This is your official warning to never stay friends with a narcissist after a break up.
I kid you not.
I am waving my red flag.
I want you to see it and run.
Run to the Land of Green Flags!
Narcissists will try to keep you in their lives, even after you’ve said your final goodbyes.
It’s not right, nor is it healthy, and I advise against it.
I don’t just have 1 reason why, I have 11.
The Break-Up is Your Key To Freedom!
The moment you decide that breaking up is the best thing for you to do, there should be no going back.
It’s all based on what’s going on in your life, and if you’re not being treated well, or if you know it’s time to move on – the end will come.
Breakups are always sad, even when they’re a positive thing. There will be an essence of:
How much time did I waste?
What do I do now?
How can I get my life back?
Why didn’t anyone warn me or tell me about this person?
The key isn’t in rooting yourself in that sadness. Instead, it’s using that sadness as a catalyst for a better life.
If you stay friends with somebody who wronged you, hurt you, or caused you pain – how can you get that better life?
You don’t need them hovering over you like that!
These 11 reasons are going to change your outlook – for the better totally!
#1 No Boundaries = No Friendship
If you’ve got a friendship going on with a narcissist after a breakup, likely, your continuation of having poor or weakened boundaries is alive and well.
Boundaries are vital for every part of life, but with narcissists, they are crucial.
You have to put them in place, and even with them there you will struggle to fight off the average narcissist.
Their plan is to always encroach on you, and overstep whatever mark you’ve drawn out on the floor.
If your boundary is a certain size, they will do all they can to destroy it and leave you wide open all over again.
And having a friendship with them after a breakup will cause this.
#2 The Gaslight and Manipulation Remains
If you think the dynamics will change, you’ve got another thing coming.
Dissolving your romantic relationship – in your eyes – may seem enough for you to create a healthy distance between you.
The narcissist has other ideas, and they will want to stay friends with you so they can continue the cycle of gaslighting and manipulation.
They know you remember, and they know how your mind works.
In or out of a relationship, that’s not going to change unless you get away.
#3 Friends? Narcissists? Sure…
Let’s pause for a quick belly laugh, shall we?
Narcissists don’t have friends.
You might think that sounds crazy, but it’s true. How can a person so self-involved and so against vulnerability and sincerity have friends?
It’s simply impossible. With that in mind, how on earth do you think you can sustain a friendship with such a liar and master manipulator?
Don’t kid yourself.
#4 The Advice Will Come Thick and Fast
A narcissist loves to keep that control narrative alive for as long as they can. If you stay friends with one, you will notice a shift in how they offer advice.
They won’t know the difference between being your partner, and being a friend. This will be a boundary they will keep crossing because they feel entitled to.
You don’t need their advice. It will only work in their favor, and never yours.
#5 The Betrayal Will Still Hit
Betrayal isn’t just for those who are involved romantically. There are still ways narcissists twist the truth, lie, use any secrets you have against you, and make promises that they don’t keep.
You don’t have to be exclusive for a narcissist to stamp all over your heart, and ending a relationship with one should mean ending all ships – including friendship!
I do get it. It hurts to have something end that you thought would last forever. You saw the potential, and you believed their hype.
But seeing as it’s over, and you have the opportunity to break from them cleanly – why wouldn’t you take advantage?
#6 Drama, Drama, Drama
Wherever they go, and whatever they do. Drama exists, and you will still get caught up in it even if you remain friends.
Is it worth it?
You know them by now, and you know what they’re capable of.
I’d advise you not to do it to yourself.
#7 Intimacy Games Are Not A Game
Sure, it might sound like a great idea for you to have no-strings-attached intimacy with somebody who already knows you and what turns you on…
…But this isn’t the movies.
You’re going to seriously do yourself a mental and emotional disservice if you stick around for Intimacy. It’s not a game, but you will still be treated as if you are playing in one.
Raise your standards.
#8 You’ll Never Move On
That pull back to them will always be there in some way, won’t it?
The narcissist will strengthen it when they want to or feel threatened by you moving on, and weaken it when you want more from them.
It’s all still about control, and unfortunately, you are the one who is constantly losing out.
Moving on means starting afresh with somebody new, and not having that narcissistic weight preventing you from doing it.
#9 Good Enough? Never!
You weren;t good enough for them when you were together, so what makes you believe you will be good enough for them now you aren’t?
The dynamics here won’t change, but you can prevent those dynamics from lingering by cutting them off.
It’s tempting to remain friends, and the good person in you will want to give them a chance to prove themselves as faithful.
Remember – you already know that they aren’t.
#10 Future Relationships Ruined
Any relationship you try to make or create in the future is going to be ruined.
If a new potential friend comes along, the narcissist will know that your attention and time will be spread that little bit thinner. This means less supply for them.
They won’t have this – and will do what they can to sabotage good people entering your life.
#11 Hoover Power On
Well, it worked when you were together, didn’t it?
If the narcissist knows what works in order to hoover you back to them to be together, they will try it. The temptation will always be there for you.
Will they change this time?
Can it work?
Will they keep their promise?
You already know the answers, so save yourself the hassle.
