Narcissists often use guilt to influence and control you. They are dominants and they need to maintain control of you at all times. They want to control you, your behavior, and your actions.
As a result, they distort your perception of reality, making you feel guilty, often for something you didn’t do, to maintain the control they need to feel important and superior.
There are eight ways that a narcissist uses guilt to control you.
#1 Shifting Blame
Narcissists have the knack of shifting blame to control a person or situation. They twist the facts, distorting reality and making it seem you are at fault.
Anyone in a relationship with a narcissist has experienced this at some point. Over time, you are confused about what is fact and what is not, and you are unsure if you are really to blame.
This tactic creates guilt, in turn, giving them complete control over you. A good example of this would be that you have accused them of something and they have become aggressive.
When you get upset, they will turn around and tell you that they would not have acted that way, if it wasn’t for your doing. Immediately shifting blame onto you. Of course, a narcissist can never be in the wrong, they are perfect in their eyes.
#2 Playing the Victim
If a narcissist is not getting the reaction that they need or the confirmation that they need from you using their normal tactics, they will resort to playing the victim. By playing the victim, they can get you to feel guilty and, in turn, they can maintain control over you.
An example of playing the victim is when a narcissistic parent criticizes their child for something and when you confront them about it, they will claim the child is too sensitive or difficult. They may even claim that the child is lying and they didn’t do it at all.
#3 False Accusations
There are several times where your narcissistic partner has probably accused you of something that you didn’t do to make you feel guilty. They are manipulative and controlling, wanting to control everything about you. False accusations is an excellent way to do this.
The problem for the victim, is even if you know you didn’t do what you are being accused of, you question yourself and your own sanity, you feel sorry for the narcissist for feeling this way, increasing your guilt.
#4 The Silent Treatment
Adults know the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. Communication helps you discuss any problems and issues you have, compromising to fix the problems together as a team.
When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, talking out the problems and compromising are not something you can achieve with ease. This is because they are important, superior and never wrong.
Narcissists are more likely to treat you silently, especially if you try to confront them about a problem in your relationship. When they do this, you feel guilty and desire to fix the situation.
This is often an apology on your side, but the problem is never resolved. You apologize to keep the peace in the home, reducing the risk of the narcissist becoming angry.
#5 Using Associations
A narcissist will use anything to get you to feel guilty so they can maintain control over you. This includes your associations.
Maybe you have a friend who has noticed your partner’s behavior and has discussed it with you. As a result, your narcissist is going to blame you for being associated with them.
When a narcissist uses guilt by association, they accuse you of being in association with someone who has done wrong to them. This causes you to feel guilty. It is just one of the many tactics these dominants use to control you.
#6 Past Mistakes
When a narcissist has to resort to guilt-tripping to control you, they will bring up everything you have done wrong in the past. They will remind you of your past mistakes and flaws in an attempt to make you feel guilty.
Healthy relationships don’t dwell on the past, you discuss the problems and move forwards.
Narcissists never forget and use everything in their arsenal to make you feel guilty, even if it is something you did wrong many years ago. Chances are you still feel some guilt for what you did; this is an excellent opportunity for them to use this to control you and the situation.
#7 They Use Family Members
Narcissists will use anything important to you to make you feel guilty, this can include your children and family members. It may be that you have young children in the home and they blame you for not giving them enough attention because you are looking after the children. You feel guilty and they maintain control.
If your parents are not well and you want to help look after them for some time, you will be blamed for not spending time with your narcissistic partner and that your family is taking up too much time. Again, this can make you feel guilty.
#8 You Owe Them Something
The narcissist has an uncanny ability to make you feel as though you owe them something. They will remind you when they need you to feel guilty. This may be a small sacrifice that they made.
Maybe you had a work function and they accompanied you, even though they had something else that night. They will use this to show you what sacrifices they have made for you. This can make you feel guilty, giving them complete control.
How Guilt-Tripping Impacts You
When you are constantly being made to feel guilty by a narcissist, you are going to experience several things in your own life. Often you will lose confidence, feeling obligated to meet the demands of the narcissist.
Your self-esteem takes a knock and you start isolating yourself, losing your friends and staying away from family. This is exactly what they want to control you.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
There are some red flags you can watch out for that are signs that your narcissistic partner is using guilt to control you. They will blame you for their emotions, they will exaggerate the story to make it sound as though you disappointed them badly and they are sad about the situation.
Narcissists will also make you feel guilty if you don’t meet their expectations, using remarks that appeal to your emotions.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is emotionally draining, and over time, the narcissist is able to beat you down to a point where they have full control. It starts subtly and slowly progresses.
You start staying away from friends, the social life you once had is a thing of the past as you spend all your time meeting the needs of your narcissist partner.
It is important you know the red flags to watch out for, take care of yourself, and spend time with family and friends, setting boundaries so you can also enjoy a happy and healthy life.
