If you’ve ever encountered a person with narcissistic traits, they were probably initially charming. Maybe you’re even in a relationship with a narcissist now, and you’re confused by their behavior because they started charming, only to flip a switch down the road.
Charming behavior is to be expected from a narcissist, and if you’re not careful, it can suck you in. Once you fall prey to their charm and charisma, the narcissist has you right where they want you.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’re at risk of falling victim to their charm offensive. Below, we’ll dive into what this means and why you shouldn’t let it fool you.
What is the narcissist’s charm offensive?
The charm offensive refers to a narcissist’s charming behavior at the start of a relationship. To win you over, the narcissist will put their best foot forward, showering you with compliments and affection.
The narcissist will be alluring and romantic during the charm offensive phase, telling you exactly what you want to hear. They will impress you with their attentiveness, sensitivity to your needs, and willingness to devote time and effort to you.
You’ll probably also notice that they are the life of the party. They are able to entertain everyone in the room, always ready to share a funny story or talk about their experiences.
The problem is that this behavior isn’t genuine, and it certainly won’t last. Underneath the charm is a cold, callous person, willing to take advantage of people for their own gain.
Reasons not to Fall Victim to the Charm Offensive
It’s easy to get sucked in by the narcissist’s charming behavior; however, falling prey to it will only leave you heartbroken. Remember the following truths if you’re tempted to fall for the charm.
It’s Not Genuine
The narcissist will try to make you believe that their charm is indicative of genuine care and interest, but it’s not. The narcissist lays the charm on strong, to get you to fall in love with them.
Many people refer to this behavior as “love bombing,” which is a tactic in which narcissists get you to fall for them by expressing their undying love for you and smothering you with praise and affection.
Once they have you hooked, the narcissist will use you to their advantage. This might mean asking you for large favors, getting you to loan them money, or using you to boost their ego.
Remember, the narcissist is romancing you so that you’ll commit to them. Once they have you where they want you, their tune will change.
They Will Repeat the Same Cycle
One way narcissists get you to fall for their charming behavior is by using it as part of a cycle. At the start of the relationship, they will shower you with love and attention. Once they think they’ve got you fooled, they will start making demands, and showing their dark side.
You’ll be left puzzled after they flip the switch and the charm goes away. Worried that you did something wrong, you’ll fight harder to win back their affection, and return the relationship to the state of bliss you enjoyed in the early stages.
This is exactly what the narcissist wants. They want you to be consumed by your desire to please them, so they can keep taking advantage of all you have to offer.
If you express displeasure or threaten to leave when they start mistreating you, the narcissist will go back to being charming, but only for a brief period. They’ll show you just enough love and attention to win you back over, only to return right back to their abusive ways.
This cycle will go on as long as you allow it to, and it’s another reason to avoid falling for the narcissist’s charm.
It’s Part of Their Manipulation
Narcissists are master manipulators, and their overly charming behavior is one of their primary tactics. They can be so manipulative in their actions that they are almost captivating. They will promise you the world, sing your praises, and make you feel as if you’re the most wonderful person they’ve ever met.
Remember, it’s all a manipulative game. Narcissists don’t charm you because they legitimately want a mutual, loving relationship with you. They use the charm offensive to draw you in and make you dependent upon their love.
After they charm you, you’ll feel as if you’ve met your perfect soul mate. This gives the narcissist ultimate power over you because you’d do anything for your soul mate, right? Convinced that this person is your ideal lover, you’ll continue to meet all of their demands, even when they start to hurt you.
Signs to Watch Out For
So, how will you know the narcissist is trying to work you with their charm? Look out for the following behaviors.
Mirroring You
When the narcissist is trying to win you over, they will mirror your behaviors. They will pretend to like the same things you like and take an interest in all your hobbies. You’ll feel as if you’ve met your perfect match, and it might even feel like it’s almost too good to be true.
Displays of Superiority
Part of a narcissist’s charm is their ability to portray themselves as experts confidently. They will go to great lengths to appear intellectually superior and downplay the achievements, talents, and intelligence of others. They hope that you will view them as an all-knowing authority figure.
Over-the-Top Affection and Attention
When the narcissist is using their charm offensive tactics, they will shower you with attention and affection.
It will be nothing unusual for them to call and text around the clock, constantly checking in on you and telling you how much they care for you. Initially, you will feel flattered, as if you’ve found someone who just can’t stop thinking about you.
Moving Quickly
Also part of the narcissist’s charm is their willingness to enter a serious relationship quickly.
Perhaps you’ve been on one date, or briefly met for coffee, and they’re planning your entire future together.
They may talk about how they feel they’ve met their perfect match, and they can’t believe how strongly they feel about you.
Every Conversation Drifts Back to Them
A charming narcissist wants all the attention on them and is hungry for others’ admiration.
If you watch closely, you’ll notice that most conversations circle back to discussing the narcissists’ talents and achievements. A narcissist needs to feel superior, and they want you to perceive them as such.
Protecting Yourself
If you suspect someone might be a narcissist, look out for signs like a lack of empathy, a need for constant admiration, and displays of arrogance. When these signs are coupled with excessive charm and over-the-top affection, you’re probably dealing with a narcissist.
Once you notice these signs, it’s critical that you set boundaries. If the narcissist is moving too quickly in the relationship, tell them. Express to them that you cannot be available around the clock for texts and phone calls.
A genuine person will respect your boundaries or attempt to accommodate you. A narcissist, on the other hand, will become angry or perhaps just leave you alone altogether.
