Narcissists are great storytellers – and the more jaw-dropping the narrative – the more of an audience they will draw.
To add to their grandiose view of absolutely everything, they will spin a narrative to victimize themselves as regularly as possible. In truth, they believe they truly are the victim – but you know it’s all an illusion.
Figuring out why narcissistic people act like victims is complex – but once you have them pegged – you can spot them a mile away. Luckily, this is a good place to start:
It’s Not Your Fault!
So, in what ways do narcissists act like the victim, and what can you do to keep your eyes peeled for their strategic game-playing approaches?
They Constantly Feel Deprived
Who would put it past the narcissist to draw attention to themselves to gain a sympathetic nod or hum of sympathy from anybody who cares enough to listen?
The people inclined to listen are those who have no idea how destructive the narcissist can be and how they relish being listened to – even if what they say is a total lie.
Narcissists do this because they feel deprived of something, and that usually is attention of some kind. If you feel unwell, they feel even worse. If it’s your birthday, they will raise the issue of never getting half the affection you do when it’s theirs.
Depriving them of what they call out for is almost to approve their secret idea that they have an underdeveloped identity—unable to validate themselves internally. They need attention, like it’s the only fuel to keep them going.
Guess who suffers – that’s right – you! (they’d answer them, of course).
They are Hypersensitive
Narcissists house intense emotions. If they feel wronged, their pride will be dented, and the grudge accompanying the dent can last a lifetime. They feel they deserve all the love and affection possible from anybody willing to dish it out, and if you don’t meet those requirements, they will tell their sob story to somebody else.
Life is unfair to the narcissist despite being part of a human race that constantly deals with setbacks.
They can be left enraged by the slightest thing, including any attempt to take something you have said or done out of context. It doesn’t matter how you feel—they will use their tactics to make you feel as though you were the perpetrator and they were the victim.
A text was misconstrued, a tone of voice they happened to take offense to, and even posting something that caught their annoyance on social media – how dare you?
This hypersensitivity will draw you into their blame game – you’ll be lucky to win.
They’re Holding a Pity Party
What better way to gather a team of people who can pander and patch up the wounds of an emotionally inept narcissist intent on making themselves the victim than…
…the pity party!
Narcissists draw in crowds like town criers – hear ye, hear ye, I have a story to tell – woe is me! They know the people who will fall for their sob stories, and just like the Pied Piper, they will play the tune to the village of sympathetic know-no-betters, who dance to their tune.
Pity parties are a performance, and those who choose to purchase a ticket are getting a very distorted version of actual events in the life of the narcissist. The best thing to do is keep your money in your pocket and save it for a real show.
They Want to Blame You
Would it even surprise you to know that sometimes, you just happened to be on the narcissist’s hit list? They have it in for you. Maybe you wronged them unintentionally, or things are just going so well for you now that they can’t stand it.
Blaming you for something you either did without intent or didn’t do is their way of bringing you down a peg or two. It might be you this week and somebody else another week.
Either way, they will cherry-pick who they want to put in the hot seat so they can make you the bad person while they go ahead and remain the one with their tail hung rather pathetically between their legs.
It is a purposefully designed attempt to boost their self-esteem and a typically childish way of handling how envious or alienated they feel.
Their Empathy Levels Run on Empty
Do you ever hear the words:
“I’m sorry you’re going through this, what can I do to help?”
“This sounds terrible. I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I care about you and I am here to listen.”
Likely, no.
This is because for these words to be muttered in the slightest and meant, there needs to be a clear and healthy run of empathy in their veins—which doesn’t exist.
Not even a little bit.
The narcissist will never look at a situation from any other perspective but their own – so if you think you are going to be the one who they make time for – you’re wrong.
Any time is conditional and rarely kept between the two of you. You cannot expect someone with zero empathy to take an interest in you – which is why they use their lack of ability to connect with you to shift victim mode their way.
They Need Love – Desperately
Let’s call a spade a spade—the narcissist hates themselves. You wouldn’t think this is the case because they come across as confident and self-assured, but that’s only because they’ve begged, borrowed, or stolen these traits from people who have hearts.
Seeking love can come in all different ways, but they will be the first to almost sing about those who have broken their hearts or hurt them somehow.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“How could they hurt me?”
“They were the love of my life.”
These phrases are popular with the narcissist who has been ‘abandoned’ by love. What they don’t make public is that they push and push their victims to the point where they end the relationship and then tell the world, almost as if it were a world news headline, that they have been left heartbroken.
They need love—all the time—because they cannot provide it for themselves. They cannot look in the mirror and say, ‘I love what I see, I love who I am.’
As a result – they blame you.
