The Disturbing Reason Why Narcissists Love Playing the Victim

You’ve heard them play their violins, and you’ve seen them pout their way to true Victimville – that’s right – narcissists love to make everybody think they’ve been wronged.

Is it always everybody else’s fault?

Well… you know the answer – absolutely not!

Narcissists want you pegged as the bad guy so the heat is off them, but knowing why they do it is the key to unlocking your innocence and walking away free of their toxicity. 

Let’s take a look at why the narcissist loves being front and center when it comes to playing the victim.

Narcissists and Victim Mentality

Narcissists are not built like you and I. They have

Life is so Hard!

Narcissists have no difficulties stepping over your boundaries, but they will act as though their life’s so hard as they’re doing it. This makes it impossible for you to say that you feel something is wrong and be heard.

Life becomes hard for the narcissist. They don’t like the injustice of being on the receiving end of other people’s anger or inappropriateness and because of that, they will absolutely destroy you with their victimization mode. 

What they need when life gets hard is a huge dose of sympathy, and they can get this by admitting to anyone who will listen how hard their life is.

How busy they are.

How overworked and underappreciated they are.

How their doctor can’t make time for them soon enough.

How bad the traffic was (just for them…nobody else…).

How they are saving for that huge house, luxury car, amazing holiday but the bills are just too much right now.

Nothing is harder than a narcissist’s life. 

Boo hoo, right?

They Love the Control

When a narcissist is playing the victim, it usually means they are wanting to play the fame of control. Now, they can do this in dozens of ways, but to appear to be the victim is one of their favorites. 

A narcissist will think, “Hey, you know what I really need? I need somebody to give me all the attention in the world and remind me how fabulous I am.”

Boom. They not only have their control, but a healthy dollop of attention too. 

A narcissist isn’t happy unless they are the ones pulling the strings and painting the specific picture they want to see – regardless of who gets hurt in the process.

Disturbing, I know.

Manipulation is Their Favorite Game

Whether covert or overt, a narcissist will manipulate any situation to work in their favor. It’s like molding a lump of clay into whatever you want it to be – and they do it so well. Most people may not even notice, but once you spot the signs of a narcissist, you simply cannot unsee them. 

Woe is me!

A narcissist couldn’t even spell compassion, let alone allow its meaning to enter their life positively. That doesn’t mean they don’t still need it. They need what they lack otherwise they will crumble entirely, so to gain it, they play the victim.

And they play it very, very well. 

Attention Everyone!

The attention a narcissist craves comes from a few different places. One is boredom – they just have to have some drama going on because they’re not satisfied with living a peaceful life. 

The other is the simple fact that a narcissist needs it to help them forget how much they internally hate themselves. 

Think about it, if a narcissist is getting attention from somebody – anybody – then that means they are being validated. They can be as mean and terrible as they want, but if they find the right person, they can forget about all of that and be reminded how wonderful they are. 

If nobody is focusing on them – they can’t stand it. They need to feel important, so they act as  though something important is going on. Usually that means they are either bragging… or sobbing and playing the victim.

What a Good Person They Are…

“I don’t deserve this.”

“All I do for people.”

“How can they treat me like this?”

“I’ve worked and worked… and for what?”

“I might be unwell… I need to have some tests. Why me?”

If you can think of a reason they call themselves such good people, you can bet they will get straight onto it and tell the world.

What they want to hear is:

“Oh, you poor thing!”

“Can I do anything to help?”

“You’re amazing, you’ve got this!”

What does this do? It sparks and ignites the idea that they are good and that people love and care about them.

Playing the victim is all part of the larger plan that gets them into the minds and thoughts of others so that they are constantly a part of something. 

Take No More!

If you have fallen into the trap of victimizing a narcissist, you probably won’t be making that same mistake again. Hearing their sob stories and how tough life is for them is how they get to you. 

The positive attention they get feeds their self-esteem, because they are unable to do so themselves.

Imagine what sort of a life that is?

Underneath it all… very sad, and very lonely. 

This sense of emotional stability they are searching high and low for never came to them or was offered to them as a child. They grew up lacking a basic, fundamental type of care and affection – so they learned quickly how to steal it from everybody else. 

Take pity on any narcissist who craves to be the victim. Try not to love them more because of it.

Instead, wish their lives to be better someday.


  • A narcissist is not a victim. They are not lacking anything other than what’s already missing on the inside. They need your attention, but this should be something you withhold from them, for the sake of your own sanity. 
  • Compassion comes from the mutual understanding that somebody is suffering and how you can help them. Narcissists cannot understand, so they lack compassion entirely. 
  • Use your instincts to not be drawn into playing the violin for the narcissist. They will stop everything they are doing to gladly listen to you and take the time to feel sorry for them. Focus on yourself. 
  • Take everything they say about other people with a pinch of salt. You don’t need to hear about how wronged they have been. If you do get stuck, remember that there are two sides to every story, and not every person, especially a narcissist, will reveal both sides.  

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