re having the same arguments over and over
If they’re getting jealous every time you go out with friends or speak to someone they don’t know and you find yourself having the same argument, again and again, this could be a red flag. Watch out, as you may not see it as them being jealous at first. They may portray it as them being protective and caring when really they just want you all to themself.
3. They don’t want to go deep with you
Although it may have seemed like you had a deep emotional connection at first, if every time you try to go deeper they resist, this could be a sign they’re not telling you everything. Again, they might try to portray this in a light that makes them seem vulnerable. This could be a sign they are emotionally unavailable, which is not what you want in a twin flame.
4. They don’t want to commit
A true twin flame will have no problem committing to you. You’ll know exactly where you stand with them rather than feeling in limbo. If your partner is full of excuses for why they can’t commit right now, this could be a bad sign. Some twin flame ‘experts’ claim you won’t know you’ve met your true twin flame until you’ve had time away from them. A narcissist could use this as an excuse to keep stringing you along without committing and you may be tempted to hold out for them, in case they really are your twin flame. But this is futile if you’re dealing with a narcissist, as they will likely never commit to just one person.
5. You find yourself excusing their bad behaviour
With a false twin, it can be easy to get wrapped up in how wonderful everything is at the start of the relationship. You may desperately want it to continue so you overlook any bad behaviour. It’s important to be realistic and see this behaviour for what it is. If your twin flame is actually false and a narcissist, the start of the relationship was a masquerade and it may be time to walk away.
6. They’re seeing other people
This is a pretty obvious red flag but if they’re claiming to be your twin flame, they might also claim that it doesn’t matter if they’re seeing other people because your twin flame connection is so strong. But if they’re a narcissist they’re taking advantage of you and the other people they’re seeing. A true twin flame connection is so strong, it shouldn’t come close to what they have with anyone else.
7. They say one thing then do another
A narcissist who is pretending to be your twin flame will say anything to keep you believing them. They’ll say they’re exactly the person you’re looking for but if you start to notice their actions suggest differently, this could be a sign they’re not who they claim to be. A narcissistic false twin flame will have no problem lying to you, whereas a true twin flame would never do this.
8. The relationship isn’t equal
If you start to feel like you’re unconditional love isn’t reciprocated, this can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. A narcissist will over-react if they think they’re being criticized and will never admit that they’ve done something wrong, whereas when they think you’re in the wrong they fly off the handle and make you feel bad about it. A true twin flame relationship won’t be one-sided like this, so this is something to watch out for.
9. They turn into a completely different person depending on who they’re around
If you notice they speak and act differently around certain people, this could be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are master manipulators and will do anything to make people like them. They’ll shapeshift to fit any role that is required to get approval.
10. They bring out the worst in you
A true twin flame should bring out the best in you. While it may have felt like this at the start of the relationship, if this changes and you find yourself lashing out, hurling insults and getting jealous, this could be a sign you’ve found yourself a narcissistic false twin flame. If they try and convince you this ‘passionate’ behaviour is all part of twin flame love, don’t believe them.
11. You’re constantly trying to live up to their unrealistic expectations
A narcissistic false twin flame will set unrealistic expectations you’ll never live up to, so if you notice you’re feeling like this, it could very well be a bad sign! Narcissists will enjoy seeing you trying to reach their expectations even though it’s actually impossible and will make you feel like you’re not enough.
12. The relationship is consuming all of your energy
Narcissists will consume all of your energy with their constant need for adoration and narcissistic supply. If you’re starting to feel isolated and like the relationship is the only thing in your life, this could be a sign your partner is a false twin flame. Whereas a true twin flame would allow you to maintain your own identity, a narcissistic false twin flame will want to control you.
13. You’re changing yourself to try and be what they want
A narcissistic false flame will not only want to isolate you, they will also want to change you. Whereas a true twin flame would love you exactly as you are. If you feel like you’re having to hold on tightly to keep things going, this could be a bad sign. With a true twin, the relationship will be natural and effortless.
14. The relationship has no boundaries
Having boundaries in a relationship is actually really healthy as it allows you to practice mutual respect towards each other and continue to have your own individual identities. Although it may seem like removing all boundaries will bring you closer to your partner, it can actually be a way for them to have complete control over you in a really unhealthy way. This is how you could get far too dependent on someone, which is actually what a narcissist will want, so this is definitely one to look out for.
15. You feel like old patterns are being repeated
A false twin flame will reveal old wounds, patterns and habits that are holding you back. You may feel like you’ve played out this same scenario with other partners before. Whereas when you meet your true twin flame it will feel completely different to any other relationship you’ve ever had.
16. You have feelings of doubt
This is the most obvious sign of all that you haven’t found your twin flame. If you doubt the relationship at all, there will be some reason for this, even if you can’t clearly put your finger on why. If you’re questioning whether or not this is your twin flame, it’s likely that it’s not. When you find your true twin flame you’ll know.
Twin flame or a Narcissist?
If the person you thought to be your twin flame is showing signs of narcissism, it’s likely they are not your twin flame at all.
Your twin flame should be their true self and allow you to be your true self in their presence, whereas narcissists are the opposite. They are always wearing a mask and changing their emotions, actions, and words to fit every situation for their own gain.
People with narcissism do not experience emotions in the same way you do, emotions are just tools for narcissists to control and manipulate people. Finding your twin flame should be about equal love, trust and respect for each other and most narcissists are not capable of this. So, a narcissist can never be your true twin flame unless they seek help to get back in touch with their empathy and understand their own narcissistic tendencies.
It’s very easy for narcissists to exploit the twin flame dynamic, as they actually possess a dangerous form of empathy, which allows them to understand what people want and simulate this in order to get them hooked. They can get into your head and say all the right things you want to hear. Then, when they’ve captured your full attention, they’ll start using and abusing you for their own personal gain. So, if you’re a believer in twin flames, watch out for narcissists masquerading as your true twin. And if someone approaches you claiming to be your twin flame, be aware they could be using this as a tactic.
However, not all false twin flames will be narcissists. Narcissists can definitely exploit the twin flame dynamic, but some false twin relationships can be normal loving relationships (for the most part). Sometimes these relationships come into your life to ‘awaken’ you and help you to remember who you are. So they’re not all bad. Their purpose is to teach you a lesson.
How to get rid of a narcissistic false twin flame?
If you feel like you may be dealing with a narcissistic false twin flame, you’re only real option is to let them go. This may not be easy depending on how resistant your partner is, if they’re severely narcissistic they won’t want to let go of controlling you, as you will be a strong source of narcissistic supply for them. There are certain steps you need to go through in order to let go of this false relationship:
- Realization – it can take some time to reach this stage but in order to move on from your false twin you first have to accept the truth that they are not who you thought they were. A lot of people prefer to avoid the truth and hope that the relationship will improve with time, but this can be a waste of time if your partner is a narcissist.
- Stop mourning – it’s important to remember, you’re allowed to feel sad that you thought you’d found your true twin and mourn the loss. But, at some point you have to move on and focus on the good in your life. It can be really confusing and draining but don’t let this put you off trying to find your true twin flame or a healthy relationship!
- See the good – some say that meeting a false twin has a specific purpose. Try to see the good in the false relationship. Did you learn from this bad experience and how can you prevent it from happening in the future? Regret is not the only option.
- Be strong – once the relationship is over it’s important to seek help for yourself in order to heal. It’s also critical to learn how to identify signs of narcissistic abuse before you enter into another relationship. Be strong and remember, breaking the relationship with your false twin flame will take you one step closer to finding your true twin flame.