If you had the power to unmask a narcissist, would you dare?
What always becomes exposed, is who they really are. And it’s a shock to the system for those who have poured so much faith and hope into a person who was hell bent on ruining their life.
It’s difficult to process, but underneath their mask not only lies their true self. You will also find a secret life to go with it.
If you find this to be too much, look away.
If you want to discover the secret life of the narcissist you know…
…Your time has come.
When The Door Shuts…
The entire facade of a narcissist changes, doesn’t it?
You’ve seen it for yourself, I’d imagine, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You want to read and have your experiences validated, and this is probably the biggest validator I can offer you…
Narcissists present differently to whoever they’re with at the time. They will be on their best behavior if they’re trying to impress somebody or come across as a good person.
If they’re wanting something from you, they will smile and give you the affection and compliments that make you feel good.
When that door shuts, and that front is no longer needed, the narcissist will show you their true self.
It won’t be pleasant, and you will want to scream and tell everybody what you’re experiencing, but they only see the ‘best behavior’ version.
I hear you. I see it. I know it. I believe you.
I know it’s hard to understand why they do this, but it’s all a game of self-preservation.
Self-Esteem of an Eggshell
All it comes down to is this one simple fact:
The assumption that a narcissist has a level of self-esteem as strong as their ego is incorrect.
The ego is so strong because it hides self-esteem, which is so fragile, I could compare it to an eggshell.
I know you all lie awake at night wondering how somebody so overtly abusive can feel so offended by literally everything you say or do, and this is why.
This is a secret they keep to themselves, as for them it’s a huge giveaway that they aren’t perfect. If they know you have the ability to frustrate or anger them, they’re aware that you have that control.
Control? I thought that was mine to own!
Not always, narcissist. Not always.
What Are They Up To Online?
Well? What do you think they’re up to?
Adding exes as friends, commenting on their photos, sliding into their DMs. Watching adult content. Signing up to dating sites. The list can, and indeed does, go on and on.
The narcissist will hide it all from you naturally, but it will be a secret of theirs they can’t help but hold and keep.
And the worst part? They will act as though they aren’t doing a thing wrong!
It’s none of your business who I talk to.
It’s innocent.
You’re just jealous.
You’re imagining things.
It means nothing.
Right. But it means something to you and that should be important enough.
Relationships?
Hands up who has had experience of a narcissist creating and maintaining another relationship outside of yours?
All narcissists love to flirt, exchange messages, or speak inappropriately to other people outside of the exclusivity of you both. Many victims fall over themselves with guilt.
Could I have done more?
Was I not attractive enough?
Did I not treat them well?
All of that can get in the bin – none of it matters.
What matters is that you hold the narcissist accountable for their secret life or relationships. They’re created to offer a slice of supply. Remember – supply for the narcissist is like an addiction. And eventually yours alone won’t be enough for their ego, so they will search for more.
Secret Turmoil of Emotions
Narcissists infamously battle their emotions.
Imagine not knowing how to handle true happiness, or intimacy?
They don’t know how to handle a lot, and that’s why they leave so many of their victims high and dry – even ghosting – just to get away from the reality of what is before them.
If a narcissist is getting too deep in the feels, they will change and shift the way they treat you so that they don’t appear to be vulnerable. After all – vulnerability is a weakness – and they can’t have that!
So, how can you start to uncover the secrets of a narcissist?
Uncovering Their Secrets in Two Stages
It doesn’t seem like many, but if you can master them, you can achieve what I like to call the dimension of knowledge.
Isn’t that a place you want to visit, and stay?
#1 Patterns Reveal All
Unmasking a narcissist is impossible until you’ve spent enough time with them to notice their patterns of behavior.
It’s a sickening thought, I know. I wouldn’t usually advise anybody to spend more time with a narcissist unless it was for something as useful to you as this.
All narcissists operate similarly, but they use different people in their game play.
For you and your own situation, there will be friends, family, coworkers, ex partners, maybe even kids.
It’s down to you to step back and watch the picture form itself. Notice where the narcissist goes when they’re bored, or happy, or angry.
Who do they ignore? Who do they lean on? Who do they discard or pay little attention to? It’s a little bit like those nature shows, where you set up a camera in your backyard and wait for all the badgers and foxes to come out at night.
Except you’re the camera, and you’re on snake watch.
Any patterns that come back to you will reveal exactly what the narcissist does in certain times, and how they benefit from those around him.
#2 What Other Signs Do You Spot?
What about you?
How is the narcissist with you?
Do you notice they go missing certain times of the day, days of the week, or weeks of the month?
What’s their excuse? How much information do they give you when they say they’re going out?
Does their phone have a password that you are banned from knowing? Do they have a secret phone?
You can ask yourself many questions, and dig for the answers for.
There’s no blame on you for trying to uncover the truth about a narcissist and their secret life.
This is where time with them will help you. Over that time, you’ll learn the kinds of tricks they play on you that you initially thought were acts of sincerity.
I’m not promising it’ll be fun, but if it’s the upper hand you’re looking for – this is where you need to hunt!
