Long-term relationships need honesty and trust. These two things go hand in hand when in a healthy relationship.
Enter the narcissist where they go hand in hand with deceit. They come as a package deal. The narcissists’ lives focus on self-preservation, and they will say anything to remain important and influential.
Narcissists live in a web of lies, prioritizing their interests over honesty. If you are wondering why narcissists cannot be honest, it’s because it’s all about them and what they need to do and say to look essential and powerful and boost their egos.
#1 Need for Control
A narcissist needs to be in control. They need to control their partners and dominate others. Being in control and dominating others makes them feel superior, which boosts their egos. They believe they are more important than anyone else, including their family and partners.
Dishonesty comes naturally, playing a pivotal role in their need for control. When they are honest, their flaws will be shown. They lie to make themselves look good, so they look superior and important.
#2 Entitlement
Narcissists are entitled. They believe that they are more important and superior to everyone around them. It’s about self-importance. In their eyes, no one else is as important or as perfect as they are.
While this is not reality, but their own minds, being honest doesn’t work for them, as lying provides them with entitlement benefits.
They will lie about anything to appear perfect. This includes lying about you, their successes, their lives, their work, and anything else they can think of.
They are compulsive liars; unfortunately, most of what they say is not true. This makes it very difficult to be in a relationship with a narcissist, where you need to be able to trust them.
#3 Lack of Self-Esteem
Did you know that narcissists have a low self-esteem? This is why they need to be more important and superior to everyone else. It’s what drives them to be manipulative liars and get the recognition they need.
Narcissist act based on how they feel right now, hiding their insecurities.
This is what drives their inability to be honest. If they were honest, they would show their insecurities and not be able to hide their lack of self-esteem. Lying is as natural to a narcissist as the air that we breathe.
#4 Lack of Empathy
Narcissists will never be able to put themselves in your shoes. They lack empathy. They cannot understand your feelings; they will never put themselves in your place to try and understand what you are going through. As a result, they don’t see anything wrong with lying to get what they want and need.
Without any compassion, they will lie about anything to get validation that they are important. They are the only ones who matter to them. Even if you have been in a relationship with a narcissist for decades, they will still think they are superior to you and will only think of themselves.
#5 Defence Mechanism
Sadly narcissists cannot afford to look or feel bad about themselves or something that they have done, often turning to dishonesty as a defence mechanism. Why? It’s all about making themselves look better to those around them and themselves.
They use lies to cover their tracks and avoid confrontation when caught in the act. Maybe you caught them lying about where they have been or what they have been doing. To cover up, they will lie even more. They often exaggerate their lies to get you to believe what they are saying.
#6 Manipulation
To a narcissist, it’s all about manipulation. They manipulate you and situations to gain control.
Being natural dominants, they need control to feel better about themselves. They are self-important, superior and perfect. Through manipulation, they can remain important, controlling everything about you.
Those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist or are currently in a relationship will know how they manipulate things to get what they want.
This is to ensure that all your attention is focused on them. Lying comes easy to them, helping them manipulate you and those around you.
#7 They Don’t See it as Wrong
Chances are, you don’t lie. If you do, maybe it’s a small white lie to protect someone you care about or love. Narcissists lie about everything. They don’t see it as wrong. Lying is a means to an end for them.
Narcissists are often compulsive liars. They can add some truths into their stories, making them believable.
It’s not uncommon for their partners to question their sanity, struggling to remember how something played out, because the narcissist adds and twists truths into their dishonesty.
#8 Gain Attention
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how they want you to center all your attention on them. They need to be the center of attention. They need you to focus on them, making them feel important and special.
When gaining attention, they will use lies to get emotional responses from others. They don’t like it when they are not the show’s star, whether at home, work, or in a social setting.
Lying helps them socialise and communicate with others, it helps them build friendships and relationships, and it’s what helps them gain the attention that they need.
Dealing with a Narcissist’s Dishonesty
Being in a relationship with or living with someone who seldom tells the truth is exhausting. When they speak, you constantly try to determine what is true and what is not. Chances are you have gotten to a point where you think everything that comes from their mouths is a lie.
There are a few things you can do to cope with a narcissist’s dishonesty. The first is to remind yourself of the truth. When your narcissistic partner is blatantly lying, reminding yourself of the truth will reduce the risk of you getting caught up in their lies.
Bear in mind that when a narcissist lies, they want it to be true. They believe it to be true; therefore, you cannot change them, the same way a leopard cannot change its spots.
They lie to disarm you and break you down so that they can control you. This is why you need to remember the truth and know the type of person you are dealing with.
Narcissists lack empathy; they don’t care how you feel about their lies. As a result, it’s up to you to remain calm and keep the truth in the back of your mind. When they lie about you, as long as you know the truth about yourself, they don’t get the upper hand and the control they need.
Keep your support base close. Talking to a close friend or family member can often help you remember who you are and remind you of the truth.
This can be invaluable when dealing with the dishonesty of a narcissist. Don’t let them win. Be true to yourself and true to who you are.
