Flying monkeys are important to a narcissist, carrying out their work and making them feel superior. Flying monkeys tend to be people who want to please; they don’t want to disappoint the narcissist. This is to the narcissist’s advantage.
In many cases, the flying monkey is someone that the narcissist has manipulated. Maybe they fear the narcissist, submitting to them, so they do not become the victim.
Narcissists often turn those closest to them into their flying monkeys. This is done slowly. They start by winning their hearts, showcasing themselves as non-threatening and innocent.
Remember, a narcissist needs constant admiration. They have an inflated sense of importance and do not have empathy. They need to be in control. If they feel criticized or threatened, they use manipulative tactics to protect their self-image. One of these tactics is using flying monkeys.
So why do narcissists need flying monkeys?
Narcissists Need to Look Innocent
The narcissist needs to look innocent, often portraying themselves as the victim. At the same time, they aim to control their victim. When they use flying monkeys, they immediately distance themselves from any consequences caused by their actions. This helps them avoid all accountability.
Narcissists have learned the art of lying. They are deceitful, yet they can remain innocent in other people’s eyes. Often, the flying monkey helps them achieve this, as the blame is not passed on to them.
An Ego Boost
A narcissist needs to be adored. They believe they are superior and when their flying monkey supports their version of events, they are given the ego-boost they desperately need.
They need constant validation and adoration; this is what helps them remain superior. Their flying monkeys are those who do not question their motives or their recall of events. Flying monkeys protect their narcissists, ensuring that their version is accurate, boosting their ego and self-importance.
Manipulation
A narcissist has learned the art of manipulation and when they have a flying monkey at their side, they can achieve this with ease. When they use their flying monkeys, their victim is isolated. It helps the narcissist turn others against the victim, making them vulnerable to manipulation.
Manipulation enables the narcissist to control their targets. Control makes them feel important, providing them with the self-importance they thrive on. Remember, a narcissist is a dominant person; they need to be in control of those around them.
Keep Their Hands Clean
Flying monkeys provide the narcissist with the sense of control and power that they desperately need. When they have their flying monkeys do the dirty work for them, they can influence their victims without ever getting their hands dirty.
Narcissists never take the blame for anything that they do. They will never admit any wrongdoing. Flying monkeys enable them to do what they want, manipulate others, and remain in control while still being able to play innocent.
Reduce Confrontation
Narcissists rely on their flying monkeys to reduce any consequences against them for their actions. The flying monkey becomes the “middle-man” for the narcissist.
When they carry out the narcissist’s tactics, it is harder for anyone being targeted to confront the narcissist directly. This helps them keep their innocent persona intact.
They turn a one-on-one situation into a two-on-one situation. The flying monkey may even approach the victim and call them out on something they didn’t do.
If you have disagreed with a narcissist, they will not try and sort out the problem, they will involve their flying monkey, making it harder to confront them and fix the issue.
Positive Public Image
While a narcissist is manipulative and controlling, they do have to keep a positive public image. They work hard at this, trying to make everyone like them, so people cannot see through their façade.
Their flying monkeys help them achieve a good public image. When the narcissist has flying monkeys who support them, they appear innocent. This innocence is what helps them with their controlling behavior.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a tactic that a narcissist uses to make their victim question their perception, memory, or sanity. They use this as a control tactic, often resulting in the person questioning whether they remembered it correctly or not.
The flying monkey is used to reinforce what the narcissist says. In turn, the victim then questions themselves, making them doubt themselves and their sanity.
Guilt Trips
Anyone that has been in a relationship with or been close to a narcissist knows how they can make you feel guilty for your actions or choices. Narcissists use their flying monkeys to assist them with this, ensuring their victim feels bad about the choices or decisions that they make.
If a narcissist doesn’t want you to do something, they will use a guilt trip to try and control you. If this doesn’t work, they use their flying monkey to do the bidding for them.
The flying monkey will approach the victim, making them feel bad about what they want to do, playing the narcissist as the victim. The aim is to change your mind, making you do exactly what the narcissist wants you to do, giving them the control that they need.
Smearing the Victim
Narcissists are known to use a smear campaign to spread gossip or lie about their victims. This is to turn others against them, giving the narcissist the upper hand and enabling them to take control. Their flying monkey will often play an important role in this, helping the narcissist spread the gossip or lies.
They can retain their power by discrediting their victim and dominating the situation.
Are You a Flying Monkey?
Are you in a close relationship with a narcissist and are worried you may be their flying monkey? If you find yourself constantly rescuing the narcissist, then you may well be their flying monkey.
When you ally with another person, whether it’s a close friend or family member with narcissistic traits, you can fall into the role of flying monkey.
If you find yourself spreading rumors or telling lies about others to protect the person in your life or yourself against narcissistic rage, you are probably a flying monkey.
Most flying monkeys feel that they need to defend the narcissist. The narcissist blames everyone and everything for things that go wrong in their lives. If you are sticking up for them, you are helping them feel valued and important.
Most flying monkeys find that they lose their sense of self, often having experienced years of emotional abuse by the narcissist. They are unable to make their own decisions.
Others love the drama the narcissist causes. If you are in a relationship with or close to a narcissist, you have probably been involved in several dramas at some point.
There are cases, where the flying monkeys have narcissistic traits, enjoying the attention with a desire to manipulate others. When they align with a powerful narcissist, their own needs are met.
If you are concerned that you are a narcissist’s flying monkey, consider the facts above. Do you protect the other person no matter what they do, even when you know they are wrong? Do you stand up for them in arguments, twisting the truth to protect them at all costs? These are signs that you are a flying monkey.
