Has a toxic text message from a narcissist recently slipped into your inbox?

I’m betting – yes!

In fact, I’d go as far to say that if you’re here, toxic text messages make a regular appearance in your life. They aren’t healthy, they don’t make us feel good, and we can ruminate and ruminate over them, right?

I’ve encountered so many people who say to me, “Look! Look what I got! Why are they doing this? How do I even respond?” while holding their phones under my nose.

I’ll happily remind you how predictable narcissists are. If you needed a little reminder that you aren’t alone – here are 8 examples of toxic text messages. All sent by narcissists, they are a classic way for them to try to get your attention.

“Hey, I’m sorry you feel that way…”

You’ve had a conflicted run-in with the narcissist via text, and their way of trying to diffuse your anger toward them is to deny they’ve even upset you in the first place.

Narcissists do this with a well-known response, and I know you know what I’m talking about:

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Breaking news: I’m sorry you feel that way isn’t an apology!

These words are like a weaving alleyway the narcissist is trying to find their way out of. Rather than admit fault, hold their hands up (you know, like a normal apology) and say sorry, they don’t.

Instead, they will feel sorry for your emotions. It’s almost pitiful, isn’t it? 

“I know how busy you are”

To get right under your skin, the narcissist will retaliate when you reject them. If you can’t help them in some way, if you cancel plans, or if you state that you already have plans, the guilt trip will awaken.

It’s okay, I know how busy you are. 

They will even go as far as not texting you and asking you that thing again and throwing it in your face by asking countless other people. Of course, you’ll only know when you see photos on social media or hear through the grapevine. 

“Are you coming to the family event this weekend you know (insert relative here) is unwell and never gets to see you.”

I hope the narcissist sent everybody a postcard while they were on their latest guilt trip…

This is a classic and equally toxic text to receive to ignite and stir emotions within you. They know you may have not made it to an event in the past, and will see this upcoming one as another reason for you to stay away.

How dare you be so busy? What makes you more important than everybody else?

Well – nothing. You probably had a really good reason to not attend that event, but the narcissist will remind you that you let them down. They’ll do that gladly by involving somebody else, so you feel maximum guilt and are forced to attend or be that person. 

“All okay”

Yes, of course it is! 

We all know when a narcissist curtly responds with the fact that they’re okay, that it’s left wide open for interpretation.

People on the receiving end have been conditioned to interpret the narcissist this way. It’s a way for the narcissist to create a world of anxiety within the recipient, and perhaps send a few texts in response.

Are you sure? You seem quiet.

Just okay? Have I done something wrong? 

Boom.

You have fallen into their trap. Now they get to delight at the attention you’ve given them. 

You’re putty in their hands. 

“It’s a shame you couldn’t make it. Again.”

Have you noticed the underlying rumble of guilt so far? 

This text is no different, with passive-aggression at its finest.

The narcissist doesn’t like it when you don’t show. They don’t care why, I mean, you may have a strong reason, right?

All they care about is that you let them down, and boy will they hold that grudge for a long, long time. 

They they really want to say is:

It’s a shame that you’re the reason I feel so let down.

They can’t let you know this vulnerable side of them, so instead, they turn it into their disappointment in you. 

This is projection! I want you to wake up to it, because it finds its way into so many different scenarios with a narcissist. 

“It’s always your fault.”

“I can’t believe you’re going there without me. Well have fun as I know you will…”

So, that thing you were really looking forward to doing, or that place you really wanted to visit – you were excited, weren’t you?

Well, I bet you won’t be the second you get that crushing, toxic text from the narcissist.

This is enough to push a rain cloud over the sunniest, warmest and most wonderful of days. They aim to get you thinking about how you let them down and dare do something fun without them.

So now?

That fun thing becomes tainted.

Yet another thing the narcissist has ruined.

“What do you want me to do with your things? Don’t think you can get away with leaving them here.”

Threats, threats, threats. If you’ve broken up with a narcissist, don’t expect any kind of friendly closure before moving on.

They will be bitter and exude nothing but more control. Their cruel nature will kick in and remind you that you mean nothing to them anymore…

Remember – narcissists hide pain with anger and resentment!

Is this toxic? Of course it is – you don’t need me to tell you. 

Go get your things. Give the narcissist nothing to hold against you or come back at you with.

Get your peace.

Then block them.

“Read Receipt – Silence”

The narcissist has read your message. You both know how important it is that you get a reply.

You get nothing.

The silent treatment isn’t just for in-person situations. It can be used however the toxic narcissist likes. 

When they don’t get a reply, people keep checking their phones. Their days are interrupted, and moments are lost checking and rechecking. 

For you – this causes annoyance and frustration. Why can’t they reply? You might even see them online!

For them? Well, they’re loving every minute! Finally, they’ve got the control back. They won’t readily give that back to you, so they’ll let you stew for as long as it takes.

Inevitably, they will perhaps even see a few more texts coming in.

Are you there?

Please reply.

Did I say something wrong?

Bingo.

They’ve got you right where they want you.