9 reasons why telling narcissists they are narcissists will not help you Find Closure

Ever thought about telling the narcissist in your life what they really are, hoping to find closure? While it may seem tempting, confronting a narcissist often doesn’t deliver the desired peace.

A Narcissist will not just accept you calling them a Narcissist and they will respond with blaming and false accusations. They probably call you a Narcissist and reflect your accusations.

Not convinced yet? Here are nine reasons why confronting a narcissit with their behavior won’t help you

#1 Lack of Self-Awareness: 

Narcissists often lack the self-awareness to recognize their behavior as problematic or unhealthy, so they may simply deny your claim.

While you might easily identify a narcissist’s harmful behaviors, they often lack the self-awareness to see these issues themselves.

This lack of insight stems from their inflated sense of self. They’re so convinced they’re superior that they can’t fathom the idea of being flawed. They see themselves as the epitome of perfection and believe they’re always right.

#2 Denial:

Even if they have some level of awareness, they may deny being a narcissist because it goes against their grandiose self-image.

Even when a glimmer of self-awareness surfaces, a narcissist will likely deny any accusations of their behavior, as it directly contradicts their inflated self-perception.

You might believe that pointing out their narcissistic traits will lead to an enlightening ‘aha’ moment, but in reality, it’s more likely to trigger a defensive reaction. It’s a tough pill for them to swallow.

Accepting that they’re narcissistic means tearing down the grandiose image they’ve built of themselves, and that’s something they’re not willing to do. They’d rather deny their shortcomings than face the truth. This denial is a protective mechanism, a wall they erect to guard their fragile ego.

#3 Projecting Blame: 

They may turn things around and blame you for causing conflict or misunderstanding their actions, shifting the focus away from themselves.

Have you ever found yourself blamed for the conflicts and misunderstandings that arise in your interactions with a narcissist? Don’t be surprised. Narcissists are masters at shifting blame.

They’ll twist the narrative so that you’re the one at fault, not them. They do this to protect their self-image, deflecting any criticism that could tarnish their inflated sense of self.

Don’t be fooled. You’re not the problem, they are. They’re projecting their issues onto you, it’s a classic narcissistic tactic. Understanding this blame-shifting strategy is crucial in dealing with narcissists.

#4 Aggression or Retaliation: 

Narcissists may become aggressive or retaliate when confronted with accusations that they see as a threat to their self-image.

When you confront a narcissist about their behavior, brace yourself for possible aggression or retaliation. They’re highly sensitive to criticism and threats to their self-image. They might react with hostility, verbal attacks, or even physical aggression.

Rather than acknowledging their flaws, they will likely go on the offensive, blaming you for their actions.

In their mind, they’re perfect, and anyone who challenges that belief becomes an enemy. They may also retaliate by spreading rumors about you, trying to tarnish your reputation as a form of revenge.

It’s essential to approach such situations with caution. Keep your safety in mind, and if necessary, seek help from a professional or a trusted person.

#5 Resistance to Change: 

They are typically quite resistant to change. Instead of being receptive to feedback, they will likely resist any idea of needing to change.

Dealing with a narcissist’s resistance to change can be particularly challenging, as they often reject any feedback or suggestion that implies they need to alter their behavior. Remember, they’re typically quite set in their ways, unwilling to entertain the idea of change.

They’re stuck in their own little world where everything they do is perfect.

So, they will likely put up walls when you try to provide constructive criticism. They’ll resist any notion that suggests they’re less than perfect. It’s not that they can’t change; they don’t want to.

They’re comfortable in their narcissism, and the thought of needing to change is something they can’t quite wrap their heads around. This resistance can make finding closure with a narcissist an uphill battle.

#6 Manipulation: 

They might manipulate the situation, twist your words, or play the victim to maintain control of the narrative.

In the midst of their manipulative tactics, you might find yourself caught off guard as they twist your words, play the victim, and meticulously control the narrative to their advantage.

You’re left floundering, questioning your memory and understanding of events. They’re expert gaslighters, making you doubt your perceptions, turning your arguments back on you, and making themselves appear as the wronged party.

Their manipulation is so subtle, so intertwined in your interactions, you may not even realize it’s happening.

Speaking out about their narcissism won’t bring closure, as they’ll likely twist it into another tool for manipulation. Instead, it empowers them, reinforcing their control over you and the narrative.

Therefore, confronting them directly may not be the best course of action.

#7 Lack of Empathy: 

They often struggle with empathizing with others, making it difficult to understand how their actions affect those around them.

Adding to the complexities of their manipulative tendencies, narcissists are also marked by a notable lack of empathy, often making it arduous for them to grasp the impact of their actions on those around them.

You’ll notice their inability to sympathize with your feelings or struggles genuinely. They exhibit a profound disconnection from your emotional world, making it almost impossible for them to understand your hurt or disappointments.

Their lack of empathy isn’t about them not caring, it’s about them not understanding.

The emotional subtleties that feel so natural to you’re foreign to them. This disconnect exacerbates the pain and confusion you might feel in their presence, making closure even more challenging to achieve.

#8 Refusal to Seek Help

Remarkably, most narcissists refuse to seek help for their behavior, further complicating your quest for closure. Their belief in their superiority often blinds them to their own destructive patterns.

You may be in a frustrating cycle of getting them to recognize their behavior, only to be met with denial and resistance. Sadly, they don’t see a problem; they’re convinced they’re just fine.

This refusal to get help doesn’t reflect your inability to communicate their issues. It’s a testament to their unwillingness to change. You can’t force them to seek help; it’s a step they must decide to take on their own.

This realization might feel disappointing, but it’s crucial for your own healing journey.

#9 Trigger for Narcissistic Injury

While it’s important to recognize a narcissist’s refusal to seek help, you also need to understand the concept of a ‘narcissistic injury’, a term that refers to any perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth.

This injury can be triggered by mild criticisms, perceived slights, or any thought that they’re not superior.

Narcissists may react to an injury with rage, defiance, or by launching a counterattack. They’re incapable of handling any form of criticism, however small.

Telling them they’re narcissists may be seen as a major attack on their self-image, leading to retaliation rather than self-reflection. It’s a no-win situation for you. The narcissist won’t seek help, and you won’t find closure.

Final Words

Telling a narcissist they’re a narcissist won’t give you closure. They’re likely to deny it, blame you, or become aggressive.

They resist change, manipulate situations, and struggle with empathy. They might refuse to seek help, and you could even trigger a narcissistic injury.

If you know you are dealing with a Narcissist, your only way is out. They won’t change and you confronting them with their behavior will not help you.

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